FullfiguredVirgoGal

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 I went to my weight loss consult for my 6 month diet for my insurance and DRUM ROLL PLEASE......................I lost 9 lbs.  So I am getting it started again before I have the surgery.  I want to lose at least 30 lbs...so I can lose some the fat around/in my liver and make the surgery a little less complicated.  So it is a start!

 It's been a while since I have been on this site.  Almost 2 years in a couple of weeks.  A lot has happened and changed in my life since I was last here.  Some for good and some for bad.
I really forgot my password and stuff and finally got it emailed to me, so here I am.  Facebook, Myspace and Blackplant has had me for a while.
Still NO SURGERY...but I have lost a little weight on my own.  I inheritated a child from my brother.  I have custody of his 2 year old and he keeps me BUSY!  Not married or engaged anymore...but don't feel sorry for my...NO SYMPATHY needed here.  He wasnt who I thought he was anyway.  
As for my...I am awaiting approval for the Gastric Sleeve.  Gastric Bypass is to evasive for me, having a toddler around.  Lap-Band will give me to much FREEDOM.  I am a NURSE. I can fill it and deflate it myself....Don't need that.  So, Gastric Sleeve it is.  Not as evasive as RNY, but No freedom like the Lap-Band.
This time, I am going to go through with it.  I will check back often as possible....but with this little boy running around....I don't know!
TTYL....Nissah

Hello all, it is now 2010 and I have not been to the site in over a year.  NOPE! I have not had surgery yet.  I tried a hand at losing the weight myself and I was successful....sorta.  I lost over 100lbs and I have since gained it back.  You may think they are excuses, but it was life that hit me.  Finances, relationship, stress, illnesses, nearly losing my mother, and the daily routine that got me back to where I started from.  But, I must say that I am not as nearly as heavy as I used to be.  I am almost to my heaviest weight which was 360lbs.  I am currently at 344lbs, which a week ago I was at 354lbs.  So I managed to lose a little bit of weight without effort.
I am taking a stab at surgery again, becasue I realize that I need some help.  Notice that I said HELP!  That is what this surgery is.....help.  No the magic cure, not the solution, but help.  I have to do my part also in this.  See I figured if I have the surgery and I know that it is in place, it will give me the discipline that I need.  Without surgery, I sabatage myself by saying that I can have it and it wont hurt.  With surgery, I know I can't have it and the temptation wont be there.  If I am not tempted, then I dont think about it.  I try hard to eat healthier and it works...sometimes.  But their are other times that I eat healthy and I throw som junk in there and I never stop eating the junk.
This is what I am sick of.  So once the band is in place, NO MORE JUNK AND SABATAGE!
So Pray for me, as I will pray for you!
Nissah
I'll try to get back to post every now and then!

Has it really been an entire year and some since I posted on this website.  I know that I've been in lurk mode, but I was sure that I posted something about me within the last year.  Well, here it goes.....
I have not had surgery as of yet....I have to get my nerves together.  I was sure that I was ready for it, but everytime the surgery date nears...I chicken out!  Can't really bring myself to do it.  In my heart, I want it, but my mind's telling me NO and I follow my mind.  I've been scheduled 5 times for surgery and have not done it.  I think my love afair with food gets the best of me.  I have lost nearly 100lbs recently, all to gain majority of it back.  I have developed a Thyroid issue, High cholestrol, Lymphedema in my right foot and ankle, Worn cartilage in my left knee that makes it hard for me to walk, constant lower back pain and most recently Diabetes......Putting that with my Up and Down weight, Hypertension, and Sleep apnea, I am a walking timebomb of death.  YES!, I think about it everyday that I could die at any minute.  I take medication like the elderly take it...5 times a day.  It seems as if I'm always popping pills.  Let me tell you what I have to take: 

In the AM there's blood sugar check before breakfast..that's if I get up in time to eat...
then theres my BP, Diabetes and thyroid meds. (Pain meds if my back is hurting)

NOON, Blood sugar check, Diabetes, water pill, Knee cartilage pill.

Evening: Blood sugar check, Diabetic meds, water pill, and Pain pill

Bed time:  Cartilage pill and Cholestrol pill...If I ate the wrong things then a blood sugar check, Then put on CPAP and go to bed.

