kellybell

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Ok, i just gotta say, I LOVE MY BAND! I'm sooo happy that I made this choice. I'm still in a LOT of pain, (only 4 days out) but it's getting EXPONENTIALLY better every day. The pain meds help a lot too. :-) I think I'm taking 4 weeks off work. I'll never have this chance to heal and to re-train myself, so I might as well take advantage of it.

The difference I feel is AMAZING. I feel virutally no hunger. I know that this will pass, but for now, it's wonderful. I can really feel the difference between "head hunger" and "belly hunger." It's actually been harder than I thought I would be. I cried on the way home from the grocery store the other day. I wasn't HUNGRY, but I wanted food.

I ordered a new protein powder from Unjury, and I got it today. It was $38 for 30 scoops! YIKES! Soo expensive, but when you consider that it's unflavored and you can add it to ANYTHING, it's worth it, i guess.  I am so tired of chocolate. I never want to eat chocolate again.

Today I ate the following:

3 oz of soy yogurt (4 g protein)

4 oz strawberry yogurt mixed w/ 1 scoop propowder (24 g pro)

5 oz runny mashed potatoes w/ 1 scoop propowder (22 g pro)

2 oz chocolate ice cream (major cheating here!! I don't even know why I did it, but it's over and I'm not going to beat myself up about it)

3 oz  strawberry slimfast high protein (5 g pro)

I've notice that late at night is the worst time for my cravings. After nathan's gone to bed and I'm just sitting up. This is when I would normally eat something, anything I wanted. Now, I'll just pace back and forth in the kitchen, since this is no longer an option for me.  I actually stuck my finger in a jar of queso for a taste, because I miss it so much! Then I decided that is was borderline nutty, and put it away. 

i weighted myself, and I've lost 11 pounds! I'm soo happy! But I know I'll regain a little bit of that when I start back on solids, so I'm not getting myself too worked up.

I'm pretty happy right now. Things are really starting to fall into place in my life. Luke is coming around a lot more. Nathan is starting to like him, and I can tell Luke loves Nathan- or at least, he's starting to. Nathan cried for him when he left today, and I thought it was really sweet, even though he never cries for me! But that's because he loves his aunt molly sooo much, and that makes me really happy.

Anyway, I'm starting to feel better, and I think I'm going to make a trip out to toyrus tommorow to return a b-day present for nathan.

Night!

Sooo, day 2 post op.  Still a lot of pain. Just one specific spot to the upper left side of my belly button. Not sure why, but it hurts pretty bad.

Anyway....What I ate today:

Breakfast: 4 oz skim milk with 1 1/2 scoops of chocolate protein powder

snack: 2 oz of s.f. cherry jello

lunch: 4 oz skim milk, 1 scoop protein powder, 1 tablespoon of peanut butter! A chocolate peanutbutter shake! It wasn't too bad.

snack : about 5 oz of the rest of the choc/pb shake sipped slowly over an hour and a half

Dinner: 2 oz baby food turkey and gravy  3 oz  beef broth

snack: 3 oz strained cream of chicken soup.

Damn, that seems like a lot of food now that I write it all down. I think I'm eating too much. I shouldn't be eating more than 4 oz at a time, but it doesn't seem to be a problem going down. But I've been up since 5 am, so normally I wouldn't be eating that soon in the day, making me actually add an extra meal to the day.

I think my scale has broken, as it says I have lost 60 lbs. lol. I know weight loss surgery is GREAT, but I don't think I've lost 60 lbs in 2 days. I think I would notice that. Sooo, I'm going to have to treat myself to a new scale.

Well, just took some meds, and i'm about to pass out. My sister kept the baby for me tonight, since he is sick, and kept me up most of the night last night. It was pretty rough. But his dad spent the whole day here with us today, to help me out, and it was really really nice.

Ok, gotta sleep

I made it! Dr Tom said I did great! I'm really excited, even though I am still in quite a bit of pain.

I have a lot of gas pains. I took some gas x, so hopefully that will help me soon.

