Geminidream

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Have I mentioned lately how much I love you guys here on OH?  I do!  You are some of the nicest, most giving and loving people I've 'met' and haven't met most of you for real either.  Without your help, the last 16 months would have been so difficult and so lonely at times.  All of us who have internet access are so blessed to have sites like OH and others out here to help us connect and support each other.  

You've encouraged me, given me great ideas, shared inspirational articles and timely medical information as well as eating ideas and wonderful recipes.  This post-op journey wouldn't have been as successful or tasty without Melissa's many mocha recipes, the apple crisp, the delish protein fudge, the 'whip' frosting, PK's pumpkin protein muffins, the meat crust pizza, Terri's terriffic protein bar recipe, Jan's parmesan-crusted chicken and  *countless* recipes from Shelley (Eggface)....too many to list!   THANK YOU!

And thank you so much for all the exercise encouragement!  Losing weight and eating healthy is only one little componant of making this weight loss lasting.  Without the exercise the pounds would just gradually come back and probably bring pals.  It has been so helpful to get all the exercise encouragement from you out there, thank you! 

Here is the website for the Five Day Pouch Test if you want more info, be sure to read their message board 'the neighborhood' for some practical tips and advice.

http://www.5daypouchtest.com/index.html

My 'Day Six' report:  I'm down 10 pounds!  The size fours officially fit again and the muffin top is really reduced.  It amazes me to see the changes that my body goes through so quickly with just a tiny weight gain...it all goes to the belly!  

More exciting...my planned breakfast indulgence after living through all that meat was to have a cottage cheese pancake breakfast and yes, another serving of the turkey breakfast sausage.   I could only eat half the cottage cheese pancakes and about .75 ounce of sausage.  WA-HOO!!!

I know what I'm having for lunch!  (breakfast leftovers!)

After having read about this on the internet for months now I decided to join friends here on OH and do it.   I still don't eat white flours, potatoes, pastas etc, so I don't need the 5DPT to 'cure' me of that but it would still be fun to try.   But I know that I am eating way too many whole-grain, fruit and dairy carbs because my Sparkpeople tallies just don't lie...those carb counts have climbed higher and higher in the last few months.  So I shopped and prepped to be all 'set' to do it.  Protein shakes, here we come!

Day One with the full liquids wasn't a problem...my resolve was good and even though I got the carb-withdrawal headache it didn't deter me.  Day Two:  pretty much the same though it seems my calorie counts both liquid days was pretty high.  I figured...well, it is just a short test and 'what the heck'.   A few days of high calories and higher-than-normal fats (wow, those soup recipes from the website are SO HIGH IN FATS!!!) isn't going to kill me and if I gain weight from it I can always just go back to a regular eating plan and get it off that way.  

And surprise, surprise...the little 'Valentine's Sugar Free Candy Gain' (did I fail to mention that I chewed my way out of my size four jeans with that evil stuff???) began to go away a pound at a time.  Ok.  That makes for some nice additional motivation!  Even though the headache was still with me through Day Two I kept at it.   By the end of Day Two I was wanting to chew a little more but still not a big problem.   After all, here comes Day Three and the famous Hallelujia Chorus Egg Meals. 

What a letdown!  Day Three and the eggs made me nauseated.  Since my original wls in '99 I haven't eaten 'real eggs' very often because they either always got stuck or just made me sick but Egg Beaters-type products always worked.  But the plan calls for real eggs (it really seems to push higher-fat food choices) so that's what I tried.  Yuck...one thing the 5DPT has done is cure me of any possible egg cravings I've had. 

Day Three I was so hungry! (And STILL had the headache!)  The semi-soft foods just didn't satisfy me and I never felt satiated.  Never felt that 'aha' pouch sensation that so many others have reported.   If it wasn't for the fact that the scale was still inching back where it should be I might have considered quitting.  It seemed like a lot of trouble for not much in the way of results.  Luckily for me, MelissaF gave me some great encouragement.  She is one of the most wonderful people I've run across here on OH and a real blessing to all of us she has helped.  

