Heather M.

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I haven't updated my blog in a while, I've been super busy with work. I just passed the 9 week mark after my surgery (2 months and almost 2 weeks)

I weighed myself again today and I was surprised to see it jumped down to 225. That's a lovely number to me. For all the time I was dieting before the RNY surgery, I had gotten right near this weight, but I was never able to keep it going. Now I feel like it's just starting.

So, 225 gives me a total weight loss of 55 pounds (280 was the starting weight before 2 week liquid diet). It also gets me right on that 40 pounds loss mark since the actual surgery on May 24th.

I can feel it too. I am down 2 pants sizes (I had extra size 14 jeans that I had bought back when I was exercising/dieting before the surgery (wishful thinking). It felt amazing to put on those size 14 jeans.

I am trying on clothes that I haven't worn in a while and it is so liberating. But I think what makes me most happy is the change in my health. I feel better, I eat better, I look better. I'm happy with my new diet, very proud that I can say NO whithout even giving it a second thought. I have still not dumped on anything yet (yay!)


Bought a new bicycle and hoping to get into a stable rythym (until it gets too cold). I'm feeling so great, and my self confidence is way up. My next mini goal is to get to 199 pounds. Only 26 pounds to go! I just have to stay the course, which I never intend to stray from.

So that's all for now. I'll continue to update and add pictures as things progress.

Feeling great -H

Well, I stepped on the scale today and I feel great. After being stuck at 250 for over TWO weeks, I finally saw the scale jump down 5 pounds over 2 days (Yesterday I did not weigh myself since I was getting extremely upset watching the scale everyday).

I think the reason it picked back up is the fact that I am forcing myself to get in more calories, and more protein. I am now getting AT LEAST 600 calories, where for those first few weeks I could hardly get in 400. I bought the Slim Fast Carb Diet chocolate shakes and it has 190 calories, 20g of protein. It seems to be the key to me firing up the cylinders again!

I am overjoyed, because along with the foamies I had two days ago, it really confirms to me that the surgery was done. (Don't ask why I questioned it in the first place, but with absolutely no complications for 3 weeks after the surgery, I was doubting if he just didn't stick in the laproscopes and then close me back up. I know, I know, I'm very doubtful of people).

So, as of today, 245.

So that's 15 from the preop diet (280 - 265)
and 20 since surgery (265- 245)

Thank you Lord for waking me up, and SAVING my life.

So, it's done! I got my surgery done on Tuesday, May 24th around 9:30am. I was terrified, like I am whenever I go in for surgery, but this time had an eerily 'calm' overtone. I felt very well taken care of, and I was explained what was going to happen many many times. I felt like I already knew what to do and what to expect.

My last memory of being my 'before' self was rolling into the ER and the girls helping me get into position on the surgery table (Which, I did not know, but is an inclining table, and essentially they have you standing [while strapped down] so they can do the surgery better. Very interesting]). At that moment I felt shame (as I normally do getting onto an ER bed), having the girls try to lift me, guide me since I was a bit druggy. That's the last I remember.

The next thing I remember was someone calling my name and me saying 'yeah?' and then went right back to sleep. I remember feeling uncomfortable at that point, like I had been kicked several times in the belly. Then back to sleep. The next memory is a girl taking out the foley catheter (that's what she said), but I remember she asked me to breathe in deep then out deep. I thought that's the normal procedure when removing a breathing tube, but I was in la la land.

Next thing I remember I was in my room. I have no idea how I got there, but there I was, and my bf came in a bit later. The whole thing is extremely cloudy. I also remember my parents coming up for about an hour, (this was about 4pm). My dad held my hand as I went for a walk around the floor of the hospital (a square around the nurses station). That was maybe the third time I walked. As soon as I saw my bf come in the door, I told him.. 'Remember what I said.... let's go walking and let's go now'. (I had conveyed to him over and over again that when he saw me come out of surgery he needed to 'push' me to walk ASAP and as frequently as I could.

All I remember of my parent's visit was that I was sitting in the chair by the bed and I kept nodding off. I couldn't finish even one sentance. At one point I remember telling them, I mean absolutely no disrespect, but this stuff is stronger than me and I really am trying to be awake. :)

Then left after about an hour since I was fine physically, just druggy wuggy. I apologized and tole them I'd call as soon as I was 'awake'.

The nurse kept asking me if I wanted ice chips and I kept telling her, absolutely not. I feel like I just ate a Thanksgiving dinner, and even a sip of water might push me over the top. I did not feel naseous even once, at all. Just FULL. That first night was uncomfortable because by then, I was having ALOT of gas pressure in my stomach and upper abdomen. I could not for the life of me fart, which is what I was wanting to do so bad. I was SOOOOOO lucky that I got the room to myself, so I could openly discuss this with the nurses, lol.

