Kaley J.
Measurements - 11 months out
May 26, 2009
Total Inches lost in the last month: 1
Total Inches lost Post-Op (June 2008-May2009): 56
Total Inches lost Pre-Op (March-June 2008): 16.5+
Total Inches lost Since Started Measuring (March 2008-May 2009): 72.5+
Date Pant Size Bra Size Shirt Size Shoes
3/2/08 4X/32W 52G 30/32 M 7WW
4/7/08 4X/32W 50F 30/32 M 7WW
5/3/08 4X/32W 50F 28 M 7WW
6/1/08 4X/32W 50F 28 M 7WW
6/23/08 3X/28W 48DDD 28 M 7WW
Surgery!
7/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
8/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
9/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
10/25/08 1X/22W 48DDD 22/24 W 8.5W
11/25/08 1X/22W 46DDD 18/20 W 8.5W
12/25/08 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
1/25/09 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
2/25/09 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
3/25/09 16WP 44D 14/16 W 7.5W
4/25/09 16WP 42DD 14/16 W 7.5W
5/25/09 16WP 42DD 14/16 W 7.5W
Date Upper Arm Forearm Wrist Neck
3/2/08 17” 13” 8” 17-1/2”
4/7/08 16-1/2” 13” 7-1/2” 17-1/2”
5/3/08 16” 12-1/2” 7-1/2” 17-1/2”
6/1/08 16” 13” 7-1/2” 17”
6/23/08 16” 13” 7-1/2” 16”
Surgery!
7/25/08 15-1/2” 12-1/2” 7” 16”
8/25/08 15” 12” 7” 15”
9/25/08 14” 11-1/2” 7” 15”
10/25/08 13” 11-1/2” 7” 15”
11/25/08 13” 11-1/4” 6-3/4” 15”
12/25/08 13" 11" 6-1/2" 14-1/2"
1/25/09 12-1/2" 11" 6-1/2" 14-1/4"
2/25/09 12-1/2" 11" 6-1/2" 13-3/4"
3/25/09 12" 11" 6-1/2" 13-3/4"
4/25/09 12" 11" 6-1/2" 14-3/4"
5/25/09 12" 11" 6" 14-1/4"
Date Thigh Calf Ankle Waist
3/2/08 34” 24” 12” 57”
4/7/08 34” 23” 12” 56”
5/3/08 34” 23” 12” 56”
6/1/08 34-1/2” 23” 12” 55”
6/23/08 34” 22-1/2” 12” 55”
Surgery!
7/25/08 32” 21-1/2” 11-1/2” 51”
8/25/08 31” 21” 11-1/2” 49”
9/25/08 29” 21” 11-1/2” 49”
10/25/08 29” 20” 11” 48”
11/25/08 27-3/4” 20” 10-1/2” 47”
12/25/08 27-1/2" 19-3/4" 10-1/2" 47"
1/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44-1/2"
2/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44-1/2"
3/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44"
4/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44"
5/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44"
Date Knee Elbow Hips Ribcage
3/2/08 20” 13” ** 52”
4/7/08 20-1/2” 13” ** 47-1/2”
5/3/08 20” 12-1/2” ** 48”
6/1/08 20” 12-1/2” ** 46”
6/23/08 19” 12” ** 44”
Surgery!
7/25/08 17” 12” 63” 44”
8/25/08 17” 11-1/2” 61” 44”
9/25/08 17” 11-1/2” 58-1/2” 43”
10/25/08 17” 11” 56” 43”
11/25/08 16” 10-3/4” 55” 41”
12/25/08 16" 10-1/2" 55" 40-1/2"
1/25/09 15-1/2" 10-1/2" 53" 39-1/2
2/25/09 15" 10-1/2" 52" 39"
3/25/09 15" 10-1/4" 52" 39"
4/25/09 15" 10-1/4" 52" 39"
5/25/09 15" 10-1/4" 52" 39"
Struggling
Apr 29, 2009
My surgeon and therapist assure me this is normal and will pass and I will adjust and I am working on it in therapy but it is seriously freaking me out and unforunately causing me to not eat all of the nutrients that I should. Very dangerous, I know, and I'm working on it.
I need to gain some sense of ownership over my body. Some recognition that it is mine, even in this new form. And I don't know how to do that feeling as unsafe as I do.
A Real Stall
Apr 25, 2009
That being said, I have some goals for myself...
1. Start keeping my food journal again and planning my meals and snacks for the day the night before (I was doing this but with how crazy everything has been it fell off).
2. Start excercising more regularly now that the weather is good - going for walks, exercise DVDs, etc. (I was doing this regularly before I lost my car and the ability to drive by going to the Y. I have borrowed some exercise DVDs from a friend and have started doing them).
