Carrie T.

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I was TOLD I could start having soft foods DURING my 2nd week after surgery. Why is she being such a cunt about me wanting to have some sugar free pudding or a bit of cottage cheese, BOTH of which are on my OKAY LIST!

She's driving me nuts and I want to strangle her!

Last night, Josh came home with 3 bottles of SoBe Life Water (which is on my okay list). He handed me the bag and my mom flipped the hell out yelling, "SHE CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING!" before she even knew what it was. When I asked for some Diet V8 Splash (which is on my okay list), she said I could only have 2 oz. at a time because there's fruit in it and I'm not supposed to eat any fruit. I have TWO SEPARATE LISTS from the surgeon's office and the hospital stating that I can drink as much of it as I please!

It's one thing for her to be "looking out for me", it's another thing entirely when she's taking charge over everything like I'm a moron.

Little does she know, I had some cheese yesterday while she was gone. Neither the world nor my stomach exploded.

Day 1: Friday, March 22, 2013
I wasn’t nervous. Not as nervous as I thought I’d be, anyway. My parents and I packed up everything and piled into my dad’s car. We left our house around 10:30. We got to the hospital a little before 11:45.

I checked in and was immediately called back. The nurse put me in a gown, stockings, and socks. My surgeon (Chapman) came in and we chat for a bit about my concerns. The anesthesiologist came in and I told him my concerns and he promised that 1) he would NOT use the gas on me because I’m allergic and 2) I would NOT feel them extubate me.

They allowed my parents to sit with me while they tried to run an IV. It took 6 tries to get a good vein!! I was wheeled back to the operating room, said “Allons-y!” and it took less than an hour for Chapman to finish my surgery!

I was in recovery for a short period of time before they wheeled me to my room. I was in the North Tower in room 344 (Surgery ICU). I had my first visitor (my friend Laura-Kathleen) a few minutes after I got to the room. She brought me a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers! I was so groggy though that she didn’t stay long. :(

My parents got to my new room and my dad left to go home since my mom planed to stay with me at the hospital while I was there.

Day 2: Saturday, March 23, 2013
It was supposed to be a good day but the longer the day progressed, the worse it got. I didn’t get much sleep because nurses don’t know when to leave a person the fuck alone!

Mary and her mom came to visit. They brought me a stuffed lamb (I named her Lambsy Divey), a bunny flower, a beautiful card, and some coloring stuff (I love to color). They sat with me while my mom went down to the cafeteria to get herself something to eat.

I had a swallowing test earlier that day because I was supposed to start my new diet that day, but I was having swelling that caused the contrast dye to not go down properly so they wanted to keep me on IV fluids.

On the way back from having the swallow study, the nurse ran over my IV and it began to leak, so she kinked it causing blood to come out of the IV. When he unkinked it, blood went all over me and the floor and squirted across the room. In the midst of all this, someone pulled on my catheter and made it uncomfortable.

Later in the day, my catheter wasn’t collecting enough fluids and what fluids it was collecting looked as orange as a crayon! They started pushing fluids on me but even so, I was only pushing out 100 or less CCs every 2 hours.

That night I developed a fever and the headache from hell began. The only thing to make the headache to go away was for me to walk, but walking made me feel like vomiting. I hated life at this point.

Day 3: Sunday, March 24, 2013
It had been an awful night. Very little sleep. My morphine pump only made me feel sleepy and seemed to intensify the headache. The gas pains were horrible. I seriously regretted my decision at this point.

I spent most of the day sleeping, or trying to. They did allow me to start swallowing so I was able to start my diet and water. My throat was SO dry by then that I had a horrible sore throat.

Sometime around 7pm, I started to feel a little better. I didn’t feel like my life was completely over. At one point I turned to my mom and asked, “Is this is what it’s gonna be like forever? I can’t do this. Something’s gotta give!”

Day 4: Monday, March 25, 2013
It’s my son’s 18th birthday. I hated not being there to wake him up. I hated not seeing him off to school and telling him I love him. I sent him a text and prayed I could go home for the day.

I got the news sometime around 8 am that they would be sending me home. I had a lot of complications due to an infection, as well as not having a thyroid and having a damaged parathyroid. It’s gonna be a race to get my calcium levels back where they need to be again, and find a balance with my thyroid meds along with my food, but at least I could go home!

The past week has been hard and there have been many many times when I’ve questioned my decision in doing this, but I know that I’ll be glad I did in the long run.

I’m still swollen with water weight and gas bloat from the surgery so the scales say I’ve gained 7 pounds but I’ve been assured that it’s normal.

I’m still having a lot of pain in my stomach where they did the bulk of the work. My drainage area has finally stopped leaking, which I’m very thankful for. It’s getting better. Slowly, but surely.

I wish I could fully express the gratitude I have for certain people in my life so they can truly feel how blessed I am to have them in my life. My mom gets so many props because she has been here since the beginning and has done everything short of bend over backwards to accommodate me and make sure I’m okay. I’m thankful for my family who have called and text’d and come to visit, and for the plethora of friends and acquaintances who have sent messages asking for updates. You guys are the best!!!

 

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Today:

Just a quick update to let everyone know how things are going.

My pain level is down to a point where I don’t have to take any of my pain meds. I’m sleeping through the night with no pain. I’ve been able to have my shakes with no problems. I have 4 of the 2 oz. cups a day plus a 2 oz. cup of Jello or skim milk or chicken broth twice a day. I’m hoping to take my first unassisted shower today.

My calcium levels are still too low. I had to call my endocrinologist yesterday and he has doubled my calcium intake. It’s still not where it needs to be because my extremities continuously go numb and tingle and cramp, but at least it’s not as bad as it was back in October when I had to be rushed to the emergency department!

I’m anxious to start eating solid food again. Everything my mom cooks for the family smells delicious. Yesterday, she baked chicken and I wanted to sneak a piece SO BADLY but I didn’t. My sister came over (she had her surgery in December), and she scared me by saying that I’m gonna hate when I start eating food again, but wouldn’t say why. She just kept saying, “You just wait.” So now I’m having anxiety about it. :(

I went to see my surgeon's nutritionist today. She weighed me before our visit and I've lost EIGHT pounds already!!! I was practically in SHOCK when I read the scale!

Day 1 was bad.

Day 2 was worse than the first. I was hungrier and couldn't stop thinking about cheese pizza. I don't even like pizza! I would have an hour and a half before I could eat again and I would get so hungry that my stomach would growl and hurt. I drank water constantly, which meant I peed every 1.5 - 2 hours, but it didn't help the hunger.