So thanks to Melissa I switched plans to eat some turkey meatballs for Day Four instead of using the chicken that I'd prepped (ground meats generally aren't a good thing for me).  When I was cooking them on the evening of Day Three they smelled so good and made me so hungry that I decided to skip ahead for the evening and eat a portion of them.  Wow, it made all the difference in the world!  At last I felt the 'aha...here's the pouch!' sensation and it wasn't painful.  AND the headache went away.  Now we insert the Hallelujia Chorus:      

So on to Day Four, or Meatball Day as I am thinking of it.  haha  It is working out great!  My protein count is going to be astronomical and I am having less carb cravings today too.  I'll be honest...I still want them and think that a mere five-day period without them isn't really enough for a true carb detox.  We'll see...

Planned for dinner tonight...Mahi Mahi.  Mmmm!  Too bad we are out of propane, my husband bbq's the BEST Mahi Mahi for me.  He takes the time to set up the smoking chips and makes it so delicious because he knows I don't eat steak anymore so he goes out of his way to make it a treat for me.  Totally cool, huh?  25 years and he is still so thoughtful.  Don't know how I got so lucky but I'm sure thankful!

Haven't decided yet what to eat on Day Five now that I'm doing so well with the turkey meatballs.  Chicken is notorious for getting my stoma plugged and I dread that day so much even though I did prep the meat and have it ready to go.  On a normal day I'd just be eating my chicken with fat free ranch dressing but that turns it into a 'slider' and is against the 5DPT rules.  We'll see...  At any rate, whatever I end up eating I'm thrilled that this has given me back the feeling of self-control over my food impulses and my size fours are getting more comfortable.  

For a reward, I bought myself a gardening kneeler-pad and hope that it will allow me to get back on the floor and resume my Pilates.  My regular exercise mat just isn't protection enough for the Tailbone From Hell.  But I'm sick and tired of the muffin top and the lack of muscle tone in my abs.  Time to get tough!!! 

Would I recommend the 5DPT?  Yes.  I'm not saying you'll have earth-shattering results but even if all you get out of it is a regained sense of determination to stick to your surgeon's rules (protein FIRST and carbs as CONDIMENTS) then it is definitely worth it. 

One thing I've gotten from it is another cold, hard look at my really awful sweets addiction.   Now that I can resist the carb temptation a little easier I am very leery of adding back too many 'allowable' sweets.  The sugar free chocolates that I hid shouldn't come back after the fifth day as I had planned.  (Merri Lou [my dietician] might read this and think..Well, DUH!)  Even though I used them sensibly in the past as a way to control my cravings I just got too overconfident with them and then out of control.  I've been through this pattern before in the past year and should have seen the warning signs.   

I'm going to do some serious praying and soul-searching over the possibility of trying to go cold-turkey on chocolate the way Carol Pielli has.  That might be the only long-term answer for me.  Or maybe I will just keep repeating the 5DPT as needed...   

Before I forget, I wanted to post some experiences I've had lately that sort of make me a little uncomfortable and maybe even angry.  There have been several incidents where I'm out in public and end up inconveniencing other people through some various situations (having trouble with a self-help checkout for instance).  Instead of the type of reactions I used to get when I was fat (loud sighing, very evident irritation at the person in line behind me, etc.) what has happened recently is that I get very friendly male attention.  

Helpful, kind, making jokes...a totally different experience.  This is mostly all guys too...just because I work on base and there are a lot more men around than women.  

My reactions are a bit petty-sounding (and feeling) but I can't help comparing these situations to things that happened in the past.  Guess I am sort of feeling some reverse discrimination.  Is that the right term?  Prob. not but I think you know what I mean.  It just bugs me that even though I am still the same  person inside this body...now I am a human worth treating civilly whereas I wasn't before.  Well, I am really exhausted tonight as I write this and probably just overreacting. 

Anyway, these feelings just reinforce for me the resolve to always to treat overweight people with kindness and respect and remember the way these situations have made me feel. 

One year ago today I got my revision surgery!!!!

