Unexpected Confirmation

Mar 08, 2011

I have a very close relationship with someone who I have loved for a very long time.  This person is deeply involved in my life and has been for over 25 years.  I've been slowly, gradually awakening to the fact that the relationship is toxic, not just unhealthy.  On Monday, when I saw my therapist (as I talked about in my last post) she was very concerned.  Her response was comforting in that it confirmed my suspicions.  It was unsettling in that it went way beyond what I expected.

I own property with this individual and they are very involved in my life.  Now, I understand I must unentangle myself with this person and due to the severity of their problems, it may not be completely safe for me as I do so.  I'm looking at my options and developing a plan.  I am not in immediate danger:  it's just that this is a volatile person who is likely to respond badly to my much needed boundaries.

WLS has been such a life saving procedure.  Physically, it's changing me, inside and out.  Emotionally, it's helping me to look at the hard stuff.  I've been through a lot, but there are a few "holy cows" in my life that I've been unwilling to deal with and this relationship is one of those. 

On the other hand, this relationship has been so toxic for so long, the thought of being free from that is exciting, despite the concerns I have.  I'm seeking God on this one because I will need Him to untangle this web.  But, no matter what, it all leads to the same place.  I am getting "me" back.  My counselor shared a quote that I am still drinking in and I want you to hear it, too.  It is:

     "If you have to choose between integrity and a relationship, always choose integrity."

In other words, if anyone ever makes you give YOU up for themselves, choose you and not them.  Today and forever, I choose me.  Blessings to all who are on this journey with me.  I treasure your (non-toxic) friendship.  :-)

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