Now if that doesnt sound like a routine for an 80 year old woman, I dont know what is and not all old people take this much medication to stay alive.  I work with the elderly and I see them taking pills all day long and I cry when I take my pills because I feel old. I just want to lose the weight to stop taking all this medication.  I watch the Biggest Loser and Cry during the entire show faithfully, because I WISH IT WERE ME.  I stood in line for 12 hours when they held auditions here for the show....Only to get a letter that I didnt qualify for the show.  I didnt have enough qualifying health issues.  WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  Being 340lbs is qualifying enough...so I thought.  The people on that show sure dont look half dead to me, but I guess you have to be 3/4 dead to qualify.  That made me so MAD!  So I go on yet another fad diet, only to eat more food while drinking the shake, eating their meals or taking the pills.  ALLI is a joke!  Yeah, you'll shit your pants if you eat fatty foods.  But one can get used to that after a while and then it's doing NOTHING cause you dont lose any weight.  I got some diet pills that my husband was taking to try.  He lost 50lbs in 3 months,  I lost 9lbs in 1 week and 11 lbs in 2 weeks and then started gaining weight while taking them.  Then went to the health foods store, got some Diet helper tea and started making Iced Tea with it and retained water.  Now I have a swollen Right foot and ankle that wont go down unless I get in bed.  It only goes down when I sleep, but as soon as my feet touch floor, within the hour my foot and ankle is swollen. My foot is a whole size bigger than the other, I cant wear a dress or capri's anymore because I have a normal left ankle and a elephant ankle on my right.  It makes me want to stay in the house and lay in bed and die from getting fatter.  But through it all my GOD, Husband and Family encourage me with all their might and I realize that I am LOVED! and I keep on living for them.
Well, I didnt come here to make you feel sorry for me, but I came here to relieve a little stress.  My neck and head has been hurting for about a week now, and it's starting to hurt now.  So I'm going to go and COOK dinner for my family.
It was certainly nice to come here to vent.......Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful WOMEN and men.
Talk to you later and I promise not to stay gone so long again.
Nissah

September 2007

September 1st

Hello all,
It's been about a month since I posted.  I have been on vacation for most of August.  My PC at home is on the fritz and needs to be serviced.  Now that vacation is over, I can get that done.  I turned 34 on August 24th and that was interesting.  I had a great time.  I went to the club, which I have not done in so long.  I went back to Chicago to celebrate, cause Iowa has nothing remotely FUN to do.  At least not what I'd like to do.  Closed the clubs a few times.  Has anyone noticed that the DJ always plays slow, romantic music for the last hour before the club closes.  I noticed that this time.  Every DJ played mood setting songs and got you all close, hugged up and kissing your guy.  It kinda set the mood, so we were READY when we got back to the hotel.  He's still trying to get me pregnant and I AIN'T letting it happen.  I want to have surgery FIRST and he keeps telling me that he Loves me like I am and I dont need to lose weight.  Thats fine and good, and I LOVE him for that, but I have to do this for me and he is not understanding this.  
Well, I am going to go now.  When I talk about this it makes me feel selfish and afraid.  He has always told me that he LOVES big women, so I am afraid to have WLS and he leaves me for a woman that is still heavy, and I feel selfish because really I am not considering his feelings and I am only concerned about ME and what I want.  I dont know, I have a lot to think about.  I Love him so much..I Love him with my SOUL and its hurts me that I cant give him what he wants.  I'll be back next week to post more, then I'll be gone until the end of the month and I'll post pictures and tell you about my WEDDING.
Love ya!!!!!Nissah

