AlwaysSinging
Just an update...
Feb 20, 2010
I noticed I hadn't uploaded pics in awhile, so I thought I should. It was a good opportunity to review my progress. I'm doing ok...slowly creeping toward that goal. I'm down 110 lbs. now. I'm still hoping to reach my goal and lose another 45 lbs. This seems huge at this point, but I'm just going to keep doing what I have been doing. I've found a few key things have helped me keep to my daily protein requirements, as well as feel good. I still get a sick feeling if I drink cold things, eat carbs, etc. It's gotten better, but all food still seems to get stuck in my chest. I take it as a good thing, and it keeps in mind the "tool" that this surgery is. My one daily meal, usually breakfast, is a wasa cracker with a slice of cheese and some turkey. If I'm really hungry, I can eat two of those. I have been maintaining between 1200 and 1500 calories a day. I LIVE on coffee as my beverage. So, nothing really exciting, but I'm glad to feel relatively normal and healthy. It's been 17 months since surgery and I feel normal. Normal is good. 
By the way, I'm wearing a size 14 dress!!! When I started, I was a 26/28. Yes, I'm happy!
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By the way, I'm wearing a size 14 dress!!! When I started, I was a 26/28. Yes, I'm happy!
2010 - And the beat goes on...
Jan 02, 2010
I haven't posted in a long time. It really surprised me in a way. I have commented on others posts. I have posted certain events that were going on, but I haven't put them on my page. Now I really wish I had.
The past few months have been tough. Emotionally. Physically, I am doing OK. For the first time, my neuro-optomologist has said my inner-ocular pressure is absolutely normal. My eyes are healing. My headaches have been much less frequent. He even said we might be looking at ending the meds, but not yet. He wants my BMI below 30. That is still a big challenge. History lesson - I started at a BMI of 52...now I am a 35. But this is the whole purpose of my adventure with WLS. My health. My vision. Being around in 10 years.
My relationship with my husband has been another thing. I realized I stopped posting and really doing a lot for myself because so much of the focus was on him. He had quadruple heart bypass surgery in October. He had almost collapsed at work from pain. He is doing well, but will need more surgery in his legs for more blockages. I knew what I had to do. I had to take care of the situation. I was the "health" person since I worked in the field. I understood what he needed. He was highly agitated. We think he might have had some small strokes on the table, as he still has trouble with his memory, his temper, sometimes just understanding what's going on in the subtlties of the moment. All this has left me feeling very isolated from him. I don't trust his reactions to things. We fight a lot. And I can't imagine going through this for the rest of my life. I hope for the best, but I am just doing what I can to get through it, and have for the first time shared openly that I want a divorce. I know I will stand by him...always have. It's the fear of his aggressiveness that has triggered my self-preservation. I would rather be living apart and still help him than live with such anger and depression at home.
All this has severely effected our finances. He was out of work for 2 months. We are not doing well. Enough said.
So for today, I am trying to focus on a few things...my children, my health, and my employment. My son and daughter have had a tough time as well with his behavior. When I lose it, it only makes it worse. So I am trying to keep my cool. As long as I'm not talking to him, I am usually fine. I will keep working on it. I take them out and talk away from home...much better. As for my health, I am struggling to remember to take my daily vitamins, as well as my meds. Physical activity is still not a priority. I FEEL good...just need to remember to follow through. I continue to look for a different job. I work for a grant and am worried about the funding. Add a bad work environment (very dysfunctional) and it is more stress.
I am trying. I get up every day and figure out things that I can "check off" that will make me feel like I have had some impact on the day, my family, my self. For today, I wanted to make sure I updated my status. I want to not lose site of where I've come from and what I've worked through so far. For today, I'll take my vitamins and plan a healthy menu for everybody. Put the Christmas decorations away. Play a game with my daughter. And maybe, just maybe, I can do it again tomorrow. But that's another story...
0 comments
The past few months have been tough. Emotionally. Physically, I am doing OK. For the first time, my neuro-optomologist has said my inner-ocular pressure is absolutely normal. My eyes are healing. My headaches have been much less frequent. He even said we might be looking at ending the meds, but not yet. He wants my BMI below 30. That is still a big challenge. History lesson - I started at a BMI of 52...now I am a 35. But this is the whole purpose of my adventure with WLS. My health. My vision. Being around in 10 years.
