Jennifer B.

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OMG!! I just counted the days and realized that I am exactly one month out from my surgery.  I think I am going to throw up.  But I don't know if that is the nervous or my stomach just being upset. 

For the past three weeks since I got my date, I have been trying to cut out the sugar beverages and sweet cakes (and other stuff like that).  Today for lunch I got a hoagie from Wawa, just Tuna and a bag of baked chips.  I had to throw out a 1/4 of the hoagie and a hand full of the chips because I am so full that I just want to throw up.  And yesterday at Easter dinner, I had a piece of Stock's loaf pound cake and again I felt so sick when I got home.  I guess my body is doing well with the will power that I am preparing it with.  LOL 

Well, update on the man friend.  This weekend he had car problems and didn't come to visit.  So I am guessing that it is in my cards to wait to meet him this weekend, like first planned.  The fates had it in the plans all along.  LOL

This upcoming weekend is going to be a crazy one with everything planned.  It is my last non mommy weekend before the liquid diet/surgery.  So it my last weekend as a single fat mom.  Next time I will be able to say the first non mommy weekend that I get to go out and hang with my friends I will be on the loser bench and hopefully feeling ok for the most part so I can go out and play, this time minus the food and booze.  But that is ok it will be worth it.

TTYS

Yea.. I am not that religous but my catholic up bring makes me know that is is the night of the last supper.  How ironic because as most of you have either done or planned to have your last "fat" supper before we journey down that path of the weight loss. 

I was just thinking about the changes that are head of me.  And then I think about the changes that are head over up with the seasons changing, work changing (we went from so slow to can breath)... go thing... But change is good.  And of the people that have been raised catholic or are practicing catholics they know that these next couple of days in the church are a new path for the church also. 

Well ok enough about religion.  Now lets talk about my new man friend.  I am so addicated to him.  I want to meet him so bad and just talk face to face to him.  I think we made a temporary date tomorrow night with a six pack of beer and a movie at my place.  Yea Yea I know, don't preach.. I am a grown woman and can handle myself..  I am a really great judge of people and I have a really great gut feeling about this one.  He maybe the one.  But hey one never knows and you have to go and take chances. 

Ok going to bed, off work tomorrow and I have to clean like no other tomorrow if Mr. S is coming over for a visit.  LOL

TTYS

Ok I didn't write yesterday, I was busy at work.  Not that I am not busy right now, but I needed a break.  So I figured I would post my blog.  Tonight my mom and brother are going with me for an information session at the hospital I am having my surgery.  I figured it was easier for them to get the information straight from the doctor's mouth.  So that they will understand kinda of adventure I am on way to.

Well check point, I have been giving myself personal goals with regards to food trying to get myself mental ready for the journey ahead of me.  I have successfull given up all beverages with sugar in them, including my crazy sluggy coffee.  I went from a half of cup of creamer and about 15 packs of sugar to a teaspoon of creamer and 2-3 sweet in lows.  So I am very proud of that accomplishment. 

This weeks challenge was not to hit the vendor machine and no snacks in cake or any other forms.  And to eat a better breakfast.  And again this is going well.  I hit the vending machine once this week and it was  for a bag a pretzels, which a couple of weeks ago may have been two bags of chips.  And I have my snacks consist of fresh fruit (apples) or some pretzels.  And if the urge hits me at night, I will get a glass of water and try to head to bed. 

So I guess I am doing ok.  But then there is another crazy thing that has entered my life this past week.  Contact with a new gentleman of interest. 

Ok well as some of you probably have done in the past, I have my profile on a couple of online dating services.  Well as I posted a couple of days ago, this guy contacted me in a very funny manner and basically called me safe.  I have to laugh because for the most part I am safe.  I have job, I have two little boys, I have my own place so I guess in the dating scene in our late 30's I guess I am a sound safe.  Well I think now that we have spoke every day for at least an hour to 2 we have become addicted to each other because it just seems that we have went down very different paths in our lives but have a lot in common also.    And I think we have agreed if nothing comes out of the dating thing we would definately be friends.   But I can tell right now I think there would definately be enough to at least try the dating thing and take it day by day because that is really how I live my life now.  And yes peeps, I did tell him that in less than 45 days I am going to have the surgery.  And right now he seems to be able to look past that and just say as a friend he will be there to hold my hair if I get sick.  Which by the way, I thought was the sweetest thing that any man has said to me in a long time.  But hey all I can say is we will see. 

Well enough for now, have to finish my lunch and the pile o'crap on my desk so I go home on time tonight to get to the information session on time.

