Emergency care & my therapist

Sep 21, 2012

Just had to rush to emergency care. My neck started to swell really badly. I have an infection somewhere in my body and my lymph nodes are swelling in my neck. I feel fine and the swelling has gone down. I have to take an anti-inflammatory for a few days.

My visit with my therapist (Kris) was a little strange. I was explaining to her what Dr. Hazelton had told me. She got defensive and started saying she doesn't need to be held responsible for what happens during my weight loss process because she hasn't seen me since March. She actually seemed to be taking it personal that I haven't had the $35 to pay to see her. She was making it seem like I was lying about what Dr. Hazelton told me.

I told her that the weeks before my surgery and for at least a year after my surgery, Dr. Johnson wants me to be receiving constant care so that I don't get really depressed or begin to form bad habits like drinking or eating incorrectly. Dr. Johnson suggested (and I agreed) that I should be seen by Dr. Johnson one week, then Kris the next, and that I should keep alternating that schedule until I'm able to go 2 weeks between visits and then 3 weeks, then a month, and so on. Kris got a funny look on her face and said, "I think you should see someone ..." It was like she was hinting that she no longer wants to be my therapist.

She pulled up the notes she wrote after she spoke with Dr. Hazelton. She pulled up the notes Dr. Johnson wrote after speaking with him. She pulled up the notes Dr. Johnson wrote after speaking with me. She said, "There is some miscommunication with someone and that needs to be straightened out." I wanted to ask if I had offended her in some manner.

Dr. Hazelton told me that I needed to get together with Kris to brainstorm and write a plan on how to keep me from overeating and binging at night. Dr. Hazelton is under the impression that I get up in the middle of the night and binge eat without knowing what I'm doing. WRONG! When I first started taking Ambien three years ago, I would get up in the middle of the night and eat without remembering it in the morning. That hasn't happened to me in THREE YEARS. I also stay up VERY late at night. Sometimes I don't get to bed until 4 or 5 in the morning, so during those times, I HAVE to eat at night. Not that I'll stuff myself, but I'll have a peach or an apple.

I was explaining this to Kris and she either wasn't listening or wasn't understanding what I was saying. She said that she's not responsible to helping to make the plan. She wants me to come up with the entire plan on my own, give it to her, and she'll give it to Dr. Hazelton. If that's the case, then why the FUCK am I seeing her?!

I didn't argue. So now I have a week and a half to come up with a very precise plan of how to keep from eating in the middle of the night. I have to continue to see Kris to appease Dr. Hazelton. I really want to have Dr. Vigg refer me to another psychiatrist who also acts as a psychologist so I don't have to see two separate people, someone who is closer to where I live (it takes 30 minutes to get from my house to their office), but I can't do that right now or it could fuck up my time line for having my surgery. I have to wait until Dr. Hazelton has released my notes to Dr. Chapman.

After Kris and I talked about the "plan" bullshit, she asked about my life outside of weight loss. I told her that my mom has been being supportive. I told her how things are between Josh and me. I told her about Gene's death and how angry my brother got when he found out I'd written about Gene on my Facebook. I started to talk about Gene and how hurt I was that my brother is taking this so hard. I broke down and started to cry. I've only cried 2 times in the 3 years I've been seeing her. She seemed to soften and act like the Kris I know. *sigh*

Last night, I was showing Josh a video of Gene's death being spoken about in the NC Senate. There were two videos on the sidebar of parts of Gene's funeral. I'll put them below.

This one starts with Gene's and ends at 2:12 with honoring someone else:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e1LddBknyM

In this one, you can only see their backs at the beginning, but it's Gene's body going by and everyone saluting. Then it shows all the people who came and lined the streets in his honor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OEcT-KWfLI

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