Amy H.
Rough and Tumble
Jan 20, 2009
Well it's been two weeks since my last post. Seems like longer. I'm back in school and my life is in crazy gear. I look around and I know that I'm blessed but there are days like today where all I feel is jealous. Jealous of others having what I've always longed for. Jealous of little blessings "normal" people don't even think about, like sitting in a chair and fitting or not having to hope that it won't break because you're too heavy for it, not avoiding the movies because you know those theatre seats were made for only the anorexic model types, trying to slide by someone or a desk and pushing it with your butt because you can't fit throught that sliver of space. Today I did get to enjoy one of those little, typically unnoticed blessings; I got an oversized hoodie. That may not seem like much, but to a college student who weighs well over 300 lbs., that's a huge feat! Granted it came from the men's big and tall section, I didn't think I'd ever get to have an oversized hoodie until I could buy it from the freakin juniors department. Sometimes I feel clothing designers are punishing those who are overweight. It's like "oh you have more that the skin and bones I clothe for fashion shows, well then I'll just sew together two ugly rectangles and leave a couple holes in it for you. And I swear if I see another belt around the so assumed waist of a plus size shirt, I'm gonna hit the manniquin! Maybe it's just the way I'm shaped but that has got to be one of the most insulting jokes designers have done. Every time I see those I just think "right... what crack were they smoking when they designed that one!" Don't get me wrong, the style is cute. I just haven't seen very many me-sized plus sizes that that would flatter. But I'm open to being proven wrong.I'm ranting tonight because I'm frustrated and it's been a tough day, but all in all as much as life keeps throwing at me, I'm still hopeful. The prospect of my surgery is the only thing giving me hope these days that things in my life will someday change. Someday people will see me and not the weight. Someday I'll see me and not the weight. Right now I'm so consumed with fixing the weight that it stays at the constant forefront of my mind. So when I look in a mirror that's almost all I see. Progress is slow but it's being made. As long as my steps are forward and not backwards, I'll be ok. Just got to keep hanging in there for now.
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About Me
Batesville, AR
Location
41.8
BMI
Surgery
05/11/2009
Surgery Date
Dec 11, 2008
Member Since