It was really the first time I questioned why I'm doing this.

Day 3 sucked. I was angry and ill all day. My mom doesn't trust me at all. I know she means well, but she’s gonna drive me crazy!

She’s constantly suspicious of me. She has locked up all the food with a chain, but during the day, she keeps the chain off because she’s up and around. On day 3, to keep my mind off eating, I got up and did some things around my room. I got up all my laundry and took it to the laundry room, and cleaned out the litter box while I was in there. I took the bag off poop outside to the garbage. She had been in her bedroom putting the sheets on her bed so she had no clue what I was doing. When I walked back in the house, she was standing at her bedroom door and was like, “What are you doing?!” I was like, "Putting the poop in the garbage." She had to walk out there and look! WTF?

My surgeon said I could flavor my water with Crystal Light, or drink coffee or tea with Splenda or Truvia. She said she wants me to drink less Crystal Light (I have 4 a day IF I drink 2 of my 30 oz. cups of water). Usually I’ll drink plain water, or have a coffee so I don’t drink as many of the Crystal Light. My mom said she wants me to stop drinking so much Crystal Light.

Day 4, I got up late. I usually have my synthetic thyroid pills at 9am and I can’t eat anything for at least an hour so I go back to sleep. I usually wake up between 10:30 and 11 and have my first shake. Today, I got up at 1pm. I have to have 5 shakes a day in order to have the proper amount of protein. I got 2 shakes from the fridge and my mom was fussing saying how I shouldn’t have 2 at once and I need to space them out. Why does it matter to her HOW I drink them, as long as I’m drinking them and staying on my plan? What if I wanted to wake up at 4pm and drink all five shakes at once? It would be MY decision and I’D be the one suffering with hunger later, not her!

I keep thinking, "Is it worth it?" I know I'll eventually be able to eat real food again, but I wonder if I could just do it on my own and not subject myself to surgery.

Then I'll have a moment of clarity, where I'm reminded that I was thin for the first 17 years of my life, but have been fat for the past 19 years. I miss being thin and healthy and I want to live long enough to see Josh graduate college, get married, and make me a grandma! Plus, I'm tired of being alone and I know that I'll never find a man as long as I'm roughly the size of a hippo. Also, I'm sick of getting stares and rude comments EVERYWHERE I go. It's like I'm an oddity or a sideshow act. My ex-husband got a glimpse of how people treat me for the first time the other week and he was so angry and hurt that people treat me like that all the time. He now understands why I don't like to leave my house often.

I know there will come a time where I'll say I'm glad I did this, but right now? Yeah, I'm not feelin' it!

I start Optifast on March 7th and my surgery is March 22nd!!!

I started my journey for the gastric bypass on March 27th of last year. Because of my insurance, I had to go through a 6 month program that actually stretched out to 7 months, then I found out I had cancer and everything was put on hold until last month.

My patient rep with the bariatric surgeon’s office has always been Danielle. She has kept up with ALL my stuff, all my appointments, all my tests, all my history. Throughout this process, another patient rep named Kesha would call and swear they were missing information that Danielle had already verified they had! I’d go scrambling to get the info, only to find out from Danielle that they already have it!

On Tuesday, I finished up EVERYTHING I had left to do before my case was to be presented to my insurance companies (I have 2 forms of insurance). I did my last EKG, last chest x-ray, my ABG, and I met with the anesthesiologist to discuss my options and talk about intubation. After all that, I met with my surgeon and he said everything was completed and I could have everything sent off. It’s just a waiting process for the insurance companies to come back with their decisions.

I got a phone call a while ago from Kesha. She swears that they don’t have my 5 years of weight history. Now, when I met with them back in March, they gave me a form to give to my regular doctor. I left their office and went immediately to give that form to my doctor, whose nurse (Mechandy) faxed all the information to them the very next day.

This is the THIRD time that Kesha has said they don’t have my history, then Danielle will tell me they do. My doctor’s office has proof that they’ve faxed that exact information to them on THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS, yet Kesha was swearing to me today that they don’t have my information!

I asked to speak to Danielle and Kesha got pissed about it. I’ve had to call my doctor’s office AGAIN and ask Tanya to fax over that information AGAIN. I finally gave Tanya their number and told her to call them and tell Kesha how to do her fucking job! I was like, “Fax her my entire medical history. Start with my damn birth weight, all the way up until what I weighed on Tuesday! If that’s not good enough, she needs to find a new damn job!!”

I’m so frustrated I could scream! al;skdfj;alsdkjf;lak

I know. I'm a slacker at keeping this updated.

Monday, December 17th, 2012
My mom and I got up at the ass-crack of dawn and headed out the door to take the hour-long trek to Greenville. I didn't have to wait very long, but the waiting room was crowded. This was the only empty seat in the room:

A tech came in and got me. My mom couldn't go back there with me.

He led me to a room with a HUGE machine. I had to drink 5 oz. of water, then lay on a table. I had a pillow under my head and one under my knees. I had to lay perfectly still for 29 minutes.

29 minutes doesn't seem like a long time, but it seemed like it too FOREVER! Not even 5 minutes in, an eyelash dropped into my left eye so I just closed my eye for the rest of the time. A little while later, my nose started to itch! I was like, "Seriously, body?" Less than halfway through, my lower back started to hurt. Before it was over, I was in tears because it hurt so badly. The tech had to help me up because it hurt to move!

I had to sit there and drink another 5 oz. of water, then lay back down for another 15 minutes. Thankfully the tech put more cushion under my legs so my back didn't hurt so bad. After that, I was free to go.

I hadn't had anything to eat, so my mom and I stopped by Hardee's for breakfast. I was scared to eat because there's been a virus going around our town, and Josh had been throwing up all morning on Sunday. I'd been feeling sick so I thought I had the virus, but after I ate, I felt a little better.

 

Wednesday, December 19th, 2012
I got a call from Dr. Drake early in the morning. He told me that I had a little bit of uptake in my throat around where the surgery was performed, but that was normal. Other than that, there was no more signs of cancer!!

I'm cancer free!!

 

Friday, December 21st, 2012
The world didn't end. I didn't think it would, so I had no fear. As a matter of fact, my mom and I went to Rocky Mount and went to have lunch. I also got my hair cut. It's REALLY short. Like, the shortest I've EVER had it. So short that I can spike it up and look like (as my dad says) Guy Fieri from Diner, Dive-Ins and Drives!

