littlewitch1973

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I have become an expert at breaking my stalls. The problem is, I lack the motivation to do what I know works!! For me, its a variety of things. Cut carbs - all of them. Easier said than done, because once you allow those demons back into your body, its hard to get them out!! 

The other thing that works really well for me is to just not eat. If I go to protein drinks - as I did in the beginning and do that for about a week, then go onto straight up proteins, I lose weight. Crazy amounts of weight!! So, if its just that easy, why arent I doing it?

Well, reason number one - I love food. I do. Like seriously. I love cooking, baking, experimenting with different flavors.

Recently, my 8 year old was dx'd with Celiacs Disease. This is a Gluten allergy (gluten = wheat). He cannot eat bread, cereals, baked goods, pasta or anything with caramel coloring in it. Salad dressings are evil for him - unless they specifically say "Gluten Free" - Thank you Ken's!! You have saved his life!! 

Needless to say, the last month of cooking has had to get creative. Okay - no problem. Gluten free pasta, gluten free breads and cereals, and snacks... all good. He loves it all, and is rolling with the punches pretty good - he doesnt want to be in that kinfd of pain EVER again!! I certainly dont want those hours and days at the hospitals, and hearing words like "lymphoma, Chrons, chronic pain, chemo..." Those are phrases you should not have said about your tiny 8 year old child, who is lying on the bed, writhing in pain, running a fever... the one who has lost 8 pounds from his little 70 lb frame, and cant run anymore. Has no energy, complains that his joints hurt... My normally active (ADHD) 8 year old was a frail little boy for months. Tests, hospitals, needles, surgeries... all to weed out the possible problems.

Anyhow, I got caught up there for a moment... It was in those moments that I realized why I had taken this journey to begin with... it was for this little child (and his siblings) that was cradled in my arms crying in pain. He was the reason I went thru the most grueling thing I have ever been thru. Being able to run with him... play with him... keep up with him as he needed a parent to be able to. Now that I am able to do those things, he needs my love...

Josh has gotten better every day, and has even gained a couple of pounds back!! He still tires easily, and always wants to cuddle, but he is not in pain. He runs around again for short times. We play together.

Its time for me to get back into things - to be able to keep being what he needs. I bought 2 Four packs of Pure Protein shakes last night. This weekend, I am back on track - even if just for 2 meals a day... I will eat dinner with my kids, and get back to my Insanity routine. After this weekend, the stall should have broken - if not, full liquids for a week. Yes, a week - that way, I know it will drop quickly... and I will feel good again.

From 400.8 to 252.2 in almost a year. I'm itching to drop those "2.2" so that I can break that 150 mark before my 1 year appointment!!! 

I have my one year anniversary coming up, and it is making me look back on where I was a year ago, and where I am now.

Here is some perspective for those of you who might read this...

When I started my journey, my starting numbers are below:

 

	Start	End	Difference
Weight	400.5	252.2	148.3
Waist	57	36	21
Neck	17	12.75	4.25
Bicep	18.5	12.5	6
Forearm	13.5	9	4.5
Chest	50	37	13
Hips	72	50	22
Thigh	36	25	11
Calf	21	17	4
			85.75

Can you believe I have lost almost TWO FEET from my HIPS?!?!?!?!  Almost 150 pounds... SIX inches from my biceps!! The numbers are staggering... I have lost 7 feet from my body -do you know how much clothing that equates to???

Speaking of clothing... When I started out, I wore a size 38 pants - LADIES - A SIZE 38!!!! That is HUGE. Today, I can wear an 18 or a 20, depending on the style. I wear a size Large shirts... I used to wear a 5X.

My life is different now... I am able to work out, walking from one end of the building at work to the other doesnt tire me out. I enjoy doing things now... walking around at the mall, working, taking my kids for a stroll... Things dont tire me out, or hurt me anymore. My feet dont hurt in the mornings... 

This surgery didnt make my life all sunshine and roses - my relationship isnt perfect, and we have struggled. We are struggling now, and I dont know if we will make it. I do know that I will continue to do what I want to do, and continue to be active in life. I am no longer going to sit and watch as life passes me by. I have spent too much time doing that, and need to be happy. I deserve to be happy. 

