my 4 week funk

Sep 25, 2010

I just have my hubby at home, and he is at a lost to help me out of this funk I am in.  Im 4 weeks today.  Physically, I am not in any pain or anything...I just feel .....blah, and weepy. 
I thought that when I finally got off of the full liquids and on to mushies, I would feel better, but the opposite has happened.  I am afraid of food.  I thought I would be so excited to eat again, but instead, for my first puree meal, I had 2 ounces of sweet potatoes and green beans.  I was so happy to smell them, and the taste was wonderful at first.   I could only manage about 1/2 of it..then I got that horrible "too full" feeling.  My throat felt like it was filled to the top, I felt as if I needed to burp, but couldn't and it lasted about two hours before I felt better.    For some reason, this has depressed me so much.  I feel like I will never be "normal" again, that I will never enjoy food ever again, that I am destine to always eat 3 bites and that to me is not normal, or enjoyable.  I guess I am mourning food.  we have not have any food in our house for weeks now.  I have been living on liquids, protein drinks and puree soups.  My hubby eats when I go to bed so as not to eat in front of me...he's been eating sandwiches and frozen stuff that he heats up.  I feel so bad about this..    Today was a beautiful day...we would have normally barbqued some great chicken, and had a lovely day, like a picnic.   Instead, I am drinking a protein drink and dreading tonight when he is going to want me to try to eat some pureed califlower or some pureed carrots.  Im afraid to try.  Im afraid of not eating slow enough, of not knowing when Im full. 
Why am I so weepy and sad about this? I dont think my weight loss has been fast enough..  24lbs of my loss was before surgery, so only 20 since..  in 4 weeks!!   I know I feel better with the weight off, and I know it will be wonderful when I am thinner and not having to deal with obesity issues anymore, but right at this moment, Im not happy.   
I can't wait till this stage passes!

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