erica_starks

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I feel like every pound I loose lately has been a fight with myself. I am fighting the return of bad habits like hitting a drive through or seeking out chocolate during a challenging time or willing myself to exercise. These were all habits I was able to stop for a time, but lately in the last couple months I have been less committed to my health. I intellectually know what I need to do. More protein, more fluids, more exercise to make the last 46 pounds be permanently released. I am grateful for the tool that has allowed me to get this far.

Steps to improve:
1 emailing accountabilty buddy daily with the truth, whether I like it or not.
2 planning intake and exercise
3 going to the gym 5 days per week, even if it is only for 20 minutes

It seems that for every 5-6 days of doing good....I have 2-3 days of doing bad. I did the 5 DPT and did great. Overall I released 4.8 pounds and felt like I could conquer the world again. Then 2 days later, I've fallen back into my pattern of not exercising and making bad choices. Luckily for me I was able to stop today and only have 1 day off the turnip truck and only 1 pound of regain.

This morning it was a challenge to get out of bed, but I did even though the bed was warm and our new kitten was purring in my ear.

This morning it was a challenge to go to the gym, but I did even though I was running late and only got 20 minutes. It was 20 minutes more than what I would have done. So I did the stair stepper for the first time. I climbed 31 flights of stairs. Not too bad for a person who this time last year was huffing and puffing up one flight of stairs. Maybe I'll even have the courage to do the elliptical soon. (Like someone else's blog I read here the other day, I have exercise dyslexia and complex movements really confuse me.)

This morning it was a challenge to not go into my boss's office and get those mini-Reece's she always has near her desk, but I did. I went in to talk with her, but stayed clear of that side of her desk.

Plans and Goals:
Today for breakfast and lunch, I have my chocolate protein shakes. For a post-workout boost, I had a 100 calories, 10 g protein bar. Not the most flavorful bar, but enough to get me to 9:30 without eating anything else. Soon for breakfast.

My husband has to work tonight, so the kids will have leftovers and I will have another protein shake. This one will be vanilla with ice and hazelnut SF syrup. Yummy! I've been painting in my son's room, so I will spend the evening doing any touch ups, cleaning up the mess I made of the floor and moving the furniture and stuff back into place. Plus any other housework I can squeeze in before I flop into bed.

I must go to bed by 10. This is always a problem for me. I try to put too much into a day and it always takes me an hour or so to wind down. Since my kids are out of school, their bedtime (normally 8:30) seems to stretch later and later. Tonight it's 9PM, dang it. I'm the Mama, I make the rules.

It is quite an experience to keep learning and unlearning. The set and reset. I will not be yo-yoing this weight back up. I will keep plugging along until I reach my goal of 158. I am 54 pounds away from goal and 104 pounds away from where I started. I am 2/3 of my way to where I am going. When I reach my 'destination,' I will keep on going. It's not going to change, there is still more for me to learn and unlearn... I'm sure of it.

I had been doing so good on the 5DPT, but this am I was up 3 pounds. But from the start of the 5DPT I did loose a total of 4.8. So I am more ahead than back.

Where things went wrong yesterday....Sunday is my predetermined day-off exercise. I've been working out 6 days a week for at least 30 minutes plus 2 miles of walking throughout the day.  Also since yesterday was solid protein, I didn't have any protein shakes...which give so much protein (60g) and so few calories (280) for the one I drink. I tried to get all my protein from solid sources which I think is too many calories. I also had pinto beans thinking they were a good protein source, but when I looked it up after eating...they are more carb than protein. I also had cheese, which probably had too much fat. So 2 things I didn't do and 2 things I didn't do right. All about learning, right? So how can I implement these lessons....

Today, I ate a protein bar on the way to the gym and went to an Athletic Training class at the gym (maybe more athletic than I am?) My knee hurts now, even though I modified alot because my knees aren't so great. I did about 40 minutes of the class and felt nauseous and broke out into hives under my arms (am I allergic to exercise?  LOL).  But I exercised and that I do feel good about.

Food-wise, I ate a pre-workout protein bar and have protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. I have a yogurt in the fridge at work if I need a late afternoon snack. Dinner I have Grilled Moroccan Chicken with green salad planned. My family will have some tabbouleh, but I will stay away from the Bulgar (wheat). Hopefully today will be a better day since I have a plan and yesterday was such a "go by the seat of my pants" day.


What did I learn from the 5DPT...
1. My pouch still works.
2. I don't need to eat nearly as much when I focus on good sources of protein.
3. I must exercise.
4. Protein shakes are still my friend.
5. Make a plan and stick to it.
6. Drink water all day.
7. I don't need processed foods.
8. Beans are not protein.
9. Cheese may not be a good choice for me.
10. I need at least 6 hours of solid sleep to loose weight consistently.

New mantra: Protein, Sleep,  Exercise, Water .

Starting on Day 4 of 5DPT. I lost another 2.2 pounds overnight, so a total of 7.8. Hoorah! Passed my first interim goal of 212 by being at 210.8 this am. Today, I am off to aqau aerobics class. Then home to clean house and entertain this evening. Got the exercise plan...Food plan is protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. Dinner will be a turkey burger that the man will bbq. Next interim goal is 208 (what I weighed in 8th grade). I totally think I can do it by the end of the 5 DPT. Maybe even hit 207 which would be 110 pounds permanently released (as borrowed from my dear friend, Maryn). Feeling so good about not doing carbs right now...like the hold was lifted. Not jonesing for them at all.