3. Start doing more to consciously relax - yoga, deep breathing, mindfulness, etc. (Just in general try to look out more for my emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being).
I think if I do these things I will start to lose weight again. I know that the numbers should not be my ultimate goal, health should, but I think at this point the numbers are a reflection of how crazy everything has been and I need to actively try to counteract that.
A Queen-Sized Bed Fits 2!
Apr 25, 2009
To me the sizes of the beds went: twin-sized is for children, queen-sized is for one adult, and king sized is for two adults. I never understood how a married couple I knew managed on a queen-sized bed. It frankly did not seem possible for me, or for anyone else comfortably.
So my mom suggested we share the bed and I said, okay we could try for the first night but I'd probably move to the couch and be more comfortable - I did not think sharing the bed would work but did not want to bring that up. Lo and behold, we could fit relatively comfortably. It probably would have been more comfortable had I not been so tense about it we FIT! I could never do that before! Will the wonders never cease?!
Measurements - 10 months out
Apr 25, 2009
Total Inches lost in the last month: 1 cup size
Total Inches lost Post-Op (June 2008-April 2009): 55
Total Inches lost Pre-Op (March-June 2008): 16.5+
Total Inches lost Since Started Measuring (March 2008-April 2009): 71.5+
Date Pant Size Bra Size Shirt Size Shoes
3/2/08 4X/32W 52G 30/32 M 7WW
4/7/08 4X/32W 50F 30/32 M 7WW
5/3/08 4X/32W 50F 28 M 7WW
6/1/08 4X/32W 50F 28 M 7WW
6/23/08 3X/28W 48DDD 28 M 7WW
Surgery!
7/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
8/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
9/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
10/25/08 1X/22W 48DDD 22/24 W 8.5W
11/25/08 1X/22W 46DDD 18/20 W 8.5W
12/25/08 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
1/25/09 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
2/25/09 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
3/25/09 16WP 44D 14/16 W 7.5W
4/25/08 16WP 42DD 14/16 W 7.5W
Date Upper Arm Forearm Wrist Neck
3/2/08 17” 13” 8” 17-1/2”
4/7/08 16-1/2” 13” 7-1/2” 17-1/2”
5/3/08 16” 12-1/2” 7-1/2” 17-1/2”
6/1/08 16” 13” 7-1/2” 17”
6/23/08 16” 13” 7-1/2” 16”
Surgery!
7/25/08 15-1/2” 12-1/2” 7” 16”
8/25/08 15” 12” 7” 15”
9/25/08 14” 11-1/2” 7” 15”
10/25/08 13” 11-1/2” 7” 15”
11/25/08 13” 11-1/4” 6-3/4” 15”
12/25/08 13" 11" 6-1/2" 14-1/2"
1/25/09 12-1/2" 11" 6-1/2" 14-1/4"
2/25/09 12-1/2" 11" 6-1/2" 13-3/4"
3/25/09 12" 11" 6-1/2" 13-3/4"
4/25/08 12" 11" 6-1/2" 14-3/4"
Date Thigh Calf Ankle Waist
3/2/08 34” 24” 12” 57”
4/7/08 34” 23” 12” 56”
5/3/08 34” 23” 12” 56”
6/1/08 34-1/2” 23” 12” 55”
6/23/08 34” 22-1/2” 12” 55”
Surgery!
7/25/08 32” 21-1/2” 11-1/2” 51”
8/25/08 31” 21” 11-1/2” 49”
9/25/08 29” 21” 11-1/2” 49”
10/25/08 29” 20” 11” 48”
11/25/08 27-3/4” 20” 10-1/2” 47”
12/25/08 27-1/2" 19-3/4" 10-1/2" 47"
1/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44-1/2"
2/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44-1/2"
3/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44"
4/25/08 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44"
Date Knee Elbow Hips Ribcage
3/2/08 20” 13” ** 52”
4/7/08 20-1/2” 13” ** 47-1/2”
5/3/08 20” 12-1/2” ** 48”
6/1/08 20” 12-1/2” ** 46”
6/23/08 19” 12” ** 44”
Surgery!
7/25/08 17” 12” 63” 44”
8/25/08 17” 11-1/2” 61” 44”
9/25/08 17” 11-1/2” 58-1/2” 43”
10/25/08 17” 11” 56” 43”
11/25/08 16” 10-3/4” 55” 41”
12/25/08 16" 10-1/2" 55" 40-1/2"
1/25/09 15-1/2" 10-1/2" 53" 39-1/2
2/25/09 15" 10-1/2" 52" 39"
3/25/09 15" 10-1/4" 52" 39"
4/25/08 15" 10-1/4" 52" 39"
All Cleared!
Apr 16, 2009
Basically though, I want a new job.
