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 Some of you know that one of my goals preWLS surgery was to walk the 5K to benefit a local school in my hometown.  Well, yesterday was the day.  I had prepared for a couple of months by walking either the park or the treadmill, but I had never gotten to 3 miles and a 5K is 3.1 miles.  YIKES!  There was a part of me that knew if I kept a decent pace and stayed in my ZONE I would be able to complete the walk.  But then the voice of reality told me - girl, you haven't made it past two miles what makes you think you can do 3?  I did have a game plan - my aunt, a friend, and a cousin live along the route.  If I needed to get out, I could.  In fact, the opportunity was offered to me but I had done well so far and I wanted to finish so I persevered!  Based upon the rate of walking a mile, I figured it would take me 1.5 to 2 hours to finish 3.1 miles.  Well - it didn't!  As my title says, I finished in 1hr1min29secs.  It felt so satisfying to finish.  So liberating!  A year ago I would have huffed and puffed from the car to the registration table and yesterday I walked from the car to the registration table then 3.1 miles and then hung around for the festivities after!  I then went to my niece's soccer games, visited with family, and then at two different friends house.  I am amazed at what my body can do now without major rest.  

I sometimes get sad that I had to reorganize my plumbing in order to live the life I am living today, but then I am thankful that God gave someone the intelligence to figure out how to do this surgery to give people another chance at really living.  I love that my RNY is working for me.  I have never had buyers remorse, but there are somethings I wish I would have know pre surgery to better prepare myself.  So, here it goes - if you are thinking of the surgery and reading this know that the two biggest adjustments for me have been constant coldness and insomnia.  I guess no one talks about them because they become such a routine part of life, but it is struggle for me to make this a routine.  I would do it all over again tomorrow, but when I was working on preparing myself for the surgery I would have worked on that part too!  I can't dwell on the fact that I wasn't prepared for those two things but I wanted to give others the heads up. I can't dwell cuz now I got to continue the celebration of my accomplishments - 1hr1min29secs!!!!!!

Mardi Gras brought more than fun times for me.  It was the day I passed the 200#'s lost mark.  It is hard to believe that I weigh the amount I weigh.  It is hard for me to fathom that old body.  I see pics and just can't remember being so large yet when I look at myself in the mirror I still see myself as being very large.  I guess to many's standards I am still so large.  Oh well - they will have to build a bridge and get over it - ha!  

I also had some validation this weekend.  Many people saw me for the first time since surgery at our local parade.  Over and over individuals would comment on how good I must feel now that I have lost so much weight.  And I would agree - yes, I feel good.  However, one person (and I am so sorry I don't remember who) said to me "you must feel so good" I said, "I do" and then they said this "but in truth you never really felt bad".  Never truer word was spoken.  I didn't feel bad pre WLS.  I lived my life and sure there were things I might have wanted to do that my weight prevented me from doing, but for the most part I lived a fulfilled life and I didn't let my weight bring me down.  It was part of who I was and still is part of who I am.  I have stated that other than having this big ol' belly, I am happy at this weight and that is true because you know why, I don't know how to be thin.  I never was thin.  I was a big person since I was a toddler.  I am not giving up on the WLS rules but I mean it with every fiber of my being, without the belly I would be happy at this weight.  Let's hope the belly goes sooner than later!

So on Sunday morning as I was packing my pre WLS voice showed up.  It started saying, 'big girl do you really think you are ready for this? do you really think you can do all that walking?'  The anxiety was brief but it just goes to show how that stinking thinking can sneak up on you when you least expect it.

Well I am proud to tell that voice that YEP - I made it.  I stood for hours.  I walked for miles.  I toted heavy luggage through the streets of NOLA and while I wasn't the leader of the pack, I was able to keep up with all my friends.  

Now about the festivities!  It was a blast.  I love Mardi Gras and being in the heart of the celebrations was just too fun.  There are no words for the sights.  I love New Orleans night life, but at Mardi Gras steps it up a level.  We were on Bourbon Street from noonish until midnight.  That's a whole lot of dancing and a whole lot of walking.  I sure hope my scale reflects the level of activity I had the past three days!