Yesterday went well. Had about 2.5 protein shakes and 6 oz yogurt, plus tons of water. This morning I was down 4.2 pounds. Yippee! I am 1 pound away from my next interim goal of 212, the lowest that I have been so far on this journey.

Today, I move on to soft solids. I have boiled eggs and tuna for while I am at work. I plan to go grocery shopping tonight with the family so I can buy some fresh fish to do in a pan with pam and spices.

This morning went to the gym for a swim and steam. So I've got the exercise out of the way. But have lots of housework to do tonight before my friend from high school comes to visit tomorrow with his little sister and girlfriend. So excited to have people coming over. We plan to do bbq'ed cornish game hens and steak with a Peruvian potato dish and green salad. I'll just have to avoid the sides and stick to the MEAT. My DH will bbq, so that will be great. I don't think I'll miss the extras...ok, I will miss the potatoes, because it's like "potato crack," but I know I have an issue so I just won't go there. I wouldn't be able to have just a small portion, it's alway half the tray.

So day 1 went pretty well, I was down 1.4 pounds after eating 2 protein drinks, a can of cream of asparagus soup and a sugar free popsicle.  I did do some exercise by cleaning off the back porch in record time. It's needed a good cleaning since we moved in last year. Had to move the deck furtniture around and lots of tools/projects that have been sitting there since last summer waiting for us to have some time.

Today, I went to step aerobics and did the hour (note to self: buy ear plugs, music is terrible).  Today I didn't feel as foolish  and still didn't fall on my butt. YAY ME!

Today I have had about 50 oz of water and 1 protein shake. Just about ready to do lunch...another protein shake. Taste isn't too bad. Tonight I plan to have another 1-2 protein shakes and do more work on the yards themselves before my friends from high school come by on Saturday. At least by then I will be able to eat more solid food. Although I have to say that I don't mind the protein shakes too much. I got so tired of them for a while there.

If I can keep this up maybe I'll meet my next interim goal by the end of the 5 days....212. That's the lowest I have been on this journey so far. Then the next goal of 208 will be what I weighed in 8th grade. Those are some significant numbers to me. I will get there.

I'm doing it.  I'm having my 24 oz black decaf right now. Soon I'll have my first protein shake for breakfast. I didn't see anything about exercise on the 5DPT website, but I woke up too late to go to the gym before work today and it will be way too hot to do anything outside in the afternoon. Maybe a session of WII fit with the kids will be in order since we have AC in the house.

When I did the 5DPT starting on Sunday, I thought I was supposed to do clear liquids for a day and ended up walking 5 miles, so I needed to eat by the end of the day. Starting today off at 218.

Support group suggested that I not weigh everyday since I am getting so frustrated with the scale not moving, so I will weigh next Wednesday to see where I am. I do have to say that this morning I woke up feeling really bloated like I had way too much salt. Hopefully just being on protein for several days will get rid of that feeing too.

I went to group last night. Always so good to see the people there and talk with them about the 'issues.' Good to get perspective and LOVE my group leader. She is awesome, I mean really...awe inspiring. Feeling better today about life. At least I know that the things going through my head aren't just mine...others have the same thoughts, but have fought through them.

Things I am doing good for me today...I went to step aerobics class for the first time ever today. The negatives: really loud,  terrible music, the instructor was way too chipper for 5:30AM and I am so unco-ordinated that I couldn't follow the choreography and often was facing the wrong direction. The positives: I sweated alot, I'm not in alot of pain,  I got to see my BF, and I didn't fall on my bum. This morning I thought I probably won't do that again, but this afternoon (kinda like giving birth) I think it's not so bad, maybe I could do it again.

Also, they are giving us pizza for ending the first session of summer school for lunch today. I talked to the summer school princpal and convinced her we should probably have salad too. Now I get a free lunch I can actually eat!

This afternoon, I'm going to give the gym enough money to pay for at least a 2 year membership.

Tomorrow, I am going to start the 5 day pouch test and I get to buddy up with the delightful Maryn to give and get support since we are going to do it together.

Yesterday I ate under 700 calories (I measured and logged everything that went into my mouth.) I drank about 120 oz of fluids. I walked over 5 miles. I got over 75 grams of protein in. I did not eat any sugar or white flour. And I gained 2 pounds, how?

So frustrated. Yesterday, my goal was to do all clear liquids to start a pouch test, but I was so hungry in the late afternoon after walking so much I had to eat so I focused on protein for lunch and had some stir-fry mix with more protein for dinner. Makes me want to cry and give up.

I do see huge differences when I look at pictures; however, I don't see much of a difference in the mirror when I look at myself. I see myself as still grossly overweight and flabby. Yes, I have lost 100 pounds and I don't know how I will loose the other 60. When I get there am I still going to see myself as a fat blob, anyway?

I started working out at the gym this last week for the first time in years. I'm going slow (only doing 15 reps at a time and working out for only 30 minutes at a time), but muscles are still sore. I did go again this morning, but my heart wasn't in it after weighing in this morning and only worked out for about 20 minutes.

I realize I should have been working out all along and avoiding sugar/flour all along. Don't know how to get back to loosing.
Welp, thanks for listening to my vent. I need to adjust my attitude and get off my pity party.

I have decided today will be the start of my 5 day pouch test. My husband is at work until 6 and will then go to his dad's to pick up my son who is there on a sleep over. My daughter is at my mom's for a sleep over.  So the day is mine without having to bend to someone else's expectations. First time in what feels like years. Seems like  good day to go clear liquids...got my decaf and a huge bottle of water next to me and plan to go for a walk to the gym which is 2.5 miles away. Think I will just go sit in the steam room for a while with my water jug and walk back. Starting today off at 217.