Irishnurse

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16 days and counting til my surgery. I am getting anxious. I seem to be distancing myself from things around me. I guess I am preparing myself. I do not feel like doing the things I normally do at night to entertain myself. I am bored but cannot seem to pull myself away from the TV, OH, FB....

Today was a normal day with hospice...family members stealing diapers....people bitching...patients dying. I am so use to it that I have become numb to the insanity. My sons car breaks went out and he had to drive it home with crappy breaks which scared me. I prayed for his safe return and he made it home fine. I picked up dog food then Whataburger. OH and I picked up cupcakes on my way home from work. I have been eating horrible since I got my surgery date. There is no pre op diet and I am eating things I know I will not eat after surgery. Last chance kinda thing. I am going to make myself sick, lol. 

Anyway, I think it is time for me to try and sleep. That is another thing that I have been robbed of lately other than my sanity. Sleep...

Good night all. 

I have been so emotional since my insurance approved the surgery. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now. The littlest things make me tear up. Today when I went to pet smart...the pain I felt walking in to the store, stepping off the curb, getting in and out of my car, etc,  was horrible. Then I thought about the fact that in seven months I will be lightly walking across this parking lot without this excruciating pain in my back and knees and it made me want to cry with relief and excitement. Things that I go through in a day that give me such pain remind me all day that it will soon be better. it helps me to get through the day but it does make me emotional. 

I wished I could post the horrible embarrassing things that fat people my size go through just in a normal days routine. How little things that skinny people take for granted are sometimes impossible and painful chores for us. Those things... I cannot wait for them to become easy every day chores again. I am blessed to be able to have this surgery. I need the help. The Lord provided.