lady_Jennifer

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Been a long time since I have posted here or even signed online.  This journey isnt what I thought it would be.  I have had a lot of issues in the home life.  Not had really any support at home on this Journey which has made it very difficult.  It seems like the healthier i get the more distant my husband gets.  We have a few local support groups but the transmission went out on my van and we cant afford to fix it so I dont have any transportation right now. I just seem to be losing hope on so many levels and feeling so alone right now.

Well I am over 2 months out now. i started in a size 26W and down to a 20W pants.  Havnt had any major complications.  Lost 54lbs so far so about 1/3 of the way there.  I know logically this is a major accomplishment.  I weigh less now than I did when I got pregnant with my 2nd son.  I have a pile of clothes that wont fit because its too big.  But still I wonder if i am losing fast enough?  Am I eating the right things?  I have so many questions these days and so few answers.  I am not a very social person so my support level is near zero.  I dont have any friends here at all so that makes it difficult as well.  I have just never been good at socialilzing.  I usually do the wrong thing or say the wrong things and dont even know it till its too late.  I have also recently dealing with some other problems in my life that hinder things, but its something I cant just openly talk about on here.  I try going to a local support group, but somehow every week that I attend I go home feeling like I have done everything wrong and feel like a total failure.  I just wish this wasnt such a mystery.

Anyway, I knew this would be a difficult journey but never thought that I would feel so alone and feel like a such a failure. 

Was supposed to have surgery today but since its a Military hospital I was bumped off the schedule.  I was persistant though and was able to get rescheduled for first thing Thursday Morning.  Having some last min jitters but its more about being put to sleep than anything.  Had my  "last meal" today, well my last big meal.  It was seared alaskan scallops with fresh green beans and rice...mmmm was yummy

I can say never thought the day would actually come, been a very long journey.  I will try and post as soon as I can get back online after surgery.

However I am highly aggrivated with the resident DR thats working with my DR.  He didnt order my labs right so I had to do fasting labs 2 days in a row and now have a very sore arm.  GRRRRRR!!!  

OK my other blog will get lost after this im sure.  I have not been on here in way to long and  so its time to update.  So its a long one, but I really need to get it written down before I forget.  Ok, here goes on the last year struggle to get surgery.  First of all when your going to a military hospital of any kind there really is no "insurance approval" once your primary doctor refers you your approved.  Well sort of.  You have to go thru a bunch of necessary steps and at the end do an interview with the bariatric nurse and she gets to have the final yes or no if you can have surgery or not.

So here is where my last year took me:

~March-April 2008~
I finally got my doctor to refer me to the bariatric surgery program.  Catch was there was a huge waiting list.. So I wait..again.

~July 3, 2008~
Had to attend this Hospitals "Informational Meeting" to get into the program. It didnt matter what I did anywhere else I still had to attend.  So ok, I go, found out a few things about how this hospital works but basically surgery procedures, risks, etc I already knew.

We are told to call the Tricare appointment line right after the meeting, but when we all go to do that we are shocked to find out that the required "classes" are not even in the system and that they dont begin till Oct.  AND we have to call BACK September 15th to get in. I was not happy.  I went up to the surgery department to find out what was going, at first they didnt even have a clue then after they consulted with someone else I  find out that yes, i would have to wait and just call back.  Not happy at all, never was I given any hint or suggestion that I would have to wait so long. I asked if my name could be put in list so they can call me and was told there was no way they could call me to make the appoitnment that I would have to call the appointment line myself on the day classes became available.   I made a complaint to the Tricare Office but it was in vain at the time.

~September 15, 2008  exactly 9:00 am~
I got my kids off to school and called. Did not think 9am would make much difference from 8am.  So I call, then I am informed that all of the classes are full and that they dont know when more classes will be scheduled. WHAT??!!!!  Are you kidding me??  No one ever said there was any wait list we were given the information to "just call and schedule"  Never was I told that I was competing for limited spots.  Immediately I got into my car and went down to the Patient representive office to make a formal complaint.  I felt as if i was not getting fair treatment.  They took my name down and were going to get back to me.  I explained everything and even told them i would be willing to go on a waitlist if possible.  I was told to wait about a week and she would get back to me.  She also promised me that since i was the first to complain about this that I would be top of the list if anything was done.

~about 2 weeks later~
I went into the office to find out if there was any progress so far.  They still had no answers as to even how long I would have to wait for a new class or if i could be on a waitlist for the upcoming one.  I was also told that "if" there was a waitlist I may or maynot be given priority, even though the other representative had promised that to me.  I was furious, but kept it professional because I so badly wanted to get into the program.  And that when I did get in after that it could be up to 6 month or more wait because they were so backed up.  I asked to be released from the military hospital to be permitted to see a civillan and was told thats not possible.  She also told me that in this area there are ZERO tricare approved network doctors and that was why I couldnt be released from care at Madigan.