TTYL

Ok as the calendar starts to count down and having all these feelings.  I am nervous, excited, have weird dreams, second thoughts.  Wow I didn't realize that your mind could go a mile a minute and not think about work or family stuff but about yourself.   I am getting myself so worked up that I am sick to my stomach for the past couple of days.  I just want to go to bed and wake up on May 14th and have the surgery.  Trying to be put on a good face but I just don't think I want to go through the prep part, because I know myself and I just am going to over analysis everything and make myself crazy.  I know I have to just calm down but the Type A personality is coming out. 

Well had a great weekend.  Laid low and it felt good.  Actually started to talk to a new man from on of the online personals and I think I might even have a meeting.  Which is weird to me also, as a start this new journey about myself to meet someone that is easy to talk to and not so bad on the eyes I guess isn't that bad of a things.  Will keep you up to date on that one. 

Just have to take it one day at a time with everything aspect now.

This is a kids free weekend.  My boys are with their dad.  Usually I would be on my girlfriend's couch hung over and waiting to go out tonight to do it all over again.  Well the last couple of kids free weekends I have been trying to hang low and learn to slow down the partying since my life is about to change.   I did go out last night and we went bowling and had a few beers over the 4 hours that we were out and had a great time.  I know I don't need the beer to have a good time but I guess since I re-discovered myself after my divorce the last two years have been a little out of control with the freedom.  But now I am about to start a new chapter in my life and be healthier in my choose and be that fun skinny girl. Not the fat girl standing in the background while all of my other friend got all the attention from the men.  I really think that was the worst.  Because I know that me and I am a Type A outgoing crazy fun person but always was the fat girl.  Well not that I am about to not be that fat girl, I think that is really freaking me out the most.  And I just have to make sure that I don't let that get crazy. 

I am really looking forward to starting my life over.  And I know things about to change for the better. 

Last night I had a really freaky dream.  I have been thinking a lot about how my ex is going to reaction to seeing me skinny.  Which he really has never seen me skinny.  I have always been heavy.   A when we got together of course I wasn't as heavy as I am now, but once I am on the loser bench I just keep wondering what he is going to say and act like.  I know I shouldn't be worried but we have a past.  Yes it is a good and bad past just it is still my past.    Well back to the dream, it was like we were together again but his girlfriend was in the dream gave him money for something our son wanted at the store and then she left and then he started to make a pass at me.  He started to nibble on my ear.  He always did that and it would drive me crazy.  And I was so freaked out.  Thank God I woke up.  God only knows why.

Well I am going to do my mom taxes for her and then continue to nest and get my house in order.  Until tomorrow.

Ok, wel the weight thing is really far from my mind now.  I am on a mission with regards to Jason (my youngest) right now.  I went to parent-conference meeting last night and discussed keeping him back in the 1st grade. He had always had a processing delay but we are finally in the second half of the year seeing some improvement and he is maturing.  I always had in my heart that he was a little to young to start kindgarten, but his day care teacher said he was ready.  So I though ok lets give this a try.  Well we did and he struggled but the school was able to identify that he had a learning disability and he needed some extra support so I said lets do it.   So at the end of kindgarten, I again inquired about keeping him back there and they said that we should really wait until 2nd grade and I was like why, but I let him go to second grade without a fight.  Well not at the end of 1st grade, we are finally seeing some major changes in Jason as far as his retention of the materials and also his mature level.  And he really connected with his resource teacher so I am thinking one more year of this pushing him to work harder will be good for him. 

So I had my first meeting this morning with the team that has to agree with this so we can see if we can make this happen.  Because now if you want your child to repeat a grade, you have to fight for that.  I don't know about you but when I was in school if you were not making the grade the school keep you back or you did summer school.  So this NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND crap is a bunch of crap.  I feel if I think my child is not ready to move ahead to the next grade and will keep getting frustrated and eventually lose interest in school as he gets old, then these educators should listen to me.  I am his mom.    So word out there to other parents over young children.  FIGHT!!  Because that is what I am going to do. 

Jason is going to repeat first grade even if I have to call the governer!  Because I know in my heart that this is what is best for him.

Well ok thanks for letting me vent!  I needed that.

Now on to plans for the weekend.  Ok no this is my non-mommy weekend!  And yes I am usually out and about with the girls.  But I have started to cut back on the all weekend drinking adventures when I decided that I was going to have to the surgery.  After the surgery I will still hang out with my friends and have a great time.  I will just be asking to lick their beer can sweat instead of drinking the many Miller Lites that I was consuming before. 

So for tonight I am going to meet up a group of friends for a fun filled night of bowling.  And then tomorrow I am headed to my mom's to start to clean up her yard for Jason's 7th birthday party.  He is so excited.  He just can't wait for his birthday party on the 26th.

