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Merry Christmas!  We are going to be having a white Christmas after all, that is so nice.  I am going to try to be nice and not pouty for Christmas but I really don't feel well.  Wednesday is my first post-op appointment and I will have a bunch of questions.  Thursday I had an attack of my old-style stomach pain and it was really scary.  Carafate seemed to shut it off and that was a relief but since then I have had trouble trying to get down my puree foods.  Something is going on in there and it doesn't feel good.  Hope it isn't a stricture, I don't want any more procedures.  Also haven't been taking my bp meds since my pouch hurts so much and now I have a migraine as a result.  Guess i will have to dig out my Imitrex and have a shot...ugh. 

Am going to go back to the straight liquid diet to see if the pouch will calm down.  Very discouraging.  But on the bright side, I am down another 2# for a post-op total of 18.  Maybe I can get another two off before the appt. on Wed.  Would really love to be down 20 at that first appt.

Warning: whining ahead.  

I have a grouchy pouch.  It is a bit discouraging but I'm just taking it as a challenge to be managed and a temporary condition.  It doesn't like to be empty, it doesn't like to have food in it.  It doesn't like anything acidy like tea...even herbal teas.  It doesn't like warm food or beverages.  If my head could manage it, it would be happiest if I drank my watered-down juice all day long.  However since I'm cold all the time now I'd like to be able to get some warm things inside.  So i just balance it out between lukewarm drinks and warm and the pouch just has to deal with it.  When I go to bed I have a dose of Carafate and that seems to help it last a few hours longer empty.   It is just a fairly constant ache and nothing severe so it doesn't worry me, it just has to be managed.   

First, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everybody who sent prayers and good wishes my way.  It really, truly means a lot to me and I know that you helped tremendously.   The hospital experience itself was pretty bad, but surgery went very well.  It did take Dr. Rawlins a long time to do but I haven't seen an actual time report yet.  I believe it was about 5 hours.   Revisions are messier surgeries and he'd already had one difficult surgery before me.  He must have been dreading that day's roster.   

In order not to make this too long I won't go into too many details but suffice it to say I had some health issues that made recovery difficult and the nursing staff was having a terrible time with another patient so the two things combined weren't good.  I sort of snowed my way into a discharge and determined to get away from that place and take good care of myself at home.   It has taken till yesterday for me to stop hearing (in my head) the patient next door moaning and screaming in pain;  I pray that person is getting better.  Once the emotional frame of reference calmed down it seemed the physical things came right along with it and I'm pretty much on track for a revision patient.  

Innards are still pretty tender but I'm not using much pain meds.  The narcotic stuff wasn't agreeing with me so I switched to the Adult Tylenol liquid and though it has too much sugar in it and tastes nasty it does work.  It hasn't made me dump either so...that could mean it doesn't have as much sugar as it tastes like or I'm not going to be a dumper.  That would be a huge 'boohoo' but we'll see...  I will check out their website to see if there is any nutritional info on it.  It also contains sorbital and saccarine so hopefully that accounts for part of the too-sweet taste.

Merri Lou Dobler (Dr.'s nutritionist) gave me such a wonderful packet of post-op food instructions that it has been no trouble following her schedule to find intake that agrees with my tender insides.  Seems that whey protiens don't work for right now so I'm switching to soups that are as high in protiens as I can find and just blenderizing and thinning the heck out of them.

Something really exciting to me...I'M CONSTANTLY COLD ALREADY!  Ok, that's totally nutty but it tells me that my body recognizes that we are losing weight now!  From my last doctor's appt. to surgery day I'd lost another four pounds so I don't know which weight to really use for his purposes.   Anyway, unofficially by my scale I've lost 10 pounds since surgery which is thrilling.  It took a whole year to get 20 pounds off before this, what an exciting time this is going to be now to see the scale move a little faster.  (I know, just at first!)

Today my energy is down, I feel shaky and weak but that doesn't discourage me because I know I'm getting enough fluids and probably I was just too perky yesterday and maybe overdid it.  So today I'm just catching up on rest.  Looking forward to everyday that I feel better.

Monday is only hours away now and boy am I a ball of mixed emotions.   Been keeping very busy this weekend trying to catch up on household chores and do the liquid diet.   The doctor's paperwork said only the day before but I thought it'd be a good idea to give it two days considering how badly I've been eating this past week.  

My coworkers were so sweet to me this week...making a breakfast potluck, taking me out for Chinese, presenting me with a card and a gift representing Good Health from another.  What great people I work with.  

Luckily my wonderful family (Mom, Dad, sister, husband and kids) are supportive and will be praying for me tomorrow.  That is a very good feeling.  Hope none of them will be stuck waiting hours on end at the hospital, that is just awful.  I'm sorry to inconvenience any of them with this surgery, though I know they aren't the kind of people who'd see it that way but still...  Can't wait till this is done and I'm back at home again getting on with life and losing weight.

