Everyday, the actions we take determine who we are

Mar 22, 2009

In 24hrs I'm going to be taking a very drastic action to improve my life. I'm anxious and scared and excited all at once. In the last month, and more so in the last few days, the anxious and scared beats the excited.   

This is the way my mind works.  When there is something I'm going to do that I have to prepare for I envision the event in my mind. I started doing this when I first had to get up and teach or present in front of people.  I do this exercise for almost any big event.   It helps me figure out what needs to be done and calms me. It also means I think too much.   For my surgery I can't seem to do it. There are to many unknowns.  It bothers me.

The bottom line is that I'm not a risk taker. I don't follow blindly. I don't step into the darkness. I don't jump off cliffs.  The idea of this surgery feels like I'm blind folded, standing on the edge, and telling myself "take one step forward".   This does't mean I don't want it and doesn't mean I won't do it, just that I'm scared of the unknown.  I'll push through this and I'll get it done and I'll be sucessful. period.

I suppose what it all boils down to is faith. I have faith in myself, that I made the right decision and understand all the consequences. I have faith in the support I receive from my family and friends. And, I have faith that someone up there is looking down  and watching over me.

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