~another 2 weeks went by...no answers nothing but "i dont know".  At this point I started to research on my own to see if any civillian Doctors took Tricare and I had found one.  Researched him and found him to be one of the best doctors in the state.  I called and explained my whole situation on how i tried to get surgery in 2005 and then how i was now trying again.  They had an appointment the very next week.  Note:  Not only was this Doctor "In Network" But he is a Board Member for the Main Tricare Board of Directors in D.C. (WOW ..lied to again, surprise surprise)

~October 2008~
So I go to the appointment, meet the Doctor and I am impressed.  He is upfront about every step of the surgery even has this thick color code tabbed binder he gives me.  One of the chapters in the binder is an exact list of what he expects to be done before he can give me a surgery date.  OH..and he has a zero time wait list, once pre requisites are complete he can usually get a patient in surgery within a week or 2.  WOW...

So I went back to patient rep to tell her and at that point she tells me that they created a wait list and I am on the list.  I kindly told her I had found a Tricare Approved Network Surgeon and that I would be having the surgery  with him so she could take my name off the list to allow someone else on the list.

I also made an appointment immediately to have my PCM give the referrals needed for the tests i needed done, bloodwork etc.  I had that appointment within a few days thanks to Patient Rep Help.  I went to see the PCM and she was more than happy to assist me and she put in EVERY referral I needed, even my off post one for my stomach problems.

~November 2008~
I am nearly complete on my requirements and so at this time I am trying to get a referral in so I can see the civillian surgeon. I had to go to Patient Rep again but this time I asked for the Supervisor.   I was informed that Madigan would have to "disengage" me to civillian care and that for that I needed special permission.  She did tell me that it was best to not have an emotional letter, have it more on facts etc.   Again Frustration but I took a few days and wrote a letter to that person, made it more informative and full of facts instead of emotion and begging.  I felt the letter was done well and waited to hear back.

~December 2008~
No Response to my letter

~January 2009~
Still No response to my letter BUT..just as I was about to give up and find another way I got a call from Tricare Appointment center..THEY CALLED ME...  HUH..WAIT A MIN!!!!  They couldnt call me initally but they can call me now?? VERY STRANGE

BUT...
They were calling to set up my appointment for the initial meeting with the Pathways Program Head Nurse.  

FINALLY  We are geting somewhere

~January 2009~
I attended my first appointment which was a overall informational class about the pathways process, whats expected of us, etc. etc.  It was actually very educational.  My husband was supposed to attend with me but as usual he was stuck working.
She gave us this letter that had all the required classes listed and said to give her a few days to put the referrals in and that we could call the appointment line to schedule most of the classes.  The only ones not initially scheduled were the 2nd Bariatric Nutrition because you have to actually attend the first one to qualify to get scheduled for the 2nd one.  And the psychiatric eval could not be done until all other steps were completed and you have met with the nurse again to go over the progress.  It says that the process will take about 2-6 months to complete but still no estimate on how long surgeons waitlist is.    Ok I can deal with that for now :)  A few days later I actually had Tricare call ME and set up every appointment they could with no problems.

~January 27, 2009~
Attended Stress Management Class

~February 3, 2009~
Attended Goal Setting Class

~February 10, 2009~
Attended 1st Nutrition Class then followed it by the Madigan run WLS Support Group.  This Class we learned about eating healthy and making changes Before surgery.  At the end of class we were automatically scheduled for 2nd Class

~February 11, 2009~
Attended OT class to learn about how things will be physically post op.

~February 24, 2009~
Attended the 2nd Bariatric Nutrition Class which taught us about how we will need to eat Post-op and for the rest of our lives.  Also gave us information needed about what supliments and vitamins will be needed for life.
Attended Support Group again.  Found out about Thursday nite peer led support group held at Madigan (or so i thought)

~February 25, 2009~
Met up with Nurse again to go over my progress and get my final referral for my psychiatric testing and eval.

~March 10, 2009~
Took the very long very boring psychiatric emotional tests.  Took me about 3 hours

~March25, 2009~   
Had the eval with the Psychiatrist, was very nervous and didnt want to screw it up.  She was clear with me about how she was sure I was ready for the surgery and ready to make the change but with all the stress going on in my life she felt I needed to find myself one on one counseling to help cope through it better"  I was asked to wait about a week for her report to be done before calling to make my final appt with the nurse.

