So many changes, so little time

Mar 14, 2010

My mother died on Feb 24th...in Hospice...brain cancer/lung cancer...and whatnot.  I know that when someone is sick like this, we're supposed to be more ready.  Her last MRI showed the cancer backing off and they gave her a good two years.  Then the Saturday after I got out of the hospital...she was in the hospital for pneumonia.  I got my oldest brother up from Wyoming to see her (Hasn't happened in 5 years)...and they advised that the NEW MRI showed a new cancer altogether, much more aggressive.  I wasn't prepared, I'm not prepared and somehow  I'm in charge of everything...I got the call at 2am, drove to hospice to meet her long time boyfriend there...I knew he'd be a wreck, so I stood strong...my husband walked him out to his vehicle and I touched her face, kissed her and held her...she wasn't there but I needed that special mommy/daughter moment...I cried and told her again how strong she was, how proud of her I was...and then when we got home, I needed something else, we watched South Park till 6am and then as the light began a new day, I cried in my husbands arms until we both fell asleep.  We are planning a celebration BBQ of her life in the spring when the flowers start to bloom... 

But really, this isn't the whole point of the post...It's more along the lines of how dramatically this has affected my mood.  Depressed, of course...and I'm not a depressed person...I don't really feel like eating anything...and so I'm mooching off of my hubby's dietary plan (VERY low on the diet, very high on the weight).  I've lost a total of 38 lbs...and I haven't gotten off my butt to do a body comp yet so I don't know what I've lost.  I'm doing okay on protein...lunch is cottage cheese, three low carb, high protein, high fiber crackers with liver (high protein) pate' (I like it)...and now I'm going to work out...I just thought I'd give the update...

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