jolene_l

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Alright....this part is just annoying.....you know that you are going to eat this way after surgery but seriously it is kinda hard when your stomach can actually fit 2 liters in it vs 22 ozs.  Now that I am on day 4 it doesn't seem as bad.  Saturday I get to do the colon cleanse thing....YEAH for me!!!!  Not only am I going to be starving....I get to poop my brains out for two days.  Good news I lost 5 pounds....237 to 232....not bad.  3 more days and a wake-up until the big day....can I just say that I am SCARED out of my mind.  I have been craving a smoke all day today.  GGGRRR!!!!  I just want this to be over so that I can start the new me.  I can't wait to be able to run around a play with my kids more and experience more things...like kayaking.  Well I will try to post one more time before the big day.  TTYL

The ball is rolling on everything now....I have 12 more days!!!! I went in yesterday and did the pre-op blood work, chest x-ray, and ekg.  They went over everything that I need to do and what to stay away from.
I can't believe this going to really happen.  I am scared out of my mind right now and I keep thinking that maybe I don't need the surgery.  Maybe I haven't tried hard enough, maybe I haven't given it what it takes.  But than I think about all the crap that I have tried and everything that has failed.  Than I look at my girls and realize how much I am missing because I am too tired or hurt too much to do anything physical with them.  Than I look at my husband....I know that he loves me.....but I see that disappointment in his eyes when he looks at me sometimes.  I feel like I have let him down too by getting so big.  I can't wait until we can go rock wall climbing, bike riding, walking the beach, hiking (and I don't feel like I am going to die) and enjoying sex again.  Because seriously.....I don't find myself attractive and that does a lot to someone sexually.  I am tired of being swollen and my back and my feet hurt so bad that sometimes it is just easier to sit still.  I can't wait to start living my life again.  To go shopping for clothes and like to go try them on and not sit down and cry in the dressing room because once again I have to move up a size.  I am short AND fat and there are not jeans that fit right because apprantly you have to be tall to be overweight.  I am so scared of the unknown!!!!  I am sure that is normal but I am just scared!!!!  Maybe I need to ask for a valium for the night before surgery because I am running out of xanax.....LOL!!!  Well I have a house to clean and get things in order before the 9th.  I know that I will be okay and I know that I am going to hate life for awhile afterwards but it is all worth it.  Have a Great day!!!

  Alright....hospital called and fully registered me over the phone and than I called Lisa at the office and got my surgery time....10 am....I have to be there at 7 am but the surgery will begin at 10.  I am sure that everyone goes through this.....but I am scared to death....I know that I have an addiction with food and this my only hope.....it is like you have the bad devil on one shoulder and the good angel on the other.  Both of them talking at once.....LOL....yes I do believe I am a little off my rocker.  I have so been going over the pro's and con's of everything.  The more scared I get I get on here and look at everyones before and after pics and read their sucess stories.  That seems to motivate me the most....because I can actually see it.  
Okay so starting next week I have to go in and get blood work, chest x-ray, and ekg done again.  Fight the urge to engorge myself with everything that is going to be a "no-no" on the otherside.  Starting the first week of June I go on an all liquid diet.  OMG....can I really do this?????  YES I CAN!!!!!  Than I go to meet with the PA and next day go to the nutrition education class with my husband...all day long.  Than 6 more days until the BIG day.  Well I will keep you all updated......ttyl

  Alright....talked to the office and everything is set.  Just waiting on them to tell me a time for the 9th.  Holy CRAP!!!  I have one more week to eat the "last meal"...I have to go on a liquid diet for a week prior.  After I got off the phone with Lisa (secretary) I started to cry.  I don't know why....scared...of the unknown.  I am finally going to fight my addiction with food and I feel like I might actually conquer this thing that has taken over my life.  Never again will I allow something to control me like this.  I mean....I can't even paint my toe nails without making myself out of breath because my stomach is too big.  I feel like if I leave a room full of people they have to be talking about how fat I am.  I have so many emotions right now!!!!  Thank God for Xanax!!!!  LOL  Well got to get ready to go to the zoo with my daughter.  TTYL

Well I got my date today....06-09-08....seems far away.  I am sure though that things are going to fly by and the night before my surgery I am going to have an anxiety attack because there are things that I didn't do.  Wow!!!  One more month....I am scared and excited all at the same time.  I have never had surgery of any kind before so that is another thing that I am scared to death about.  I have already started to buy everything that I will need.  All of the protien stuff is kinda expensive....so I figured it wouldn't hurt to try to get as much as I can now instead of having to buy it all at once.  Does anyone have any good ideas on protien drinks that are not SO expensive????  Maybe I will post that on the support group blog.  
I started going to the YMCA last week....I need the childcare during the summer time so that I can continue to work out.  I had an appointment with the trainer today and I explained to her that I was getting the surgery done and that I would need her help.  She looked at me like I grew another head.  Than I got the same lecture before......if you burn more than eat you will lose weight.....well.....hhhhmmmmm....I have been doing that for the past 6-7 years and that doesn't seem to be helping.  I don't understand why so many people are against it......I have to get healthy again and if I have to go to the extremes to make that happen than I guess that is the way it has to be.  Okay....I will get off the soap box and let someone else have a turn. 
I am trying to write this all down to hopefully remind myself 2 wks after the surgery why I got it in the first place.  LOL!!!  I suppose I will be on here again soon.  Nite!! 

Alright....I have had approval since the 1st of April and still no date......I am not sure what the hell is going on but I am REALLY getting frustrated!!!!
Starting next week I am going to call and call until somone gives me a @*!$ date!!!!!  Am I being impatient????? 

GGGRRRRR!!!!!  How long does it take for the medical person at the office to make the final decision!!!!!  Come on!!!  I just wanna know a date.....all this waiting is driving me CRAZY!!!!  I so want a smoke......what an awful habit but I won't one SOOOO BAD!!!!
Well I will ttyl

Well found out today that I got approved!!!!!  YEAH!!!!!!  Well I guess now it is just the waiting game of when everything else will happen.  OMG....I can't believe I got approved!!!!!

Well everything has been submited to my insurance company.  I am so nervous that my stomach is tied in knots.  Hopefully everything works out and I will know something by next week.  OMG....I don't know if I can go that long without knowing.  YIKES!!!!  Plus I have offically quit smoking.  I had dropped it down to only 2-3 a day but I knew that if I wanted a healthy recovery I was going to have to quit completely.  I really miss smoking....but I really want my body to stop hurting and to be healthy again too.  Well I will be updating when I know something.