I have cancer

Nov 10, 2012

My gastric bypass journey has been placed on hold while I battle thyroid cancer.

I'm finally gonna sit down and write out my update. It's a little long, but there are a lot of things that happened. Some of them didn't even directly happen to me, but they were so profound that I couldn't help but mention them in my update.

PS - There are pictures and a video at the end if you just want the condensed version.

Here we go...

I got to the hospital at 6:45 the morning of Thursday, October 25th. I was sent to a little room, where I dressed in a gown and bright yellow, no-slip socks. My nurse Tatum started an IV while my other nurse Tripp got all my information together. My mom and I waited in the little room until it was time to wheel me to the waiting area outside the operating room.

I met with the anesthesiologist (Dr. Kidd) and discussed with him my concerns about my last surgery and how I vomited all day afterward because I'm allergic to anesthetic. He suspected that I'm allergic to the gas (which I am) so he decided to do TIVA (total intravenous anesthesia) instead (which I'm NOT allergic to).

While still in the waiting area, the hospital chaplain came to pray with me. I was hoping it would be my uncle (He's one of the chaplains), but he was on vacation. This chaplain was a tiny little old lady named Peggy. She was so sweet! And one of the operating room nurses was her daughter-in-law!

Before I was wheeled into the operating room, everyone could tell how nervous I was, so Dr. Kidd gave me something to calm me. Boy, did it work!! The operating room was ready for me, and as the began to move me from the waiting area, there was suddenly a fire alarm pulled!! We had to wait until the fire department came to turn to alarm off and okay them to begin surgery. I started laughing at how typical it was that something crazy like that would happen right before my surgery.

I finally got into the operating room and they were getting me situated on the table. My arms had to be spread out like I was Jesus on the cross. One nurse said, "Put your other arm out. It's like you're Jesus on the cross." I said, "I want to want Jesus to be near me, not be me!!" The entire room erupted into laughter.

Dr. Kidd put oxygen on my face and told me they were starting the anesthetic in my arm. That's the last thing I remember. The next thing I remember, I was trying to breathe, but couldn't. I was still hooked up to the breathing machine so my body was trying to breathe, but I couldn't get any air because the tube was down my throat. I couldn't open my eyes and I remember a nurse saying close to my ear, "Say eeeeeee." I did so, and they pulled the tube out of my throat. I took a really deep breath.

I went back to sleep, then I remember waking up again, still unable to open my eyes. A nurse said, "There's a tube in your nose and I need to remove it." I mouthed, "Go for it." She put her fingers on the bridge of my nose and pulled the tube out really quickly. It burned and hurt like a bitch, but I couldn't really be bothered by it because I was too tired, and quickly fell back to sleep.

I woke up several other times. Sometimes I remember Dr. Petruzziello being beside me asking me questions and telling me things, but I don't remember anything he said. Other times nurses were asking me questions and telling me things, but I don't remember what they said. I remember the chaplain being back in my room and telling me that I did a great job and that I was such a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul. She told me that my ICU nurse for the entire day on Thursday is her granddaughter, and I remember her granddaughter smiling over at me and promising to take care of me, but I can't remember her name.

When I finally was ready to wake up, I know my mom and dad were in the room and I could hear them talking. I'd wake up and try to talk to them, then doze off again. They knew I was gonna actually stay up when I finally woke up and asked for my glasses.

I had slid down in the bed and was uncomfortable. I couldn't prop my own self up because my throat was practically slit, so I had to have some nurses help to slide me up. While trying to sit me up, one of the nurses pressed the wrong button on my bed. She said, "Oops! I pressed the wrong button!" I said, "Don't be pushing the wrong button and eject me out of this bed!" One of the other nurses burst out laughing and said, "She must be feeling better! I heard she was a joker!"

I told my mom that the ICU nurses were amazing so I didn't need them to stay up there with me. I told my mom to go home and get some rest. Mary and her mom Cindy came to visit me. My niece Caroline came to visit me. My dad brought Josh up there to see me. Then my cousin Jessica came to see me. When they announced that visiting hours were over at 9, everyone left except Jessica. She stayed with me until midnight when I assured her I was okay. She made sure I was comfortable, that I had enough water and ice, and didn't need anything. I had a catheter so I didn't have to use the bathroom, so I was pretty much comfortable.

