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the hunger never goes away.
i'm eating and drinking so much protein.
i can eat food....yogurt, puddings, soup, pureed chicken, but yet i still can't eat eggs. THEY HURT SO BAD TO EAT!
the hunger never goes away. In actuality i look at what i eat in my journal and the calories are right on target , even a little low, but the protein is high,  60-80grams....
i don't feel any different than i did pre-surgery as far as hunger is concerned, and thats what drives me crazy, i hate feeling hungry all the time....i guess i'm discouraged.
i see Dr.Pohl on Thursday. Maybe he can shed some input.
My hand is still swollen and my veins are still hard from the hospital when they didn't fix my iv.
I just don't want to be hungry.
I really wanted to be one of those people who said "my hunger just went away".... I have been drinking {FINALLY CAN GET IT DOWN} at least 60oz of water. sometimes that hurts, i hope its not stretching my pooch out.
Blue Cross is giving me shit about covering NUT visits. WHAT THE HELL!?!?
i can't afford it out of my pocket, and to top it off, the car needs to be fixed.
Its been a sparkling week....oh yeah and i still haven't lost any more weight.

ok. i'm paranoid. I've lost 13lbs since i came home, and i haven't lost in a couple of days.
i think i'm impatient.

feeling better-ish.
pain comes in a spurts...
but i'm not so full of air and since surgery last week
the pounds seem to melt off.
i'm still having trouble getting the required water, but i am doing the absolute best i can.
ate some cream soup today and the flavor was awesome, probably cuz i am SOOOO sick of
protein shakes. I keep Fage yogurt down well too and thats PACKED with 16grams of protein
and barely any sugar, just add a little SF Maple Syrup in for flavor and its awesome.
I supplement the shakes in between meals because i know i need the protein.
Also am taking Boiron homeopathic remedy for "helping heal surgical wounds" and my incisions are
looking amazing and actually i;ve noticed an improvement in upper abdomen swelling.
I went to target today to get some stuff i needed and my VERY EXPENSIVE prescription
for gallstone prevention. That one's gonna be a killer every month for sure.
At any rate, down almost 24lbs since Jan 1st. and i'm already noticing the difference.
Getting my elliptical trainer this weekend or next...i can't wait to get in shape!!
Wooo!.
i think you will all notice a definate improvement in my post from last wekk :)

so i am finally home after 5 days in the hospital.
Had some troubles on Tuesday night keeping water down,
think it was a combination of the pain of the gas bubbles, the horrible stench of the nurses perfume
and the fact they were giving me 5cc of morphine with a saline flush. So i threw up ont he nurse.
THEEEENNN, i had to have the worlds shittiest test of drinking this shit that tasted like Robetussin
and dishwashing soap, then they xrayed me for over an hour. it fucking sucked.
all week has been brutal, the hospital roomates i had, the nurses's the whole experience
was painstaking. I definatly don't have much positive to say about Roger Williams except that Dr.Pohl
is an awesome doctor and came and saw me everyday.

I'm having trouble drinking 3 shakes a day. it seems like so much to get down and my stomach fills up so fast
its insane. Thankfully i have some protein that has alot of grams of protein in it, so i can at least get my daily recommened
dose if i can't seeem to get down all the shake. The water consumption is better for sure. I can get down a decent amount.

I don't know, ask me in a couple weeks how i feel about all this. Right now, i'm sore, full of surgical air and farting my brains out. It's really rough and i know i need to go and see my counselor again really soon.

well its saturday and my sister is coming over to help me reallly scrub the house down and help me do all my laudry [i hate the laundermat!!]....like sheets, towels, clothes, ANYTHING that can be washed basically. haha.
Gotta run to target to get some last minute things...cat litter, paper towel, EAS protein[just tried it and LOVE IT!]...and some razors and new undies so my a) legs aren't hairy apes for surgery and b) my underwear isnt' stupid either
haha.
i'lve lost about 12lbs from this liquid diet...so my scale says, but it seems when i go to the Dr..they all say something different.
the hospital is different from the surgeons office is different from my PCP. GO FIGURE!!!

what else?? hmmm. i'm nervous...but actually i'm stressed about work on monday....after a telzon malfunction, i now have to reprogram 20 new machines for monday UPS. [i program supermarket telzon ordering guns] its super antiquated technology and it really set me back. PLus on top of making sure all my accounts are addiquitly covered and not by some of the idiots in my dept. My multi million dollar accounts expect nothing but there every whim served too and i can't have someone who isn't going to give them as much care and attention as i do cover the account, it could cost our company alot of money, not to mention an assreaming from my boss and her boss and her bosses boss. Whatever about work though....GRRRR

music is going really well. gotta finish up this new song called "french Love connection" its a duet with a friend of ours from france named Felix...its so raunchy and good electro beats.

anywho, i'm still in my pj;s at 1:30...my sister just rolled up...
i better get my shit in gear!!

WOOO!!!!!  3 more days!

still on this crazy diet.
still don't feel like i lost any weight.
i didn't think i could consume so much water.
seriously. holy shit! to how much water i can drink....
also, Stop and Shop brand Lemon-Lime Crystal Lite is pretty damn good.

on another note, i have to post this, cuz it pissed me off so much last night.
let me preface by saying, i've been with my boyfriend going on 2.5 years or so.
I've been heavy the entire time we've been together, though when we moved to CT
i ballooned pretty bad. Whatever, i've dieted and yo-yo'd like a duncan.
At any rate, i'm trying to get some sexy time going and finally he gives in....
and he can't get it totally get it up. this has always been a sorta issue sometimes.
i get discouraged, cuz lets face it, its pretty hard [ no pun intended] to hump something
not hard....so whatever it just gets awkward and he says to me after much silence.
"i'm just used to being with skinny girls that i can rolll around with and be crazy....your body type
isn't my type. You make me feel like the woman in bed and i hate it, thats why i don't like having sex with you"
I WAS FLOORED. FUCKING FLOORED.
we've had this conversation before, but i dunno, i've lost weight on this liquid diet and he knows that i'm having this operation {NO NOT FOR HIS SCRAWNY ASS!} and i don't know.
I feel like the next few months are going to be a real challange in our relationship as I change and he realizes as I change and lose weight, my confidence will increase.
I was once a bombshell when i was younger, and i plan on being one again very soon.

AMEN TO THAT!

on other note:  TUESDAYS THE BIG DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hell yeah!

also, my profile is SO boring.
i have no idea how to edit this thing.
oh well :(

Tommorow, i go for my PRE-OP EVAL and start my 2 week pre-op diet.
Tonight, I gotta get bouncing on my exercise ball again and knock out my 100 crunches....
and my 50 fakey ball push-ups.
Mom is giving me her elliptical machine, because she no longer has room for it.
YAY!! thank god, i don't have neighbors that live underneth me.


truth be told, i'm scared SHITLESS for my surgery. the surgery part scares me to death, the afterwards will be hard,
but i'm ready to be fit and look good again.
oh man, these 2 weeks are gonna crawl.

shit its christmas!!
my pre-op is next tuesday!
HOLY SHIT!
i am nervous, excited, scared and so ready for all this....


also, in the works of planning a tour with my band for late summer 2009.


GOOD TIMES.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!

In exactly one month, i will have my surgery.
i'm super excited, nervous and just ready to get onto this new totally awesome part of life.
I know it will be rough, but it's going to be so worth it in the end.