Today the kids and I had our annual Christmas-out breakfast early.  We pick a Saturday morning in December and have breakfast, just the three of us and then do some Christmas shopping.  They order anything they want with  no maternal scolding and we have a fun visit together, tell jokes and laugh at and with each other.  So it had to be early this year but we still had a memorable time.  I'm so proud of my kids and love to get to spend time like this with them.  In our busy lives this is so rare.   We got their Dad's Christmas present afterward and had fun shopping.  Now that we are at home it is quiet and cozy, we are blessed to have such a nice day...even with the gray drizzles outside.  We are all together and may not be able to say that much longer as the kids grow and grow.  

This morning I completed the last of the tests at the Rockwood Clinic.  Now all that is left is the pre-op appointment.  Today I'll work on Christmas cards and another big chunk of my to-do list will get done. 

Something that seems more and more obvious to me is that NOW is the right time, right place, and with the right people for me to be successful with wls.  My experiences with Dr. Rawlins and his staff are so much the opposite of past experiences with Dr. Schrock and his staff.  Even when he didn't seem to be very encouraging regarding surgery, Dr. R. always made me feel he had the best interests of my health in mind.  And his staff is so extremely helpful!  Carol must be constantly busy, yet she makes time to help and explain whenever I have a question or an insurance problem.  

Just today she took time to help me figure out why my insurance company sent me a referral to a cardiologist.   She is going to be off work tomorrow and I bet she had a completely full desk of things to do yet she made time to research this for me and figured out that the letter was referring to the treadmill test I'd already done.   And further, she explained about the 'Back on Track' program she is being certified to lead which will be one more tool to use to keep the weight in check after surgery.  Her level of committment to Dr.'s patients is really inspiring and I'm sure her good heart is earning her a very good place in heaven.  

What a blessing to have finally come to this place for revision surgery, everything just seems so 'right'.

This week it is four weeks till surgery.  Hard to wait but I have waited years already so a few more weeks are nothing.  Last night I assembled my post-op foods in one place and it looks like way too much!  Considering I'll be eating an ounce at a time for weeks and weeks this stuff will last a looong time.    So far I have four kinds of protien powders, three large bottles of juice, 16 bottles of Isopure, two month's supply of Optisouce, several canned cream-type soups, sugar free jellos, sugar free puddings, a case of chicken broth, beef broth, low sugar instant oatmeal, sugar free hot chocolate, home-made frozen puree chicken and also carrots and lots of small dishes, spoons and measuring cups.  Forgot the sugar-free water flavoring things too...those are good. 

Today I see my pcm on base and will discuss meds with him and see what we can come up with for post-op dosing.   Got a call yesterday from Carol and she found out I don't have to have the nuclear heart test, what a relief.  Now I don't have to take more time off work and know that one more detail is done with.

Today I did the pre-op treadmill test and think I flunked it.  It was at 2 p.m. which meant I'd just finished an 8hr. day on my feet working hard.  Been up since 3 a.m. and was already tired.  Didn't help that I was fighting a migraine and could feel my bp was up...it was.  140/100.  And I'm coming down with a cold, can feel it in my throat and the back of my sinus.  You know  how it feels?  Anyway I did my best for the test and was it ever hard!  The program kept cranking up the incline and speed and I was huffing and puffiing but my heart rate never got up as high as they needed it.  Guess it is because of the bp meds I take.  So now there may be not enough data to do Dr. Rawlins any good?  The tech said I may have to do another type of test and not to be alarmed.  Well, I'm not worried about my heart but am worried about this affecting my chances for surgery.  Rats....

Todays mail brought the official approval letter from the insurance company.  Wow...this is for real now.  How truly greatful I am to live in a country where good medical care is readily available.  Heard about a local source for a sugar-free gelatin that does not contain aspartame and will check it out tomorrow.  Crossing fingers!!  Why in the world there seems to be no end of aspartame products when it causes so many people problems is a mystery to me.  Thank heavens for Splenda!

Yesterday was not just a bad day, it was a horrible day.  Maybe a year ago I'd have come home from a day like that and gone straight to the kitchen to see what was in the fridge or to start cooking something 'comforting'.   But now that I'm back on the path to better habits again I had to try to find a different solution.  On the half-hour drive home from work I mulled over several ideas.  What I resolved to do was to start journaling right away and get it out of my head first.  And then I had to get away from the kitchen.  Turned out that after I journaled, I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that a nap seemed like the only option.  Maybe I should  have exercised but there just wasn't any spirit left in me for that.  The nap was good and I got up later and got some housework done, ate a normal dinner and then went to bed.  Didn't sleep well...I think my unconscious mind was turning the day's events over too much.  But when I got up this morning I felt so much better for having handled the problem differently.  

The whole thing yesterday just hammered home the knowledge that I've got to get into some behavioral therapy after surgery to work through my food issues and not let emotions get the better of me.