free4ever
15 lbs to go...
Sep 25, 2010
Got my nose pierced and looking into a new tatt.. also, I am afraid I am looking for a way out of my suffercating marriage, I have been miserable for so long and yet I just recently found my courage to stand up for my self and omg I found my voice!!! amazing...trying to find the exit door but in the meantime I have found that I wasnt physically starving (obviously) but omg have I been attention starved and just the looks, the stares, the offers and the sex appeal is producing a chemical in my body that gives me the greatest high I have ever experienced... I have the urge to dress up and go out every opportunity I get and saddly I dont wanna go with my hubby..He just doesn t make me feel good at all..
I realize Im in a dangerous spot right now but honestly I dont care...
I am however grossed out at my sagging, hollow areas of skin leftovers thanks to the weight loss.. ewww.. help... as long as I have clothes on I feel sexy, attractive and desireable, clothes off I feel disgusting and undesirable.. I do however keep reminding myself of wearing a size 4 and measuring a 27inch waist...
I have made an appointment with a plastic surgeon although I have no insurance and definately no money, I am just curious. i am also hiring a personal trainer to see if anything can be done to help those areas some...
I suppose the journey has really just begun...
so here is to the journey...Cheers everyone!!!
If stress burnt calories I would be a size zero!
Jun 02, 2010
So many amazing things happening in my life right now but definitely seasoned with the bitterness of stress and issues.
153 lbs gone forever!! Size 6 and feeling very healthy..
my 2nd daughter is graduating on the 13th and I couldn't be more proud. My oldest daughter is getting married next June.
Although, I am fighting the lack of employment and the financial distress that goes with that. The empty space where my mom use to fill in my life causes me sadness and the constant arguing and fighting with my husband brings me added frustration and stress. I feel the need to claim my space, my identity and for some crazy reason everyone in my family, husband included, is fighting me on this claim. I suppose I have put myself on the back burner so long now none wants me to dust it off and claim it. I am feeling ignorant as I struggle through school and my dealings with those mentally disturbed people in my life (my teenage kids)!!!
My body is in a metamorphosis and I'm not sure I like the remains of the old me left behind. The loose skin, the hollow boobs, wrinkled areas all make it very hard to enjoy the lack of love handles and 6 chins. The struggles with the brain are endless and I fight the good fight every day..
I just hope sometime in the future I will win this race that seems to have no finish line...
Happy Birthday Mommie 5/2/48-12/12/09
May 03, 2010
Thank you mommy & Happy Birthday. You will forever be missed and never forgotten.
Normal is a setting on a dryer..
Apr 28, 2010
The highs have been through the clouds and the lows have sindged off the little hairs on my boney booty. Having trouble in my marriage, why is that not a big surprise. Trouble with attitude with my kids (nothing too bad) and finances are killing me with frustration. My school direction has become unclear and I am discovering a new person in me that I am just not aquanted with. I need a brain transfusion or maybe lypo in the brain to remove all the fluff and cobwebs..Still wanting to feel and look sexy and brilliant and confident..OUCH.. I said it, that word.. CONFIDENT. Who me?? Naaaa
not sure I will ever get to that point but I do have to say that sliding into a size 8, with ease, is an amazing feeling. Just have to overlook the saggy, deflated ballon looking skin left behind. Like scars from surgery, these stretch marks of my past former self are haunting and humilitating as I attempt to look beyond them to meet and get to know that girl behind.
So many amazing accomplishments and exciting things to come and yet stupid me concentrates on the flaws and imperfections. Has the media really gotten to me, like some alien overtaking my brain, what the heck am I looking at and comparing myself to?? What is beautiful?? Yes, curves, a little wiggle (not alot), normal, average, somewhat perky breasts (although mine are in a forever state of depression) and that smile that says "I am ok with me and I can face the world with security, confidence, passion and laughter, umbrellaed with intelligence.and a wink of flirty winks..
Surgery was the best investment I made and I wouldn't change a thing, but people please remember this is not a diet or a quick fix, it is a LIFE CHANGE!!!! Think on that before you go in for surgery.
Lets be friends, supporters, encouragers and partners in crime as we fight/battle and rob that monster (food addiction) to the bitter or should I say sweet end!!!
Love and hugs to everyone...
Your friend..
By the way, did I mention I have lost 146lbs and I am only 30lbs away from goal!!! YAAHHOOO!!!!!!! So close and yet so far away...lol Just kidding.. get ready peeps, when that magic number shows up unannounced on the scale, if you hear some strange shriel of a scream, it's ok... it's just me!!!!!!!
1 Year anniversary
Feb 05, 2010
I have lost my boobs (still looking for them), and my ass has slid completely off the bony frame that it was sitting on..My tummy and my thighs look like deflated balloons, my back and chest are boney as hell & my multiple chin is down to a single..I found my waist & lost my love handles..(why were they love handles anyhow?) I certinally didn't love them...and the back boobs are gone forever..