~April 25, 2009~  
Final appointment with the nurse.  Go over all the pathways progress and how my eating habits are going. Get weighed in of course.  Went over what I have for support system (ya ok i may have fibbed a little, I didnt work this damn hard and go through all this effort just to have it be in vain) I also gained 3lbs since the last weigh in. OUCH!!!  I have been a good girl and my clothes are loosening up.  I told her that.

Im Approved!!!  She gave me a packet for surgery that I had to bring with me to beable to schedule my appt.  I did not want to wait anylonger so I left her office and went directly to the Clinic to make the appointment.  Made the appt just before they closed and made a promise to myself to lose more weight before that appt.

~April 29, 2009~
Pre-Op Appointment with Surgeon.  Check in was almost ruined because somewhere I had forgotten about the no child rule.  My husband was stuck at work, respite care dropped my son off early... They absolutely refused to let me check in and wanted me to take the next avail appt.  Then 2 different nurses proceeded to lecture me like i was a defiant child because I had brought mine. They made me feel like i was never allowed to make a mistake like i was no longer worthy of having this surgery.  Oh and then one of them got on her high horse about how this surgery is "Elective" and i dont "Need IT"  Pannack set in.  I was tryin to call my husband and when I told him what was going on he wanted to know if they would let me in if he could get there in 10 min.  Took them EIGHT (8) minutes just to get me an answer then they gave him about 12 min to get there or I would have to wait until May 13th.  Well I wanted a certain date so that my Mom who is a nurse can fly out to help me.  She only has one window open all summer.  then I got this huge lecture on how theres no way I will get the date I want, just not possible.

Anyway, my husband comes, i meet him outside, i run and i mean run into the building, get into the elevator and oh crap..went the wrong way with only 90 seconds to check in. The nurse was very clear if i was checked in by 11:30 i was good, if it was 11:31 no deal.  I got there with about 15 seconds to spare and no breath left.  But I got there.

They take me in to do vitals and then have the head nurse come in to chat with me to make sure I understand why they have that rule.  Well I understand the medical side but other clinics had made exceptions in emergencies so why wouldnt it be fair to assume they all did.  Well I learned my lesson.. wont ever let that mistake happen again..wow....

Oh and heres a shocker.. my blood pressure was elevated...gee ya think!!! I wonder WHY!!!

Soooooo.....
I get into the room and the PA (Student PA) comes in to ask me a bunch of questions.  Then heres one to make ya laugh so u dont go postal.  He asks me  "Why did you do the pathways program before making your appt?"
um gee "Because I have to!!"   lol  

Anyways, so the Surgeon comes in to meet me"

He Is very nice, very informative!!  Upfront about everything and lets me know that he will deploy a few days after my surgery and that his team will be doing my follow up care.  My mom has been a Surgical nurse longer than I have been out of diapers so I know how that game works.  I also know the risks so didnt need all of them explained in detail, like the risk of having to go from lap. to open surgery. 

So we get to the date part.  He says hes scheduling into June, im sure he thinks Ill beg for a sooner date but.. I ask if actually we can go for later in June. Big Smile!  YES!! Not a Problem.  He explained to me how I would be down to about 200 lbs in about 6 months then it will probably plateau so at that point its up to me to make it work in my favor or not. 

YES...GOT THE EXACT DATE I WANTED.. So to the nurse who didnt believe..........

OH and 2ND best news of all that day.. I LOST ALMOST 7 POUNDS!!!!

I am not very good in social situations, its a struggle for me and not because i think im better than anyone....quite the opposite.  Been something I have struggled with since i was a small child.

Took me THREE months to get up the nerve to finally go to WLS support group near me.  I was nervous and excited.  Only to get there, get lost in the Hospital and then find out the group lost their meeting spot and no one knows where they meet at now.   

So nothing...back to nothing, and no one locally to turn to.  I am goin to have this surgery in just 2 months and dont really have any support system.

Just Not Fair!!!

Well for various reasons I have not logged into this profile much at all in the past year and have not updated it but it is time.  Hang on for a long ride this is not a short story, but has a happy ending!! I am going to get things caught up from late 2005 to 2009.  The 1st post ill make is non surgery updates then I will blog again about my path to surgery.

Here we go: A little about Me!

  I am the wife of an Army SSG. 

We have 3 Boys, My Son age 14, my stepson age 13 and our son together is age 5 1/2

We are currently Stationed at Fort Lewis, WA

My favorite Hobby(obsession) is Quilting 

Always looking for new Quilting patterns or ideas, especially Military or patriotic themed. Fall of 2006, I made my very first quilt with my grandmother.   I made a welcome home quilt for my husband to have although with all the work put into it he refuses to take it with him on deployment because hes afraid someone will ruin it or take it.I am very thankful I took time out to make a quilt with my grandmother, my only regret is that I didn't start sooner because she passed away last year the day after Christmas. Our Quilt was one of the last ones she made.

