lacres81
Depression- YUCK
Mar 15, 2010
Well February was not a good month for me. I stopped taking my anti- depressents a month after surgery... and it all caught up to me. I thought I had been doing so well, I guess I was just fooling my self.
I have been barely able to get up and go to work, I would come home and go to bed. On the weekends I would do nothing. Well it finally go so bad that I didnt get dressed, brush my hair or teeth for 5 days, and just sat around with tears in my eyes. My husband told me I had a choice I could get dressed & get in the car, or just get in the car, he was taking me to the Dr. and there was no argueing about it. Well i went, and saw a really nice DR. not my PCP as he was booked. This Dr looked at my medical history back to 1999 to see what kind of anti depressants I had been on and why they had been switched. I really like him,. too bad he is not a regular dr- he only works the walk in clinic.
Well I got back on my anti depressants, and I am also seeing my counselor. I stopped seeing her in November. She is very helpful, and I dont know why I stopped seeing her. I had been seeing her to help with the head and reasons why I chose food as my drug of choice to deal with life.
Things are getting better, still dont feel like my self. And hind sight is 20-20. I was not functioning well the last few months. I should have known when I wasnt doing any quilting that something was wrong.
I did learn that I can not go off my anti depressants.... especially cold turkey and by myself. This is the second time in my life that I did that.... why i didnt learn the first time I dont know.
I am taking one day at a time, I have tried to set a sleep/ wake cycle and try not to vary it much. My counselor told me that if the body knows what to expect it will work better.
I have to remember that this is a journey and that it will take a while to get to where I want to be.
thanks,
KIm
6 month surgiversary
Jan 22, 2010
Well today is my 6 month anniversary. Wow what a change in me and my world. I knew that there would be changes, but wasnt totally prepared for all of them.
Today the Dr. did tell me my labs were wonderful, and even decreased some of my supplements. I have been taking 50,000 units of vit d once a week, he now wants me to take 2,000 a day. I was concerned about my iron intake, as i was anemic before surgery & my hair has been falling out, but the DR said my iron level is great.
My surgeon is 250 miles away, so it is a long drive, about 4 hours, one way. I am so glad that my husband went with me. I had a hard time staying awake on the way down, and I also ate some bacon and evidently my pouch did not like it this morning.
I asked about a goal weight- he said that i would probably lose another 20 pounds this year, and in the year or so after that, I would regain the additional 20 pounds, so that would put be right back at 151ish- and I am happy with the weight I am at today. I think I look good- except the thinning hair, the dr. said that would come back also.
I am still not use to seeing me thin,and having people notice. I actually had two old friends, that i havent seen in 2 years, not recognize me when we got together. It was a great feeling- they never knew me when I was skinny.
I go back to the dr. in 3 months and then 3 months later. at the year anniversary he will do more blood work, and wants me to have a bone density scan. Hopefully every thing will still be fine, and my hair will be growing back.
thanks for listening,
Kim
wow- non scale victories
Jan 20, 2010
On saturday, my niece turned 4, and we went to PUMP IT UP!, it is a warehouse filled with bouncy houses, you and your party get 1 hour in a room with several bouncy houses, well the adults get to go in the houses too, and boy did I. I would never have done that a year ago- I would have been too self concious about it. It was great to be able to particpate and have fun with the kids.
I am so suprised that all of this happened in a week, especially since I had been feeling so down.
life falling apart!
Jan 11, 2010
Hi,
I have not been posting on a very consistent basis- shame on me!
I have been losing my hair and what hair i have looks like doo doo, i really hate the way it looks and there seems to be nothing that I can do to help it. And of course that led me back to some very bad old habits-- I have introduced more carbs in my diet, and not the good for you kind. I know that I should not have done that and I am trying very hard to get them back out of my diet and get back on track. I am an emotional eater, and things have been very emotional - things between my husband and I have come to a head, and I think things are being worked out- we will have to wait and see how they go, they seem to be on the mend at this time.
He actually listened and heard what I was trying to say and didnt fly off the handle, it was a great feeling! I had to learn to talk to him and tell him what I am feeling or hearing- it may not have been what he ment to say. What a hard lesson for the both of us, we have been together for over 30 years, and things have been a certain way- not wonderful - for most of that time.
Along with the hair loss, the family issues, I have been having shoulder pain, and it has been painful to do much of anything. I have been going to physical therapy and it was helping, not so sure if it is now though. I developed a lump on my right shoulder/ upper arm. Just had an MRI on that and should find out the results this week. The orthopedic doctor basically said it will be one of two things- I will need surgery or a series of shots. I dont like the sound of either one, but i have to get out of this pain. It is interferring with my job and my hobby- I am not able to quilt like i would normally do- and that is where i go to lose my self.
A couple of good things have happened.
- I have lost a hundred pounds since my highest recorded weight- 262, I am now 161
- I am in a size 10-- my wedding dress is a size 13-- I weigh more now than i did when i got married but I am a smaller size- dont understand, but loving it
- I have been able to see my niece more- she turns four on 1/16-- she is a great kid and I love having her here.
Well thanks for listening
Hope you have a wonderful journey.
Kim
December 8, 2009
Dec 08, 2009
I am so excited, I have finally broke my stall, not sure what caused it or why it broke, just glad it did. I am down to 168. I had been bouncing between 178-173 for the last month- wow! didnt realize it had been that long.
