grandmaree
Update Feb. 2010
Feb 01, 2010
It has been a long time since I posted here. I spent 6 weeks back in the states after my mother's funeral, am still wrestling with emotions of losing my mother and the holidays, etc.., etc...not sure if I will ever get over losing mom. It has been 23 years since I lost my dad and I still miss him terribly. I am glad they are together, that is what my mom wanted, to be with him again. So, I guess life will go on.........
I have lost a total of 130 pounds since I started the whole weight loss journey, but haven't lost any weight since September, so I am either on a very long stall or I have reached that point in my weight loss that I am now going to have to really work at it. Either way, I am so very happy where I am, of course I would like to lose about 10 more pounds, but if I don't I am not going to obsess about it, I am very very happy where I am and am considering some plastics if I can afford it.
I had let my vitamins and supplement slip since I have been here, mostly due to unavailability....but have been doing some research and think I have found some alternatives that will suffice.
When I was researching WLS and pouring over all the info on this site (just like many, if not most of you, did or are doing), I would spend hours looking at the before and after pictures and would just fantasize....I would look at them over and over, day after day!!! So, I was quite surprised today, when looking at the before and after pics, I saw my own face amongst them!! THAT is like winning grand prize, to make it to the Before and After pictures!!
We will be moving, AGAIN, to another island here in the Philippines. Negros Oriental, to a town called Dumaguete. It is a very nice, quaint, town, with pleny of foreigners, like me, it is cleaner, less polluted, and less crowded. The ocean is close by and it is cooler, too. It will be a good move, but stressful until we find a house, etc...and get settled!!
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I have lost a total of 130 pounds since I started the whole weight loss journey, but haven't lost any weight since September, so I am either on a very long stall or I have reached that point in my weight loss that I am now going to have to really work at it. Either way, I am so very happy where I am, of course I would like to lose about 10 more pounds, but if I don't I am not going to obsess about it, I am very very happy where I am and am considering some plastics if I can afford it.
I had let my vitamins and supplement slip since I have been here, mostly due to unavailability....but have been doing some research and think I have found some alternatives that will suffice.
When I was researching WLS and pouring over all the info on this site (just like many, if not most of you, did or are doing), I would spend hours looking at the before and after pictures and would just fantasize....I would look at them over and over, day after day!!! So, I was quite surprised today, when looking at the before and after pics, I saw my own face amongst them!! THAT is like winning grand prize, to make it to the Before and After pictures!!
We will be moving, AGAIN, to another island here in the Philippines. Negros Oriental, to a town called Dumaguete. It is a very nice, quaint, town, with pleny of foreigners, like me, it is cleaner, less polluted, and less crowded. The ocean is close by and it is cooler, too. It will be a good move, but stressful until we find a house, etc...and get settled!!
Mom's letter..................
Sep 22, 2009
As I have been trying to deal with my mother's death, and the family has all gone back to their homes, I am still here at my mother's house, alone, going through her things, and I ran across this letter addressed to me. I don't recall ever receiving it, and I know it should be a source of comfort, but right now it is almost too much to bear and all I have been able to do is cry ever since finding it, please pray for me:
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If I searched until the ends of the earth, I know I would never find another daughter as lovely as you are.
You were the light in my life from the day you were born, and its brightness grows with every thought of you. I know without a doubt that I could never have asked for a better daughter.
As a child, you brought me a love I could not have imagined. And in the later years, you became my best friend. You have always been prepared to listen to any advice I thought was helpful and you never failed to show me how important my opinions were to you.
During difficult times, you were never far away, and I always knew your support would be given without question. Over the years, I have both laughed and cried with happiness. But more than that, I have felt so much pride at times I thought my heart would burst.
I want to tell you that you are a daughter in a million = one who deserves all the love and happiness this world has to offer. From me comes a love I will forever wish for you, one that grows more and more each day and which will continue to grow and that will not stop until the end of time.