My relationship with my husband has been another thing. I realized I stopped posting and really doing a lot for myself because so much of the focus was on him. He had quadruple heart bypass surgery in October. He had almost collapsed at work from pain. He is doing well, but will need more surgery in his legs for more blockages. I knew what I had to do. I had to take care of the situation. I was the "health" person since I worked in the field. I understood what he needed. He was highly agitated. We think he might have had some small strokes on the table, as he still has trouble with his memory, his temper, sometimes just understanding what's going on in the subtlties of the moment. All this has left me feeling very isolated from him. I don't trust his reactions to things. We fight a lot. And I can't imagine going through this for the rest of my life. I hope for the best, but I am just doing what I can to get through it, and have for the first time shared openly that I want a divorce. I know I will stand by him...always have. It's the fear of his aggressiveness that has triggered my self-preservation. I would rather be living apart and still help him than live with such anger and depression at home.
All this has severely effected our finances. He was out of work for 2 months. We are not doing well. Enough said.
So for today, I am trying to focus on a few things...my children, my health, and my employment. My son and daughter have had a tough time as well with his behavior. When I lose it, it only makes it worse. So I am trying to keep my cool. As long as I'm not talking to him, I am usually fine. I will keep working on it. I take them out and talk away from home...much better. As for my health, I am struggling to remember to take my daily vitamins, as well as my meds. Physical activity is still not a priority. I FEEL good...just need to remember to follow through. I continue to look for a different job. I work for a grant and am worried about the funding. Add a bad work environment (very dysfunctional) and it is more stress.
I am trying. I get up every day and figure out things that I can "check off" that will make me feel like I have had some impact on the day, my family, my self. For today, I wanted to make sure I updated my status. I want to not lose site of where I've come from and what I've worked through so far. For today, I'll take my vitamins and plan a healthy menu for everybody. Put the Christmas decorations away. Play a game with my daughter. And maybe, just maybe, I can do it again tomorrow. But that's another story...
Today is my 1 yr. Surgery-Anniversary!
Sep 14, 2009
Well, I made it! I say that for all the fear I had about dying from surgery. I am 105 lbs. less than when I started this weightloss process. My health has improved. I am more active. All in all, I wouldn't go back.
Now it's time for the next chapter. Refocus, set new goals. I haven't reached my goal yet. I'm actually trying to deal with the up and downs of 2-3 lbs. in the last month. All in time. Staying positive. I have doc appts. set soon for some things...these seem to help motivate me. We'll see.
So for today, I'm smiling. Today is a good day.
0 comments
Now it's time for the next chapter. Refocus, set new goals. I haven't reached my goal yet. I'm actually trying to deal with the up and downs of 2-3 lbs. in the last month. All in time. Staying positive. I have doc appts. set soon for some things...these seem to help motivate me. We'll see.
So for today, I'm smiling. Today is a good day.
Keeping it real...
Aug 20, 2009
Glad to report, things are moving along well. I am continuing to keep track of my intake and am seeing movement on the scale. The best part is, when I saw my neurologist, he said my pressure (measured through my eye, not blood) was normal! This was why I had the surgery in the first place. I was losing my eyesight. This is a great step towards one day being off the medication. I am having some trouble with the tears again and have to do soaks and drops. But all in all, things lookk great! 
I just got back from the beach last night with my daughter. Though our trip was cut short (lack of $ and time), I think we did get closer. We read alot, swam in the ocean, went to a movie, and talked. Simple but good. It gets harder to talk to a 13 year old, especially as she is trying to be independent of her mom. I miss her..
Today I was pleasantly surprised to see 4 more lbs. gone! Being active really helps...gotta keep it going...
I have a couple more days home. When I go back to work, it will be insane. Then my daughter will start high school. Staying in today....avoids the anxiety! Keep smiling...
1 comment
I just got back from the beach last night with my daughter. Though our trip was cut short (lack of $ and time), I think we did get closer. We read alot, swam in the ocean, went to a movie, and talked. Simple but good. It gets harder to talk to a 13 year old, especially as she is trying to be independent of her mom. I miss her..
Today I was pleasantly surprised to see 4 more lbs. gone! Being active really helps...gotta keep it going...
I have a couple more days home. When I go back to work, it will be insane. Then my daughter will start high school. Staying in today....avoids the anxiety! Keep smiling...
100 lbs. gone!!!!!!!!!
Jul 27, 2009
Excuse me for my shock - I was so panic-stricken from my recent weight gain that I think it really helped me get here. I noticed since I went back to really monitoring EVERY action - the weight loss started to move again! So I find myself here...I have finally lost that golden 100 lbs.!!!!!!!!!! I started this weight-loss journey in May of 2008. I started at my high of 341 prior to surgery and I lost some before the surgery last September. I have been so disappointed that it was going so slowly these past 2 months I think I didn't believe it would happen. It's hard to read about others' successes and not look longingly at your own numbers. But I have been adamant about NOT getting hung up on the numbers. Just keep moving - just take action - just have a plan. So here I am!