For those of you following my journey, you may remember two things about me.  1.  I have a 6 year old niece that I raise.  2. One of my goals was to sit in those chairs that fold into a bag.  Well, because my niece plays soccer, I bought one of those chairs that held a significant amount of weight and when I bought that chair I was at the weight it held.  I used it through last soccer season and now this one AND it came in handy last night at the Mardi Gras parade.

Now that I've given you the history - here is the story.  I have always held my niece.  Awkward and uncomfortable, I have always found a way for her to be in my arms.  However as she has gotten older, it is not so easy anymore.  I have also always be envious of parents who's children climb up into their laps, snuggle in, and fall asleep.

Last night she was loving the parade UNTIL she got hit by the beads, then she was ready to head home.  Only thing is once you are at a Mardi Gras parade you can't leave until it is finished.  So, she had to cowgirl up and make the most of her evening. She did start to get sleepy and asked if she could sit with me.  (I am pleased to report that the chair's weight criteria is 50 lbs MORE that the two of us weigh together.  Yep!  It is realizations like this that help me to really understand how much weight I've lost.  But I digress.  So she gets in the chair with me, snuggles up, and falls asleep.  There I am holding my girl as she sleeps at the Mardi Gras parade - like every other parent on the parade route.  I am NORMAL!  Now some would disagree with that statement - hehehe - but heck at least I am normal where these circumstances count!  

Nine months and 195 lbs down.  I can't put into words how that makes me feel.  I can tell you that lately I have been quite restless.  I know my life is changing slow and steady, but I have so much more I want out of life and I want it right NOW!  I guess it doesn't help that tomorrow is National Be Aware that Your Single Day (others refer to this as Valentines Day) and I still have no significant other in my life - bummer!

This Friday will be 9 months that I have had surgery and I can honestly say that I feel like I have given birth to a new me.  Not a different me - a lot about is still that same - but a new and enhanced me.  Several things happened in the past month that were significant wow moments for me.  

1.  My sister, who I have blogged about before because she takes enjoyment in being cruel, complimented me on several occasions.  It is taking some getting used to considering that for the majority of my life she has had nothing but ugly things to say about all facets of my life.  Anyway, I am taking those compliments as I can get them because this is so new to our relationship.

2. I am planning to walk a 5K in March.  Because of this, I have hit the track/treadmill pretty hard.  I wish I could say that I loved exercise or that I after I am done I feel a sense of accomplishment, but instead it is a sense of RELIEF that I am done.  I am walking this 5K because it is a fundraiser for a family member's school.  Last year she asked me to walk and I knew there was no way I could walk it but I promised her that this year I would.  I keep my word and even if I don't finish - I will be at the starting line that morning and I will give it my best effort.

3.  Even though I have always been a big girl, I was always able to get on and off the floor with ease - until a few years ago - then I started needing furniture as leverage to get off the floor and then after surgery I struggled even then.  However this week I was able to get off that floor without using anything!!!  I just got up.  Yippee!!!!

4.  I also dated two different guys this month.  Nothing worked out but it was two more possibilities I had this month as compared to last month.   It would really be nice to find a companion and I do hope that happens soon because I have so many things I want to do but no one to do them with.  

Happy Mardi Gras Everyone!!

My BMI has been below 50 for a couple of weeks now, but I wanted to make sure I was going to stay there before I got excited about being extremely obese!  I am NO longer SUPER obese.  I know a lot of people who would be mortified about being extremely obese, but shedding 35 points off my BMI is such a success to me that I am overjoyed to be extremely obese!!!  Now I can't wait to get to obese and I am finally feeling like that might happen.  I am continuing to lose weight and enjoying hopping on the scale to get the results.  Along with the idea of others being mortified by the propect of being extremely obese, I have to watch myself that I don't shout my weight from the rooftops.  I am so excited to be the weight that I am, but other's who have never walked in the shoes of an obese person is not so accepting of how I can be overjoyed to be at the weight I was in middle school.  