I am sad
Sep 03, 2009
I am so sad....today, after a sudden illness, my mother passed away. I am here in the Philippines and couldn't be there at her side. I have Skype and was able to be in the room with her and my family, which helped, it was almost like being there, but not quite the same. I have some comfort in knowing she was "ready to go" and actually made the decision to die or have potentially fatal surgery. She had made her peace and died within hours. It was very peaceful and she wasn't in pain, I don't think we could ask for anything more. I am flying back to the states tomorrow, and am looking forward to seeing my family, but I was supposed to be coming back in a week anyway to spend time with my mom, not be going to her funeral. I am going to try to wrestle the demons that are going to want me to eat, to cover my anger and sadness. I won't beat myself up, though if the demons win for a while....I know eventually I will get back to a normal life again. I am going to miss my mother so much...she was a major part of my life and my best friend. I am thankful she is not suffering anymore, as she had been ill off and on with various issues over several years. Rest in Peace, Mom, until we are together again.
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Have been scared...........
Aug 31, 2009
We made it safely to the Philippines on July 17th. We had a great time in Los Angeles before heading here. I fit in every single ride at Universal Studios and Disneyland, and had no problems with my seatbelts on the planes!! Everything is so different here!! Culture shock is starting to fade a little after being here a month. We had our daughter enrolled in a private school here, but the standards in this country (as in all Asian countries, I think) are extremely high and I discovered how far behind American students are comparitively. We had to pull our daughter out of the school after she was diagnosed with severe stress gastritis which had continued for several weeks, and we will be homeschooling her using American curriculum. I no longer work, so I have plenty of time to do this, I know it is the best thing for her.
I hadn't weighed myself since I was in Oklahoma in July, I haven't had access to scales yet, but I was really afraid that I had gained weight. All the Filipinos do is eat, it seems!! They have breakfast, then they have a break a couple of hours later, then they eat lunch, then they have another break around 3 p.m., then they eat dinner, and they usually have dessert. Anyway, I haven't denied myself much and I was afraid of what the scales would say. We had to take my husband to the dr. today and I took advantage of the scales in the office.....I have lost another 9 pounds since we left Oklahoma!! I still don't believe it....the scales MUST be wrong!! My husband says if I had gained weight he would see it in my face, and he says my face is thinner. Also, I hadn't seen his cousin's wife in about 3 weeks and the first thing she said was "you've lost weight!!" I told her there was no way I had lost weight!! That was before I weighed!! It seems I eat all the time....it doesn't seem possible that I have lost weight. Well, we are living in a 3 story townhouse and I climb up and down 40 steps several times a day, I'm sure that helps!! I am coming back to Oklahoma in a week and a half and will jump on the scales when I get there!! I eat more fresh fruits here than I have in my entire life.....fresh Philippine mango is the BEST!! I am discovering foods I have never had, nor would I have ever tried. Granted, I eat small amounts, but most of their foods are pretty healthy. They eat a lot of chicken and vegetables. I have discovered a soup that I dream about...it is called sinigang. It is a sour soup with pork and veggies.....OMG, you have GOT to try it sometime!!
I am going to try to be better about coming here again....we have just been so busy trying to get settled....and I have been afraid to come and admit that I had gained weight!!
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I hadn't weighed myself since I was in Oklahoma in July, I haven't had access to scales yet, but I was really afraid that I had gained weight. All the Filipinos do is eat, it seems!! They have breakfast, then they have a break a couple of hours later, then they eat lunch, then they have another break around 3 p.m., then they eat dinner, and they usually have dessert. Anyway, I haven't denied myself much and I was afraid of what the scales would say. We had to take my husband to the dr. today and I took advantage of the scales in the office.....I have lost another 9 pounds since we left Oklahoma!! I still don't believe it....the scales MUST be wrong!! My husband says if I had gained weight he would see it in my face, and he says my face is thinner. Also, I hadn't seen his cousin's wife in about 3 weeks and the first thing she said was "you've lost weight!!" I told her there was no way I had lost weight!! That was before I weighed!! It seems I eat all the time....it doesn't seem possible that I have lost weight. Well, we are living in a 3 story townhouse and I climb up and down 40 steps several times a day, I'm sure that helps!! I am coming back to Oklahoma in a week and a half and will jump on the scales when I get there!! I eat more fresh fruits here than I have in my entire life.....fresh Philippine mango is the BEST!! I am discovering foods I have never had, nor would I have ever tried. Granted, I eat small amounts, but most of their foods are pretty healthy. They eat a lot of chicken and vegetables. I have discovered a soup that I dream about...it is called sinigang. It is a sour soup with pork and veggies.....OMG, you have GOT to try it sometime!!