I have an appointment with my neurologist tomorrow. He is the one who really pushed me into considering the surgery due to my health issues. I plan on bringing him a thank you note. I am hoping my "issues" are getting better and that my prognosis is better. I really wanted to get off the meds I am on but I don't think that will happen yet.
I need to let the shock wear off, then maybe I can really enjoy today. Right now, I (surprisingly) feel numb. Maybe a bit scared? Success is not necessarily a good friend of mine. I'm glad I know that so I can avoid self-sabotage.
OK - So back to one day at a time...one pound at a time!!!
0 comments
I have an appointment with my neurologist tomorrow. He is the one who really pushed me into considering the surgery due to my health issues. I plan on bringing him a thank you note. I am hoping my "issues" are getting better and that my prognosis is better. I really wanted to get off the meds I am on but I don't think that will happen yet.
I need to let the shock wear off, then maybe I can really enjoy today. Right now, I (surprisingly) feel numb. Maybe a bit scared? Success is not necessarily a good friend of mine. I'm glad I know that so I can avoid self-sabotage.
OK - So back to one day at a time...one pound at a time!!!
And I'm back...
Jul 16, 2009
How weird. I'm back to my low weight. Weird, I say, because never before could I lose so quickly. I know being diligent is the answer when it comes to maintaining the goal and not regaining, but this is wild. I could not lose the weight before. So I am extremely grateful for my gastric tool. Hand in hand we walk...
I've increased the protein. Paid special attention to my vitamins. Taken my meds. Kept busy. I guess that does work. So, keeping on...having a decent day.
0 comments
I've increased the protein. Paid special attention to my vitamins. Taken my meds. Kept busy. I guess that does work. So, keeping on...having a decent day.
Not happy...
Jul 11, 2009
I've been stuck at my weight for a few weeks. Then last week I went up 8 lbs.!!!!!! I couldn't believe the gain! I hadn't changed my food or routine. I mean it. So I have been observing my weight this past week. I actually fluctuate 5 lbs. every couple of days. It's amazing how rapidly it goes up and down. I have read that this is normal, but this is the first weight gain since surgery. I have been averaging a 5 lb. loss per month and am not happy to see this...especially since it seems to be sticking around. I am officially down 4 lbs. of that 8 gain. That still leaves me 4 lbs. higher than my low. And I'm not even near my personal goal yet. The only big thing I have been dealing with is financial stress. My husband's layoff is killing the household budget.
All of this has me thinking. Is my personal goal realistic? Is my activity level still too low? Am I slipping into old patterns? Do I need additional support? All of these are realistic questions and I believe that the answer is I have to make adjustments across the board.
My doc had said my goal should be around 225. I set the 185. I am rethinking the goal. This only helps me stay realistic and not stress myself out. I stress eat. NOT the way to achieve anything.
I do not do daily exercize. Hell, I don't even do a regular pattern of anything. Yes, this is a big problem.
Old patterns - a little. Have to force myself to have protein for breakfast. (I was a skipper of meals.) Also have to not eat later at night. Also, need to up my fluids.
Support - yes. I think I have been OK up to this point with just the office visits and this site. Now the office visits are every 6 months and I haven't been talking nutrition like I need to to keep it in the forefront of my mind.
What I don't understand...but am VERY grateful for...is that my body is still getting smaller. I know that seems odd, especially with any gain. But I have lost in my upper arms, bust, and hips. My waist remains the same...sigh...but I believe that is in part due to the fact that my skin is so saggy in my gut that it has nowhere to go. Whan I close my pants, they fit great in the butt and hips now, but it's still trying to close the button on these smaller sizes that kills me.
I know not to wait...pun intended...and to address this gain and any changes that I've mentioned, or else I will be headed in the wrong direction in my life. I am so not going back there.
I spent 10 hours staining my deck yesterday. Definitely increased activity...so sore today. Shopped healthy. Ate my vitamins and meds. Going to go address the protein now. I am trying to get my family to go to the beach today. I want to take a long walk on the shore. OK. Today's another day. No more sitting...gotta move.
0 comments
All of this has me thinking. Is my personal goal realistic? Is my activity level still too low? Am I slipping into old patterns? Do I need additional support? All of these are realistic questions and I believe that the answer is I have to make adjustments across the board.
My doc had said my goal should be around 225. I set the 185. I am rethinking the goal. This only helps me stay realistic and not stress myself out. I stress eat. NOT the way to achieve anything.
I do not do daily exercize. Hell, I don't even do a regular pattern of anything. Yes, this is a big problem.
Old patterns - a little. Have to force myself to have protein for breakfast. (I was a skipper of meals.) Also have to not eat later at night. Also, need to up my fluids.