It is so hard to believe that it has been one year already.  Seems like time just flew by when I look back on it now.  It took so many, many years to get the that point a year ago and I know now that the wait was totally worth it.  It made me appreciate this precious second (and final) chance to improve my health.  It also made me so determined not to fail again.  That just isn't an option and knowing that and feeling the fear-factor of the possibility of it keeps me from going totally out of control.  

While I haven't been able to come off all my medications I will say that my days now are not controlled by pain!  It  is so much easier and pleasant to move freely and at will.  I'm usually in constant motion...sometimes annoyingly so.  hahaha  

The future looks so much brighter now too.  I'm going to do as Dr. Rawlins advised and LIVE the rest of my time on earth instead of allowing poor health and unhappiness to rob me of the joy of living.  

As MelissaF posted on the rny mb, I am also trying to 'pay it forward' and advise all who are blessed enough to have wls to do the same.  We are all put here to love and serve one another...I can't think of many things more fulfilling than that.  I've tried and will continue to try to be a good 'role model' to other wls patients and hopefuls in our local support group. 

My future plans involve staying closely connected to our local support group because they are a lifeline in this struggle.  Also, I'll never forget that this isn't a cure.  This surgery was merely a tool to be used in this fight and it is my responsibility to treat it with respect and maintain it so that it will continue to function.  

Besides a huge thank you to Dr. Rawlins and his staff, also I thank my family for being so wonderful and supportive during this whole past year.  I just couldn't have asked for a better family and wish that everybody here on OH was so lucky. 

Thank you to everybody here on OH who makes it such a great, supportive place.  I've hung out on the RNY board, the WA State board, my surgery month board...several other places and always had a warm welcome and found any help I've needed.  Hopefully along the way I've been able to help others too. 
 
This whole day I've been floating around on a cloud with a stupid grin on my face.   Tomorrow morning I'll have my one-year post-op appointment with Dr. Rawlins and hope to have a happy weigh in.  My own personal goal was to make it to an even 100# loss from my surgery day weight.  I came very close!  Only missed it by six-tenths of a pound and that doesn't bother me a bit.  I took a picture of the scale and will try to get some other one-year photos taken and posted here very soon.  

  

My daughter was her for a nice visit on Monday and I persuaded her to take some updated pictures for my profile here.  And from looking at them I can honestly say I still hate seeing pictures of myself!  Plus, what in the world are people thinking when they say I'm getting too thin?  No way, I still look plenty hefty thank you.  A lot healthier, of course...but not too thin.  That's just nutz!!! 

A year ago at Support Group, Carol asked us during the Round Table what our goals were for the next Halloween.  I decided that I wanted to be able to fit into my wedding dress sloper (the muslin sewn for fitting the gown) since it made a cute Halloween costume for my daughter the previous year.  Part of me didn't really think I could accomplsih it but then after the surgery when the weight just came off so well I was thinking it was really possible.

So I got up the courage to try the thing on yesterday and am sorry I did.  I weigh less now than my wedding day (133 today versus 140 then) and can't get that zipper to go past the hips.  The bodice edges will pull together to center if I really withdraw all the air in my lungs but I can see ribs through the fabric at that point.  Does this mean I have fat lungs?  hahaha  I know that the waist is too thick still and can maybe be toned down with exercise but how did my ribcage get so fat?  For heavens' sake...I'm under goal weight here!  

My husband and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary on May 28th next year and I really wanted to be able to try on my wedding dress for a photo but now I just don't see that happening.  Very discouraging!  I'm so over Halloween, let's just go straight to Christmas from here ok?  

Enough whining....  LOL

Karli, you are definitely right I haven't posted anything here in a long time!  It seems like this happens with a lot of post ops... a lot of posting in the early months and then as life gets into a new normal routine we just get busy living and don't spend as much time here as before.  Me too!  I'm under goal these days and bouncing between 134 and 136 most weeks.  That 134 is hard to maintain and my body is usually happiest at 136.  