People called me a lesbian before because I've always had short hair and have always hated dresses/skirts. Now I really look like a butch lesbian!

I hope that I'll be having a very happy Christmas this year! I have a lot to be thankful for. If only my stomach would join the the celebration and stop hurting so damn much!! haha!

 

Wednesday, December 26th, 2012

To those who celebrate it, I hope you had a great Christmas! Mine was pretty sweet.

- I gave my mom a blanket that my first best friend ever (Sarah) crochets for her.
- I gave my dad a Dallas Cowboys leather wallet.
- I gave Josh a silver ring and a pewter dragon keychain.
- I gave Mary 3 months premium membership at deviantArt and a lemon bundt cake.
- I gave Cindy (Mary's mom) a $10 gift card to Hobby Lobby.

I got:
- new wiper blades for my car from my parents.
- my haircut (below) from my parents.
- a gift certificate to my favorite restaurant from my parents.
- $30 gift card to Lane Bryant/Catherine's from my brother and his wife (totally unexpected!!).

For Christmas, my mom cooked turkey and ham, candied yams, broccoli and rice casserole, cheesy potatoes, green beans, stuffing, and a bunch of other items I can't even think of. She also made sausage balls, Rice Krispie treats, fudge, cupcakes, pumpkin pie and 2 lemon meringue pies. My brother brought over 2 bushels of oysters so for lunch (hours before our big dinner), we had steamed oysters on the grill with a cocktail/horseradish sauce.

My sister (Melody) didn't come because she just had her weight loss surgery on the 7th and she's still not ready to be out and about yet. Her daughter (Caroline, 24) came. My brother (Bo) and his wife (Kim) were here. His daughter from his first marriage (Kaitlyn, 18) came with her new boyfriend (Jimmy, 19), and soon after my brother's first wife (Penny) came. Of course my mom, dad, Josh and I were here.

It was a really great day. :D

 

Thursday, December 27th, 2012

With Medicare and Medicaid, they'll send a "not bill" just to let you know how much the hospital, clinic, doctor or specialist charged for services rendered. Here are a few of the totals:

For 3 tubes of blood and the tests they ran on them:

This is for my surgery and hospital stay:

And this is how much it cost for ONE pill and for the specialist to come in and tell me all the precautions that 3 other doctors had already told me:

Incidentally, every time I see "THIS IS NOT A BILL" at the top of these statements, I always have to say, "It's not a Tom, Gustav or Georg either." :) Sorry, it's a German joke. :)

 

Monday, December 31st, 2012
This will be the last post I make in 2012. I started my weight loss journey last year around this time. I hate to say that because of the cancer and my medications, I'm at the same weight I was before I started my journey. I'll be doing all of this all over again. I feel like I've failed in so many ways. I was hoping to have had my surgery and be losing weight by now. Instead, I get to sit back and watch as my sister drops the pounds and I'm still filling my face full of shit that I don't need.

I've been invited to a friend's house for New Year's Eve. I know that I'll probably have fun if I go, but I just can't get motivated to get up and shower, then get dressed in clothes that are quickly becoming too small for me and a bra that's 4 sizes too small that I fall out of, then drive the 30 minutes there in the cold, get an anxiety headache because they happen more and more frequently when I leave the house now, and drive the 30 minutes back home after midnight. I don't even want to think about the fact that my son will be at his girlfriend's and will be driving home well after midnight. I trust him driving, but I don't trust all the drunks who will be out on the road. I have a huge fear of losing my son. I know that if something ever happened to him, I'd have to commit suicide. I couldn't live without that boy.

My room is a mess. I have laundry to do and dishes piled up. It needs a good dusting and I don't even have sheets on the bed. I've spiraled into this huge web of depression. I'm still taking all my meds like normal, and I put up a HUGE front for everyone around me. I get sick of getting emails and comments talking about how brave I've been and what a great attitude I have over this whole cancer situation. "You're able to joke and laugh like nothing ever happened!" It's because if I don't laugh, I'll burst out crying.

This isn't what I want for my life. I don't want to be over 410 pounds. I don't want to have Bipolar or Insomnia or high blood pressure. I don't want to worry about my TSH or T4 levels, or my calcium intake. I don't want to be on medications for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to give up all the yummy foods that I love.

*sigh* Happy new year.

 

It's been a while since I've updated. I figured I'd let everyone know what's going on and where I am in my process today. Sorry it's so long.

November 14, 2012
There are a few things I'm going to address today.

The first being my weight.
Because my energy level is kaput, I'm unable to exercise and my body isn't metabolizing food like it used to. I've gained back up to 404. I was SO disappointed when I stepped on the scale, but I was assured by a nurse, a doctor, and a student doctor that it's normal and that I shouldn't worry about my weight right now.

The second being my appointment with Dr. Vigg.
A new doctor has come to our clinic so Dr. Vigg's office is all turned around. Instead of being called into the right door in the waiting room and going into those examining rooms, they call their patients into the left door.

He still has his regular nurse Mechandy, but she mostly does phone calls and scheduling now, but my new nurse is so nice. She apparently hadn't read my record because she didn't know that I'd had my thyroid removed at all! She knew nothing about it. I had to explain it all to her.

When Dr. Vigg came in, he had a student doctor shadowing him. The doctor's name is Nathaniel Slater. He was so cute and TALL!! Dr. Vigg left and let Dr. Slater go over my chart with me. He was so thorough. I loved it!

When Dr. Vigg came back in, we talked about my surgery. Dr. Vigg didn't know that I had cancer. He was concerned because my calcium is only 7 points when it's supposed to be 8.6 - 10.2. Dr. Vigg wanted to boost my calcium to 3000mg, but my endocrinologist Dr. Drake told me not to when I talked to him today.

The third thing being my uncle.
This has been bothering me, so I'm gonna just put it out there.

The day I went in to have surgery, the hospital asked if I wanted someone to come in and have a prayer with me. I told them I did, and actually requested my uncle, who is a pastor. He was my pastor from the time I was 13, until I finally stopped going to church a few years ago. Unfortunately, he wasn't available because he was on vacation, but that was understandable.

He came back from vacation during the next week while I was hospitalized. He neither called, nor came to visit. Everyone else on that side of the family has called to check on me from then until now. One of my uncle's (his brother) was actually on vacation at Disney World, yet he managed to call to check on me every other day!

It has been 3 weeks since my surgery, and I was released from the hospital 2 weeks ago. I still haven't heard from him or his wife, or his son for that matter (with whom I grew up with, and he's also a pastor). No note, call, visit, or get well card.