I am going to try to be better about coming here again....we have just been so busy trying to get settled....and I have been afraid to come and admit that I had gained weight!!
Craziness, but an update......
Jun 30, 2009
We have 9 days until we leave our home and head for the Philippines!! What an adventure this is going to be!! I am nervous, anxious, excited, sad, etc............so many emotions!! The hardest thing is leaving my grandbaby...
Have so much to do, though!! It is so hard sorting through so many years of memories, and I know I can't keep everything, so I have to throw a lot of it away. It is good, though, we all should do this every now and then, I think!! As we get older and accumulate so much "stuff", it gets harder and harder to throw it out, so it is good I am doing it now.
Had a shopping trip to my favorite store today...CATO's. I was able to buy a pair of size 12 capris and a large shirt!! I have always said I would be happy if I could get to a "normal" size 12/14 and large shirts........so, am I happy? Yup!! I need to lose more, but if I don't, at this point, I am satisfied and will try to concentrate on learning how to maintain, but hopefully WILL lose a bit more in the process. But, I am not going to beat myself up if I don't.
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Have so much to do, though!! It is so hard sorting through so many years of memories, and I know I can't keep everything, so I have to throw a lot of it away. It is good, though, we all should do this every now and then, I think!! As we get older and accumulate so much "stuff", it gets harder and harder to throw it out, so it is good I am doing it now.
Had a shopping trip to my favorite store today...CATO's. I was able to buy a pair of size 12 capris and a large shirt!! I have always said I would be happy if I could get to a "normal" size 12/14 and large shirts........so, am I happy? Yup!! I need to lose more, but if I don't, at this point, I am satisfied and will try to concentrate on learning how to maintain, but hopefully WILL lose a bit more in the process. But, I am not going to beat myself up if I don't.
Small WOW moments..........loving them!!
Jun 09, 2009
Just had a couple of small WOW moments that I wanted to share. I recently had my "girlie" checkup and the gown they gave me (a normal sized one) actually WRAPPED around me and had extra room in it!! Before losing weight, that gown would have choked me and never would have fit at all. And my doctor mentioned my skinny legs...WHAT??? I don't have skinny legs!!! Hehe........anyway, the other WOW moment happened today at the eye dr. I have long-dreaded going to the eye dr. each year because I have difficulty getting my chin into the little cups....I always blamed my size "H" boobs as being the problem, although I am sure they don't help. Today, however, getting my chin into the little machine's cups was a breeze....I didn't have to pull the machine into my chest and hold on for dear life...I just leaned into them and nothing got in the way!! I know it is a silly WOW.....but it was a WOW nonetheless!!
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Trip to Wal-Mart
May 26, 2009
Just a quick note about my trip to Wal-Mart today.......
Was grocery shopping, and decided, on a whim, to try on some pants (I am not afraid to do that anymore!!), so I got a pair of 12 capris and another pair of 12/14 capris. They both fit!! I have to say that the 12's looked like pretty big 12's, though. BUT, I could wear 12's!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't buy them, just wanted to try them on. Also, am wearing my son-in-law's size Large Southpole shirt, and it has room in it!! Can't believe how the inches seem to disappear, even when the scale doesn't show much progress!! I am still very happy!! No, it isn't easy...no, the tool does not decide for me which foods to stick in my mouth, I still have to make those decisions, so I feel I am making better choices these days.....not 100% the right one all the time, but I am definitely making better choices, eating much less (thanks to my pouch), reading labels all the time, still struggling to get all my fluids in (I just forget to drink sometimes), I am doing well with my protein now since I can eat a larger variety of foods. Have discovered I can eat Beef Jerky, which is a great source of protein.
More later......................