The next morning I could NOT find a comfortable position, at all.  So I was up, down, in the chair, in the bathroom, etc. But I wasn't in pain, not at all. I was full, and full of gas. I could hear it sloshing around and gurgling. At one point, on day 2 I was so desperate, almost crying asking them to try to stick a catheter up my rear to try to release some pressure. No luck. Doc came in and asked how I felt. I told him, fine, except I am so uncomfortable with this gas, and I started crying (holy hormones). He said, that's totally normal and asked if I preferred to stay one more night. Of course I did and didn't at the same time. I wanted to be close to people taht could help me, but being woken up every hour was pissing me off royally.

Next day, I was feeling great. Getting up with no 'push' or 'pull' from a nurse or bf. I was ready to go home. Doc came in around 10am and said... how do you feel. I praised God and said... I FARTED AND I FEEL AMAZING! LOL, the look on his face was too much. I felt bad, though, I still do. The surgery is only supposed to be a 1 night stay, but I must be a huge baby. When I saw him yesterday at my 1-week appointment, I apologized several times to him.

Thursday I slept the majority of the day, but was home alone since my bf had to work. I felt fine. I didn't need the pain liquid, but I remember from reading on here that people say to take it even though you don't need it. So, Thursday and Friday were the last days I took it at all.

I am NOT getting enough liquid. And I am seriously trying. Yesterday I just started protein shakes (and still on clear liquids) becuase I don't WANT to eat. I'm not hungry. I don't feel like eating. Doc, yesterday, though, told me take the protein regardless.

I asked the nutritionist yesterday... I read on OH that a lot of people, post-op, are saying how sick they are of liquid and anticipating going to puree so badly.... Am I weird that I have no desire to eat at all? I am perfectyly content (now at least) saying on liquid and the protein. Why am I NOT wanting to move forward to the next phases of the diet?

I can't forget her answer because it was so RIGHT on: "Because at 1,2,3 weeks they aren't wanting to eat from hunger, it's emotional". And I totally knew what she was talking about. I found myself bored several times and saw something on tv and said "that looks so good" and my boyfriend asked me... 'Are you hungry?" and I replied "NOT in the least bit" and I wouldn't weat right now even if I could. It's just an old triggered emotional thing... looks good, let's go eat. Luckily, I am superior to my mental 'old ways' right now, and I just ask my tummy.... are you hungry? "NO!!! PLEASE DON'T FEED ME!!!"

Today is 8 days since surgery. On my base scale (the one I am using for all OH readings), I weighed 250 this morning. I went into the OR last week at 265 pounds. So, 15 pounds in a week. Although... I'm not even worried about it yet. My ONE AND ONLY FOCUS right now is getting the liquid in, now the protein too. I have this weird obsession like: if you eat, and you are not hungry, you are stretching the pouch and it will work against you later on. So, I just tell myself, no eating if you don't want to. And I am 100% fine with that. I do NOT want to eat. At all.

So, these are the stats right now:
Highest ever weight: 300
Begin Preop Liquid Diet: 280
Day of Surgery Diet (5/24/11): 265
Today (6/1/11): 250.

My personal goal is 165, so I now have less than 100 pounds to loose :) Exciting, but by no means am I close. This will be ALOT of MENTAL work, and I am so on top of it right now!

I'm excited to start this loquid diet because it means the beginning of the end. I am so full of joy and expectations tonight. I start the liquid diet on Tuesday, May 10th. Since it's getting late tonight, we'll take the official 'before' pictures tomorrow night. I'm sure I'll look no different after only 1 day of liquids hehehe!

Thank you Lord God for this opportunity to better my health, and live a liong, healthy life, and spend more time with the man I love.

I'm starting to feel some nervousness about this surgey. We are finally in the actual month in which I'll be having this done, so it seems more and more real to me right now. One week left of normal life (solid foods, meds, coffee, beer!) and I think I'm getting a tad emotional thinking about the things I'll be missing forever more. First and most importantly, Beer/alcohol. I love to have me a drink or two when out with friends. It always help to loosen up and make the whole time more relaxing. Although, the trade off is to be healthy, and not die at 40 from diabetes or high blood pressure, it's obviously I'm making the right decision. I just wonder to myself if it's normal to 'mourn' these things. I know in the very far future I may be able to tolerate a mouthful here or there, and that makes me feel better, just to know that the TASTE isn't gone from my life forever.

Another thing I'll miss is Diet coke. Not the caffeine, because I like caffeine free diet coke. There si jus something about cracking open an ice cold diet coke in summer time while chilling by the pool. Sure, In the future, I could leave a glass uncovered in the fridge for a couple days and let the gas come out, and then have a taste in my mouth, so that makes me feel better too.

I've always LOVED water. Ever since I lost those 150+ lbs on that crazy starvaton diet, I have loved drinking water religiously. I rarely drink anything for thirst OTHER than water. But every so often I'll crave the taste of that diet coke or hot coffee with cream or an ice cold beer. I'm glad it's just the taste I crave, not anything emotional or caffeine related.

I'm also praying to the Lord God above that this surgery helps my hip. My ROM has been seriously compromised for the past 3 years while 5 + different doctors in all fields tried to figure out what is wrong with it. It has gotten seriously worse-off with every week that passes. Now, I am down to only being able to walk about 2 miles before I need a ride home. It's disgusting, considering I'd do 5-10 miles daily back when I was healthy. I beg my savior above that the stress/weight on my hip going DOWN will at least let me rest at night, now that I won't be able to take half a bottle of Ibuprofen daily for pain.