Measurements
Mar 27, 2009
Total Inches lost in the last month: 1.25
Total Inches lost Post-Op (June 2008-March 2009): 55
Total Inches lost Pre-Op (March-June 2008): 16.5+
Total Inches lost Since Started Measuring (March 2008-March 2009): 71.5+
Date Pant Size Bra Size Shirt Size Shoes
3/2/08 4X/32W 52G 30/32 M 7WW
4/7/08 4X/32W 50F 30/32 M 7WW
5/3/08 4X/32W 50F 28 M 7WW
6/1/08 4X/32W 50F 28 M 7WW
6/23/08 3X/28W 48DDD 28 M 7WW
Surgery!
7/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
8/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
9/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
10/25/08 1X/22W 48DDD 22/24 W 8.5W
11/25/08 1X/22W 46DDD 18/20 W 8.5W
12/25/08 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
1/25/09 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
2/25/09 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
3/25/09 16WP 44D 14/16 W 7.5W
Date Upper Arm Forearm Wrist Neck
3/2/08 17” 13” 8” 17-1/2”
4/7/08 16-1/2” 13” 7-1/2” 17-1/2”
5/3/08 16” 12-1/2” 7-1/2” 17-1/2”
6/1/08 16” 13” 7-1/2” 17”
6/23/08 16” 13” 7-1/2” 16”
Surgery!
7/25/08 15-1/2” 12-1/2” 7” 16”
8/25/08 15” 12” 7” 15”
9/25/08 14” 11-1/2” 7” 15”
10/25/08 13” 11-1/2” 7” 15”
11/25/08 13” 11-1/4” 6-3/4” 15”
12/25/08 13" 11" 6-1/2" 14-1/2"
1/25/09 12-1/2" 11" 6-1/2" 14-1/4"
2/25/09 12-1/2" 11" 6-1/2" 13-3/4"
3/25/09 12" 11" 6-1/2" 13-3/4"
Date Thigh Calf Ankle Waist
3/2/08 34” 24” 12” 57”
4/7/08 34” 23” 12” 56”
5/3/08 34” 23” 12” 56”
6/1/08 34-1/2” 23” 12” 55”
6/23/08 34” 22-1/2” 12” 55”
Surgery!
7/25/08 32” 21-1/2” 11-1/2” 51”
8/25/08 31” 21” 11-1/2” 49”
9/25/08 29” 21” 11-1/2” 49”
10/25/08 29” 20” 11” 48”
11/25/08 27-3/4” 20” 10-1/2” 47”
12/25/08 27-1/2" 19-3/4" 10-1/2" 47"
1/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44-1/2"
2/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44-1/2"
3/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44"
Date Knee Elbow Hips Ribcage
3/2/08 20” 13” ** 52”
4/7/08 20-1/2” 13” ** 47-1/2”
5/3/08 20” 12-1/2” ** 48”
6/1/08 20” 12-1/2” ** 46”
6/23/08 19” 12” ** 44”
Surgery!
7/25/08 17” 12” 63” 44”
8/25/08 17” 11-1/2” 61” 44”
9/25/08 17” 11-1/2” 58-1/2” 43”
10/25/08 17” 11” 56” 43”
11/25/08 16” 10-3/4” 55” 41”
12/25/08 16" 10-1/2" 55" 40-1/2"
1/25/09 15-1/2" 10-1/2" 53" 39-1/2
2/25/09 15" 10-1/2" 52" 39"
3/25/09 15" 10-1/4" 52" 39"
Measurements
Feb 25, 2009
Total Inches lost in the last month: 2.5
Total Inches lost Post-Op (June 2008-February 2009): 53.75
Total Inches lost Pre-Op (March-June 2008): 16.5+
Total Inches lost Since Started Measuring (March 2008-February 2009): 70.25+
Date Pant Size Bra Size Shirt Size Shoes
3/2/08 4X/32W 52G 30/32 M 7WW
4/7/08 4X/32W 50F 30/32 M 7WW
5/3/08 4X/32W 50F 28 M 7WW
6/1/08 4X/32W 50F 28 M 7WW
6/23/08 3X/28W 48DDD 28 M 7WW
Surgery!
7/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
8/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
9/25/08 24W 48DDD 22/24 M 7WW
10/25/08 1X/22W 48DDD 22/24 W 8.5W
11/25/08 1X/22W 46DDD 18/20 W 8.5W
12/25/08 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
1/25/09 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
2/25/08 16WP 44DD 14/16 W 7.5W
Date Upper Arm Forearm Wrist Neck
3/2/08 17” 13” 8” 17-1/2”
4/7/08 16-1/2” 13” 7-1/2” 17-1/2”
5/3/08 16” 12-1/2” 7-1/2” 17-1/2”
6/1/08 16” 13” 7-1/2” 17”
6/23/08 16” 13” 7-1/2” 16”
Surgery!
