Kema1704

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I can't believe it's been two years. They have definitely been a rollercoaster of two years. I've had many ups and downs and I'm finally content. I still want to lose around thirty lbs or so but I gotta get my butt up and do it. two years ago I was over 100 lbs heaviers and sad. Today I can say that I love me and I'm happy where I am! I am surrounded by ppl that love and have even found the BEST FRIEND EVER ON OH! My (TEDDYBEAR) is amazing and always supports me!!! I've gained maybe five lbs but I know I can lose it! I appreciate everyone's support and love!

Wow...after I had surgery i swore I was going to keep up with this thing. I wonder what happened? I got to busy to do this and it shows. I haven't lost any weight RECENTLY..I've kind of leveled out. I'm currently 17 months post op. WOW how time flies! it seems just like yesterday I was 318 lbs! WELL...I'm officially a college graduate! I have my b.s. in Biology...and the next step is nursing school for me! EVENTUALLY I will go to med school! MARK MY WORDS! lol I'm basically just trying to refocus myself because I want to lose another thirty lbs. Everyone keeps telling me to stop but that's not going to happen until I am happy! I'm STILL OVERWEIGHT ppl! GEEZ! Anyway besides that I've been more social, and doing more things! I love to be on the go! I don't have to worry about being the "fat" friend anymore! The male attention is crazy...not sure I like it! It adds conflict to  my life and confuses me! I know who I want.....UGH next subject! this is just a update and all in all I'm doing good!!! LATER ppl

I've decided that:
* Maybe I need help(psychiatrist) with what's going on..
* I still eat to solve my problems...food is still a comfort at times..
* I deserve to be happy
* I want/desire to be in love
* I have to let go of some of the ppl in my life to move forward
* it's okay if I don't have the answers right now...I'm only 22
* I'm strong enough to move away from home nomatter how scared I am
* I'm going to lose my last twenty lbs or so and get back tot he basics
* I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve
* It's okay to have the standards that I have....I'm worth it
* I have to love myself......or no one else will
* I have to like who I am and not dwell in the past
* when i look in the mirror and see the same 318lb girl from before.....I'm not that anymore and it's time I change my perspective...
* That I am AMAZING whether u think so or not......

So for some strange reason I'm just down in the dumps. It seems like everytime I get some glimpse of HAPPINESS in my life it's kind of snatched away. I should be so happy...but I'm not. I would never tell anyone that because I've been post op for over a year i don't still struggle. Everyday is still a struggle. I still want to binge sometimes..and thats just being honest. I still struggle not to overeat....simply because the situations that caused me to overeat before are gone...but new situations produce the same emotions. I also thought that I'd love the attention that i get from guys now but honestly...it was easier when i wasn't getting so much attention. It's hard now because instead of wanting my mind(since it sure as hell wasn't my body before) it seems that everyone wants me for my goodies. It's really frustrating sometimes because it'slike I"M SCREAMING THERE IS MORE TO ME THAN JUST MY BODY! I had a WONDERFUL mind and I just wish that someone would take the time to see that. Everything in due time though. I've just been really snappy with alot of ppl lately and i don't mean to be things are just hard right now. I graduate from college in december! YAY...but I'm so not ready..not sure what I'm doing after this.....I need to be in school for insurance reasons and it's not looking good. I'm just at a point where I'm stuck!  HELP!! somebody anybody? On top of everything else my friend who hasn't seen me in like two weeks came and picked me up today.....she was like OMG u lost weight! (I lost five or seven lbs since she saw me last) She was like I don't like it...I don't think u need to lose anymore weight...you look sicly. I didn't say anything but it hurt...I'm so sick of ppl saying that! I'M NOT TINY! YES my face is very slim....but I'm still a size 12 sometimes 14! Somedays I feel tiny and other days I feel so large. I was a size 24 before so I've come a long way but still I yearn to be smaller. Not crazy small because I am 5'9 but still...it's just crazy. I don't know what to do! Everyone keeps saying it so do I start believing it? well i better go to bed..class in the morning..ugh!

