Valerie C.

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So, I have been failing miserably at getting what I need into my system with an exception of fluids. My stomach is being very. VERY touchy since I had a little bought of the stomach flu so its been difficult to eat without pain.  I really, REALLY hate protein shakes right now and my stomach hates meat.  Also, trying to get in enough protein without going over my calories is hard.  I just gotta keep working and adjusting I guess.  

So, I am in the middle of my first post op plateau at only almost 4 weeks out.  In fact, I have even gained weight.  The only thing that I can think is that I put on some muscle mass because I have stayed well within my calorie range for the most part.  I do seem to be having inches coming off, however, so that is encouraging.  I need to really concentrate on getting my protein in because I have SUCKED at doing that.  I have also sucked at making sure I take my vitamins.  This weeks challenge has been finding out when I am full, vomiting when I am too full, and what kinds of food my pouch will allow me to eat.  Also, I am trying to get past the worry about "what if the surgery fails?" especially since I am in the midst of a plateau.  It scares me to think of the surgery failing and me failing.  Terrifies me in fact.    

I have been spending all of this time in fear that I have done something to my pouch and that my surgery is going to fail.  I need to learn to trust the pouch and trust myself.  And trust that I am working through my food issues and that the pouch is going to help as long as I allow it to.  Its time to start really learning trust.

So, I was told that I would have no appetite after surgery.  I call bullshit.  Also, I have had the weirdest cravings.  I am sure that some of it is head hunger and maybe a little bit of my food addiction rearing its ugly head but seriously.  And I am afraid that I am messing up my pouch because I keep taking little tidbits of real food because I cannot eat another frickin protein shake.  Tonight I ate salsa and like three chips.  And some mozzarella cheese...and earlier I had bread and turkey!!! I HAVE TO STOP THIS TODAY!!! 
Ugh...how do I get through this?  Is there a meditation?? Should I just come here everytime I get a craving and type it out??
 

Neck 17
Chest 50
Waist 54
Hip 64
Thigh 28.5
Calf 19

Only thing that went up was the calf but I think thats because it was flexed.  I don't have heavy calves anyway so I am not too worried about it.  I am struggling with really, REALLY wanting to eat real food.  I eat a little bit and then feel terrible mentally and physically afterwards.  I have to get over being head hungry.  I think that I am mostly just tired of eating disgusting protein shakes.  I did make a nice cucumber soup today using 2% greek yogurt (Fage of course!), a third of a cucumber, some garlic powder, and greek seasoning.  I threw it all in the blender and whirled it up.  It was GOOD.  I might get the ingredients to make it regularly.  I also made bread last night which is a SERIOUS temptation for me so I need to get a grip on that.   

Went to the docs today.  Started the morning by finding out that I could take off my bra extenders because my bra was too big.  Then I went to the docs, got my drain taken out and found out that I had already lost 14 lbs.  I think that this surgery might have really and truly been worth it!!

 

I know that fatigue is part of the process but man it sure is difficult to get through.  Plus, today I don't feel like eating or drinking.  I don't feel like doing anything.  It might be due to stress over our profound financial difficulties but I am not sure.  The pain is manageable but I am still struggling.  Today was my first actual bm and that was really weird.  I need to go walk but have zero motivation.   

I know that there is no possible way that I could be hungry but I find myself experiencing the same hunger patterns that I had before the surgery.  I get hungry at night for sure.  But then when I think about it, the physical sensation is not there...just the head sensation.  My mind thinks that I am starving but my body says that it is not.  I even had nightmares that I was eating things that I shouldn't be this early in the game like hotdogs, ice cream, and pops cereal. I think that stress is coming in to play but I also think that my head is trying to get over the problem of head hunger.   

The pain is gradually subsiding and becoming more localized.  I don't think that I have lost any weight yet because of all of the fluid and swelling that I have.  I still have a drain in but that's okay.  I think that I am dealing with a lot of gas which is causing pain.  Also, since the Dr. said that my surgery was the most difficult that he has ever done due to the massive amounts of scar tissue I would probably have quite a bit of pain.  Today, I am going to try and walk for more than a couple of minutes to see what comes of it.  

 One day post op.  I am feeling tired but really good that I have made it to this point;   Apparently the surgery was extremely difficult for my surgeon and lasted a lot longer than he realized because of serious intestinal adhesions.  The pain is pretty extreme I gotta say.