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Was grocery shopping, and decided, on a whim, to try on some pants (I am not afraid to do that anymore!!), so I got a pair of 12 capris and another pair of 12/14 capris. They both fit!! I have to say that the 12's looked like pretty big 12's, though. BUT, I could wear 12's!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't buy them, just wanted to try them on. Also, am wearing my son-in-law's size Large Southpole shirt, and it has room in it!! Can't believe how the inches seem to disappear, even when the scale doesn't show much progress!! I am still very happy!! No, it isn't easy...no, the tool does not decide for me which foods to stick in my mouth, I still have to make those decisions, so I feel I am making better choices these days.....not 100% the right one all the time, but I am definitely making better choices, eating much less (thanks to my pouch), reading labels all the time, still struggling to get all my fluids in (I just forget to drink sometimes), I am doing well with my protein now since I can eat a larger variety of foods. Have discovered I can eat Beef Jerky, which is a great source of protein.
More later......................
Feeling good, loving life again
May 22, 2009
I can't begin to explain how good I feel, and how good it feels to feel alive again!! Every day at work, and I do mean every single day, I am getting compliments from so many people. The remarks I am hearing are: "You are wasting away", "You are melting right in front of us", "You are getting so skinny!!", "Don't get too skinny", "You have a spring in your step you didn't have before", the list goes on and on, and quite frankly, I am eating it up, because I never thought I would hear these things!! One of the doctors I work with, but he hasn't been there frequently the past couple of months, walked up behind where I was sitting and he politely said, "hello", and when I turned to speak with him, he did a double-take and said, "Oh My God!! You look like an entirely different person!! I didn't know it was you!! You look FANTASTIC!!" All I could do was laugh and say "thank you." I told him about my surgery and he said how happy he was for me and that it was definitely working!!
I saw my pcp today for the first time since I had surgery and her office nurse didn't even recognize me. My dr. gave me the biggest hug and she was so happy that I am well and healthy.
Just a couple of more pounds I will have lost 100 pounds since last May and right now I have lost 70 pounds since my pre-op visit in December. I am extremely pleased with my progress and lack of complications. I did find out I am officially anemic, so I am taking an Iron supplement twice a day. And I am still afflicted with the constipation issues, but all in all, I will take these issues over the diabetes, sleep apnea, and GERD I had pre-op.
I am wearing size 14 jeans today and an XL shirt (because I highly doubt I can get these size "H" girls into anything smaller, but we will see). If I didn't lose anymore weight at this point, I would be disappointed that I didn't make it to my goal, but on the other hand, I have so much to be thankful for at this point and would be at peace with myself. I do know I will lose more, and it has definitely slowed down, and that is okay with me. I am enjoying myself, even enjoying eating, just not the amounts I did before. I have no dumping issues and most things go down without any problems, so I can enjoy most of the foods I love......just much smaller quantities. For example, I had a 6" Subway sub that lasted me for 3 meals!! THAT would never have happened before!! Last night, my husband bought me a burger at Sonic (I know, not the best choice, but it was sweet of him) and it lasted me 3 meals, too(and I tossed a 1/4th of it)!! These are the lifestyle changes that I am seeing my tool allowing me to make without much effort or pain. Can't complain about the hair loss....not yet anyway.
Now I am in high gear, trying to go through my junk for our move to the Philippines in July!! What an exhausting and dauting task....but, on the other hand, it will allow me a clean start. Now that I have my health back, I can start a new life, in a new house, in a new country, and make new friends, and experience so much more than I ever could have before!! This truly is going to be a new me!! I can now be an active mom to my youngest daughter, my oldest one missed out on that because I was always morbidly obese. My oldest daughter now hates that I can actually wear some of her clothes!!
If you can't tell...I AM HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!! This truly is the best thing I have ever done for myself, and "yes", a million times over, I would definitely do it again!!
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I saw my pcp today for the first time since I had surgery and her office nurse didn't even recognize me. My dr. gave me the biggest hug and she was so happy that I am well and healthy.
Just a couple of more pounds I will have lost 100 pounds since last May and right now I have lost 70 pounds since my pre-op visit in December. I am extremely pleased with my progress and lack of complications. I did find out I am officially anemic, so I am taking an Iron supplement twice a day. And I am still afflicted with the constipation issues, but all in all, I will take these issues over the diabetes, sleep apnea, and GERD I had pre-op.