Wow it's crazy to even type 13 months post op. I haven't been on this site in forever so I think maybe I should start back! It helps me release my fears....It has been a CRAZY yet fun year! I'm still not happy with where I am because I see other people lose the SAME amount or less weight and are so much smaller! I guess I'm just different and shouldn't compare! My year has been wonderful and slowly but surely I'm learning to like all of me...and I've fell in LOVE with myself already! lol so what's new?...um I gained and lost a boyfriend throughout this year...and he's taught me so much...some good and def. some bad! anyway I GRADUATE in DECEMBER! YAY one degree will be under my belt...fifty million more to go! Lol I have to make it to see DR. LOWERY! That's my ultimate goal! I'm rambling and switching subjects but anyway I haven't lost any weight recently partially due to lack of exercise, but mainly my eating habits! not overeating but UNDER! I just don't like eating and I know it's not good....so my body HOARDs all of the fat left lol! not many problems with skin I've been blessed in that area I just want to be SMALLER UGH! Can I get lower than a size 12? Anyway i better jet!

We remain the same people we were (after WLS), but there is an edge that develops. Some people may not find it as soft, cushy and lovable as before and find it unappealing. But the fact is…….we no longer are forced to laugh at ourselves, be ashamed of ourselves, or be walked over out the simple desire to be accepted. Yup, there is an edge that can develop that makes us speak our minds, look people directly in the eye and smile, and be realistic about our relationships with others. It’s scary. It’s strange. But it is wonderful." 

down over 100lbs..so why am I not SUPER excited? sometimes I feel great, but sometimes I just feel like I"m losing control..........

So I don't have any major weight loss to report, but I can say I got into a size 13 skirt! GO me....lol I thought I would be happy at a size 12..but that's changing. I'm expecting to get smaller than that by the time I reach goal. OMG my life right now it great! It's simply amazing....I'm happy simply being me! I can't ask for anything more! I'm happy in my own skin! I have some pretty good friends....and I'm just enjoying life! If only I could change one thing though lol *wink*...can't help that though! Anyway, I'm officially ready to date! haha...yeah me of all ppl I want to be commited to one person! now...if only I could have.....I'll leave that alone! School is back in session and it's going okay I guess! Just gotta get back into it! I need to go shopping.ASAP! well I'm going to be volunteering at the heart hospital GO ME! lol I'm excited..I might get to work with ppl who have/had congestive heart failure...talk about giving back! I know all to well how it feels.....I probably start the end of next week! Well I better go....ttyl! Just an update!~kema

Lol No not mine..haha maybe in a few years. I just got off the phone with one of my old friends....(my 1st best friend ever) and SHE'S getting married! She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding! THe wedding isn't until April...(not that far away) but hopefully I'll be smaller by then! I can't believe it..it's kinda nerve racking too cause I have never been in a wedding..I know it's not about me..but all eyes are on you for that second! CRAZY I'm excited I know we're all going to  look FAB! I can't wait....I can't believe she's getting married. THat means we're growing up UGH! The real world is coming for me..rude awakening! On the weightloss front I haven't gotten on a scale in a while..I'm always scared too..hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised! My friend and I are starting our EXERCISE plan this week! Hopefully we'll be able to do it..no excuses cause the GYM is on campus! Mr. WOOTEN I'm going to be checking on u...u better stay on TRACK with eating! lol Gosh I can't believe my break is almost over...School starts wednesday! It's been one of the best winter breaks ever..granted I was bored 98.5% of the time..I had a really great time getting to know a new friend! NOW onto this semester of school....I am NOT READY guess I don't have a choice! But I'm EXCITED 08 is going to be a great year...now only if I could get up the courage to leave SC...and pursue my dreams...........anybody know where I can get some courage from?..............

I got on the scale yesterday and what does it say 222~WHAT? another 5 lbs between christmas and New Years! YAY...things are going great! .......just had to update!