I stayed up all night that night because I'd slept most of the day. That night was very interesting. It started when the gentleman in the next room had his entire family called into his room. There were about 30 or 40 people in his room and spilling out into the hallway. He was on life support and they removed him from the machines. My heart was breaking for his family. I knew when he stopped breathing because one of his sisters started hyperventilating. By that time, I was sobbing. When his heart stopped beating, his family started crying loudly. Some screamed out sobs, one of them fainted. I felt horrible. There I was, laying there in pretty good health, feeling guilty because I thanking God that I was alive. I thanked Him because that could be me laying in his bed, allowing my soul to slip from my body. I thanked Him because that could be my family, mourning the loss of my life. I thanked Him because I know my mom's heart couldn't stand losing one of her children. I thanked Him because I know my son would be devastated if I died. I prayed and asked Him to give that man's family peace.

Later in the night, my overnight nurse Margaret had so much going on that she neglected me. Thankfully, my cousin Sabrina was working the Emergency Department that night, which is right next door to the ICU. Sabrina spent most of the night running from the ED to the ICU to make sure I was okay. She'd get me more ice water and throat lozenges, and she even had the security guard search the ENTIRE hospital for a fan because I was so hot! She had set my thermostat to 50º and I was STILL hot, but the fan worked and I finally had some comfort!

The reason Margaret was busy was because one woman needed to be transferred to another hospital, but she refused to go. They were trying to get her power of attorney on the phone so they could get her transferred. Then they had to get her bathed and ready for transport.

While that was happening, another gentleman in ICU was only there because he was crazy and they were waiting for a room to be available at one of the mental hospitals. He woke up and got angry so he was trying to leave his room. Margaret and another nurse were trying to get him to calm down and lay back down. He punched Margaret and pushed the other nurse down. Another nurse was in my room talking to me and Jessica about bariatric surgery because she'd had it and lost almost 200 lbs. Margaret suddenly yelled for her to call security. She bolted from my room and called for security. The crazy guy left his room so Jessica jumped up and shut my door. She put her foot against my door, in case he tried to come down there to us! Two security guards came running down the hall and tackled him. They got him back to his room and gave him something to make him sleep.

The rest of the night, I spent on my cell phone. They removed my catheter around 6:30AM. Dr. Petruzziello came to talk to me at 7AM. I was in the middle of breakfast, which consisted of chicken broth, juices, and coffee. He told me I could eat a regular breakfast, then once I peed in the toilet, I could be discharged! I waited until my food tray came and I began breakfast before I called my mom. I wanted her to sleep as long as she could. I ate my breakfast, then my nurse Kendra came in the room. She went to scan my bracelet and it wouldn't scan. I said, "Oh, no!! Dr. Petrizziello took my thyroid AND my identity!!" She burst out laughing. She helped me up and had me walk around the room a few times before she went to get the little portable toilet. I was able to pee easily, but I couldn't feel whether or not I was finished. She said that since I had the catheter for over 24 hours, it may take some time for me to be able to feel the urge to pee or to feel when I was finished. She got my discharge papers ready and I left the hospital around 10AM.

I felt fine and had very little pain, but I was very tired. I took a little nap Friday afternoon, and went to bed pretty early Friday night. I woke up at 2 or 3 Saturday morning. I got up to go pee and felt weird on my butt. I felt and I was wet. I looked at the bed and saw it was wet. Apparently, I wet the bed and had no clue. I couldn't feel it because of having the catheter in for so long. I went to the bathroom and peed whatever was left in my bladder. I washed myself up and put on clean clothes. I took the sheet off my bed and put it in the washing machine. I got a towel and was soaking the dampness out of my foam mattress. I felt like I was going to black out, so I called my mom in there. She was so sweet about it. I said, "Mom? I wet the bed." She said, "Oh, dear. It's okay. I'm right here." I love my mom so much! She soaked up the rest and helped me flip the mattress over and put another sheet on the bed so I could go back to sleep.