Anyone considering this surgery should be prepared for the changes it brings. Not only the physical, but the emotional as well. The feelings of inadequacy when you stall, the stress of not having clothes to wear, the changes that happen enmotionally as you face the fact that people now see YOU. They dont overlook you because of your weight - people notice you. That is the hardest part of all of this for me. The attention... men pay more attention to me, ask me out, hit on me all the time, and even the ones who know me, talk to me more now. Before, they blew me off, or were just polite - now, they are spending more time talking to me and even hitting on me. It can be odd to get all of this attention and sometimes, I dont know how to handle it. 
Its not always easy - it is hard. I used to think, "I dont care how hard it is - I will be SKINNY! Everything will be better!!" ... its not. Things are hard. I never had to worry about men hitting on me, or having to be concerned when I went places that people were going to pay attention to me. Now, everywhere I go, people actually dont pretend I dont exist. People hold doors for me. They look me in the eye - they dont avoid me. 

Time to go do my Insanity workout!!!

I had my surgery. It was the BEST DECISION I EVER MADE!!!!

Yes, the first couple of months were rough. I am still EXTREMELY restricted, and cannot eat a lot of food- quantity wise, as well as certain foods I dont tolerate. I thought I would list the ups and downs:

Downs:
Cannot eat a 'normal' sized meal.
Cannot eat sugary foods without getting sick.
The smell of greasy foods makes me nauseaus. 
I cannot sit still, and it hurts to not move

Ups:
I cannot sit still! I NEED to move
I can jog - granted, not long, but I can jog
I enjoy working out
I'm wearing MUCH smaller clothes
I was able to shop in a normal clothes store this weekend
The foods I eat fuel my body - I dont eat for pleasure
I lost a shoe size
I can swim in public and not be embarassed.


As you can see, the ups outweigh the downs... I love the losses I have had so far, and am not really too upset about not being able to eat certain things, or eat a lot. I am grateful for the work the doctor's did - and will continue to work hard to ensure success. I want to know how much further I can push my body, and see how much more I can do. I want to run. I want to water ski. I want to kayak. I want to do SO much more!!! 

I have started the Insanity workout.... My legs are like jello, but I am determined to get into shape, and this is the best bet. I am going to get skinny, healthy and happy. 

Almost 150 pounds down - another 87 more to go... My goal weight is 165- or less... I realize it will take longer than a year to get there, but I WILL do it. I'm determined!! 

I will continue my eating the way I have been - its working. I want to be toned, fit and in shape. My goal is abs - muscles... fit. I want to be fit. 

Well, I lost about 10 pounds after my hysterectomy, and havent lost anything else since about a week ago. I know I am not working out at all, (doctors orders!) but I'm frustrated. I didnt weigh myself today, in the hopes that I will get on the scales tomorrow and be surprized that my weight has dropped again, lol... fingers crossed! If not, I might go back to a liquid diet again and jump start this dang weight loss!! I want to have less than 100 pounds to lose - right now, I need to lose 100.4 pounds. I am pushing myself to get this done as soon as possible - I want to be out of plus sized clothes, wear normal things, look thin and be able to do more. Running is still hard for me to even try - I know it will happen, but its frustrating that it isnt happening as fast as I want it to!! 

I go back to see Aija Thursday - part of the reason I am stressed. She is the nutritionist, and tends to tell everyone that they arent doing enough, and should have lost more. Everyone hates her. If she does that to me, I think I will be changing nutritionists. I have lost 135 pounds total, and 115 since surgery 9 months ago.  I have lost over 72 inches from my body as well... which is amazing. I always want more though, lol... its amazing how we are never satisfied with our progress or successes. 

Ok - time to go get dinner together for the kids. 

Feel like I need to be tied to a scale?

I am getting ready to go on vacation in a month, and realized I will not have access to my scale for a whole WEEK!!! How will I know how to feel that day? How will I know if I need more protein and more water?

These are the crazy thoughts going thru my head right now, as I think about which protein shakes I should bring, packing extra clothes to make sure I have clothes that fit, and making sure I am able to get in enough water.

I am going to Maine - renting a house on the ocean, for my parents, my kids and myself. It should be a time of relaxing and enjoying. I know I will enjoy our time there, and after a few days, work and weighing in wont even be a thought in my little head, but in the meantime, its starting to cause some nerves to go into a frenzy! 