I am wearing size 14 jeans today and an XL shirt (because I highly doubt I can get these size "H" girls into anything smaller, but we will see). If I didn't lose anymore weight at this point, I would be disappointed that I didn't make it to my goal, but on the other hand, I have so much to be thankful for at this point and would be at peace with myself. I do know I will lose more, and it has definitely slowed down, and that is okay with me. I am enjoying myself, even enjoying eating, just not the amounts I did before. I have no dumping issues and most things go down without any problems, so I can enjoy most of the foods I love......just much smaller quantities. For example, I had a 6" Subway sub that lasted me for 3 meals!! THAT would never have happened before!! Last night, my husband bought me a burger at Sonic (I know, not the best choice, but it was sweet of him) and it lasted me 3 meals, too(and I tossed a 1/4th of it)!! These are the lifestyle changes that I am seeing my tool allowing me to make without much effort or pain. Can't complain about the hair loss....not yet anyway.
Now I am in high gear, trying to go through my junk for our move to the Philippines in July!! What an exhausting and dauting task....but, on the other hand, it will allow me a clean start. Now that I have my health back, I can start a new life, in a new house, in a new country, and make new friends, and experience so much more than I ever could have before!! This truly is going to be a new me!! I can now be an active mom to my youngest daughter, my oldest one missed out on that because I was always morbidly obese. My oldest daughter now hates that I can actually wear some of her clothes!!
If you can't tell...I AM HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!! This truly is the best thing I have ever done for myself, and "yes", a million times over, I would definitely do it again!!
4 1/2 months post-op
May 10, 2009
I haven't updated in a while, so here goes:
Since my last blog I have crossed over to the other side, and what I mean by that is that I can shop on the other side of the clothing department. I no longer have to shop on the Plus size, I can wear normal sizes again for the first time in about 20 years!! It feels fantastic, too!! I went to a class reunion yesterday and bought a new pair of capris....size 14!!!! I couldn't believe I could get into a 14!! I have to wonder if they run a little large, because I see myself in a mirror and honestly don't see myself in a size 14, but I will take it!! And the shirt I got is an XL. So, that makes me going from a 26/28 (sometimes 30/32) and XXXL, into 14/16's and XL shirts!! I am very happy!! I am getting close to the point where I would be "happy" with this, but I would be happier to lose at least 30 more pounds.
I have to share my funny story..........I am very "well-endowed" and always have been. I have been buying 50DDD bras for a few years and with my weight loss this past year decided to get a fitting for a bra. I told the girl at Lane Bryant that I have been wearing DDD's and I figured I was needing DD now, but wanted to make sure. So, she measured me and starting laughing.........when I asked her what was so funny, she said "Ummm, I am measuring you as an "H"!!!! I am a 38H!!!! That is crazy!! What size was I before losing this weight???!! I have a friend who had RNY a year before me and she lost every bit of her girls....she had surgery Friday and got some new boobs, size D. I called her husband and told him my story and he laughed his head off.....he said "you are still going to have to go have a reduction down to the size my wife just had added!!" Well, my boobs have never been the first place I have ever lost weight, so I am not surprised!! I am now the proud of owner of 2 new Cacique size 38 H bras. I am still not used to them.....kind of like a new pair of shoes.....but I do like how they raise the girls up closer to where they belong!!
On a final note.....I am very happy I had this surgery....I have failed all my life with every weight loss attempt, and this tool forces me to remain compliant, and it is my little Jiminy Cricket that I have needed for so long!!
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Since my last blog I have crossed over to the other side, and what I mean by that is that I can shop on the other side of the clothing department. I no longer have to shop on the Plus size, I can wear normal sizes again for the first time in about 20 years!! It feels fantastic, too!! I went to a class reunion yesterday and bought a new pair of capris....size 14!!!! I couldn't believe I could get into a 14!! I have to wonder if they run a little large, because I see myself in a mirror and honestly don't see myself in a size 14, but I will take it!! And the shirt I got is an XL. So, that makes me going from a 26/28 (sometimes 30/32) and XXXL, into 14/16's and XL shirts!! I am very happy!! I am getting close to the point where I would be "happy" with this, but I would be happier to lose at least 30 more pounds.