Saturday morning, Mike came over sometime around 10AM and went into Josh's room to play video games. Mary came over because I was doing her hair and makeup for Phillip's Halloween Party (which I couldn't go to because of my surgery). While doing her makeup, I kept noticing a weird tingling sensation in my hands and arms. I ignored it and just told myself that it was from having surgery. By the time I finished her hair, I felt weird. She left, and Mike and Josh came into my room to hang out. While in my room, my lips started going numb and I felt like I was going to faint. Mike led me to my bed and he sat in the computer chair. He stayed much later than he had planned, but we had a good time. I went to bed still feeling weird.

Sunday, I woke up having leg cramps. My legs, arms, feet, hands, lips and face were numb and tingling. I was having shaky, jerky movements and felt so weird. I slept most of the day. I found out that I won for best makeup at Phillip's Halloween Party!! :) That was the best part of my day! By the end of the day, I was in the living room feeling like I was having to struggle to keep my soul inside my body. I went to sleep, and woke up at 1:30AM confused. My entire body was tingling and numb. My heart was skipping beats. My body was shaking so badly that it was like I was convulsing. I got up and went to pee. I didn't even bother trying to sleep again. I went to my parents' bedroom and said, "Take me to the Emergency Department." My dad jumped up and was dressed in seconds. He helped me get to the car and we rushed to the hospital.

I remember arriving there. I remember the security guard getting a wheelchair for me. I remember sitting in the waiting room and a nurse calling me into triage. She didn't even have me stop in triage. I wheeled in the front door of triage through to the back door of triage and into a room. I remember my cousin Scott coming to start an IV and I remember taking a picture of my arm, but that's where my memory gets foggy. I remember being wheeled on a gurney and someone calling my dad by name and telling him to hit the button for the 4th floor. I don't remember anything else until the next day.

The entire next day was foggy. I was in and out of consciousness. I knew I was on the 4th floor. I remember Mary coming to visit. I remember my brother Bo and his wife Kim coming to visit. I don't remember my mom leaving to go home for the night, but I apparently sent her home because I told her I'd be okay.

Monday night was a horrible night. I woke up sometime around 1:30AM on Tuesday morning. It felt as though someone was choking me. Like they had their hand or foot against my neck. My legs and feet were all cramped up. I called for a nurse and she said she'd be back. It was taking her too long so I called again because I was beginning to panic. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to breathe. The nurse came in and I said, "I'm scared. It's getting hard to breathe!" She said, "They'll get to you when they can!" Now remember, I wasn't hooked up to anything at this point. No IV, no oxygen, no heart monitor... NOTHING. I felt as though they weren't listening, and something very very wrong was happening.

I grabbed my phone and called my house. My mom answered with, "What's wrong?" I slurred out, "Get here, NOW!" and hung up. By that time, I lost the ability to use my hands. They had cramped up, and my speech was slurring. My tongue was swollen and my face was beginning to droop. The last things I consciously remember are my chest hurting because the muscles in my chest were cramping, and I remember thinking, "I'm dying. Please let mama and daddy get here before I die. Please don't let my mama see me lying here dead. Oh, God... Josh. What will Josh do if I die?"

Everything gets foggy after that. I remember one nurse coming in to take some blood. I remember one nurse coming to hook up an EKG machine to me. One nurse hooked me up to some oxygen. I remember my mom and dad walking into the room and my dad said something but I don't remember what he said. I was later told that a nurse said, "Sir, you can't be in here," and my dad said, "Like hell!" He left my mom at the hospital and she didn't leave my side again unless someone from our family was there to sit with me.

Tuesday was a blurry kind of day. I know that they came in to hook me up to a constant calcium and magnesium drip. I was feeling so weird because my calcium, magnesium, potassium, and protein levels had bottomed out. I don't even remember Dr. Petruzziello coming in to tell me I have cancer. My mom had to tell me later. I just remember being so miserable because of my body not cooperating with me. I didn't like the jerky shaking, the numbness, the tingling all over, the confusion, it ALL sucked!

On Wednesday, I was feeling a little better. I was able to stay more coherent and had so many visitors! My ex-sister-in-law Penny came with my niece Kaitlyn. My niece Caroline was in and out. My sister Melody came to stay for a while so my mom could have a break. My sister-in-law's dad Duck came by. I know more people came, but I can't remember them all!