I bought a new swimsuit for the vacation - a size 22, but I just dropped into a 20 (which I KNEW would happen as soon as I bought it!!) but thinking I will wear it anyways. I wont really be in the water much - I want to hike, go see the puffins, go to the zoo, and go out adventuring while we are there!! I completely intend on spending a few days relaxing at the ocean, on the beach, in my chair, watching my kids playing in the sand. I want to go for morning runs on the beach, see the sunrise over the ocean and go see the seals in the marsh... aaaahhhhh.... so relaxing!!!

My hysterectomy seems to have sparked my weightloss again. I am back to basics, which is where I need to be, and focused on getting in my protein and veggies, and skipping everything else. It helps I am working from home, so the afternoon boredom doesnt hit, and I am able to eat healthier foods at home, since I can cook on the spot.

All in all, I know I will be nervous about getting back on the scale when I get home from vacation, but it is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, so I better get used to it!! 

Anyone else out there not able to live without your scale? I hate feeling so dependant!! But also know it keeps me on track!!!

Well, my hysterectomy went pretty good. I had to be at the hospital at 10am, and didnt get in for surgery until 2pm. I hate waiting for crap like that!! 

Needless to say, I had a few complications - I "oozed" during the procedure, and lost a lot of blood. Surgery was supposed to be about 90 minutes, and wound up lasting about 3.5 hours. I woke up the next morning, and had vertigo. Seems its my reaction to anesthesia. Great... fortunately, Dr Marici got me Meclazine quickly, and after about an hour, it passed. I got up, walked, peed and was discharged home, YAY!!! 

That was Tuesday. Today is Sunday.

I just got home from the ER. I have an infection in on of my surgical incisions. This is one of the things they dont tell you about RNY - you dont heal very well. Your wounds ooze more than normal, you bleed more and dont heal very well. No more surgeriesfor a while... I need to allow my body time to adjust to being the way it is.

So, I am on an antibiotic. I feel good, and am moving much better than last time.

On a good note, I have starting losing some weight again - of course, I have cut carbs out of my diet and started eating proteins more and more again. It makes a difference. Going back to basics is what I needed to do, and this surgery gave me the perfect opportunity to get back there.

Okay, off to fold laundry!!!  

Here is this past week's accountability

Day                       Exercise       Calories In              Protein
Sunday                  0                     491                           45
Monday                  0                   1275                          82
Tuesday                 0                  970                          82
Wednesday         30                  857                          37
Thursday               0                   887                          33
Friday                      10                1259                        54
Saturday                 50                ???                          ???

I am not done with today's food, so I am not logging it.

I am still pretty much stuck, but starting tomorrow, I am on a liquid diet - and clear liquids as of Monday. No more food - just liquids in order to prep for my surgery on Tuesday. I am a little nervous, but hopeful it will at least stop the horrific cramps and bleeding every month.

I got a Fitbit - I am disappointed that the amount of calories I thought I was burning before, is completely wrong, and according to this, I am burning a LOT less!! It sux! But, I will continueto work out as much as possible, and although I wont be able to run, exercise like crazy, or do any strength training for 4 weeks... I will be walking though...

I noticed in my logging that I am not getting in my proteins... I am going to have to increase drinking protein shakes anyhow, since that will be my only nutrition for a few days... I'm not sure what the hospital is going to give me for food, but I'm sure it will suck!! Since I am going to be on liquids for a few days anyhow, I decided to do the 5 day pouch test. This will completely cut carbs from my diet (something I have let creep back in) and bring back the solid proteins and soft proteins. 

I am going to be able to work from home most of the summer, which is going to help my health more and more. I will be able to restrict my diet and increase my exercise more, since I wont be stuck in a car for 2+ hours a day!!! 

Time to cook dinner for the kiddos... I will update next weekend after my surgery.

My Accountability for the week:

Day                       Exercise       Calories In              Protein
Sunday                  0                     856                           79
Monday                  0                     661                           22
Tuesday                 30                1262                         80
Wednesday           0                   945                          84
Thursday               50                  1077                       104
Friday                       0                  1186                         80
Saturday                 20                   794                          48

   My proteins are getting better,  but my exercise isnt. Ugh!! I should be doing Insanity, but I'm not - I need to push myself even more... I did a lot of strength training this week, so I know it was pushing my muscles. My weight didnt change (well, it did drop a pound one day, but it went back up the next) but I lost another inch in my hips!! Some of the exercises I am doing are helping - and my arms are toning up a lot.