I'm just a mixed pot of feelings right now, which, from what I hear is 100% normal. I spoke with my psych this week, and after over 10 years of monthly followups, he thinks I am ready to stop going there and have my meds now managed by my PCP, since I am (according to him) in total remission of the depression. I told him I'm not comfortable doing that until AFTER I have recovered from the surgery. This is a huge life-changing event, always for the better, but there will be some 'down' times as my body adjusts.

I'm just nervous about my new life. Not at all about surgery. I've done surgery time and time again, most recently for my hip. I'm just nervous about what I can eat, not messing one single instruction up that's given to me by my doc, I want to follow his words to a T. I'm scared about what I can buy for food, and hoping I don't make a mistake that causes anything to happen to the surgery results. I know I'll feel better after taking the nutrition class next week... but WHY o why do they make us wait until RIGHT before surgery for that class. I think the best thing is to do that early.

Ok, well, Happy that we are finally in the month of the surgery. :) 23 days and counting!!

I guess perhaps becuase I was so close to actually having the surgery done over at U of M, but for some reason I don't think the happiness one normally feels is what I'm feeling now. Or, perhaps because I celebrated in my mind once I got the Insurance approval... I don't know.

All i know is, I am one step closer to having this surgery done. :)

After being denied the surgery I prepared so thoroughly for at University of MIchigan (Insurance denied because it is not a center of excellence), I went through a pretty tough couple of weeks, trying to find another center and expedite everything since everything was done. I was so lucky to find St John Weight Loss Center in Madison Heights, MI. They took me on, took my paperwork from the previous hospital, required only one additional blood test (H Pylori) and got the insurance submitted within the week.  Although I knew for sure that this time I qualified, I had a deep dark fear of them coming back and saying no (for whatever reason that may be).

After submitting the paperwork this Monday, and being told the average feedback time is 10 days (but could go all the way up to 60 days), I certainly was NOT expecting the phone call this morning from St Johns. In fact, I was in a company meeting, one which I could not sneak out of. So, I saw the call come in, and the voicemal left. My heart sank. Certainly after 4 days, if they were calling me, they no doubt had gotten a "DENIED" response form the insurance compnay, or.. she wanted more information or paperwork.

For the next hour as I sat through presentations about how well the company did this last year, the only thing I could think of was: "What do I do now? Denied two places. Does God really want me to have this surgery or not?". Luckily (and ironically) I had found a co-worker of mine while heading into the meeting. She is about 6 months out from Bypass (RYNY) and she has become my most valuable tool throughout this whole process. When the call came in I leaned over and whispered: "That was them". She smiled and said... Good news!!. I'm glad she was so positive. I kept me from running out at that very minute to go listen to the voicemail (and risking looking bad in front of my bosses).

On the way out the only thing that I wanted to do was listen to the voicemail. "Hi Heather, this is so-and-so from St Johns..." I took a deep breath and held it. "I just wanted to call and let you know that I just received the authorization for the surgery..." I smiled so big and my coworker stood next to me as everyone was streaming out of the room around us. "....the next step is for our surgery scheduling nurse to give you a call and she will call sometime tomorrow or Monday morning..." I stopped listening and began to cry while nodding my head 'yes' to my coworker. She gave a quick "Wow, that's great" while I fumbled with my phone to try to save that voicemail forever in my inbox. I quickly went over what had just been said and looked at her and said "OMG, I'm getting nervous. I need to start getting everything ready... like NOW!"

After she had left, I sat in my car and I finally was able to save the voicemail and hear another voicemail that I ignored after hearing the good news. A beautiful sunny day, with the sun beaming in through my sunroof. "I finally got here".

I'm still taking in the breadth of the whole situation, but my mind is now racing far ahead of where it should. "What do I buy for food for the 3 weeks after?" "How hard can I resume exercise after the surgery?" "How do I take all these pills, which ones and at what times?" "How can I start and remember the habit of eating small, frequent meals during the day?" It all seems like so many policies to adhere to, which is fine by me, but how can I remember all this?

On the way home, I spent $73 on more protein, B-12 tabs, Citrical, and multivitamins. I want to make sure I have enough and I'm not rushing after the surgery. But now I'm starting to freak out and I turned to obesity help.com for answers from others who have done this. Emotionally, I'm ready (I was when the paperwork was submitted at U of M a couple weeks ago). But knowledge-wise, I don't know that I am.

I feel relief. Right now I feel anxious also, waiting for the surgery scheduler to call me. I feel a sense of peace, and oddly enough, a feeling that God has personally held my hand through all of this, enabling me to be strong while going through all of this. I feel scared, certainly anyone going to the hospital would. I also feel concerned about my workload while I am away from work. But this is my time. It's a time to get myself right, so I can go forward with life and not worry every day about if I will die young and never see my nephew grow up. Right now I am so thirsty for knowledge and that's why I turned to this website. I will track my progress as things move forward. :)