On Thursday, I felt well enough to take a shower. My mom had been giving me sponge baths (which I hate). She helped me shower and dress. Dr. Petruzziello came in at 7AM and gave me the okay to go home, but I had to wait to be discharged. The nurse didn't get around to discharging me until 11AM, but then I had to wait for a wheelchair. The wheelchair didn't get there until 1PM!!

I have to say that I had the best care I could ever have received while in the ICU, but being on the 4th floor SUCKED! Out of roughly 25 nurses who worked on the 4th floor in the hours between Sunday night/Monday morning at 3AM and 1PM on Thursday, only 2 nurses (Celina and Alicia) and 1 nurse's assistant (Joyce) took care of me and attended to my needs properly. One nurse (Patsy) SUCKED ASS! I would tell her I needed more ice water. It was imperative that I have it because I'd had surgery on my throat and it was very sore. She'd forget, and if I pressed the nurse call to have her come back, she'd get angry. I got a nosebleed once and my mom and I had to call her twice. When she finally got in there, she looked at me and said, "So what do you want me to do about it?" Uh, how about you do your fucking job! At one point, I needed to pee really badly, but I felt like I was going to pass out. Patsy and another nurse stood in my room laughing and talking shit about Joyce, but neither of them did anything. I kept saying that I needed to pee really badly. Neither of them offered to get me a bedpan. When I suggested one, they said, "Joyce will have to do that." They were talking serious shit about how slow Joyce was, while Joyce was bathing another patient. They finally just left me in the bed, having to pee and feeling like I was going to faint. I ended up getting up and having my mom help me to pee.

Since I've been home, I'm gradually getting back to feeling normal. For the first few days, I was still very jerky, shaky, cramping, numb, tingling, foggy and fatigued. As my body adjusted to my thyroid medication and my calcium, magnesium, and vitamin D supplements began to work, the movements, numbness, tingling and fogginess decreased. I still have a little cramping and get fatigued VERY easily.

My thyroid had to be completely removed. Dr. Petruzziello said it was larger than he had expected it to be. When a person's thyroid is removed, it sometimes damages the very small parathyroid glands. Those glands control our calcium intake, etc. Since mine were damaged, my body went berserk!

I went to meet my endocrinologist Dr. Drake on the 8th. I got there at 11AM. He and his assistant Dr. Khanna fed me full of information. Then a counselor (Cathy) came in to coach me on the information. All in all, it took until after 1PM. Then I still had to go get some blood work done!

He gave me some insight on my cancer. He let me know that it was a large cancer. He said that most thyroid cancers are 1cm and smaller. Mine was 4cm. He said that with its size and the kind, it's more likely to come back and attack other places in my body than other thyroid cancers. It still doesn't carry a death sentence, but he wants to treat it very aggressively so it won't want to come back! ;)

Basically here's what will be happening:

- On November 25th, I have to start a VERY strict diet of very low iodine. Iodine is in just about everything we eat!!! This will starve my body of iodine so that when I take the radioactive iodine pill, my body will soak up that iodine so that any cancer left behind will be killed.

- On December 10th (my birthday), I have to go to Greenville and have a shot of Thyrogen to prepare for the radiation.

- On December 11th, I have to go to Greenville and have another shot of Thyrogen to prepare for the radiation.

- On December 12th, I have to go to the Nuclear Medicine department of the hospital to swallow the radioactive iodine pill.

- On December 15th, I can go back to a regular diet.

- From December 12th to December 19th, I will be radioactive. I can't get closer than 3 feet from anyone. I can't sit on the couch. All my bedsheets, comforter, clothes, etc. have to be washed separate from the rest of the laundry. I have to eat and drink from disposable utensils, plates, bowls, cups, etc. Josh can't use the same bathroom as me, so he'll have to use my parents' bathroom. The radioactive stuff will be leaving my body through my urine, sweat and tear ducts. In order to keep my salivary gland from getting clogged up with radioactive material, I have to suck on sour candies all day every day.

- On January 4th, I have to go back to Greenville to have my blood work checked to make sure things are okay with my levels.

- On January 31st, I have to go back to Greenville to have a full body scan to make sure the cancer hasn't spread to any other parts of my body.

There's a lot coming up so I hope I can mentally prepare for it!

Now, before I end this, I want to leave you with some pictures and a video I made.

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWC_OXKBIPk

Pictures: http://etherealien.tumblr.com/cancerpics

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