My shoes are fitting better and I can actually shop for clothes, underware and bras in normal departments and it feels awesome..I don't need an extention to reach my bottom to wipe and I can sit indian style comfortably..(well, semi comfortable with the healing broken hip) I feel more noticed for me than for my fat & I have more energy for life. I still have challenges with looking in the mirror and pictures are tough but I force through it and I hope that one day soon I will see a pretty girl in the reflection...My marriage is on the rocks and I still have a chunk of weight to lose but I look forward to meeting the new girl on the other side of this mad roller coaster ride...
I have been down a very challenging road this past year and I have survived..I'm still in school and getting ready to apply to the university to finish my degree..I have lost my mom, my grandmother is screwing me for funeral expenses and I have had some issues with my teenager. I am lonely and struggling with my husband and his lack of motivation for this relationship..All in all, I am ready to face the future and I dream of the day that sclae finally reads the goal..and the alarm bells go off like the jackpot in a casino!!!
Trials and Tribulations...
Jan 06, 2010
Appologies for my slacking in updated posts and updates. Life has been more difficult than imagined lately and I am trying to get through each day. Healing from a fractured hip, loss of health insurance & my job, fighting for worker's comp & applying for unemployment, just a few of the obsticles I have been facing in the past few months.. Financial challenges, depression and marriage losing its spark and fizz add to the pot and just when it looks like it's going to boil over I have my school to contend with, my father-in-law is fighting cancer and my mom has been in and out of different hospitals.. so to make life even more intersting my mom passed away December 12th (yes, just beofre christmas).. no, iwasn't expected, although she fought many serious medical issues, death was not expected and has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to face! I am so very sad she is gone. Not allowed to grieve properly for her, I had to face all the funeral decisions and financial stuff that goes with it, wow, and to add to the chaos my grandmother (her mother) starts trying to profit from her death, the day of her funeral... crazy I know.. I have had to s since her death cleaning, sorting and discarding her things.. phew it's awful to do so soon.. kinda feels like Im moving her. Now since I am totally worn down mentally and physically I caught a germ and it has taken over, fighting the ER and the doctors office, using my electric bill money to pay to get medicine since I have no insurance and no job and trying to mend. I start my spring semester monday and I have 6 classes, I don't know how I'm going to do it but I daily ask for strength from God and encouragement from my sweet friends and my kids. I am tired and weary and still fighting the mental challenges from my wls.. I have lost 125lbs now in 11 months. I am excited and I feel so much better but I still am very hard on myself and I don't feel accomplished since I haven't lost as quickly as I think I should have. I don't cheat and I don't overeat ever! I suppose I will just try to e satisfied with what I have accomplished and continue to work on feeling good about the new improved, healthier me. I still struggle with the camera and all the mental baggage I am carrying. I am however in a size I haven't been in for a very long time and a weight I haven't seen in an even longer time and that makes me excited to see what comes next and how small am I going to get... ;-) I selfishly and vainly wish to feel beautiful and attractive along with the desire to feel healthy and physically capable of doing more than suck wind and sit. I feel boney in areas and other areas are starting to look like a deflated balloon, yuck.. I hope it doesn't stay that way.. a guess it's a reminder of where I came from and where I will never go again!!!
Best wishes and Blessings to everyone in their journey...
I have found One-der-land!!
Oct 27, 2009
Been a while since I have updated my post, sorry. Been crazy busy around here and not sure when it will slow down!!! My mom has hospital and not doing well with a host of issues, my father-in-law has been going through chemo treatments and I am trying to heal from my fractured hip still. Have been dropped with my health insurance and my job and I am going through workers comp/a lawyer and unemployment... need I say any more!!?? I have been starting to creep into the YMCA pool for some self directed physical therapy and I love it. It feels so good to get into water and actually move a bit. My weight loss is at about 112 lbs now and I'm in month 8. Not bad but I wish for more, you all know how that goes, it just never seems good enough to me. I am having a horrible time getting pictures taken of me still, I just can't see anything but a fat chick in the mirror and I wanna throw up when I do see a picture of me. Wow, a brain transplant would be nice right now...Good things have happened though, I am completely off my blood pressure pills and I'm comfortably in a size16 regular, not bad... I am actually looking forward to the new clothes, if I could afford them that is..;-) I am in cute underwear and normal size bra shopping for me!! I can cross my legs and sit comfortably in movie theater seats with room to spare. I have alot more flexibility but my sex drive is low, I think I'm just having trouble with the man in my life. He is jealous, very jealous, but get this, not of my weight loss but all the attention I'm getting and he isn't!! lol ok, how wack is that?? He started out losing weight with me now the last couple months he hasn't bothered, just got lazy and gave up. I think he has gained weight and he is eating everything in the house, including my special stuff and everything else.. kinda makes me mad.. I guess just alot going on and I don't feel very supported by him, feel more like an attention competition and I hate it. I don't like alot of attention anyhow. Well, I'm still struggling through my school and my 2nd daughter is graduating high school this year. Crazy busy and trying to find the means to get it all done and paid for..
Well, enough of my story, thanks to everyone for your support and posts, they are inspiring me to keep it going. Love everyone and please keep in touch, it means alot to have friends through tough times..
Hugs
