New Year, New Lease

Jan 06, 2009

So this is the year.  I'm exceedingly excited about my prospect of having gastric bypass surgery this year.  I'm 20 and have been overweight all of my life, and I can sum the experience up in two words... it sucks.  But I am so happy that this will be the year that my life can change.  This may be the year I get to start over again and do things my way.  I have two years left of college before I will be out in the "real world," as so many refer to it, on my own.  I want my life back.  Now weighing over 300 pounds, the only comfort I have when I go out is that I know no one will try to kidnap me because they will hit the ground before I will.  In school as a kid the only threat I could use was to tell them I would sit on them.  I don't want that life anymore.  I want to have confidence and pride in myself for the outside as well as the inside.  I'm a happy person generally but people mostly only see the weight.  I want them to see me, and I want to see me for who I've always imagined I would be at this point in my life. 
Excited is all I can be about this year and my surgery.  Sure some of it makes me a little nervous but I know it will all be totally and completely worth it in the end.  And I couldn't be happier.  Right now I just have this hope that insurance will pull through and I will be able to have my surgery in the spring.  I have a God-confidence about it which I have only experienced a couple of times before: when I found the Lord, and when I decided where I was going to college.  (The college thing sounds like no big deal to most people but the school I attend costs over $20,000 a year and I'm there on scholastic scholarships alone.  I'm so NOT rich.  )  I feel deep in my heart that God will work this out.  I want it more than anything else in my life.  I'm a blessed woman and this surgery, this new life I'm going to embark on, will only add to that.  

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