deannhuss

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I am having a meltdown and need to talk to someone. Thanks to OH, I can come on here and let it all out. Sorry for those of you that have to read my tempertantrum. I have had a rough couple of weeks and god only knows why. These last 2 weeks I have been on the edge of a nervous breakdown and I am at the breaking point now. I drive a school bus and have about 2 hundred bad kids. I've been hit by these kids, cussed out and called a whore and have had threats made to me. I come home to my loving 2 year old whom is a holy terror at the moment, my 8 year old who has anger issues, my 12 year old who has mental issues and my husband who is a lazy ass that just bitches and gripes all the time. So, I wonder why I am having a melt down. I started working so we could have money to pay bills and now my husband thinks that he doesn't have to work. I went to wal-mart to get a gallon of milk and some yogurt and as I was checking out I found out that I had no money in the bank. I had to put all the stuff back. Well, that right there really started my melt down. I cried for hours. Now, I am angry and pissed at the world. I could kill someone. I would love to take a baseball bat and beat the crap out of everything. Now that I have said all that I need to talk about the real problem. Your probably thinking "What could be worse than all that". I'll tell you what is worse than all that, FOOD !!! Yep, I said that ugly 4 letter word. FOOD, FOOD ,FOOD. I turned to food today for comfort and have eaten everything I could. I have eaten every single hour. I am so bloated now and I feel like my stomach is about to rupture. The problem is, is when I eat I feel a feeling of calmness but, then it goes away. So, then I eat again and again and again. The most calories I have had since my surgery is 550 calories. It is just now 3:00 and I have had over 600 calories. Talking about feeling like shit. Just a few days ago I thought I had an eating disorder. I proved to myself today that I don't. I called my doctor this morning because I thought I was having problems with my blood sugar being too low and got yelled at by the nurse for not getting my protein in and my calories being way to low. I think that is why I ate and ate all day. I'm going to have to exerscise an extra hour just to get these extra calories off. Well, now that I have had my tempertantrum it is time to go workout again so I won't feel as guilty for eating everything. Oh, and just to end on a happy note. I am in a size 6 now. I wish I could be excited but, Life is just to stressful and I can't enjoy my weightloss.

Before....200 pounds



Now 118 pounds almost 5 months after RNY....

Ok...I'm pretty sure I have an eating disorder now. It's really starting to drive me nuts. It seems I eat the same stuff over and over and I refuse to eat anything else. I buy my family fast food a couple of times a week and I won't even think of buying anything for me. I just wait till I get home and eat some fruit and lean protein. I'm terrified of trying new things because I don't want to gain weight. I know the things I eat now causes me to lose weight. I'm down to 118 pounds. That's a loss of 82 pounds. I've gone from a size 22/24 to a 7/8. I'm gonna get my kids to take some pics of me today so I can update my weightloss.

For anyone reading this that may be wanting to have surgery:
It is the best thing I have ever done. Don't think twice about getting it.
JUST DO IT...
It takes alot of hard work and dedication but, it is deffinently life changing.
People will treat you different once you get the weight off. You will feel special again. 

I PROMISE !!!! 