And people wonder why I stopped going to church.

 

November 21, 2012
I feel like I've severely neglected this blog. It wasn't an intentional thing, or like I was running around doing all kinds of wonderful things. It's quite the contrary.

I have really good days, days where I feel almost completely normal. That is, if I can ignore the tingling I get in my legs, or the moments where my brain feels fuzzy and I can't think of simple words, or the "buzz" I feel in my body because of my low calcium levels.

Then I have bad days. I hate those days. Sometimes I'll wake up sick, hurt and ache all day, then go to bed sick. Sometimes I'll wake up feeling pretty good, then suddenly and without any warning, I'll get really sick and need to get in bed.

Simple tasks have become giant mountains that I'm expected to climb with no gear. Taking a shower wears me out. Before I can even dry off completely, I have to sit and rest for a moment.

The other day, a friend came over to help my son with his senior project. I started feeling funny, so I got up to get something to eat and some juice. I felt kinda like my sugar was dropping and figured the juice would help. Before I could sit back down, my dad noticed the color had drained from my face. He said something, which alerted everyone in the room as to what happened. My mom kept telling me to drink the juice, but I felt like I was going to vomit. It scared my friend so much, poor thing. I eventually had to go to bed and just leave everyone in the living room. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to my friend. I went to bed and my son came to check on me at some point. The next thing I knew, it was 4AM!!

I've been trying to avoid going out places because I don't want to get there and then have an "episode" of My Body Hates Me. I'll be so happy when I can feel like myself (or close to it) again.

I have an appointment to see Dr. Petruzziello. I have no idea about the appointment until I got the call reminder about it. I was like, "Well, damn. I had plans for Wednesday!" I don't even know why I'm going to see Petruzziello, to be honest!

Now on to the other news (and I hope he doesn't know about this blog and/or read it)...

I talk to my ex-husband Mike almost every day. We have an amazing friendship, one that we never had when we were actually married. I have a respect for him, I value his opinion, and cherish his advice. I can honestly say that I love him. I really do. Am I "in love" with him? No. I don't feel that right now. I'm not saying that it can't blossom into that, but I can say that I think I want it to.

I catch myself flirting with him a lot. Then today, he said something so nice. I just wanted to reach through the phone and hug him so tightly! I told him that there was a girl on YouTube who has been sending me insults and bullying me in the comment section of my Shit Tokio Hotel Fans Say video. Her first comment was a simple "Pathetic". I responded with, "Yes, you are."

It took 3 weeks for her to retaliate, but she came back with (and this is the exact comment, complete with punctuation), "sorry but They have serious problems!!it seems from this video!" To which I replied with: "I'm not sorry, but you have a serious problem for needing to comment twice on a video in which you seem to make yourself look more desperate and idiotic with every comment. Move on with your life. Find a hobby or something with which to bide your time. Thanks!"

It took only 2 weeks for her to reply with the hard-hitting line: "Go to eat some sandwiches!" I'm guessing most of that 2 weeks was spent trying to learn to spell  'sandwiches'. I came back at her with my final statement before I block her:

"Haha! I would, but unfortunately, I'm on a special diet while I'm undergoing radiation treatments. Wow, you're making fun of and trying to bully a cancer patient!! How badass does that make you feel? Do you feel super special for coming up with that feeble attempt at an insult? I mean, damn, out of everything you could possibly make fun of, you're dumb enough to just go for my weight? And in such a boring, mundane manner? Hahaha!!"

When I finished telling him the story, he asked, "Where is she from?" I told him I didn't know and asked why he wanted to know. He replied with, "I wanted to know where I was going." I laughed and asked if he was going to congratulate her and he said, "No, I'm gonna go kick her ass!!"

That makes me feel... protected. I didn't realize that I needed to feel that in my life. I'm not going to push things with him. I'm just kind of playing off his reactions. I'll throw something out there like a flirty text or a playful sex advance, but I make it light to gauge how he reacts. I'm leaving it up to him as to what happens between us. I called the shots in our first relationship. Now he gets to be at the reigns. I'll follow his lead.

 

November 25, 2012
I went to see Dr. Petruzziello on Wednesday. He said that my calcium is STILL low so I may have to have shots in order to get my calcium to a good level. I mentioned my singing voice to him and he said, "Remember, it hasn't been too long since you had your surgery. If you damaged your leg, it would take months of physical therapy to be able to walk again, and even then you may still have a limp. We were working closely with your vocal chords. They weren't damaged, but they were affected. Train every day and you'll get your singing voice back, but remember that you may never get your full range back."

That makes sense, but it's like a cruel joke. I love to sing. I listen to music all the time and sing along with the harmonies and melodies. I sing in the kitchen, in my car, out in public, in the shower... I LOVE to sing. Songs that I used to sing with ease now require a great deal of effort, and even then my voice sounds like a boy going through puberty. The only good part about my visit with Dr. Petruzziello is that I don't have to see him again for another 6 months! :D

Mary came over Wednesday night and brought over my early birthday present. Since my birthday will fall on a day in which I'll be traveling, sick, and having to have a shot, she wanted to give me my present while I could still smile and enjoy it. She got me so much stuff!

That's a purse, a bunch of Hello Kitty stuff, her mom crocheted 2 angles in the colors of the thyroid cancer ribbon. The frog was giving to me by them while I was in the hospital, and I put their new picture in the frog's lap. :)

Mary and I had a long talk. She told me things that she has never told anyone else. We cried together and I opened up to her about a lot of things. I feel like I understand her more now.

Thanksgiving was a good day. It was mom, dad, Josh, Anna-Claire, me, Mike, Bo, Kait, Dustin, and Caroline. Bo was sick and kept coughing his germs on me! There were no arguments and no one cried. Hopefully we can be that way at Christmas also!

I'm still unsure over what's really happening between Mike and me. I love him, but I'm not "in love" with him. I want it to go slowly, IF it's heading in the direction of intimacy. I love it when he flirts with me. I smile when he can make me blush over the phone. I dunno... maybe I'm just reading into things that really aren't there. Who'd want the fatty anyway?

 

November 27, 2012
This low-iodine diet sucks. I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns.

I'm sick of eating fruit. I feel like if I eat another apple, orange, or banana, I'm going to hurl.

Almond milk tastes similar to breast milk. Don't ask me how I know this.

The entire time I'm cooking egg whites, I'm thinking about jizz because that's exactly what they look like! I guess, technically, that's really what they are.