August 2007

August 4th

WOW!!! Another year has flown by so quickly.  In 20 days I will be turning 34 years old.  Boy, I can remember when I was in my teens and twenties, and now thirties, and they seem to be flying right past me.  Don't get me wrong, I am proud to be getting older, but what I love most about it is that I am getting wiser right along with it.  I remember wishing that I was in my thirties, but now, I am not wishing that I can go back, but more so wishing that thirties would not go by so fast.  But I can say that I am near where I want to be.  I am getting married in a couple of weeks to the man of my dreams, I have a great job, he has a great job, plus he makes extra money singing and finishing nursing school.  Now all I have to do is graduate nursing school and buy a house and WE will be set.  I am at the happiest point in my life, and YES it came in my thirties.  
We went on vacation a couple of weeks ago, and when we got back home, I got sick and landed in the hospital for a couple of days.  I had done my fair share of partying in Chicago, and it hit my HARDwhen I got home.  I wasas a DOG.  Had to be put on an IV drip for dehydration fromand Greg said something to me that and we at the hospital and I told him that I did not want to marry him and called off the wedding.  My mother and Greg  with me and I finally said I'll marry him, but he had to cut the S**t and stop pressuring me to get pregnant.  Anywho, all is well other than that and I'll check you guys later...Thanks for reading..Nissah 

JULY 2007

July 4th

Hello,
First off I want to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July and I hope you are safe traveling if you are and play safe with the fireworks.  I am doing my favorite pasttime...that's working.  But I get off work at 3p.  
I have some good news, back in June my PCP took me off all my meds.  No BP meds, no meds for my thyroid, no nothing.  Well, I do hae to take Vitamin C and Iron tabs cus my levels are going down again.  Other than that, nothing.  I am happy that I got the weight off and I knew it was affecting my health.  If anyone tells you that your weight does not matter, tell them to go to H***, cus it does.  Well I am going to go now.  
Later...Nissah