Maintenance is HARD!  It is more difficult than losing.  Thank heavens for the support group and the message boards here at OH...they are my daily link to staying focused on this struggle.  Online food journaling at Sparkpeople.com is really helpful too.  Without it I'm sure I'd be eating way too much and start regaining.  It is all too easy for my food obsessions to try to take over but knowing the way my totals come out at the end of the day is so helpful in gaining control.  It is literally a day to day thing.   My daily goals are 1000 calories or less, under 100 grams of carbs (that one is tough!!!), under 25 grams fat and 60-100 gr. protein.  It is really easy to get in too much protein so that's another thing I watch.  A nut. from the nutrition forum said that as long as you keep up a good water intake the excess proteins can be safely flushed away so I'm working hard at that as always. 

Exercise continues to be a mental battle.  I work very hard, physically, at my job so I know that every day I'm there my body is moving and being challenged.  However, it's really easy to find excuses not to exercise at home and that is a problem!   My tailbone is still terribly sore so no Pilates dvd any time soon.  The core muscles are a challenge to work out on a spot-exercise basis without it but I'm still fitting in my size six clothes so that is holding ok.   My daughter gave me a Swiss ball for my birthday in May and I try to use that.  'Try' being the operative word.  I fall off it quite well and am so afraid to land on my tailbone every time! 

Haven't pursued the plastics any further yet.  Since I can't afford augmentation this year it seems pointless.  My choices are narrowed down to Dr. Adams and Dr. Morimoto.   It is a very exciting prospect and something I think would make a good reward for maintaining my weight and health for 'x' number of years.  It will take quite awhile to save up that much money anyway.  

A tiny update: I'm mostly winning the coffee battle.  I haven't had a single cup of good, hot coffee with creamer since that last post.  However, coffee is still in my life just in a new form...lattes and 'mocha's' made with soymilk and protein powder.  So long as the coffee is well buffered by a lot of other fluids and/or ice it doesn't hurt quite as badly.  Still hurts some, but it is pain I can live with.  In the processs of developing these new drinks for myself I've gained quite a sugar-free coffee syrup collection.  There are 27 different bottles sitting on my kitchen counter next to the blender now.  Looks like an obsession but they sure are fun to use in shakes and recipes.  I'm making sure to enjoy this new lifestyle and embrace it fully...and NOT think of it as dieting.  Dieting is temporary, living with RNY is forever.  

That's enough rambling for now don't you think? 

Warning: Whining Ahead

Every morning at work I cheerfully edure the tantalizing aroma of baking bread and then... frying bacon as the food court outside the bx prepares for their day.  Not a problem.

Co-workers celebrate their birthdays with cakes and cupcakes and I truly enjoy celebrating with them, eating my strawberries or a protein bar while they have cake.  Not a problem.

We have family bbq's with the typical foods and sides.  Good company, relaxing atmosphere, mouthwatering smells.  I enjoy my veggies and whatever 'legal' meat I'm eating then.  Not a problem.

Relaxed weekend mornings at home when the house is calm and quiet and the birds are chirping in the backyard.  My husband is reading his paper on the patio with a cup of coffee.  The coffee fragrance permeates the house.  A BIG PROBLEM!!!  

Why can I resist so many temptations but not coffee??  I drank half of a small cup today and as soon as I finished the last delicious sip the stomach pain began.  After sucking back Carafate off and on for 2 hours my tummy feels better but it is still mad at me.  Eventually I will learn to keep away from Demon Coffee but it is going to be so hard!!!!

I'd rather be healthy and thin than drink coffee.  I'd rather be healthy and thin than drink coffee.  I'd rather be healthy and thin than drink coffee...

The US Goverment says I am normal.  HA!  (personally, I always thought of myself as pretty weird)  Today I updated my BMI and checked it against the govt. chart and I am now in the normal range.  Wow, it has been at least 23 years since that has happened.  

However, I don't want to ever stop thinking of myself as obese because I'm afraid to stop remembering that I'm in recovery.  This has to be a day by day thing.  There can't be a time when I think, ok I'm like everybody else and can stop watching what I eat and how I think about food.

So I celebrated with a session on the stair stepper, good huh?