I only had about 8 oz of "food" at the hospital, not including ice chips and water. I had 2 oz of broth in about 25 mins, and I felt like I had eaten thanksgiving dinner! I was soooo full. Lots of pressure. I thought I was gonna get sick, but I did some deep breathing (always helped with morning sickness) and made it through.

So, I will write about my experience.

The surgery was great. I didn't have any weird dreams or bad feelings like I did with my c-section. I did really good about not freaking out before the surgery. I'm pretty proud of myself.

The pain came and went in waves. It was pretty bad for a few minutes when I first cam out of surgery, but they gave me meds, and it was almost instantly gone.

The rest is pretty uneventful. I felt awsome after my first pain shot, and I got out of bed right away, and went to the bathroom and sat in a chair for a while. The I got back in bed, and my pain came back with a fierceness! It was pretty bad. I didn't like the fact that you don't get pain meds administered at regular intervals. You have to ask for them, and if you wait until the pain comes back, it can get pretty bad before they actually get the meds to you.

This morning after the shift change, I had quite a problem with my nurse. Her name was LeAnn, and she was very nasty. A few silly things, like I asked her at 9:40 to bring my meds in at 10:00 and help me to the bathroom and to change and brush my teeth, and she never came. I finally called her at 10:30. Also, I asked her to heat up my soup 4 times, and she never did, so I asked a nurse I saw in the hallway. 

The thing that really  made me mad was when I was getting ready to leave. I asked to change my pain med perscription, so that was taking a while. She had already taken out my IV, but didn't actually discharge me. While I was waiting to get the new script, I started having a LOT of pain (around noon) I buzzed for a nurse, and they said she would be right in. Well, she didn't come in (if she doesnt come, the buzzer stays on, and re-notifies them about every 5 mins.) After 25 mintues, she still didn't come into my room, and this time I was in severe pain. My friend sherry was picking me up, so she went out in the hall and just got a nurse who was walking by. She was so sweet, and she went to ask LeAnn if she would help with her paitent (me) and LeAnn said "No."  So my friend sherry finally said something to her, and she finally came in the room and told me that I was discharged and I could leave. (i still hadn't received my scrip, or any discharge instructions.) I told her I was in severe pain (I was crying by now) and LeAnn told me that I had two choices- I could either go home now (still without a scrip or any instructions,) or I could wait to get some meds from the pharmacy. I asked her how long it would take, and she said (i'm not joking here) "I can't see the future."

I was so pissed at this point, that I started raising my voice (NOT YELLING, just being more firm) I told her I was in SEVERE pain, and I would NOT even be able to make it to the car in this condition. She told me that I was just upset, and I needed to calm down and take some deep breaths. I told her I was doing that already, and I was NOT upset, I was just in a LOT of pain.

Finally the charge nurse came in, and gave me my meds- cut them up for me and got me water to take the pills and everything. I told her how rude LeAnn had been. I told her how she'd been basically ignoring me, and that she might be having a bad day, and I understand that, but I shouldn't be suffering because she was having a bad day. She was very understanding, and told me that LeAnn WAS having a bad day, but that was NOT an excuse to make me suffer, and that she would say something to her later.

If it weren't for that situation, I would have said that this was a GREAT experience. She ruined a lot of it for me, and when I think back about this surgery, I will remember THIS as a very important part of this experience, and even though it had nothing to do with the band, or Dr Tom, it really made this experience difficult for me.

BUT, that's all over now. I'm home, and resting, and I have betadine and brusies all over my body! LOL. 

I'll post some pics as soon as I feel up to it. 

Coughing and hiccupping hurts pretty bad, and so does the gas pain. Hopefully tommorow will be a better day.

I've eaten chicken broth, veggie broth, and beef broth, along with some jello, and lots of water. I'm about to make a protein shake, even though it's pretty late, I only had about 20 of the recommended 55 grams of protein for today. 

I'm a loser now!  Well on my way!

The birthday party went off without a hitch! It was wonderful, and I truly could not have asked for a better day! I'm so happy, and very content about the next year.