Hair is still falling out, have been doing better taking my iron- especially since I told my family- they are now helping remind me. I am also taking "hair & nails" from Nutrilite, they are the best manufacure of vitamin, supplement products. That seems to be helping also.
My exercise has not been what i know it should be, my plan today is to use the treadmill fitness test- and see what it says and what i need to do. I am hoping to be able to use the one here at work for at least 1/2 hour at my 2ndlunch and part of my first lunch and breaks. I really need to be exercising more.
I have my 6 month check up scheduled, and I have given my dr the form so he can order my labs. My surgeon is in Vancouver WA, so I get my labs done close to home- Stanwood WA- and then they fax the results to Vancouver so that the surgeon has them for my appointment. I am curious as to what the results will be.
I will try to not wait so long between posts.
Shopping- good news.
Nov 10, 2009
Novemeber 10, 2009
On saturday 11/07/09 I went to JC Pennys to get my hair done, while waiting for my daughter to get her hair done, i went and looked at clothes- my pants were seriously too big. I tried on a pair of size 12 and 14 jeans- the 14's fit, but cost more than what I was willing to pay. On Sunday, my daughter took me shopping for new clothes, usually we go to the Thrift stores, as I dont want to be spending too much on new clothes while still losing weight, This time we went to Kohls ( a department store) and went thru the clearance rack) My daughter keep telling me that I needed to drop a size, as size 14 is just too popular a size, nothing of that size usually makes the clearance rack. Well she found two pairs of jeans one in a size 12 and one in a size 14 and told me to go try them on.
I went into the dressing room and with some trepidation decided I would try the 12's first. I started to put the pants on , and too my surprize the pants went all the way on and I was even able to snap and zip them AND breathe, and sit down in them. I went out to show my daughter- she said they looked good and then looked at them again and asked me which ones they were- I did a dance in the dressing room as i told her they are the size 12's.
Whats even better is that I had been holding up size 14's and kept thinking that they looked big- Now for someone that has not been in a size that started with a one in a very long time- 27+ years, I thought it was funny that I would think that they looked big.
I finally even broke down and purchased new underware, the ones I had were from when I was 75 pounds heavier- they just werent working any more. It feels so good to have new clothes that fit. My daughter also stated if I got new underware that I could not get any "granny Panties" so the ones i have are even cute- its been way to long since i had cute panties.
Ok , sorry that last bit may have been TMI- but it is such a great feeling. I didnt know I could feel so good about my self and my apperance.
This weekend was great, new hair cut, new clothes and hubby took me out to dinner. Gotta love it.
Thanks for listening.
Kim
October 31 2009
Nov 01, 2009
Have been dealing with some emotions- cant eat them away any more. Not sure I like that fact I have to face life head on and not just bury it in a candy bar. I am sure it will be better as time goes on. All I hear from my husband is negative. Not towards me but towards everything else. I am sure he is saying postive things but all I can hear is the negative, everything he says I seem to be able to turn it negative. Heck I like to think I am a positive person, but I am beginning to wonder if I really am. When any one else talks I hear positive from them but notmy husband, this is regarding even every day things like its sunny, its rainy etc. I will take it as being negative even though he is just mentioning the weather.
I am also having a hard time coming up with meals that I can take to work. I seem to be having trouble getting in my water and protein again. I will have too start tracking again, it seems like i do well for a while and then I dont think i am doing good so i track for a while, and then stop tracking. It all seems so much to get in in one day, Hoping that it will get easier as time goes on, I guess I have to remember that I am only three months post surgery.
Well i guess that is enough whining for now. I need to keep postive,
Thanks for listening.
Kim
got a surgery date
Jul 13, 2009
Hi,
Went to the surgeons office on July 10th 2009. I was feeling really discouraged, as this process of getting approval, and getting ready for surgery seems to be taking forever. I have been researching this surgery for almost 2 years. i decided in November of 2007 that this is what i wanted to do. Had to wait to change to an insurance company that would pay for the procedure. Then had tofind a dr. that was at least willing to discuss lap band instead of bypass. I have had a previous stomach surgery and all the dr.s that were covered by my insurance and were close wouldnt even discuss it.
I finally found a surgeon in vancouver wa- 250miles away. boy am I glad I found them, they have been so helpful and upbeat and have been encouraging me all along. I was hoping to have mysurgery in may/june, then realized that i would probably not have it until aug/sept.
Well my final consult with the dr. was on July 10th, we both decided that the bypass would be best for me becasue of other health issues. When the dr. went to see when we could do this, there had been a cancelation for July 21st, and they were going to give it to me. I guess the insurance that I have gives the final approval pretty quick, and that means only 9-10 days on the milk diet, in my case the soy milk diet.
I was so overjoyed that i was shaking, here i wasthinking that i would have to wait another 4-6 weeks, but no, without hardly anytime to prepare i will be having surgery.
I told my brother in law and his wife- boy what a mistake. I guess i should have gone with my gut instinct and not told anyone but my immediate family, hubby and kids. My husband was suppose to go thru this with me, something we could do together, but well he isnt going to. He is supportive of the fact that i am going to do it, and my kids are very supportive.