I have to share my funny story..........I am very "well-endowed" and always have been. I have been buying 50DDD bras for a few years and with my weight loss this past year decided to get a fitting for a bra. I told the girl at Lane Bryant that I have been wearing DDD's and I figured I was needing DD now, but wanted to make sure. So, she measured me and starting laughing.........when I asked her what was so funny, she said "Ummm, I am measuring you as an "H"!!!! I am a 38H!!!! That is crazy!! What size was I before losing this weight???!! I have a friend who had RNY a year before me and she lost every bit of her girls....she had surgery Friday and got some new boobs, size D. I called her husband and told him my story and he laughed his head off.....he said "you are still going to have to go have a reduction down to the size my wife just had added!!" Well, my boobs have never been the first place I have ever lost weight, so I am not surprised!! I am now the proud of owner of 2 new Cacique size 38 H bras. I am still not used to them.....kind of like a new pair of shoes.....but I do like how they raise the girls up closer to where they belong!!
On a final note.....I am very happy I had this surgery....I have failed all my life with every weight loss attempt, and this tool forces me to remain compliant, and it is my little Jiminy Cricket that I have needed for so long!!
Another update
Apr 05, 2009
The wedding went off without a hitch and it was really really nice to have all my husband's kids together in one place for the first time in 11 years. We got their pictures done and they all spent alot of quality time together. We provided dinner for everyone at On The Border, and everyone loved that. I cooked dinner a couple of nights for everyone, that was a lot of work, but I enjoyed it. I have lost another 10 pounds since my last post. The weight is slowly but surely coming off. It is putting up a fight, though!!
I can really see a difference now......it has taken awhile for me to look in the mirror and actually see it....others have been seeing it for a long time. I can not wear the clothes I was wearing at the time of surgery, those are a history!! I have gone from a 3X scrubs at work to a loose XL. I can wear large, but, to me they are a bit snug. I have gone from a 26/28 to a 18/20 in most things. I am very happy about this!! I hardly ever check my blood sugar, but when I do it is in the 80's. My husband says he never hears me snore at night, so the sleep apnea is truly gone!!
Our plans to move to the Philippines are in high gear now. We have our plane tickets!! We fly out of L.A. on July 16th. Now we just have to start boxing stuff up to ship over there. Very overwhelming!!
I had a wonderful afternoon with a good friend I met on here. She had her surgery 2 weeks before me and is looking SO good!! I had the pleasure of seeing her WOW moment of fitting into size 9 jeans!! The look on her face was priceless!! I am very far away from size 9's and have my doubts that I will ever fit into size 9's.....I will be happy when I can wear a normal size 12. Thanks, Kim, for a very fun day!!
It has gotten easier to get fluids in now. I am trying very hard to take my vitamins regularly and I am trying to get my protein in. I am supposed to get my labs drawn and check everything, so we will see how I am doing. Will update later!!
3 comments
I can really see a difference now......it has taken awhile for me to look in the mirror and actually see it....others have been seeing it for a long time. I can not wear the clothes I was wearing at the time of surgery, those are a history!! I have gone from a 3X scrubs at work to a loose XL. I can wear large, but, to me they are a bit snug. I have gone from a 26/28 to a 18/20 in most things. I am very happy about this!! I hardly ever check my blood sugar, but when I do it is in the 80's. My husband says he never hears me snore at night, so the sleep apnea is truly gone!!
Our plans to move to the Philippines are in high gear now. We have our plane tickets!! We fly out of L.A. on July 16th. Now we just have to start boxing stuff up to ship over there. Very overwhelming!!
I had a wonderful afternoon with a good friend I met on here. She had her surgery 2 weeks before me and is looking SO good!! I had the pleasure of seeing her WOW moment of fitting into size 9 jeans!! The look on her face was priceless!! I am very far away from size 9's and have my doubts that I will ever fit into size 9's.....I will be happy when I can wear a normal size 12. Thanks, Kim, for a very fun day!!
It has gotten easier to get fluids in now. I am trying very hard to take my vitamins regularly and I am trying to get my protein in. I am supposed to get my labs drawn and check everything, so we will see how I am doing. Will update later!!
About Me
Blanchard, OK
Location
26.5
BMI
Surgery
12/31/2008
Surgery Date
Oct 05, 2008
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
Family insisted I take a picture with my grandbaby!!
250 lbslbs
