AlwaysSinging
2010 - And the beat goes on...
Jan 02, 2010
I haven't posted in a long time. It really surprised me in a way. I have commented on others posts. I have posted certain events that were going on, but I haven't put them on my page. Now I really wish I had.The past few months have been tough. Emotionally. Physically, I am doing OK. For the first time, my neuro-optomologist has said my inner-ocular pressure is absolutely normal. My eyes are healing. My headaches have been much less frequent. He even said we might be looking at ending the meds, but not yet. He wants my BMI below 30. That is still a big challenge. History lesson - I started at a BMI of 52...now I am a 35. But this is the whole purpose of my adventure with WLS. My health. My vision. Being around in 10 years.
My relationship with my husband has been another thing. I realized I stopped posting and really doing a lot for myself because so much of the focus was on him. He had quadruple heart bypass surgery in October. He had almost collapsed at work from pain. He is doing well, but will need more surgery in his legs for more blockages. I knew what I had to do. I had to take care of the situation. I was the "health" person since I worked in the field. I understood what he needed. He was highly agitated. We think he might have had some small strokes on the table, as he still has trouble with his memory, his temper, sometimes just understanding what's going on in the subtlties of the moment. All this has left me feeling very isolated from him. I don't trust his reactions to things. We fight a lot. And I can't imagine going through this for the rest of my life. I hope for the best, but I am just doing what I can to get through it, and have for the first time shared openly that I want a divorce. I know I will stand by him...always have. It's the fear of his aggressiveness that has triggered my self-preservation. I would rather be living apart and still help him than live with such anger and depression at home.
All this has severely effected our finances. He was out of work for 2 months. We are not doing well. Enough said.
So for today, I am trying to focus on a few things...my children, my health, and my employment. My son and daughter have had a tough time as well with his behavior. When I lose it, it only makes it worse. So I am trying to keep my cool. As long as I'm not talking to him, I am usually fine. I will keep working on it. I take them out and talk away from home...much better. As for my health, I am struggling to remember to take my daily vitamins, as well as my meds. Physical activity is still not a priority. I FEEL good...just need to remember to follow through. I continue to look for a different job. I work for a grant and am worried about the funding. Add a bad work environment (very dysfunctional) and it is more stress.
I am trying. I get up every day and figure out things that I can "check off" that will make me feel like I have had some impact on the day, my family, my self. For today, I wanted to make sure I updated my status. I want to not lose site of where I've come from and what I've worked through so far. For today, I'll take my vitamins and plan a healthy menu for everybody. Put the Christmas decorations away. Play a game with my daughter. And maybe, just maybe, I can do it again tomorrow. But that's another story...
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About Me
New Britain, CT
Location
34.4
BMI
Surgery
09/15/2008
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Sep 07, 2008
Member Since
