August 9

Aug 06, 2009

WOW long time no post things are still going really, really well.  I went back to the doctor for my 3 month follow up on 8/3 & I am ahead of where I should be.  At this rate she said I will be at my goal weight by the time I am 6 months post op.  I am not sure if that is good or bad yet.  She said for some if they can't control it and get stabilized there is a chance of become anorexic & having an eating disorder on the opposite side.  I am determined not to let that happen though I will stabilize it & get it all under control.  With as much as a exercise & so on I am supposed to be eating 1048 calories and I am only consuming 620 give or take a couple.  I can't eat that much so I ask her for now if I can move up to 4 small meals & she agreed that would be okay at this point.  So we'll go from there.

Still haven't seen that picture in the mirror of "Who's That Girl?"  I just don't feel like I look different...  I know in my head I do because my clothes are obviously smaller, my health is better, no pain & I can exercise without breathing heavy.  But the picture in the mirror I just don't see...  I think maybe when I looked in the mirror before when I was heavy I didn't realize how heavy I actually was in the mirror I didn't think I looked that bad until I looked at a photograph.  I tried not to take to many pictures of myself then because I hated looking at them.  I wonder if perhaps that plays a role here in me not being able to see it.  I just feel like me in the mirror, I haven't changed it is still me!!!!!  I am always going to be me...

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