jennirn2005

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I would never have thought I'd be happy to just be obese but my BMI is at 33 today. That's down from 47. I'm at work now an I can see the difference every time I see my face reflected on my computer screen and instead of soda and junk food my "dinner" (I eat dinner at 2 am since I live on a 3rd shift schedule) is usually veggies or Greek yogurt and my snack tonight is raisins and mixed unsalted nuts. Instead of soda I have flavored water (no sugar no carbs no calories) I NEVER thought I could change. This is my new normal. 

The last time I posted on here I had just left the hospital. The weight came off a little but no like many of the people I know who had surgery. I had to have a gastric sleeve but I wanted the RNY. After 6 months and only 10 lbs down I was completely defeated and heartbroken. Then my sister decided to get surgery. She went to the info class and from that day to her surgery it was barely six months. It took me years to get through all the medical stuff, insurance stuff and mental fears. Then the weight MELTED off. While mine didn't.

So here I was at least 18 months post surgery and the weight was coming off but barely. I went to my family doctor about my headaches and also about how depressed I was about my weight. He put me on this medication called Qsymia. It was just the little something extra that helped to make a huge difference. I've been on it for almost 5-6 months and I went from having 2-3 horrible (can't do anything but lay in a dark room) migraines a month to having 1-2 minor ones every 2 months. Not to mention that the weight started moving downwards again.

Today is Feb 3 and my scale is not working but last time I weighted myself I was 178. That is down from 268. When I went in for surgery I was as wide around as I was tall. 61 inches around my waist. I can't remember my other measurements but that is one I won't forget. As of today I am only 49 inches around at my waist but a lot of that is extra skin. My face is so much thinner. I love running into people I haven't seen in a year or so.

Today's measurements

Hips 49

Waist 35

Chest 38

Thigh 27

Weigh (approx) 178

I'm starting to feel a bit better but I am sooo hungry. I cant wait till day 7 when I can have full liquids. (Who would have thought I'd look forward to my pre-surgery liquid diet). The pain is getting better but I'm still mostly useless so I'm bored. I can't clean or eat or sleep or watch tv. Can't wait to go back to work. I hate being home. Plus I really don't want to take the pain meds but I keep having to then I feel like a failure. But I can't stand to breathe deep or even move without them. Water tastes strange and I have a weird taste in my mouth a lot. I figure I waited years for the surgery I can wait a few weeks to feel better. At least now I can sleep the first few days i couldn't sleep because I was so umcomfotable and pain meds don't work on me but my dr gave me toradol in the hospital which helped but at home all I can take is lortab which does help but not for long.  Oh well. I'd planned on using NO pain meds after the hospital. So much for that idea.

Last thing I need is a pain med addiction on top of everything else. Does this scare anyone else?

I'm glad i didn't know how bad the pain was gonna be the first few days. I probably would have chickened out. Now at home the pain is more discomfort and I can't get comfortable. cant sleep. I am however STARVING. Gonna try to watch a movie. not good at blogging whats going on cuz I;m just to cranky and tired. Only day 3 it willget better. or so I hear!

 

My arrival time is 1130 am. I don't' have a clue what time my surgery will be but if all goes well by this time tommorrow I'm be sleeved and on the way to my new healthier life!

Things I'm worried about

1. Something canceling my surgery!  (like a flood, snowstorm,big emergency requiring all surgeons to cancel their scheduled surgeries, a car accident, sudden illness-mine or someone else, alien invasion, zombie apocolyspe, super volcano, just about anything)

2. Getting a catheter.

3.  The nurses unable to start an IV (this has happened a few times to  me already)

4. having the Dr start and not be able to finish the procedure for some reasosn.

5. Pain

6. Not losing any weight.

7. Something going wrong.

8. Dying

 

 

I am super excited today.   I have been on the liquid diet for 11 days now and I can't remember the last time I felt this good. I'm still really hungry but I have more energy than I've had in years. I'm not intensely exhausted the way I have been for the last 10 years. I'm going to try to stay high protein low carbs for good.

The strange thing is I have been having horrible Charlie horse type cramps in my legs when I sleep, I wake up screaming. I wonder why. After my surgery I will talk to my dr but I'm afraid to bring up ANYTHING because my dr is very very thorough and would make me get blood work and see a specialist before my surgery.

I have 1 full day (mon nite) and 3 hours left on this shift.  11 hours of work til my "Vacation"!!

So excited but I still feel like something is going to go wrong and cancel it.

 

I'm scheduled to have surgery in 17 days. I'm so excited and scare.d. Mostly I'm just waiting for the bad news to drop. I rarely get things I really want so I'm living with a constant fear that something will go wrong and either postpone or cancel my surgery.

What if it doesn't work?? This was my last hope.

What if I mess up my liquid diet?

What if something goes wrong and I end up worse than I am now?

On top of all this I'm in the process of moving which is very stressful. I start my liquid diet in 3 days.

Nervous and excited and scared. Trying to stay positive.

 I took my measurement for my health tracker and I'm as big around as I am tall. That is going to change!!! Surgery or not. It is unacceptable to me.

I've been working towards this surgery for years now, first with one Dr then with another. I met with my Dr today and I realized the next time I'm in her office I'll have had surgery!!! Is it really possible? Could it actually finally be happening? I'm so excited but I refuse to get to excited because if something derails my WLS I'll be crushed. 22 days! I'm afraid to be happy. Plus I have to start my liquid diet and I'm having a horrible time getting enough protein on a regular diet. I have tried so many types of drinks, shots, mixes, etc. I can tolerate about 1/2 of a shot or mix a day. I'll have to try harder. Plus I have to give up soda. I drink Diet Coke everyday. I don't drink coffee and I work nights. Plus I have a major caffeine addiction. Going off soda in 5 days! (2/11). I can do it.

I'm feeling hopeful today because I have my date (2/27/13) and my insurance approved my surgery. I was really hoping for RNY but because I have liver disease my Dr feels that the Gastric Sleeve is the better option for me. I hope she is right. I've put so much blood sweat and tears (literally all 3) into getting here that I don't want to wonder if I'd have done better with the RNY. One day when I'm old and sick (or young and dead) I want to KNOW i did everything I could to make life better not just for me but my kids and my family.

I'm have so many emotions playing Rock, paper, scissors in my mind. One minute happy optimistic is on top. the next is hopefully guarded excited, then the stomach churning fear and not to mention the wall climbing anxiety. No wonder they want WLS pts to see a shrink. 23 days and counting. Unless of course something screws it up in the meantime.

In the interest of not rambling on I'm signing off. Hopeful, terrified, excited, (but that could change)

I got my liver clearance today. I had my EGD friday. I've finished all my tests. Now I have to wait for a paper from my family dr. (On Friday 1-11-13. Then its up to Atnea.. Please say yes