Focused1

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So today was an incredibly awesome day. I had a great interview today, I am current relaxing in a lovely hotel room, and I am feeling blessed. Today I was tempted so many times, but I abstained. I did have increasing thoughts to binge because I was happy, or to indulge in some chocolate (my biggest trigger food). Instead I am enjoying a glass of wine, I had a salad, and later I may have some skinny pop. I am proud of myself because I turned down cornbread, cookies, and brownies today... It was tough but I did it. I am determined to get these last 45lbs off.

Today was a good day. I stuck to the JJ Green SmoothieCleanse for all 10 days and I am so proud of this accomplishment. I got a great opportunity to reset my body and learn to love healthy foods. I plan on continuing this healthy lifestyle for a lifetime. I never want to go back to the unhealthy eating habits I had before. So heres o reinventing my wheel!

Well today is day 9 or my abstinence and I continue to be so grateful. I am still sticking to program and working the steps as I go about my day. Today I took an incredibly difficult exam and it seemed like ever nusaince possible was coming up while I was taking my virtually proctors exam... Dog howling, neighborhood kids ringing the doorbell...over and over again. At one point I lost my focus, and I felt my heart speeding up because I was losing control of my emotions, but I stopped, took a breath, and said a prayer for God to keep my emotions is check so I could be successful on this test. I am happy to report that it did work and I got a 90%! God is so good! 

Tonight I also had a few lingering thoughts about going off of program to celebrate, but I quickly said prayer to myself and remembered that we are to eat to nourish ourselves and to be able to sustain life, not living to eat.... Like that the only way to effectively celebrate. So thankfully, I stayed on course, and I am so grateful to God for seeing me through this entire day. Amen!

So today was a good day for me despite my husband being off today for the Super Bowl (who does that?) and cooking pizza, smelling up my house, and looking at me like an idiot when I tell him that its not cool. LOL. Today was truly about me beginning to see my strength in this beautiful process. Typically, I would have gone for a slice, let it blow up in my stomach, really felt sick because its too much bread and we arent supposed to be able to tolerate that anyway, an dgetting heartburn later after it finally went down. Can you say self sabotage? But today I just went into the bedroom, closed the door, turned on my favorite tv show and took a nap. That was huge! But it gets better, once I got up I saw that stupid pizza still sitting on the stove and I politely asked him to please put it away. He goes, "You don't like these anyway... Don't they give you heartburn???" Uhhh Yeah! But in the mind of a food addict who cares? That's what Tums are for! He immediately went and put it away and I got on my treadmill and did a great workout then did abs and arms... Listening to gospel music then listening in on an OA meeting. It was awesome. My connection with God is growing stronger and stronger everyday and for that, I am grateful. Controlling the impulse to overeat (binge) is what abstinence means to me.

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will recieve the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him." -James 1:12

Today for some reason I had a moment where I felt my old cravings and bad behaviors tried to rear their ugly heads! I was studying and I really thought that I had a grasp on the information until I took my practice quiz. Wow. Did I bomb it, or did I bomb it!!!??? I failed to the tune of 22/39....Yikes. I was thinking that I was going to be ready to take this test tomorrow and that this part was going to be over. No so much. Then came the intrusive thoughts... I wanted to pick up and eat so bad. Immeditely I started to readmy devotional, I said a quick prayer. Then I jumped up, laced up my sneakers and went for a run...That's right a run. Now I didn't run the entire time, but I crushed my previous run time by over 2 minutes. I swear I was running like I was running from the devil, and in hindsight, that is truly what I was doing. With this program you have got to give your cares over to God and let him handle it. As anxious as I was about that grade and about this approaching test I did not pick up! That was ALL God! Hands down! I am so grateful. I am turning a corner. I can feel that God is pleased with me and my obedience and I know there will be easier days to come if I continue to cast my cares upon Him because He cares for me! Be blessed everyone!

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."- Hebrews 12:11

Well as far as my eating is concerned I am doing fine today. I got out and did my exercise early despite the cold weather and I have been working the program. However, I can feel the changes I am making to become a better person, but I am afraid my husband doesn't want to make Shane's for the better himself. I am noticing tendencies he is adopting (including drinking, which I am not a fan of) and it worrying me. Now this line of thinking is counterproductive to my recovery and I realize that, hence why I creating this post. It is absolutely imperative for me to turn this situation over to God because this is ABSOLUTELY bigger than me. I am too weak and much too new in my recovery to handle this. I am placing this at His feet. So it is my prayer right now that God intercede, bring me back on course, and release this angst from my spirit.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things that I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

Today was relatively easy, but I had a rough night's rest. Thankfully I did not pick up, which prior to working the steps this would have sent me into an eating frenzy. But I stuck to the program, and ate like I had some sense. I really believe that this time is going to be different. I am giving it my all, and I am reaping the benefits of my commitment. One day at a time, I will get better...one day at a time.

I'm focused...I'm willing... I will be free.

Today was much better than yesterday... Thank God! I am so thankful. I'm still on program, abstinent through Day 4. Grateful grateful me!

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." - Galations 5:1

Here's to another great day tomorrow. Have a great evening folks!

Well today was Day 3 of my abstinence, and to be honest, I know God had to intercede today because this day sucked. I had a rough time at work and I was unable to get the kind of work done that will actually help me to graduate and that was extremely frustrating. I tried to call my sponsor because I was very tempted to fall off the wagon and she completely shut me out and told me that I was calling her too much. I thought that was one of the purposes of having a sponsor... It's supposed to be someone who you call before you screw up no? She also went on to tell me that she typically only talks to people once a week. Ummmm you do realize that this is only Day 3 on program for me right? I'm not even an OA infant... I'm like a fetus at this point! SO needless to say she is no longer my sponsor, and unfortunately her response to me made me extremely emotional, and that just pissed me off even more. But God is real and he never left my side.

I am so proud to say that in the face of all of today's stress I did not binge, I did not fall off the wagon, I did not quit. Even though I was shattered, it was a temporary feeling that I got over by talking and praying over, not eating. This was truly a triumphant day. Was it perfect? No. But I am glad that it happened because I now know what I don't need in a sponsor and I also learned that God always has my back. So I am grateful, and I am still standing. Amen.

The Serenity Prayer

God give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things that I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen

I know I just blogged like half a second ago, but I have to say something about my OA experience today. Initially, I was intimidated at the thought that I was even entertaining Overeaters Anonymous. As a matter of fact, I had a nurse practitioner refer me to them many years ago and I took offense. I am so glad that I got beyond myself and out of my feelings about it because there is a peace and serenity that comes from giving yourself over to God and having him work on your addiction. Truly resigning yourself to the prrocess brings about a serenity that I cannot explain. Today despite the back pain I experience all night long (which would have normally been a huge trigger for me), I stayed peaceful, content, and willing to work the program. I am so thankful for it and I encourage everyone to give it a chance. It does involve a huge spiritual component so if you are not into that then it may not be for you, but if you do have an unhealthy relationship with food (and I think we all do, especially since we are here) give it a shot. It's free, and all you have to do is come with an open mind and a desire to change. Just my two cents... Have a good evening folks!

Step1:We admitted that we are powerless over food and that our lives have become unmanagable.

Step2: Came to believe that a Power (GOD) greater than ourselves could restoreus to sanity.

Step3: Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of GOD as we understand Him.

One Day at a Time...