I'm totally prepared. I have about 40 low carb shakes, two big jars (for lack of a better word) of protein powder. TONS of chicken, beef and veggie broth for my liquid phase.

I'm getting really excited!

I bought a pint of strawberry cheesecake ice cream as my final treat, and I only ate about 5 spoonfuls of it before I decided that I didn't want anymore, and that was IT! It's the first step in the right direction.

Of course I'm nervous, but I'm super excited.

I still have to pack, and its after midnight! So, I'll meet you all on the loser's bench tommorow!

Just think, in about 12 hrs from now, I'll be in surgery! WOW!

OK!

So, I went in today for my pre-op, history and physical. 

Paid the remainder of my program fee ($300) and my co-pay ($30) and found out the remaining balance that will be due after the insurance pays their portion. Drum roll please...........

It's $789.30!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEEEEEE!  I am so so so happy! Well, actually, I wish it was nothing, but I was figuring it out to be about $3,200 with my deductible and 20% co-pay! I'm so happy that I actually made my first payment of $89.30.  Also, St. Luke had a discount if you agree to have payments automatically withdrawn. You get a 10% discount, so I will save $70 off the total, and pay $70 per month for 9 months.


Besides them taking seven, REPEAT SEVEN, tubes of blood from me (which was no big deal at all-- it didn't even hurt) it was smooth sailing, and there were no other medical tests.

I DO think they were trying to test my mental status though. Every person I was was asking me about any medical conditions that I had. My answer to every single one was NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. The last time I said "no" this much was... well, yesterday, to my son! LOL

All in all, it wasn't bad at ALL! :-)

More later about the convo i had with dr tom.

gotta get the baby up from his nap!

Do you ever have days when you are soo sad that it overwhelms you. It fills you up and you feel like it will never go away. Like you will never be happy again?

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

amazing

Ok, so I'm getting pretty scared of the impending surgery. It's really starting to hit me now. And I'm so busy with work and Nathan and trying to get everything in place for the party and his gifts and the surgery, that I'm freaking out, without actual time to freak out. It's messing with my sleeping. 

Now I NEVER go to bed early, but lately I can't sleep worth a poop. I toss and turn, and strangely, I've been thinking about being lonely and how nice it would be to toss and turn NEXT to someone. I guess I've closed that part of myself off for a while now (I decided, no dating until AFTER the surgery) and now, it's almost time to start facing that reality again. YIKES. Dating?? Ewwww. Not my idea of fun. 

on another note, My little baby boy is growing up soooo fast, and even though it is wonderful to watch him get bigger everyday, it's bittersweet, knowing I will never have this time with him again. It makes every minute seem more precious.

I really do love my life. Crazy and scary and wonderful.

I've made a lot of cool new friends on here today.

Wow, that makes me sound like a third grader. Eww.

Nathan's Birthday/Surgery

12 days--- ahhhh. I'm scared. I don't wanna be a mommy of a toddler... At this time last year I was verbally assaulting the Doctor to INDUCE ME NOW, and now I'm the mother of an ALMOST one year old. (my dad always said that almost doesn't count.) I'm scared that the baby fever is gonna start creeping up on me.(it's a side effect of the first year syndrome) I keep saying I don't want to have any more, but I think that I'm lying when I say that.    I think.    But it's gonna be a loooooooong time before I even consider possibly breeding again.

It does make me sad that Nathan will never have a REAL brother or sister. Just a half sib (maybe).. It's too bad his dad and I can't stand to be in the same room together, cuz we really did make a great lookin' kid! I'm pretty proud of myself! (I bet his dad will get some other girl knocked up before too long)

Oh yeah, I'm also scared about the life-changing, unconciousness, skin cutting and implanting (silastic, not embryos) that is gonna take place in the not so distant future. Terrifying. Life-altering. EXCITING! Ahhhh, so many emotions, so few people who care... But I'm a trooper!!!!

New life, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn, I am quite the poster! 2 days in a row!

 I don't like to be confined to the 5 choices of text style they offer on here. I just though I'd add that. It feels limiting.