Hey everybody...I just wanted to update my progress and wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I am now down 62 pounds. It's been 3 months and I've gone from 200 to 138. I am down to a size 10...woohoo !!! Watch out size 3, here I come. My goal is to be 105 pounds and wear a size 3 or 5. I know 105 sounds awful small but, I am only 4'11. My doctors goal for me is 97 pounds. I am working really hard at getting to my goal and it is really showing. I thank GOD everyday for giving me a second chance at a new life. My gastric bypass (RNY) has been the greatest thing I have ever done. I wish I would've done it years ago. For those of you who have not had the surgery yet; make sure you get it. The first 4 to 6 weeks will be pure HELL but, after you make it past that stage you will start to feel so GREAT and it will be smooth sailing. I do want to tell everybody that even though the first 4 to 6 weeks is pure Hell, you must make a lifestyle change during that time. You will have to change the way you look at food and the way you exercise and everything about yourself and your family. When I came home from the hospital after my surgery I was so worried that I would never be able to eat my favorite foods again. I cried and cried. If you were to ask me now "Do I want the foods I cried over"? I would tell you NO... No, those bad foods that made me fat in the first place do not appeal to me at all. I want good healthy foods now. I want fruits, vegies, and water. I was scared for the holidays to come. I didn't want to be tempted by the sweets and pies but, I'm not tempted. I can even make all the goodies for my family and friends and not even want to lick the bowl or spoon. My sister and I went to the mall yesterday and she was hungry and wanted Chick Fil A. I was so proud of myself when all I got was the fruit cup. I felt great. I am finaly in control of my body and that is the greatest feeling that NO ONE can ever take away. As far as exercise goes, I started out after my surgery walking. I love to walk but, I don't like the cold and I don't like to walk on the treadmill. So, now that it's cold, I do 40 minutes of strength and sculpt training everyday. I have all the Biggest Loser workout DVD's and they are the best. I love to work out with weights. When I went through my last stall I decided to start adding weights to my workout and it makes a huge difference. I dropped 7 pounds and a dress size in a week. My flab is going away too. I plan on updating some new pics here really soon. I've never been one to take many pics. I really just want everyone to see my progress. Anyways, I want everyone on OH to know that you have been such an inspiration to me. Without your kindness and support I couldn't have done this. 
 

I feel like crap now that I am at home. I went to my moms for Thanksgiving and I ate way too much. I was so sick for about an hour. I just wanted to throw up but, I couldn't because of all the people that were there. I was embarrased. Anyways, I am so obsessed with what I eat and the amount I eat. It is really starting to get the best of me. Strict doesn't even describe how I am with my food intake. I am so proud of what I have accomplished so far. I weigh 148 now. I have lost 52 pounds. It has taken alot of hard work and dedication to get where I am. It has only been 10 weeks since my journey started. However, like I said I ate way too much and feel so ashamed for it. I missed my walk today and am not proud of it. I keep telling myself it's Thanksgiving. I am aloud to splurge just one day. I still feel guilty and don't want to fall back into old habits. I found out tonight that I can eat sugar. That's not a good thing. I liked it better when I was affraid that I would get sick on it. Oh well...I'm going to bed so I can start fresh tomorrow. I have to get my rest so I can fight all the people tomorrow (Black Friday)...

Today has been one of those days. My kids are on my last nerve. You know the saying " I only have one nerve left and your on it", well, that is the truth. I'm used to eating for comfort but, I can't anymore. I want to run to the kitchen and eat everything in site but, I know that I am not able. Instead, I decided to sit down and blog. Anyways, I am down to 153 now. I still have a ways to go to get to my goal of 105 but, I have lost 47 pounds in the last 8 weeks. I am very excited about the weightloss. I don't eat very much at all and I am very very strict with what I eat. I really need to up my food intake but, I am really pleased with the results I have seen so far and don't want to change anything. I feel GREAT...I'm planning on adding some new pics in a couple of weeks. Anyways, I have accomplished several goals so far. The main one is getting off my blood pressure medicine. I stopped it 1 week after surgery and so far my blood pressure has been great. I'm not proud to say that I am back on adderall. I promised myself the last time I got off the stuff I would never ever take it again and here I am back on it. It's for my ADHD. I know that I can make myself focus and stuff if I wanted to but, I decided to take the easy way out. I may stop taking it again. I love the way it makes me focus but, I hate the fact that it makes me an angry person. I feel like I could just kill someone today. My kids need to watch out...lol...

 I feel GREAT !!! I am down 45 pounds in less than 2 months. I have gone from a size 22/24 to a 13/14. I love my RNY. If you would've asked me that about 3 weeks ago I would've told you otherwise. My life is finally coming together. I started a new job driving a schools bus for the county. I am excited about it. However, we are about to be hit by another hurricane (IDA). I live in Pensacola, FL, and found out that we are in the direct path of hurricane Ida. I'm not really worried about this storm. I was in hurricane Ivan back in 2005 and lost everything I owned (my house, clothes, furniture, etc...). It was a horrific storm. So, this being a category 2 storm doesn't bother me a bit. I just don't want to be limited to canned foods or MRE's again. Anyways, I really just wanted to let everyone know how I am doing. I wish everyone the best with their surgeries and let all the newbies know that this surgery is the best thing I have ever done.

I've lost 40 pounds in 6 weeks. I feel GREAT and love my RNY....