July 6

Hey All,
Nothing much to report on myself.  I have gained a little weight back.  I over induldged in the BBQ on the 4th, and I am paying for it royally.  But I am getting back on track and gonna get the weight off.  I am not going to say that it is from just the 4th, but from other days too when I was feeling miserable.  This is why I want to have surgery.  When I get into my depressed mode and start thinking about the baby, I eat.  I need to stop that.  Greg does not help, cause he will go get the food for me.  I think he means well, but the madness has to stop.  
Anywho, on July 5th, I awoke with a beautiful dream on my mind.  Greg asked me why was I smiling so much and I told him that I had a dream and I was not telling cause I wanted it to come true.  So we went about getting dressed for work and he gave me a kiss and said, see ya later.  For some reason, he kept looking at me and smiling back at me.  He got in his car and then called me from the cell.  He asked me to come outside for a minute.  I grabbed my robe and went to the car.  He looked at me and SANG, Nissah, I Love You so Much.  I started crying, which lead to a passionate kiss in the drive way.  
Okay, Fast forward.......cause you know what happened after the kiss.  Lets just say that we both had to call in and say we were running late.  
Anywho, I got to work and started my day and I was in the middle of a visit when my cell rang.  I knew it was Greg by the ringtone.  I did not answer cause I was in with a client.  Didnt want to be rude.  Not minutes later, he rang again.  I still did not answer.  By now he had called me 8 times in 15 minutes.  I still did not answer for fear that I would get in trouble for being on a personal call when I was doing a visit.  Minutes later, here comes my supervisor, telling me that I had a family emergency and to call Greg.  I hurried the visit along and when I got into the hall, before I could make the call, he called again.  I answered, and he was PISSED.  He started yelling, fussing and cussing.  I told him that I was in a visit and I could not answer and to calm down.  He gets like that a lot when I dont answer my phone.  I know its not good, but its just him.  Then he said, would you have answered the phone if my ass was dead.  
What are you talking about?  He says to me, that his work truck had caught fire while he was driving and he almost did not get out, and I did not want to answer my phone.  I instantly started crying, shaking, and apologizing.  He then proceeded to tell me, that the truck is completely burned up with everything in it including my Tupperware.  He knows that I am deaf on getting my tupperware home, but I did not find that funny at all.  I went to my supervisor and told her that I had to leave for the day, due to a family emergency.  By this time, I am balling, going in circles, and not knowing what to do.  My co-workers sat me down and tried calming me.  Before I knew it, I was laying on the bed, people were all over me with water, BP cuffs, and the crash cart.  All I remembered was the smelling salts that literally burns your nose.  
I had fainted.  I immediately got up, grabbed my purse, and was trying to get out the door.  They stopped me and said they were not going to let me drive like this.  Still panicking and crying, I had to get to him.  When I opened my office door, there he was standing in front of me.  I gave him the biggest kiss and hug, that he lost his breath in the midst.  He kept telling me to let go, and he was alright.  But I kept holding onto him.  He grabbed my things and took me home.  The entire drive home, I kept crying, looking at him and thanking GOD that he was ALIVE.  Every few minutes I would touch him, to make sure he was really there.  It was at that moment, I realized that I could have lost him.  Especially when he told me that he started to go back into the truck to get his other cell phone.  He said, if he had done that, he would have been dead.  All I could do was praise GOD that he kept him in his arms and he was safe.
MY life flashed before my eyes, and I dont think I would have made it or been okay, if Greg had died in that fire.  It made me realize how precious life is and how selfish I was for not wanting to have a baby right now for him.  The day could have ended tragically, when we woke up so happy that morning.  I knew something was different.  That could have been the last time we kissed, touched, smiled, and madelove to each other.  I stayed up all night staring at him and kissing him.  I was just that scared.  
We both called into work today and stayed home with each other just for comfort/security.  I knew it scared the S**t out of him, but he is a man and is not gonna cry.  But finally he did break down, and I never seen him cry so hard.  His grandmother and the baby passed and he barely let out a tear at the funeral.  He squeezed me so tight, and cried, which in turn made me cry with him.  We laid there and fell asleep in each others arms.  I seen a side of him, that I never knew a STRONG black man, like himself had.  He was so shaken and it finally set in that he could have been DEAD.  This man is my soul and now I know that I am his.  We keep each other from breaking and falling apart.  I was doubting our love at first, and having second thoughts about marrying him.  But this incident has brought us so much closer to one another, that I now know that out UNION was meant to be and is by GOD.  He has always said that he Loves Me, but when he said it today, it meant so much more and felt so much better.  
But on another note......His job called him into the office and told him that he had to go have an overall physical, including DRUG and Alcohol testing which pissed us both off.  Now, he almost lost his life driving a defaulted truck around the city for you and you think he is on drugs now that the truck burned up.  Now, this is a man that has no more than one drink at a party/show that he does.  Drugs I know is out of the question.  He hates it when I drink and  have a cigarette.  He has been with the company for over 20 years and he transferred to Iowa from Chicago when he moved in with us.  But I tell him, this is Iowa, a predominent Caucasian state and things don't work like that.  I then said, you know it's not your fault, and I have told him on several occasions that I did not like the way the truck sounded.  It sounded like something was wrong with it.  He knows that he was not drunk or high, so go humor them and take the test.  We went to the doctors office and humored them, but he was pissed and it took everything in him and everything from me, to keep him quiet and not sound off.  
But I just thank GOD that he is okay and still in my life.  I can see the devil was on our backs the other day, but GOD turned it around and saved my LOVE.  
I am crying now and getting pissed again.  Greg is here asking why am I puttin this on my blog.  I told him that this is an inspirational page for others.  To see that they can overcome what ever comes their way.  He hates it when I do this, and I have not let him read my blog.  Not yet.  After our marriage he can read it.  There are things on here that I am not sure I want him to read and he should not read at this time.  One day, I'll let him read it, but now is not the time.  I can share with you all because you are an extended family and may need encouragement.  But he is here, with me in the flesh.  I dont think he would look at me the same if he read this profile.  
Well, this was a long one and I am going to go now.  STAY BLESSED all, and THANKS for reading......Love ya!!!! Nissah