Yesterday marked 8 months since I took charge of my weight and I couldn't be happier with the way the past 8 months have been.  I always loved life, but now I am enjoying life! 

As I was researching weight loss surgery and soon after surgery, I could not imagine why anyone significantly overweight would not opt to have the surgery.  It was my perfect solution to weight loss and I figured it was perfect for everyone else too.  Now - almost 8 months later - I have a better understanding of why WLS is not for everyone.  Everything about your physical being is different.  Even though you notice the physical changes as they happen it does seem to happen overnight.  You go from not fitting into booths in restaurants to not even being concerned about where the hostess sits you.  It is foreign to no longer worry.  In fact you may start to worry about it and then realize it is not worth it because you fit and then it gives you a reason to reflect upon your journey which then takes you through a cycle of emotions - all because you were going to sit down in a restaurant. If you are not psychologically ready for the journey then don't do it.  Half the battle is learning how to eat again...the other half is learning how to live when everything is different.  

I hear it all the time that people change because of WLS.  Well my take on it is this - I live differently because everything is different.  I didn't necessarily change who I am as a person but instead I have changed how I live.   I am no longer a spectator of my life - I am my life.  I am all those thoughts, desires and actions I had when I had a body too big to carry them out because I didn't have the energy.  

As I stated before, I have noticed many differences throughout the last 8 months but my most significant one as of late is hugging.  I never went in for a hug chest to chest.  I always gave you a side hug uncomfortable with and individual holding my size.  Well now I find individuals going for a hug will turn me into them and squeeze and I fit.  I fit in the arms of my friends all the way to the arms of my cousin's children.  Everything is different!!

If any of you are keeping up with my WLS experience, you may remember that I celebrated my 100 lbs lost by spending a girl's weekend in New Orleans with my two best friends.  We had a great hotel on Bourbon Street and we played tourists for the weekend.  Even though I had a great time - I was exhausted by the end of the trip.  I did more walking that weekend than I probably had done for years prior.  But still, I did not walk as far as I my friends and I had to take numerous breaks throughout the trip just to catch my breath.  Well no more!

One of my dear friends works in NOLA and has a permit to park in a parking garage about five blocks from Bourbon St.  I remember her saying about 2 months ago that we could park in her garage and walk to Bourbon.  I thought - as if! It's bad enough I have to walk Bourbon St. when we go out but to have to walk the FIVE blocks to get there is going to kill me for sure!  Well, we went out this weekend and the city was packed.  Traffic was horrendous and we had to park where - yep, in her parking garage.  Was I able to walk it and still enjoy the my time out?  YES! 

I think I could comment everyday on something new I discover I can do or see or feel or experience.  I know my family and friends don't comprehend the experience and the excitement because it is stuff that "normal" weighted individuals take for granted.  They are happy for me but they don't quite get it.  They don't understand why touching my toes is a big deal or why using the arm rest in my car is a big deal.  What makes the journey more interesting for me is that I am discovering things I didn't know I lost because I lost them so gradually.  One by one I was unable to do this or that but there was still so much I could do that I didn't even notice pieces of my life slipping away.  That is why I am excited and why I could shout my joys from the rooftop and even though my friends and family don't really get it - it is why I keep sharing my NSVs with them. 

For a while now I have been able to pass my hands over my shoulders and I feel those bones and when I pass my hands downward, I can feel my collar bones.  In fact, when I turn in certain ways I can see them!  As I said, this has been true for a while now.  Then last week I saw an indentation in my wrist.  Yep, apparently I have that same bone in my wrist that every other "normal" sized person has it's just been covered by fat!  Still can't see that bone but the indentation where my wrist meets my arm indicates it is going to emerge soon.  Soooo exciting!!!  Well for the big news - last night I was laying flat on my back and my side started to itch.  As I was scratching I could feel something - ribs!!!!  Indeed so, I traced my rib cage starting at my breast bone for at least 30 minutes.  I could feel my rib cage!!! Now granted - I was flat on my back and I had to kind of press a bit but still - I could feel them.  The moral of the story - I do indeed have bones ... imagine that! hehehe