Support - yes. I think I have been OK up to this point with just the office visits and this site. Now the office visits are every 6 months and I haven't been talking nutrition like I need to to keep it in the forefront of my mind.
What I don't understand...but am VERY grateful for...is that my body is still getting smaller. I know that seems odd, especially with any gain. But I have lost in my upper arms, bust, and hips. My waist remains the same...sigh...but I believe that is in part due to the fact that my skin is so saggy in my gut that it has nowhere to go. Whan I close my pants, they fit great in the butt and hips now, but it's still trying to close the button on these smaller sizes that kills me.
I know not to wait...pun intended...and to address this gain and any changes that I've mentioned, or else I will be headed in the wrong direction in my life. I am so not going back there.
I spent 10 hours staining my deck yesterday. Definitely increased activity...so sore today. Shopped healthy. Ate my vitamins and meds. Going to go address the protein now. I am trying to get my family to go to the beach today. I want to take a long walk on the shore. OK. Today's another day. No more sitting...gotta move.
A beautiful day...
Jun 28, 2009
No big news. Just sooo happy to have a beautiful sunny day here. SOOOOO sick of the rain!!! I cooked, baked, and cleaned out my vehicle this weekend. Today, my daughter and I went hiking by Gillette Castle and then read Twilight - 4th book - by the Connecticut River. Met the new neighbors. I feel good. Not totally relaxed. Bills just won't go away from my mind. But I'm trying to live in today. Weight is staying the same. Like my bills. Oh, well. 
Thought I would add that we've been overwhelmimgly busy. My daughter just finished middle school. Lots of year-end activities. I have to say, she is turning into a beautiful young woman. I'm posting her pic from the 8th grade formal dance. I loved it.
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Thought I would add that we've been overwhelmimgly busy. My daughter just finished middle school. Lots of year-end activities. I have to say, she is turning into a beautiful young woman. I'm posting her pic from the 8th grade formal dance. I loved it.
9 Month anniversary
Jun 17, 2009
Ok - I made it this far. 9 months and counting...
I'm down 97 lbs.!!! That 100 lb. mark is sooooo close. I keep waiting for the day it's here! This is where I apply the "one day at a time" principal. If I keep doing what I am supposed to do, success will follow. (But mommy, I want it now!!!)
I find I am trying all kinds of things that I used to hide from before. I am sharing a pic from a wedding I went to a couple of weekends ago. I went by myself to a co-workers wedding. I went alone, got dressed up, and didn't stay quietly in the background.
Last night I played softball with my daughter's softball team. We had a parents vs. the kids game to end the season. It was a blast! The girls called the adults "Team Geritol". I made an absolute fool of myself. I fell down running the bases...everyone thought I broke my arm or my leg. I flipped head over heels, landed on my back, then continued to crawl like a crab backwards toward the base... and I was safe!!! Everyone laughed their asses off! (after they were sure they didn't need to call an ambulance!) I am so sore today. I scraped my knees really good, and my arm, and my shoulder, and my wrist is swollen...but I'm OK!!! I really did have a good time...
Bottom line...I'm glad...REALLY GLAD...I'm LIVING life. No more hiding. And that, my friend, ain't bad.
0 comments
I'm down 97 lbs.!!! That 100 lb. mark is sooooo close. I keep waiting for the day it's here! This is where I apply the "one day at a time" principal. If I keep doing what I am supposed to do, success will follow. (But mommy, I want it now!!!)
I find I am trying all kinds of things that I used to hide from before. I am sharing a pic from a wedding I went to a couple of weekends ago. I went by myself to a co-workers wedding. I went alone, got dressed up, and didn't stay quietly in the background.
Last night I played softball with my daughter's softball team. We had a parents vs. the kids game to end the season. It was a blast! The girls called the adults "Team Geritol". I made an absolute fool of myself. I fell down running the bases...everyone thought I broke my arm or my leg. I flipped head over heels, landed on my back, then continued to crawl like a crab backwards toward the base... and I was safe!!! Everyone laughed their asses off! (after they were sure they didn't need to call an ambulance!) I am so sore today. I scraped my knees really good, and my arm, and my shoulder, and my wrist is swollen...but I'm OK!!! I really did have a good time...
Bottom line...I'm glad...REALLY GLAD...I'm LIVING life. No more hiding. And that, my friend, ain't bad.
Virtual reality
Jun 08, 2009
Well, I had a nice weekend...I actually got to meet one of my "friends" in person! PhillyFawn graduated from college yesterday...congrats! The ceremony was five minutes from my house so she stopped by for breakfast. I'll post a couple of pictures. She looked great...way to go, Fawn!
About Me
New Britain, CT
Location
34.4
BMI
Surgery
09/15/2008
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Sep 07, 2008
Member Since
