amylou823
Hello!
I am a 35 year old mom of two amazing kids and happily married to a wonderful husband for 12 years. I work full time as a RN in a small network hospital and I also love my job.
I have always been the 'cubby' girl, the 'stocky' or 'curvy' girl. I have never been able to shop at a 'normal' store my entire adult life. Even when I was a kid my parents had to start shopping in the adult sizes when I was still in middle school. My entire family plans events around food, big dinners, TONS of deserts and I don't remember many salads growing up without salad dressing or fried something in it. My parents never taught me good vs poor food choices or proper portion amounts. We loved each other with food, that is just how it was. Bad day? Let's make some cookies!
I was bullied CONSTANTLY in school. It started in third grade and it has not stopped yet. Someone made a snide comment in my UNIVERSITY class last semester. I have always been very very self conscious about my body since I was a child as a result. I will not change in front of anyone, including my husband. Lights must be off for sex, not even a candle is allowed. I turned down a JOB because I would be expected to change from street clothes in the locker room into scrubs. I hate eating in front of people, I always feel guilty and convince myself they are thinking "my god no wonder shes so fat' or 'gross look at her plow more in' , so I eat alone unless it is with my family. I hate clothes shopping, dread dresses and anything that draws attention to me. I am perfectly happy to sit in a corner quietly so no one sees me or how big I am.
My 4 of my grandparents had diabetes, my father had a massive heart attack at 55, both of his parents also have diabetes. His mother died on the operating table from a massive stroke following a leg amputation from poor circulation. My mothers father died from colon cancer, her mother has CHF and irregular heart beats, numerous members of my extended family have all died from strokes or cancers, specifically colon.
I thankfully have no illness right now, not even high blood pressure. I do however have issues.
I can't walk up a flight of stairs without having to stop to catch my breath. I have horrible lower back pain and degenerative disk disease (so i have been told). I am tired ALL THE TIME. My knees crack whenever I bend them. I am having issues reaching myself to 'clean up'. I am pushing the limits to fitting in normal chairs and most heartbreaking to me I can't play with my kids or ride bikes with them. I have such horrid self esteem I no longer want to be with my husband and my weight has seriously changed how sex even feels. It just isn't fun anymore.
I became very concerned about my weight when I started to notice people at work with all these horrid health problems were getting younger and younger. People my mothers age were dying of heart disease, repository failure and massive strokes or heart attacks. Then people my age started coming in and were seriously ill from complications from CHF or Diabetes, cancers and other health issues that could have been prevented with healthy diet and regular exercise.
My ah-ha moment hit me when a patient of mine 2 years older then me died from a massive heart attack. He was 200 lb heavier then me at the most but it still could have been me SO EASILY. He was no different then me. Overweight his entire life, never learned good eating habits, never exercised. There was absolutely nothing stopping me from trading places with him.
That terrified me. I wanted more time with my husband, I wanted to see my grandkids and play with them, I wanted to see my GREAT grandkids! I did not want to cause the pain and loss that I saw on the faces of each and every family member as they watched mom or dad or their spouse struggle to breath with all the weight on their chest.
I started trying to diet. I made changes but they never stuck. I was hungry ALL THE TIME. I would fill up but then I would feel like I hadn't ate all day 20 minutes later. I had no will power and ate at fast food almost every day. More then once I would find myself crying while shoving a cheeseburger in my mouth. I could not stop even though i knew it was slowly killing me.
A few of my friends had gastric surgery, most the RNY but a few the band. I was excited to learn about another option because the thought of a RNY at my age didn't sit well with the nurse in me. I also knew of 2 people that died from complications related to the surgery as well so that was a big turnoff.
I got an account here, and started research the band outside in medical journals and asking lots of questions in the forum here. I was discouraged with the thought of a foreign body lodged in my stomach for years and the idea of the port worried me as well. I decided to meet with the surgeon and discus my options and pro vs con of the procedures.
He then told me about the gastric sleeve and I was elated! This was what I was looking for. A restrictive procedure that would not drastically alter my digestive process, no foreign body insertion and no port nonsense. A weight was lifted off my shoulders (no pun intended).
I followed my insurance qualifications, met with doctors and thankfully had my approval set for June 24, 2013. I feel as if I have been given a second chance at life.
