Boy, how life has changed!

Jul 27, 2010

I am almost 3 and a half years out from my surgery.
My life has changed dramatically. My husband and I are going through a divorce. I am staying in our house with our 2 children and he has already moved on to another woman. ( It has only been 3 months since he moved out)
I have been forced to feel and do things I have never felt in my life.
Some of them have been good although painful. One of the biggest things I am learning about myself is that I have a lot of people that love and care about me. Most importantly I am learning that they did so before I got thinner. I did not realize how my self hate preventing me from seeing other people in my life and possibly molded my path to marrying a man that didn't really ever want to put me on the top of his list. I guess if I didn't think I deserved to be loved and cared for why would he have done that. I am seeing missed opportunities that are all my fault-if only I had thought I was worthy of a persons love.
I am also gaining some confidence in myself and after 3 years I am finally able to look at myself in the mirror and think I look beautiful- well after I comb down my crazy hair and put on some eye make up-
I have good and bad days. It is hard to see my husband move on and not look over his shoulder. I am firm in my feelings that I will never go back to him but I am still mourning the loss of my family unit and the fear that I am the person in charge now. My support people keep reminding me that he was so unsupportive I have been doing it alone foe quite some time if I really look at it.
We are working hard to make it the best we can for the girls. We speak frequesntly as we still need to share childcare working opposite shifts. We have also had both of the girls birthday parties since he left. My youngest was only 2 weeks after he left. This was extremely hard but for the girls it was the best thing we could do.
I am constantly told by friends that I can do this, I am strong and I will come out better on the other side. (One divorced friend even assures me that I will be sending my ex a Thank You card in 1 year when I see how much better my life is-I hope)
So here is the update.
Oh, and there is nothing like the "Divorce/Stress" diet to help take off about 10 lbs. I am almost to goal with the help of a lot of Click and not a lot of sleep.

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