I feel tired all the time. My body aches, especially my neck, shoulders, and back.

Yesterday, I got VERY sick. I hadn't been feeling well all day, then suddenly I got very sick and was in an immense amount of pain. I had to go to the bathroom to be sick 3 times, then I felt better. I'm not sure if I got sick from drinking the almond milk, or if I was sick because I'd had shrimp fried rice Saturday night and it wasn't cooked properly.

At any rate, I'm craving seafood like a bitch on fire! December 15th is when I can eat normally again, but I'll still be radioactive until the 19th. I'm hoping that Mike had some time off work so he can come stay and we can go to our favorite sushi restaurant and pig out! :D

Mike suggested that we buy gifts for one another this year. He said our spending limit is $5, and we have to get the other a gift that means something. Like, if he sees a sticker in a machine outside Walmart that reminds him of me or that he thinks I'd like, he'll get it. It has to be about the thought. I came up with the first part of his present pretty easily. I'm not gonna mention it here because there's a chance that he could actually be reading this and I don't want him to know what it is. Anyway, the first part didn't cost $5 so I wanted to get him something else. The idea for his second gift hit me and thankfully I was able to find it so I could still be under my $5 limit! XD

 

November 30, 2012
Like most things in my life, I don't know when to leave well enough alone.

I think that people understand my brand of humor and I get comfortable enough to really open my mouth and say things some people, then they stop speaking to me for days or they just stop speaking to me at all.

I think I became a little too comfortable around Mike, so I've said some things that may have pushed the line. I don't know if I've made him uncomfortable or... shit, I dunno.

It's rare that I trust someone enough to allow them to see ALL of me. When I do open up, it's like I'm a little kid with a piece handmade macaroni-noodle art. I open myself up as proudly as that kid holds out the macaroni art, with a big excited grin on my face, just knowing that the person will smile proudly and be overly appreciative that I've just trusted them enough with my soul, so they'll want to put it on their fridge for everyone to see.

The reality is that while I'm standing there with the excited grin, dancing anxiously for the approval, the person takes a look at my "art" and becomes offended or appalled or uncomfortable, and they scream in horror as they back away and shield their eyes. I'm left standing there alone, my grin turned to a quivering lower lip, my eyes glazed over in tears. The "art" now hidden behind my back from the shame I now feel, tucked away forever because it wasn't good enough, I'm not good enough.

So I guess I'll just wait for the calls to dwindle down to a halt, while I go back to putting up a façade.

 

December 14, 2012
Things seem to be inching by for me. I'm still on the low-iodine diet which isn't as bad as I thought it would be, especially considering that my mom is making sure to cook meals that I'm able to eat. I pretty much stay full. It just sucks that I can't have things that I'd normally eat, like cheese and milk. I'm craving a nice tall glass of milk and have been for 3 days now! I only have 10 days left on this diet!

My sister will be going in hospital to have her gastric bypass (RNY) on Friday. When she and I first decided to go through with this, I knew she'd have her surgery first. I thought that I'd be really jealous of her, but I'm not. I'm concerned and excited, but not jealous. I want to be there to support her and watch how she loses her weight to see first hand what it's like. I think once people start complimenting her all the time about her weight loss is when I'll start to feel the jealous because I'll then be the fattest person in the family, which makes me feel like a failure and a loser.

I'm also very discouraged right now. I know that having cancer is a big deal and I am definitely concerned about my health, so being upset over what I'm about to say will seem kind of ridiculous. It kills me that I can't sing. I can't still carry a tune, but my range is so fucked. I've worked my way up from not even being able to hit my mid-range notes, to my highest point being 3 notes above my mid-range note. I practice a little every day.

It's the strangest sensation when I try to his these notes and can't. It doesn't feel like the normal "I'm singing too high for my range" feeling I used to get in my throat. I can't even describe how it feels. It's painful and it feels like 2 places in my throat are going to split! It's annoying because I can't even raise my voice to show excitement anymore, and I hope no one attacked me because I can't scream at ALL!

To give you an idea on how crapped out my voice is, I used to sing this song with ease (yes, it's a gospel song) when Mike and I were married (we used to sing duets for churches). Just listen to the chorus and keep in mind that I can't hit the notes of the words I've bolded below, and the italicized & striked out words are ones that I'm straining to sing:

Click here to have a listen: SONGY SONG

I need you more today
Than I did yesterday
Mountains are higher
Rivers are wider-er-er
I need you more today
Than I did yesterday
Help me remember
I need you more today

That makes me really sad. :( Singing may not be a big deal to you guys, but music is so dear to me and I sing every day, so not having a proper voice kills my spirit. :(

 

December 5, 2012
My endocrinologist (not his nurse... he personally called) to ask me how I'm feeling and to talk to me about what we'll be doing next week. He said that my calcium levels are still low and he fears they've dropped since I started the low-iodine diet, especially considering my extremities are numb all the time and cramp often. He prescribed another medication for me to take, and Josh is on his way to pick it up right now. I hope this new med will stop the "buzz" feeling in my body and stop my extremities from going numb and cramping. We fear that my parathyroid are shot. I hope that's not the case, but Dr. Drake seems to fear that they're dead.

 

December 10, 2012 (My birthday)
My sister had her weight loss surgery the following Friday, so my mom has been staying at her house to take care of her. My dad went with me to have my first shot of Thyrogen, just in case the Thyrogen made me sick.

We had to be in Greenville at 9:30. Greenville is about an hour and 10 minutes from where we live. We got there (Brody School of Medicine) and headed in.

I had to have some blood work done to check my TSH and Calcium levels. My calcium is getting back on track. My TSH level was 14.5 and it's supposed to be between .5 and 4.5!! He has increased my Synthroid to 250mcg.

His nurse came in and gave me a shot of the Thyrogen, and sent me on my way. I drove all that way just to spend less than 15 minutes there! But it was nice because all the nurses, doctors, and receptionists wished me a happy birthday!! :D

The Thyrogen gave me an upset stomach so I was in pain and spent the rest of the day in the bathroom, but at least I wasn't vomiting or anything!

 

December 11, 2012
I had to be back in Greenville at 9:30 for another Thyrogen shot. Since I didn't get too sick on Monday, I was able to drive by myself. I got there and had a short wait so I took a picture of the waiting room.

I got my second shot and headed back home to spend an hour or so in the bathroom before I had to go meet my new psychiatrist.

I got to her office and took a picture of their waiting room.

