free4ever
Trials and Tribulations...
Jan 06, 2010
Appologies for my slacking in updated posts and updates. Life has been more difficult than imagined lately and I am trying to get through each day. Healing from a fractured hip, loss of health insurance & my job, fighting for worker's comp & applying for unemployment, just a few of the obsticles I have been facing in the past few months.. Financial challenges, depression and marriage losing its spark and fizz add to the pot and just when it looks like it's going to boil over I have my school to contend with, my father-in-law is fighting cancer and my mom has been in and out of different hospitals.. so to make life even more intersting my mom passed away December 12th (yes, just beofre christmas).. no, iwasn't expected, although she fought many serious medical issues, death was not expected and has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to face! I am so very sad she is gone. Not allowed to grieve properly for her, I had to face all the funeral decisions and financial stuff that goes with it, wow, and to add to the chaos my grandmother (her mother) starts trying to profit from her death, the day of her funeral... crazy I know.. I have had to s since her death cleaning, sorting and discarding her things.. phew it's awful to do so soon.. kinda feels like Im moving her. Now since I am totally worn down mentally and physically I caught a germ and it has taken over, fighting the ER and the doctors office, using my electric bill money to pay to get medicine since I have no insurance and no job and trying to mend. I start my spring semester monday and I have 6 classes, I don't know how I'm going to do it but I daily ask for strength from God and encouragement from my sweet friends and my kids. I am tired and weary and still fighting the mental challenges from my wls.. I have lost 125lbs now in 11 months. I am excited and I feel so much better but I still am very hard on myself and I don't feel accomplished since I haven't lost as quickly as I think I should have. I don't cheat and I don't overeat ever! I suppose I will just try to e satisfied with what I have accomplished and continue to work on feeling good about the new improved, healthier me. I still struggle with the camera and all the mental baggage I am carrying. I am however in a size I haven't been in for a very long time and a weight I haven't seen in an even longer time and that makes me excited to see what comes next and how small am I going to get... ;-) I selfishly and vainly wish to feel beautiful and attractive along with the desire to feel healthy and physically capable of doing more than suck wind and sit. I feel boney in areas and other areas are starting to look like a deflated balloon, yuck.. I hope it doesn't stay that way.. a guess it's a reminder of where I came from and where I will never go again!!!
Best wishes and Blessings to everyone in their journey...
