Lag in Loss / Halloween / ByeBye Boobies

Oct 15, 2009

Greetings everyone!  Hope this finds you all doing well!   I wanted to write for a few reasons..  first of all, because it's been quite awhile..  second because there's a few things I'm excited about and a few things I'm stressing over..

First off..   weight loss has slowed down like CRAZZZYYY  this last month.  It's kinda stressing me out.. I've been through plateau's but didn't seem this bad before.. maybe because my scale is teasing me by taking me right to 200 lbs and then shooting back up to 204, 203, 201, 200 and then back up to 203 again..   seriously???  GET ME TO ONEDERLAND, PA-LEASEEEEE!!!  lol.. at this point I would be happy to see 199.5!!!   I just want to see a damn ONE in front of the number!! haha..  this has been going on for 3 weeks now..  and it's frustrating.  I, however, have not been helping it much ..  I haven't been exercising.. and that's my own bad.. I need to get my rear in gear and start getting something going.. I'm sure that would help.  

As for the food..  damn my stomach for being able to hold more now..   I mean, I still eat small portions, but they are definitely bigger then before and I feel like I'm getting too many calories.. yet another thing I need to do.. keep a food journal..  why am I so darn lazy!?!? 

HOWEVER..  on a good note..   I have a Halloween Party I am going to this year (my first one since I was a teenager) and before I never went to any because I didn't want to look like a fat dork in a costume that probably wouldn't fit..   well this year I'm so excited!  I was trying on Plus size costumes and noticed they were a wee bit loose .. so my mind is telling me I'll never fit in a regular size costume, but my eyes are telling me that I think it's possible.  So I try a plus size on and low and behold, the thing fits!  and it looks decent!  Probably a bit too short for my still chubby legs.. but you know what.. I don't care!!!      I'm just so excited to fit into something like that!!  So it's on for Halloween.. I cannot wait!   

I have been at a size 14 for the past month or so..  and today I needed a blouse for a work function so I decided to try on a size 12 jeans (since my 14's SEEMED a bit looser, however I was afraid they were just stretched out).. and guess what..   *drum roll please*..   THEY FIT!!   That's right.. a size 12!!!!!!!!!!!  I think I'm still in shock over it all!  I can't even remember the last time I was in a 12..   it's just so surreal and damn it feels GOOD!! 

Ok..  last, but definitely not least..  I don't know why I thought my boobs would survive this..  I guess I was very naive..  I am sad to report that they are down and not coming back from where they're going..      I am SOOOO self concious about them now, it's insane.. I feel more self concious now then I did when I was big.. well.. ok.. maybe not more.. but I am feeling VERY insecure about them.  I do want to put out there that I put money into a few NICE push up bras at Victoria's Secret and they have been a LIFE SAVER!!  Regular bras were just NOT doing anything for me.   Best investment I have made since the surgery!  Granted, when I take a shower I want to cry and when I lay on my side I want to just chop them off.. but at least in the outside world, the illusion is that they are nice boobs.  hahaha..   I cannot WAIT to get them fixed... dear God give me patience..  and my boyfriend patience.. lmao..   There are other areas of my body that aren't doing fantastic with the skin.. but the boobage is definitely my worst nightmare.  

I want to say one more thing..  the FEELING of being smaller is just absolutely amazing..  I was in the shower the other night and looked over to my shoulder and was shocked at how small it looked..  I love touching my neck and upper chest and feeling the bones ..  I love laying on my back and feeling bones poking up on my hips and ribs..  it's just so wonderful to not feel so much fat!!!  

LAST THING I SWEAR..  BATHS!!!  OMG..  I used to LOVE baths..  and now when I take a bath, it freaking HURTS!!!  My bones in my butt totally dig into the hard bathtub and sitting up is sooooo painful!  I laugh everytime I get into a bath now.. because I have lost all my comforting cusion!!   I don't know how skinny people take baths if I am already feeling the pain from it..   just funny to me..   so not as many baths anymore. 

I believe that's it!  I really do hope you're all doing well!   If anyone is getting rid of size 12 jeans and wants to give them to someone who needs them, I would be greatly appreciative of it!!   I am sooo running out of money to buy new clothes and I'm getting nervous! 

Love and Peace to all! 

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