   Time for more exercising... have GOT to get some of this in before surgery - my abs are toning and getting stronger - I have been working on strengthening my lower abs so they are stronger for surgery... lets hope it works!!

The good news (hahahaha!!!) is that I got my period a week early. This will be the last time I ever have it after my surgery in 9 days, so I'm glad it will be done and over with!! Lol...

Okay - time to lift some weights!!

I have been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds for the last 3 weeks. I am completely frustrated!! 

I know why. I look at my MFP food log, and I see the carbs sneaking back in. I see the sliders, the bad foods that I take "just a bite of" and know why it is happening. I fell off the wagon. Granted, I cannot eat like I used to - but am starting to see things come in that shouldnt.

Today, I am going back to basics. I figure this will make it easier when I have to do the liquid diet for my upcoming surgery anyhow. So, This mornings breakfast - protein shake, made with unflavored Unjury, Herbalife Wild berry (That stuff is DIVINE!!!) and 1% milk. 43 grams of protein!! 

My calories for the lsat couple of weeks has been between 280 - 800. I havent been getting in enough protein (I have been hovering around 20-40 grams a day!). So, today, I am starting to watch what I eat again. Protein packed foods, no carbs, and more water. I NEED to do this to lose the last 100 pounds I need to lose. I want it gone this year, and eating carbs isnt going to make it leave my body.

I am writing all of this here to keep myself accountable. I NEED to be accountable to myself. I have been working out like crazy, and started lifting more at the gym. The weight should be coming off - until you look at the carbs I am consuming. It's been in my mind that this is why, but now, looking at the fact my measurements havent changed at all in the last month, and the pounds are the same too, makes me realize I am messing up. I am in control of my eating and my body. MEats, veggies and protein. More cardio (Including INSANITY!) and more toning are what is needed to jump start my weight loss.

I am back in college, which puts me in front of a computer more and more, and sees me spending less time exercising. I also doubled things for myself, getting involved in Six Sigma Master Black Belt courses which involves me spending a LOT of time online doing that as well. This means I spend an average of 20 hours a week in fornt of my computer. This is taking a toll on me - and I am going to have to mix it up a little. Spend some time listening to the online lectures while I am at work, and less time sitting on my a$$ at home. Making sure I spend some time doing Insanity while I can, and not making excuses why I dont have time.

Speaking of excuses - I have a paper to write for college - and should be doing that right now instead of blogging here. I just needed to get this out to be sure I had it somewhere to be accountable to.

From here on, once a week, I will log in and list the hours of exercise, calories each day, and protein grams each day. This should keep me more accountable. Here is last weeks list:

Day                       Exercise       Calories In              Protein
Monday                  50 mins         905                          70
Tuesday                 0                     605                          25
Wednesday           30                   920                          79
Thursday                 0                    655                          27
Friday                      10                   310                          11
Saturday                 20                   405                            9

This shows me where I am falling short. Apparently, my calories suck - my protein sucks - and my exercise sucks.

Time to step it up.

Well, saw the OB/GYN this week - I have to have a hysterectomy on June 12th. I will be in the hospital overnight, and should be able to go back to work after about a week. Of course, this is provided my blood work all comes back good from the pre-op blood work, and the ultrasound doesnt show anything too bad.

I'm nervous, as I will have to give up my exercise routines for about 4 weeks. That includes lifting, boot camp, and running. It sucks, but as long as I can get back to it, I will be okay.

Long day today - my sister Judi is flying in today from MO. We are having a BBQ at my parents house. I havent seen her in 3 years, so I'm sure there have been changes!! I am planning on bringing my camera with me to be able to tak pictures. 

On the weight loss front, I am stalled again... I have changed up my eating habits, and also my exercise habits. I'm hoping things pick up soon!! I'm stuck a a size 22. I realize its better than being stuck at a size 38, but I'm frustrated. I do have to realize that I have come a long way. 

For my surgery, I have to do a couple of days of liquid diet. That should help jump start my weight loss a little. I will weigh in again the day of surgery, and see how much I lose after a few days on liquids. Might as well do the 5 day pouch test during that time!! I figure if I do liquids the 2 days before, and day after, and then go to soft proteins, then on to solid proteins for a few days - to help heal. Hopefully that will help me jump start things again - considering I have got to have this surgery. 

Okay - off to get things together to go and see my sister!! YAY!!!