Her name is Brenda. I went into her office and we talked about my history. She didn't even want to get the notes from my old psychiatrist because she wants to get to know me and learn my history herself. She informed me that I'm not supposed to be on TWO of the meds that my old psychiatrist has me on! Since I have so much going on with cancer and such, she wants me to just continue with my meds until I go back to see her, then she can wean me off the ones I don't need.

I also got an appointment with my new therapist. Her name is Lindsay. I'll meet her in January, and will see Brenda again the week after I meet with Lindsay. I really like the place so far.

 

December 12, 2012
I had to go to the hospital for my RAI treatment.

My appointment was at 9, and my mom and I got there a little before my appointment. Thankfully they have valet parking because it was cold and rainy. We headed to the radiology department and I was immediately called back.

The tech said that I would have to wait until noon before I could get my dose of radiation. We had to just wait in the waiting room for three hours!

We met a lot of families, but the ones that really stood out to me was a 16 year old kid and his parents. He was having his last round of chemo. He didn't have any hair and I could tell he was self-conscious about it, but he was very handsome and I thought he looked great! They called him back and he had to go back there alone. It would take 2 hours for his treatment, but his parents waited right there! When he came back out, we said our good-byes and it made me thankful that my parents would do the same for me.

They finally called me back and we had to sit in a small room for a while to wait for the specialist to come in to talk to us. Her name was Jesse and she was so nice! We talked about all the precautions I have to take while I'm radioactive so I don't infect my family. We also talked about her new puppy (a Boxer named Dakota) and how she would be graduating from puppy kindergarten later in the day.

She went to get my RAI treatment. I took it quickly and then she walked us back out to valet. Thankfully we got to wait in a little heated room right next to valet while they went to get my car. It took her 25 minutes to walk out to my car, then drive it back up to valet!!! That's how huge the hospital and its parking lot is!

When I got back home, my dad took my mom back to my sister's house and he has been taking care of me. I feel fine so I'm thankful that I'm not sick or anything. I have to go back to the hospital on Monday at 8 to have a full body ablation to make sure we got all the cancer. Keep your fingers crossed.

My gastric bypass journey has been placed on hold while I battle thyroid cancer.

I'm finally gonna sit down and write out my update. It's a little long, but there are a lot of things that happened. Some of them didn't even directly happen to me, but they were so profound that I couldn't help but mention them in my update.

PS - There are pictures and a video at the end if you just want the condensed version.

Here we go...

I got to the hospital at 6:45 the morning of Thursday, October 25th. I was sent to a little room, where I dressed in a gown and bright yellow, no-slip socks. My nurse Tatum started an IV while my other nurse Tripp got all my information together. My mom and I waited in the little room until it was time to wheel me to the waiting area outside the operating room.

I met with the anesthesiologist (Dr. Kidd) and discussed with him my concerns about my last surgery and how I vomited all day afterward because I'm allergic to anesthetic. He suspected that I'm allergic to the gas (which I am) so he decided to do TIVA (total intravenous anesthesia) instead (which I'm NOT allergic to).

While still in the waiting area, the hospital chaplain came to pray with me. I was hoping it would be my uncle (He's one of the chaplains), but he was on vacation. This chaplain was a tiny little old lady named Peggy. She was so sweet! And one of the operating room nurses was her daughter-in-law!

Before I was wheeled into the operating room, everyone could tell how nervous I was, so Dr. Kidd gave me something to calm me. Boy, did it work!! The operating room was ready for me, and as the began to move me from the waiting area, there was suddenly a fire alarm pulled!! We had to wait until the fire department came to turn to alarm off and okay them to begin surgery. I started laughing at how typical it was that something crazy like that would happen right before my surgery.

I finally got into the operating room and they were getting me situated on the table. My arms had to be spread out like I was Jesus on the cross. One nurse said, "Put your other arm out. It's like you're Jesus on the cross." I said, "I want to want Jesus to be near me, not be me!!" The entire room erupted into laughter.

Dr. Kidd put oxygen on my face and told me they were starting the anesthetic in my arm. That's the last thing I remember. The next thing I remember, I was trying to breathe, but couldn't. I was still hooked up to the breathing machine so my body was trying to breathe, but I couldn't get any air because the tube was down my throat. I couldn't open my eyes and I remember a nurse saying close to my ear, "Say eeeeeee." I did so, and they pulled the tube out of my throat. I took a really deep breath.

I went back to sleep, then I remember waking up again, still unable to open my eyes. A nurse said, "There's a tube in your nose and I need to remove it." I mouthed, "Go for it." She put her fingers on the bridge of my nose and pulled the tube out really quickly. It burned and hurt like a bitch, but I couldn't really be bothered by it because I was too tired, and quickly fell back to sleep.

I woke up several other times. Sometimes I remember Dr. Petruzziello being beside me asking me questions and telling me things, but I don't remember anything he said. Other times nurses were asking me questions and telling me things, but I don't remember what they said. I remember the chaplain being back in my room and telling me that I did a great job and that I was such a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul. She told me that my ICU nurse for the entire day on Thursday is her granddaughter, and I remember her granddaughter smiling over at me and promising to take care of me, but I can't remember her name.

When I finally was ready to wake up, I know my mom and dad were in the room and I could hear them talking. I'd wake up and try to talk to them, then doze off again. They knew I was gonna actually stay up when I finally woke up and asked for my glasses.

I had slid down in the bed and was uncomfortable. I couldn't prop my own self up because my throat was practically slit, so I had to have some nurses help to slide me up. While trying to sit me up, one of the nurses pressed the wrong button on my bed. She said, "Oops! I pressed the wrong button!" I said, "Don't be pushing the wrong button and eject me out of this bed!" One of the other nurses burst out laughing and said, "She must be feeling better! I heard she was a joker!"

I told my mom that the ICU nurses were amazing so I didn't need them to stay up there with me. I told my mom to go home and get some rest. Mary and her mom Cindy came to visit me. My niece Caroline came to visit me. My dad brought Josh up there to see me. Then my cousin Jessica came to see me. When they announced that visiting hours were over at 9, everyone left except Jessica. She stayed with me until midnight when I assured her I was okay. She made sure I was comfortable, that I had enough water and ice, and didn't need anything. I had a catheter so I didn't have to use the bathroom, so I was pretty much comfortable.

