Three Weeks and Counting

May 01, 2011

I'm starting to feel some nervousness about this surgey. We are finally in the actual month in which I'll be having this done, so it seems more and more real to me right now. One week left of normal life (solid foods, meds, coffee, beer!) and I think I'm getting a tad emotional thinking about the things I'll be missing forever more. First and most importantly, Beer/alcohol. I love to have me a drink or two when out with friends. It always help to loosen up and make the whole time more relaxing. Although, the trade off is to be healthy, and not die at 40 from diabetes or high blood pressure, it's obviously I'm making the right decision. I just wonder to myself if it's normal to 'mourn' these things. I know in the very far future I may be able to tolerate a mouthful here or there, and that makes me feel better, just to know that the TASTE isn't gone from my life forever.

Another thing I'll miss is Diet coke. Not the caffeine, because I like caffeine free diet coke. There si jus something about cracking open an ice cold diet coke in summer time while chilling by the pool. Sure, In the future, I could leave a glass uncovered in the fridge for a couple days and let the gas come out, and then have a taste in my mouth, so that makes me feel better too.

I've always LOVED water. Ever since I lost those 150+ lbs on that crazy starvaton diet, I have loved drinking water religiously. I rarely drink anything for thirst OTHER than water. But every so often I'll crave the taste of that diet coke or hot coffee with cream or an ice cold beer. I'm glad it's just the taste I crave, not anything emotional or caffeine related.

I'm also praying to the Lord God above that this surgery helps my hip. My ROM has been seriously compromised for the past 3 years while 5 + different doctors in all fields tried to figure out what is wrong with it. It has gotten seriously worse-off with every week that passes. Now, I am down to only being able to walk about 2 miles before I need a ride home. It's disgusting, considering I'd do 5-10 miles daily back when I was healthy. I beg my savior above that the stress/weight on my hip going DOWN will at least let me rest at night, now that I won't be able to take half a bottle of Ibuprofen daily for pain.

I'm just a mixed pot of feelings right now, which, from what I hear is 100% normal. I spoke with my psych this week, and after over 10 years of monthly followups, he thinks I am ready to stop going there and have my meds now managed by my PCP, since I am (according to him) in total remission of the depression. I told him I'm not comfortable doing that until AFTER I have recovered from the surgery. This is a huge life-changing event, always for the better, but there will be some 'down' times as my body adjusts.

I'm just nervous about my new life. Not at all about surgery. I've done surgery time and time again, most recently for my hip. I'm just nervous about what I can eat, not messing one single instruction up that's given to me by my doc, I want to follow his words to a T. I'm scared about what I can buy for food, and hoping I don't make a mistake that causes anything to happen to the surgery results. I know I'll feel better after taking the nutrition class next week... but WHY o why do they make us wait until RIGHT before surgery for that class. I think the best thing is to do that early.

Ok, well, Happy that we are finally in the month of the surgery. :) 23 days and counting!!

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