Emily_Rose

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  The surgery center can not get me in on Monday so I will have to wait untill Wed to get in.  Grrr  this is going to drive me nuts for now.

Well I went for my preop with Dr Borland and I am very impressed.  I scheduled my surgery for next Monday so it is sooooon!  It does not feel totally real yet but I know I will not be able to sleep any time soon. 
I will write more about Dr Borland after the surgery so that I can give a full accounting of him.  I know this is short but to be honest my brain is only halfway working!

My check arrived, until today I really was waiting for something to change and I would be unable to get my surgery.  But I guess it is real.  I will deposit the check this week so that it has time to clear before surgery.

Well I started looking more local and I am getting more and more comfortable with a local surgeon.  He is Dr Borland and my consult is on Oct 14th.  If I decide he is the surgeon for me I could have my surgery as soon as a week after that!!!  It is exciting and scary at the same time that my surgery could be moved up that soon.  I have talked to his patients and my MIL is a nurse that is familiar with him and her opinion of him is good.  I am waiting untill after the 7th to make up my mind more because the Dr that she works for is going to be obsurving him do a VSG on that day and is going to tell her how it goes.  If all goes well I have one more check to make and that will be all.

Now I am waiting on my check from DH 401k to pay for this.  Hope it gets here before my consult since it will help if I am ready to pay to schedule my surgery.  I still have to tell my mom/business partner that I may be moving the date up.  She is not too happy with me getting the surgery although she does not complain.... too much anyway.  She keeps looking for excuses for me to put it off though. 

Ok I am officially nervous again.  I have a date with Dr A and feel pretty confidient about him but I went to a meeting with Dr Borland last night.  My family would feel better if I stayed local but I am not as comfortable with this choice to be honest.  He has done about 40 VSG with one death.  She did not listen to post op instructions and ate chicken is what I have been told and ended up with 2 leaks  but that still scares me.  My MIl who is a nurse tells me that he is a great Dr and she is familiar with him...  still....

I have read the blog of someone who did not have a perfect experience with Dr A as well but at least they are still here....  this is such a hard decision.  My mom who is also my best friend and business partner is afraid of me doing this she does not think I can do it.  I think I can but it is hard when the person that I normally rely on for support is not to happy about me doing this.  My husband is supportave but he is not much of a talker.  I hope I make the right choice and choose the right dr.  i am keeping my date with Dr A for now as I still feel he is the best choice for me

I have been thinking about my life and what I expect from my surgery.  To be totally honest I am not sure.  The last time I was thin I was much younger and single.  Now I am a mom of 2 and a wife, not to mention the half owner of 2 businesses.  I know I will feel better and look better but other than that I am not sure how it will affect the inner me.  I have changed since I was slim, how much of that is due to time and age and how much to weight I don't know.  What I also don't know is how much of my old self will come back and even how much I want to come back.  I am rambling right now but this is my way of preparing.  I don't want to expect too much and be disappointed when i don't get it, but neither do I want to set my goals too low.  It is easy to pick a number for the scales but the rest is not so clear.  

I just found out that I am getting my sleeve!  I found the funds (In my husbands 401K)  and now I can get it.  My date is looking like it will be November 29th so my "Last Supper" will be Thanksgiving.  Now that I know it is coming I am nervous and excited all at the same time.  If anyone has any advice on the best way to prepare I am open to them.

I will post more once it sinks in and feels real!

Ok I am having a pity party right now.  I found out that a friend had her sleeve done and I am so jealous.  I was on the phone crying to my mom   I am happy for her but just wish it was me.  I am so ashamed of myself for feeling this way.  I am just tired of being embarrassed to meet people.  When I am in public I always think that people are looking at me and thinking how fat I am.  A lot of this is just me projecting what I think on others but it does not make it feel any less real.  I used to have confidence but this weight has changed me so much.  it has come to the point where it is affecting business decisions.  If you met me you would never think that I feel like this because I can still put up a good front when i meet people but I avoid it.  Oh well I guess sitting here crying is not accomplishing anything  I need to get up and clean my house as it being dirty does not help depression.