7/25/08 15-1/2” 12-1/2” 7” 16”
8/25/08 15” 12” 7” 15”
9/25/08 14” 11-1/2” 7” 15”
10/25/08 13” 11-1/2” 7” 15”
11/25/08 13” 11-1/4” 6-3/4” 15”
12/25/08 13" 11" 6-1/2" 14-1/2"
1/25/09 12-1/2" 11" 6-1/2" 14-1/4"
2/25/08 12-1/2" 11" 6-1/2" 13-3/4"
Date Thigh Calf Ankle Waist
3/2/08 34” 24” 12” 57”
4/7/08 34” 23” 12” 56”
5/3/08 34” 23” 12” 56”
6/1/08 34-1/2” 23” 12” 55”
6/23/08 34” 22-1/2” 12” 55”
Surgery!
7/25/08 32” 21-1/2” 11-1/2” 51”
8/25/08 31” 21” 11-1/2” 49”
9/25/08 29” 21” 11-1/2” 49”
10/25/08 29” 20” 11” 48”
11/25/08 27-3/4” 20” 10-1/2” 47”
12/25/08 27-1/2" 19-3/4" 10-1/2" 47"
1/25/09 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44-1/2"
2/25/08 26-1/2" 19" 10" 44-1/2"
Date Knee Elbow Hips Ribcage
3/2/08 20” 13” ** 52”
4/7/08 20-1/2” 13” ** 47-1/2”
5/3/08 20” 12-1/2” ** 48”
6/1/08 20” 12-1/2” ** 46”
6/23/08 19” 12” ** 44”
Surgery!
7/25/08 17” 12” 63” 44”
8/25/08 17” 11-1/2” 61” 44”
9/25/08 17” 11-1/2” 58-1/2” 43”
10/25/08 17” 11” 56” 43”
11/25/08 16” 10-3/4” 55” 41”
12/25/08 16" 10-1/2" 55" 40-1/2"
1/25/09 15-1/2" 10-1/2" 53" 39-1/2
2/25/08 15" 10-1/2" 52" 39"
God, Male Attention, Insecurity, etc...
Feb 09, 2009
Here is what happened (in order of occurance)...
Scenario #1: A 24-year old male on his way to an early party with a rather sizeable bag of alcohol proceded to hit on four younger girls on the bus who declined his advances and then moved on to me. I didn't know what to do (having never dealt with that before) but was able to finally get him to desist.
Scenario #2: An older guy (I'm thinking late 50's maybe early 60's) struck up a conversation with me and told me that looking at me with the eyes of a man looking at a woman he found me very attractive. (Same day as Scenario #1, Second Bus)
Scenario #3: I'm getting on the bus at the transit station, putting my token in the slot and saying hello to the bus driver who I'm getting to know by now, and a guy about my age gestures to a seat in the front and says very nicely to me, "Why don't you have a seat over here sweetie, so I can get off the bus?"
Okay, starting with Scenario #3, I would never have gotten such a polite statement before, let alone a sweetie. Before now I would have either gotten a rude comment or just a general excuse me, I need to get through. I have never had a random guy, or any guy, call me sweetie. I just don't know what to make of that.
It's just, I am so used to being either invisible to guys or to being seen as a fat, unattractive blob of a person who is not worthy of any proper treatment. I am not used to being seen by guys, let alone being seen as someone worth noticing for more than a passing glance. And it's bringing out all of these insecurities about not only my body but also about who I am as a person and whether anyone of the male gender will ever accept me fully for who I am because they're only now noticing and seeming to begin caring about me now that my body is starting to fit better into the mold that they like.
It's like all of a sudden I crossed that magic line to being visible. That magic line to being human. And now people, and guys in particular, want me to let them in to get me and I feel like saying "What makes me trust you any more now than I did then?" Yes, being noticed is nice. Yes being found attractive is nice. Yes having people want to get to know me and want to introduce me to their friends is nice. But where was that a year ago? 5 years ago when I was at my highest weight? I am the same person. I know how to be invisible. I know how to be nonhuman. I don't know how to be "human" as it were. I don't know what I want to let other people see when they see me, when they get to know me. Because all these new people who are wanting to get to know me are people who are wanting to get to know me now, now that I am visible, and I don't frankly feel I can trust them. I don't know how to deal with this.
I want to be a lady of God. A woman after God's own heart who finds her beauty in God, not in the physical appearance. But at the same time, going through this weight loss journey it feels like everything is about the physical because everything about me physically is changing and the way people are responding to my physical appearance is changing and the way I feel about my physical appearance is changing and I don't know what to do to keep it balanced. I just feel very confused and very off kilter.