July 24th

Hi all,
I am on vacation with my family in Chicago, my home town.  We arrived on Thursday, July 19 and was supposed be headed home this evening, but my mother and Greg decided to stay another day.  No problem, I am not going back to work until Monday and neither is Greg.  My son and daughter have summer jobs and my baby girl has school, but they were more then willing to stay another day.  
I had and am having the time of my life.  Now, I have only induldged in recreational things once when I was 15 years old.  But this weekend, Greg went to spend the day with his girls and his mother and I stayed with a cousin.  Now, these girls are just a few years younger than I.  They are in their late twenties and I am in my VERY early thirties.  I decided to stay behind and let Greg have some alone time with his family.  So Yes, I hung out with the young'ins.  
They had me laughing and rolling on the floor, just having good ole fun.  I am not a drinker, cause I got sick a few months ago from drinking and I said that I was not gonna drink anymore, but I had a taste of another Bacardi Silver Peach, plus I felt safer around them and I will never drink again with the people that I got sick around.  Now, barcardi silver's, These are enough to lay me flat on the floor, especially when I drink the six pack alone.  Anywho, these young girls were kickin back, Grey Goose, Hennessy, Jose Cuevero, Belvedere, Absolute, and some others that I did not get the names of.  Then my cousin pulled out the blunts and stuff.  Now mind you, I have not tried tis stuff since I was a teenager, and I decided to try it again.  It never fazed me before, but I need to have a little fun and I did.  I took a few puffs and soon it turned into me smoking my own blunt ALONE.  I was mellowed out and feeling good.  
I had a major headache when I woke up the next morning, and my stomach was roaring loudly.  I took in a donut and some OJ and I felt sick.  I almost did not make it to the restroom before I upchucked everything.  My headache was blazing at this point and I took an Ibuprofen and that got my stomach going too.  But after getting the juice and the remains of the donut out of my stomach, I felt better and the headache went away, cause the ibuprofen came up with everything else.  But I have to say, that it was all good fun and I will never do it again, especially if GREG finds out.  I just thought that this is the onetime that I can have some good fun and not worry about my kids and THINGS period. 
Thanks for listening and you guys have a great day.  
Love ya!!!!Nissah 

JUNE 2007


June 24, 2007

Hello all,

Well, it has been sometime since I posted on my page.  A lot has went on in my life in a little over a month.  A month ago today, we lost our little girl that was due to be born in August.  It was not a healthy pregnancy and due to some uterine scar tissue as a result of previous abortions in my 20's, my child was not able to grow properly in my uterus and resulted in her death.  I had a hard time forgiving myself, but BY the Grace of God, Greg, family and friends I am able to move on with my life.  At one point, I stopped loving Greg because I just knew he stopped loving me, because of the baby's death.  One of the abortions that I had was his child also.  But I was 22 with 2 children already and was not financially or physically able to take care of another child.  So, naturally I knew he would not forgive me for Giselle death.  Giselle Mariyah Gibbs is her name.  Greg named her after she was delivered and did not tell me.  It is a beautiful name and it fit her so well.  She looks just like her father and that made it hurt even worse.  I often look at the pictures of her and wonder what would she be like right now, and then I move on.  Greg wants to get pregnant again, now, but I tell him that I have to wait.  Pregnancies carried that close together are not a good thing.  Plus, I and he still needs a little time.  I don't think he is fully over her death, as I am not fully over her death at this time.  I want to have surgery first and then try again getting pregnant.  This time, I want to pray for a little boy.  I have 1 son and 3 daughters and Greg has 2 sons and 3 daughters...I need another boy, but I know he wants another girl.  Either way we have already figured out a name for the child.  We are planning as if the child has already been conceived...the names are: Gray Eugene (boy) or Grey Essence (girl),  I refuse to do Jr., so I'll give the child his initials and middle name, at least the boys middle name.
Anywho, everything has ben going sort of well with WLS.  I have to start all over in the process, but that's okay. I did stop going altogether, because I was pregnant and it seemed stupid to go see my surgeon while I was pregnant.  His nurse failed to tell me that I had to start over after the childs birth, but it's fine, I totally understand where they are coming from.  At least I do not have to do another sleep study.  That was the worse.  
I still have trouble using my CPAP machine.  It wasn't a problem when I first got it, but now it is nusciance to me, and I can't wear the damn thing.  Greg makes me wear it, but as soon as I hear the first snore that lets me know he is fully asleep, I take it off. I put my cell phone on vibrate to wake me up 15 minutes before the alarm clock rings to wake him for work and put the mask back on.  He has caught me a few times, but he thinks I'd taken it off during my sleep and heled me put it back on.  But I'll get it together, cause it's the only way I can get a clearance and have surgery.  But other than this, there is nothing really to report. 
 I am turning 34 years young in exactly 2 months from today, and I am really excited.  WOW, I can remember when I was 24 years old.  Time is passing quickly, and I am making the best of every minute I can.  I am marrying the man of my dreams and my LIFE is Golden, even with all the heartache and grief.  My wedding plans are coming along fine and on schedule.  Except, I found another wedding dress that I like.  Greg said NO, and to stick with my first choice, and I can't show him the dress to see if he would like it.  I am up a creek.  He has not seen either dress and I am going to try on the one that I have now and go by the boutique and try on that one, take a picture of me in both and then decide.  I hate to decieve my baby like this, but I love both dresses at this time, and I need to make a decision before August 1st.  I have to have everything together for the pastor by the date, so that she can pray over and bless everything in advance.  Greg and I have been counseling with our Pastor, for the baby's death, the fact that we have had sex and are living together before marriage and we are starting July 5th for counseling for our marriage.  These 10 weeks are going to go by fast, and we will be married.  I can't believe, I, Hynissah Mishelle Fleming is getting married and I am still FAT.  This is truly a dream come true.  After surgery then my life will be complete.  
Love ya and I'll come back with more news in the future....Peace....Nissah