Well back to work for me.

Jenn

Ok I guess you can the count down has begun.  28 days until I start the pre liquid diet and 42 days till surgery day.  I am just sitting at my desk thinking that they had two other surgery dates available April 9th and April 16th and thinking that I would never been ready in my personal life for these two dates.  So I am glad that I decided to give myself this time to celebrate and also make plans with my family. 

And am still learning how to get around on here.  But just like crackbook, I am becoming addicted to this site for the information.  I am a little concerned because I don't want to read too much in.  Sometime I wish that more people would post on their blogs.  I really do enjoy reading these.  But also I think it is very good to clean your head by writing your thoughts down.  I feel and have been told by friends that are writers that it is good therapy. 

I am excited that I have been able to communication with several of my OH friends.  I love meeting new people and sharing with them.  It is so exciting.   

Well a little busy this morning, I have to get some things together for other so that the client's are satisfied.  So talk to you tomorrow.  Excited but sad about the ER coming to an end.  I will be on my couch tonight for the duration.

Jenn

Ok just a YUCKY Wednesday.  The weather just sucks.  But I am trying things out right now.  I am trying to cut the sugar out of my beverage chooses.  No more straight PEPSI and Ice Tea.  And even my cup of sugar/sweeter Coffee as the girls at work call it.  I did a teaspoon of creamer and Sweet N Low.  It does have somewhat of an after taste but not as bad as I thought.  But I am working towards this.   Brought the Crystal Light containers last night at Walgreens, it was on sale.  So now I have to start working on shopping around for the protein shakes.   

Ok started to make some new friends here on OH and it has already paid off.  Looks like this is going to be a really great site for information and support.  I am so glad I have decided to start my blog and update my profile.  For goodness sake,  I have only been a lurker for 3 years.  But I guess when you are not at a point that this is "really going to happen" really soon you can read and hope that the information that you find is helpful to you personally. 

Well, mom came around a little quicker than I thought.  Like I had said in previous posts she didn't talk to me for over a week when I told her I was pregnant with Joey.  Well she already called yesterday and asked when she needed to take off for the surgery to help me and when is the information session and if my brother can go also.  So I am really surprise.  I am sure she already called the "hens" (this is what I called her g-friends) and told all of them but if she needs to do that as her support system then have it. 

Just turned the calendar and it looks like my April is going to be off the wall with things to do. 

Jason's eye doctor appt
Help mom clean up the backyard for party
My "last supper"
Beef and Beer in Jersey
Easter down the shore
Jason's B-day party
Jason's actually B-day
Start my liquid diet

Good sometimes I can't believe that I keep all this stuff straight.  LOL

All I got right now.  Back to work.  Keep in touch.

Ok well got a call from Christine at Dr. Dallal's office today.  My pre-op testing is on the 29th of April and the 30th I start my liquid diet. I have to call and make an appointment for an information session for me and my mom.  That is the 8th.

Scheduled my last supper with my friends for April 17th, I am excited about that celebration. 

I uploaded some old photos of me. Not too old but old enough.  These are going to be my before "fat" photos and I will only be adding one more the right before surgery photo.  And then all new photos after the surgery. 

Well that is all I have to say this morning.  I am work and a little busy today.  This has been the norm so I guess I want to play but really can't.  So back to work for me now. 

Well I guess this is really happening to me.  So I figured that I would start to Blog since it is going to be a long road and I should share because it is a healing process for the mind also.  Well on Friday, I got my insurance approval.  It came back so quickly I was in totally shock.  I just was not expecting it to happen in 3 hours.  I was thinking more like 3 days to a week.  Well I have some much things to prepare for that I am freaking out a little.  I picked a surgery date today.  The doctor made an exception and scheduled me for a Thursday.  They don't normal do that before their Tuesdays are booked but he made an exception for me.  Again I am very happy to have chose the doctor that I did.  Good choose, Jenn.  Well May 14th is the start of my new life.  I hadn't told my mom about the surgery.  I figured I would tell her once I had a date.  Because I know she would be freaked out and upset.  Just because I know my mom.  I know she will come around but because she worries about me, that is how she reacts. 

Well I drove into the city tonight and told her and my mom and she so quiet it was very freaky and yes she told me that she was not happy.  But I told her that I was dolng this for me and the kids and offer for her to come to the next Wednesday support group to ask questions and get more information and she was ok with that.  But as expected mom changed the conversation around and dropped it so she can soak it in.  We will see how long it takes her to call me.  When I told her that I was pregnant with my oldest she didn't called me for a week.  So we will see. 

Well here we go, ladies and gents lets start our engines and make this happen.