I stayed up all night that night because I'd slept most of the day. That night was very interesting. It started when the gentleman in the next room had his entire family called into his room. There were about 30 or 40 people in his room and spilling out into the hallway. He was on life support and they removed him from the machines. My heart was breaking for his family. I knew when he stopped breathing because one of his sisters started hyperventilating. By that time, I was sobbing. When his heart stopped beating, his family started crying loudly. Some screamed out sobs, one of them fainted. I felt horrible. There I was, laying there in pretty good health, feeling guilty because I thanking God that I was alive. I thanked Him because that could be me laying in his bed, allowing my soul to slip from my body. I thanked Him because that could be my family, mourning the loss of my life. I thanked Him because I know my mom's heart couldn't stand losing one of her children. I thanked Him because I know my son would be devastated if I died. I prayed and asked Him to give that man's family peace.

Later in the night, my overnight nurse Margaret had so much going on that she neglected me. Thankfully, my cousin Sabrina was working the Emergency Department that night, which is right next door to the ICU. Sabrina spent most of the night running from the ED to the ICU to make sure I was okay. She'd get me more ice water and throat lozenges, and she even had the security guard search the ENTIRE hospital for a fan because I was so hot! She had set my thermostat to 50º and I was STILL hot, but the fan worked and I finally had some comfort!

The reason Margaret was busy was because one woman needed to be transferred to another hospital, but she refused to go. They were trying to get her power of attorney on the phone so they could get her transferred. Then they had to get her bathed and ready for transport.

While that was happening, another gentleman in ICU was only there because he was crazy and they were waiting for a room to be available at one of the mental hospitals. He woke up and got angry so he was trying to leave his room. Margaret and another nurse were trying to get him to calm down and lay back down. He punched Margaret and pushed the other nurse down. Another nurse was in my room talking to me and Jessica about bariatric surgery because she'd had it and lost almost 200 lbs. Margaret suddenly yelled for her to call security. She bolted from my room and called for security. The crazy guy left his room so Jessica jumped up and shut my door. She put her foot against my door, in case he tried to come down there to us! Two security guards came running down the hall and tackled him. They got him back to his room and gave him something to make him sleep.

The rest of the night, I spent on my cell phone. They removed my catheter around 6:30AM. Dr. Petruzziello came to talk to me at 7AM. I was in the middle of breakfast, which consisted of chicken broth, juices, and coffee. He told me I could eat a regular breakfast, then once I peed in the toilet, I could be discharged! I waited until my food tray came and I began breakfast before I called my mom. I wanted her to sleep as long as she could. I ate my breakfast, then my nurse Kendra came in the room. She went to scan my bracelet and it wouldn't scan. I said, "Oh, no!! Dr. Petrizziello took my thyroid AND my identity!!" She burst out laughing. She helped me up and had me walk around the room a few times before she went to get the little portable toilet. I was able to pee easily, but I couldn't feel whether or not I was finished. She said that since I had the catheter for over 24 hours, it may take some time for me to be able to feel the urge to pee or to feel when I was finished. She got my discharge papers ready and I left the hospital around 10AM.

I felt fine and had very little pain, but I was very tired. I took a little nap Friday afternoon, and went to bed pretty early Friday night. I woke up at 2 or 3 Saturday morning. I got up to go pee and felt weird on my butt. I felt and I was wet. I looked at the bed and saw it was wet. Apparently, I wet the bed and had no clue. I couldn't feel it because of having the catheter in for so long. I went to the bathroom and peed whatever was left in my bladder. I washed myself up and put on clean clothes. I took the sheet off my bed and put it in the washing machine. I got a towel and was soaking the dampness out of my foam mattress. I felt like I was going to black out, so I called my mom in there. She was so sweet about it. I said, "Mom? I wet the bed." She said, "Oh, dear. It's okay. I'm right here." I love my mom so much! She soaked up the rest and helped me flip the mattress over and put another sheet on the bed so I could go back to sleep.

Saturday morning, Mike came over sometime around 10AM and went into Josh's room to play video games. Mary came over because I was doing her hair and makeup for Phillip's Halloween Party (which I couldn't go to because of my surgery). While doing her makeup, I kept noticing a weird tingling sensation in my hands and arms. I ignored it and just told myself that it was from having surgery. By the time I finished her hair, I felt weird. She left, and Mike and Josh came into my room to hang out. While in my room, my lips started going numb and I felt like I was going to faint. Mike led me to my bed and he sat in the computer chair. He stayed much later than he had planned, but we had a good time. I went to bed still feeling weird.

Sunday, I woke up having leg cramps. My legs, arms, feet, hands, lips and face were numb and tingling. I was having shaky, jerky movements and felt so weird. I slept most of the day. I found out that I won for best makeup at Phillip's Halloween Party!! :) That was the best part of my day! By the end of the day, I was in the living room feeling like I was having to struggle to keep my soul inside my body. I went to sleep, and woke up at 1:30AM confused. My entire body was tingling and numb. My heart was skipping beats. My body was shaking so badly that it was like I was convulsing. I got up and went to pee. I didn't even bother trying to sleep again. I went to my parents' bedroom and said, "Take me to the Emergency Department." My dad jumped up and was dressed in seconds. He helped me get to the car and we rushed to the hospital.

I remember arriving there. I remember the security guard getting a wheelchair for me. I remember sitting in the waiting room and a nurse calling me into triage. She didn't even have me stop in triage. I wheeled in the front door of triage through to the back door of triage and into a room. I remember my cousin Scott coming to start an IV and I remember taking a picture of my arm, but that's where my memory gets foggy. I remember being wheeled on a gurney and someone calling my dad by name and telling him to hit the button for the 4th floor. I don't remember anything else until the next day.

The entire next day was foggy. I was in and out of consciousness. I knew I was on the 4th floor. I remember Mary coming to visit. I remember my brother Bo and his wife Kim coming to visit. I don't remember my mom leaving to go home for the night, but I apparently sent her home because I told her I'd be okay.

Monday night was a horrible night. I woke up sometime around 1:30AM on Tuesday morning. It felt as though someone was choking me. Like they had their hand or foot against my neck. My legs and feet were all cramped up. I called for a nurse and she said she'd be back. It was taking her too long so I called again because I was beginning to panic. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to breathe. The nurse came in and I said, "I'm scared. It's getting hard to breathe!" She said, "They'll get to you when they can!" Now remember, I wasn't hooked up to anything at this point. No IV, no oxygen, no heart monitor... NOTHING. I felt as though they weren't listening, and something very very wrong was happening.