MAY 2007
May 9th    
Wow!!! I have not posted in a while.  I lurk around BAF and I post something every so often, but I don't do as I used to do.  Well, I am going to start with my wedding plans.  They are going really well.  I was not thinking about my due date and it is conflicting with my wedding date.  Although the wedding plans came before the baby plans, but I still did not think about it.  I am due the end of August, and the wedding is in September.  Hopefully, this baby comes when it is due, but they have their own little minds.  I often have dreams about going into labor at my wedding and if this happens, then it will be joyous occassion twice in one day.  I have had luck with my other children, they came as planned, give or take a day or two.  My first born was 2 weeks late, but thats because I was not sure of my last menstrual period.  So I had to wing his birth and take it as it came.  Anywho,  I am still planning to have surgery.  It has to wait until the end of the year, but it is going to happen.  I am happy that the pregnancy is happening now and not after surgery.  I dont have to lose weight and worry about getting pregnant at the same time.  I am going to get fixed!  I hate to say it that way! So I will say that I am going to have my tubes tied and take care of the possibility now.  Things are coming along well with Greg and I.  I am learning to trust him a little more.  He knows that I have a lack of trust with him, and we are working on that.  I have opted to let his son move in with us so that these Chicago trips wont happen anymore, and he has made the decision to let me travel with him whenever there is a call from or about his son.  She's mad at the fact that her child wants to live with us, but he is turning 18 and can make his own decisions.  I am not trying to be his mother, but I think that it would be good for my son and him to get to know each other better.  My son is turning 18 in Nov and he needs someone his own age to be with.  Maybe they can keep each other out of trouble and help each other.  As far as his girls, their mothers have opted to not let him be involved in their life.  I know its bcause of me, but he says No, and there were pre-existing issues that lead to the decision.  But I just pray that I am not the reason.  Well, I am going to go now, and I will be back to post again with something New if New things happen.......Peace, Love and Hair Grease.....Later ya'll....Nissah 


May 13th
Just a few lines to say "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE WOMEN AND MEN WHO TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN."
Yeah!!! We have those men that are Mother's as well as Fathers.  Women run off from their children too!!!


May 18th
My baby girl broke her arm on April 29th, and was put in a full arm cast on May1, and now her daddy fractured his ankle and is in a half cast.  So now I have 2 broken people to take care of.  He went to the hospital and they did not put it in a full cast.  They said that it was barely factured and there was no need for a cast.  Just try to take it easy and not walk to much.  He is a eager beaver cause he went right back to work.  I told him if it broke completely, don't come crying to me, cause he can stay at home for a couple more days for good measure.  Well a hard head makes a soft behind.  Now they both laying around looking like wounded soldiers, and asking for service.  Later guys...Nissah

April 2007

I did not have anything to post this month either, but I want to send 
to my mother, Rhonda who turned 57 years young on April 10th and to my baby girl Makyerah who turned 5 years old on April 13th.  Also, on April 29th, Makyerah broke her elbow in 3 places.  I may have mentioned this in a future post.  I am kinda redoing my profile and posting what I remembered that happened in the past months.
Better late than never.
Later...Nissah