Scared and flip-floppin'

Sep 12, 2012

   So as the title states, I am scared and flip-floppin.  I am scared of how this surgery will change my life and my relationships.  I am scared to pay almost $ 14,000 of my money (self-pay) only to do something that could potentially kill me or make me miserable.  Don't get me wrong - my surgeon has a wonderful record and I truly do trust him.  

That amount of money could do a lot of things - help pay off my husbands truck, start a down payment on a house, start retirement savings.  I'm a Dave Ramsey fan and I can almost hear him yelling at me to stay on track.  My husband will not give his opinion either way - kind of smart of him.  He says it is completely my decision but he will support whatever I choose.

I fear failure and misery.  Eating has become such a big part of my life and relationships that I don't know what I will have afterward.  I fear always being on the sidelines of all family get togethers (big eaters).

I read posts of people in pain, being sick all the time, not being able to keep anything down, ect., ect. and that too scares me.  Also, what is up with the heartburn I keep reading about.  Does that affect everyone?  I rarely get heartburn.

So right now and for a couple of days now, I have decided to postpone, keep forging ahead, cancel plans altogether, and feeling impatient for the next three weeks to pass - hence the flip-flopping.  I know this is a decision nobody but me can make.

   3weeks to go as of yesterday

2 Comments