I grabbed my phone and called my house. My mom answered with, "What's wrong?" I slurred out, "Get here, NOW!" and hung up. By that time, I lost the ability to use my hands. They had cramped up, and my speech was slurring. My tongue was swollen and my face was beginning to droop. The last things I consciously remember are my chest hurting because the muscles in my chest were cramping, and I remember thinking, "I'm dying. Please let mama and daddy get here before I die. Please don't let my mama see me lying here dead. Oh, God... Josh. What will Josh do if I die?"

Everything gets foggy after that. I remember one nurse coming in to take some blood. I remember one nurse coming to hook up an EKG machine to me. One nurse hooked me up to some oxygen. I remember my mom and dad walking into the room and my dad said something but I don't remember what he said. I was later told that a nurse said, "Sir, you can't be in here," and my dad said, "Like hell!" He left my mom at the hospital and she didn't leave my side again unless someone from our family was there to sit with me.

Tuesday was a blurry kind of day. I know that they came in to hook me up to a constant calcium and magnesium drip. I was feeling so weird because my calcium, magnesium, potassium, and protein levels had bottomed out. I don't even remember Dr. Petruzziello coming in to tell me I have cancer. My mom had to tell me later. I just remember being so miserable because of my body not cooperating with me. I didn't like the jerky shaking, the numbness, the tingling all over, the confusion, it ALL sucked!

On Wednesday, I was feeling a little better. I was able to stay more coherent and had so many visitors! My ex-sister-in-law Penny came with my niece Kaitlyn. My niece Caroline was in and out. My sister Melody came to stay for a while so my mom could have a break. My sister-in-law's dad Duck came by. I know more people came, but I can't remember them all!

On Thursday, I felt well enough to take a shower. My mom had been giving me sponge baths (which I hate). She helped me shower and dress. Dr. Petruzziello came in at 7AM and gave me the okay to go home, but I had to wait to be discharged. The nurse didn't get around to discharging me until 11AM, but then I had to wait for a wheelchair. The wheelchair didn't get there until 1PM!!

I have to say that I had the best care I could ever have received while in the ICU, but being on the 4th floor SUCKED! Out of roughly 25 nurses who worked on the 4th floor in the hours between Sunday night/Monday morning at 3AM and 1PM on Thursday, only 2 nurses (Celina and Alicia) and 1 nurse's assistant (Joyce) took care of me and attended to my needs properly. One nurse (Patsy) SUCKED ASS! I would tell her I needed more ice water. It was imperative that I have it because I'd had surgery on my throat and it was very sore. She'd forget, and if I pressed the nurse call to have her come back, she'd get angry. I got a nosebleed once and my mom and I had to call her twice. When she finally got in there, she looked at me and said, "So what do you want me to do about it?" Uh, how about you do your fucking job! At one point, I needed to pee really badly, but I felt like I was going to pass out. Patsy and another nurse stood in my room laughing and talking shit about Joyce, but neither of them did anything. I kept saying that I needed to pee really badly. Neither of them offered to get me a bedpan. When I suggested one, they said, "Joyce will have to do that." They were talking serious shit about how slow Joyce was, while Joyce was bathing another patient. They finally just left me in the bed, having to pee and feeling like I was going to faint. I ended up getting up and having my mom help me to pee.

Since I've been home, I'm gradually getting back to feeling normal. For the first few days, I was still very jerky, shaky, cramping, numb, tingling, foggy and fatigued. As my body adjusted to my thyroid medication and my calcium, magnesium, and vitamin D supplements began to work, the movements, numbness, tingling and fogginess decreased. I still have a little cramping and get fatigued VERY easily.

My thyroid had to be completely removed. Dr. Petruzziello said it was larger than he had expected it to be. When a person's thyroid is removed, it sometimes damages the very small parathyroid glands. Those glands control our calcium intake, etc. Since mine were damaged, my body went berserk!

I went to meet my endocrinologist Dr. Drake on the 8th. I got there at 11AM. He and his assistant Dr. Khanna fed me full of information. Then a counselor (Cathy) came in to coach me on the information. All in all, it took until after 1PM. Then I still had to go get some blood work done!

He gave me some insight on my cancer. He let me know that it was a large cancer. He said that most thyroid cancers are 1cm and smaller. Mine was 4cm. He said that with its size and the kind, it's more likely to come back and attack other places in my body than other thyroid cancers. It still doesn't carry a death sentence, but he wants to treat it very aggressively so it won't want to come back! ;)

Basically here's what will be happening:

- On November 25th, I have to start a VERY strict diet of very low iodine. Iodine is in just about everything we eat!!! This will starve my body of iodine so that when I take the radioactive iodine pill, my body will soak up that iodine so that any cancer left behind will be killed.

- On December 10th (my birthday), I have to go to Greenville and have a shot of Thyrogen to prepare for the radiation.

- On December 11th, I have to go to Greenville and have another shot of Thyrogen to prepare for the radiation.

- On December 12th, I have to go to the Nuclear Medicine department of the hospital to swallow the radioactive iodine pill.

- On December 15th, I can go back to a regular diet.

- From December 12th to December 19th, I will be radioactive. I can't get closer than 3 feet from anyone. I can't sit on the couch. All my bedsheets, comforter, clothes, etc. have to be washed separate from the rest of the laundry. I have to eat and drink from disposable utensils, plates, bowls, cups, etc. Josh can't use the same bathroom as me, so he'll have to use my parents' bathroom. The radioactive stuff will be leaving my body through my urine, sweat and tear ducts. In order to keep my salivary gland from getting clogged up with radioactive material, I have to suck on sour candies all day every day.

- On January 4th, I have to go back to Greenville to have my blood work checked to make sure things are okay with my levels.

- On January 31st, I have to go back to Greenville to have a full body scan to make sure the cancer hasn't spread to any other parts of my body.

There's a lot coming up so I hope I can mentally prepare for it!

Now, before I end this, I want to leave you with some pictures and a video I made.

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWC_OXKBIPk

Pictures: http://etherealien.tumblr.com/cancerpics

On Tuesday (the 23rd), I have to go to Heritage Hospital (which is now called Vidant) to preregister. On the morning of Thursday (the 25th), I'll be admitted.

The surgeon will make an incision at the front of my throat. He'll open me up, and then make an incision in my thyroid. He'll take out a small part of my thyroid and view it under a microscope.

- If there is no cancer present, he will remove the parts of my thyroid that are swollen as well as all the nodules.
- If cancer is present, he will remove my entire thyroid.

After surgery, I'll be in the Intensive Care Unit for at least 1 full day and 1 full night.