Perspective

Apr 10, 2012

Everyone is different.  I have posted about this before.  But today I can't help but touch on it again.  I am always amazed at the myriad of jobs out there.  And how there is someone out there to fill each and every one.  When I first stated on OH I sought out the "success" stories because I just knew I would be that person.  The one wearing a size 4 and loving every second of it.  I just knew that my stretch marks would disapear, and the excess skin holding all my fat in would shrink back on it's own.  I was certain I would start working out and want to work out without any extra effort on my part.  I knew I would be bikini worthy within two years, well that or a Victoria's Secret supermodel.    All of that of course meant that my legs and calves, two things I have never been in love with, would miraculously sculpt themselves, and those veins would melt away.  Yep.  That was going to be the new me.

Two years later I stand a much thinner, healthier, and generally happier woman.  I am not however a true success story, I don't eat completely right, I don't excercise, and I am not a size 4.  I still have stretch marks, in fact they're more pronounced than before because it is almost like they created a seam of sorts in which the stretch skin retreated and puckered in between the non stretch marked skin.  I don't have sculpted Giselle worthy legs, in fact I have jiggly elephant legs.  It is awesome.  I have those awful wavy upper arms which are like giant slabs of fatty stretch mark beef.  Once again, awesome!  I have to wear what I like to call a "suck-it-in-slip".  It is one of those torso shapers that lets you wear your own bra, I can't live without it.  But let me tell you, my shoulders pay the price, they're achy from wearing not only an over the shoulder boulder holder, but a shaper on top of that.  Needless to say, between my multi strap bra situation, and my beef slab arms I don't wear tank tops unless I have a cardigan on top.  Oh, and last but not least, I will never be strutting my stuff along side Heidi Klume and Giselle on the annual Victoria's Secret Angel Show.  Yeah, not happening.

All that being said, did you notice I put in there that I am a generally happier woman than before?  Yep.  I can buy clothes in any store I walk in to (well except Lane Bryant and Catherine's, but that isn't a bad thing).  I am more willing to "jazz" up an outfit and draw attention to myself (at least this happens in my minds eye) by adding a bright scarf or funky jewelry.  Don't get me wrong, I see a counselor every week to keep me from going completely crazy.  And as I have mentioned before I take prescription antidepressants and am now on an additional medication for another mental condition I was diagnosed with a couple of months ago (I also see a psychiatrist once a month for that).  So yeah, things aren't all cherib cheeked babies burping rainbows, but they're significantly better.  I don't have to think about whether or not I can make it when a co-workers invites me to lunch and the chosen restaurant is 8 blocks away.  Or when I decide to take my boys to the play ground or to an amusement park, I just go, I don't stress about how much walking it will entail.  Or when I go to the store and the only parking is in the back of the lot, it is no big deal, I park and I walk in!  There are so many things to be disapointed with, but there are so many more things to be excited about.  It is a give and take, and a minute by minute choice.

Also, I realized I hadn't shown you guys this AWESOME pic of me and Lady Antebellum at a meet & greet event on March 29th.  I only had one meet and greet pass but I did it, I went into the unknown by myself and survived.  Before now I would have let my weight keep me from having an awesome time.  I would have been too self conscious, and would have let my obesity keep me from experiencing a once in a life time accoustical performance by an amazing trio of muscians.  Without further ado, here is the pic.  I love it!

12 Comments