In less than three weeks

Sep 01, 2011

I will be recovering from my surgery at the hospital!! 

While I am excited about this new adventure in my life, and looking forward to losing the weight and being able to do things again, I am also scared. Scared to be making these changes, and what they will mean to my life.

My boyfriend, as supportive as he is, is now struggling with my decision. He tells me he doesnt care, and doesnt want me to change - physically, he doesnt care what I look like, and tells me that all the time. He doesnt want "me" to change. ... does that make sense?

He works from home, owns his own business (not a very successful one) and has 2 kids from a previous marriage. His car has been off the road since March, and he has been using mine to go 1.5 hours away to see his kids on the weekends. This leaves me home all weekend with my kids, and no where to go with them. I am stuck, unless my mother comes and takes up someplace.

I am looking at the holidays coming up, and have told him - you want to go and see your kids for Christmas (his ex-wife is Jewish, he is not) and I will need my car for the holidays too - I have family I go to for the holidays, so you will need to have your car on the road by then. Thanksgiving is the same thing! His two sons have their birthdays a day apart (by 11 years) and he wants to be able to go and see them for their birthdays - the problem? I drive my kids to and from school every day - they go to schools almost an hour away - he will not be able to use my car to go on their birthdays. I have told him this - it is also a week after my surgery - how am I going to feel then? I dont know. So many problems popping up!!

My mother has to have surgery on September 30th for her carotid artery (sp?) and will need help cleaning, and taking care of things at her house - I told Mike I will be going up there for her surgery, and will also be going to help her clean and stuff. He says thats fine, but I can see this being a problem. Well, too bad - its my car, and my family needs me. If you want to see your kids again, get your car fixed!!

On a brighter note, the kids go back to school in a few days - two of them have already started, but the youngest hasnt started school yet. He starts Wednesday (YAY!). This will mean Mike has to get him up, dressed and out the door for school. He will also be the one taking care of him after school - which I am sure will be a point of contention in the future. Why should I pay for daycare when he is home, and Josh is such a good kid? He is the kind of kid, that at 7, will come home from school, get a snack, and sit down and watch tv for an hour - his homework (what little of it he has) is always done after dinner. He is simple. Not a problem at all.

I was supposed to go to support group tonight - Mike has made comments about "being on overtime" all week - so, needless to say, I am missing group tonight. I am going next Thursday though - kids in tow, as they will be in school. I will tell Mike he can take care of him and Josh for dinner - I will feed the other two once we leave. I NEED to go to group! I need that support system, and need to be able to talk to people - people who understand what I am going thru. I also need to drop off some clothes that will NEVER fit again! I like the way that sounds!! Goodbye size 38's!! Goodbye 5X's!! Goodbye forever!!

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