 

 
He deployed Fall 2005 and returned Winter 2006. My husband had lost his Civilian job due to military service while deployed.  The government is working on taking the former employer to court but that can take years,  so when he returned home he went from the Guard to Active duty and his orders came and with only a week home he was gone again.
In the time he was away we found out our youngest son has Autism and like many others we were fighting to get a formal diagnosis and proper therapy. Where my husband was stationed with his new enlistment there are absolutely no Autism services available within 200 miles. Our son cannot go without services so we were forced to live apart at that time. We submitted a request for Compassionate Reassignment to his unit but his new unit wanted him to Deploy with them to Iraq so they did everything they could to not let that packet go to the final source. During this time with already having been apart so long and not having any help with my sons Autism or knowing much about it was a very overwhelming time for me in every way.   We were apart going on 2yrs

~November 2007~
As soon as the request got to the source needed it was approved immediately and orders were given to Fort Lewis, WA and so that is where we are now.  We were told we would get help with therapy and doctors needed but when we got here we got a rude awakening and found out we had to go on a waiting list just like everyone else.  Well why couldnt someone have told me that, I could have gotten him into the list before we moved and not wasted so much precious time. Our son turned 4 shortly after we moved to WA.  His body was 4 but the rest of him was like an infant.  He could barely say 10 words if that, it was heartbreaking to not beable to communicate and talk with him.   What also did not help is as soon as we got here, although my husband did not get deployed overseas he got sent on other things out of state.  He was home a few days, gone a month.  That went on for almost 6 months..   Our family especially our kids, need dad home just a little while at least.

~JULY 2008~
We have settled in now at Fort Lewis and our youngest son since moving here his speech has gone from 15 words to over 100!!! So proud of my Angel!! We still have a long way to go but moving here was the best thing we could have ever done for everyone!!

Other news is My step son has now come to live with us for good after being with his no good mother for 3yrs (and yes i have a right to say that, although ill never say it directly to his face, CPS too him from her 3 times for neglect and drug abuse and she is in jail for many many years now)!!

~March 2009~
While my husband was deployed she got temporary custody of him and then had moved and we could not find her.  She should have never been allowed temp custody again, like I predicted and we found out too late she was back on the drugs again and doign god knows what else.  She really messed that boy up.  The boy who left is not the boy who came home 3yrs later.  When he left to live with her he was on the Honor Roll and in Gifted Group, he was so smart.  When he came to us he could not even sign his own name, has huge behavior, emotional issues.  He was 10 when he left, hes 13 now and in additon to the emotional stuggle with him, thanks to his no good mother (who got him took for a 3rd time for abuse, neglect and her drug abuse) he has a drug addiction, that since we dont feed it he has turned to huffing.  We have an appt soon to get him into a rehab program.

~April 2009~

We have a formal diagnosis and have been getting treatment for the youngest for about a year now, however with learning more about Autism we have determined the oldest has Aspergers and are working on his diagnosis now so he can get some of the help he needs. There is also speculation that i may have Aspergers as well, but good luck on ever getting an adult diagnosis.   My husband is home now from deployment 2yrs now but has some emotional issues and PTSD. War is a sad thing, it changes people in ways the rest of us will never beable to understand. He is getting help now but we are told it is a long SLOW process. I stood by him while he deployed I will stand by him now!! He is and always will be my HERO!!

 

 

More updates to follow!!

  

UPDATE 15 July 2008 My husband is home and we are now stationed at Fort Lewis, WA. The hospital here performs surgery right on post, so I have started the process here to get surgery. They have a program here from beginning to end and I am hoping to have surgery by spring of 2009.


UPDATE
25 July 06
It has been a very long time since I have even signed in here. What I really need right now are friends. I have isolated myself and wrapped up my life in my kids and I need to have time for ME now. Although the surgery is a thought of the past I am again trying to find a diet that will be one I can just stick to the rest of my life. So far the method thats working for me is to diet monday -friday then weekends "off" if i want icecream or a candybar i save it for the weekend. Although this method is not perfect it seems to be slowly working for me and is something I think I can stick to long term.

My husband has been gone almost a year now and now we are at where I can start a countdown to his return home. I miss him soooo much and cant wait to have him home and safe again. I added a cute ticker for his return but with good old army they could keep him much longer..i just hope they let him come home on time!

He is my HERO!!!












First Entry 18 June 2005

A little about me. I really was not overweight in highschool but as I got older food became my comfort and by age 19 I was already 180 after the birth of my son I was over 200 and then struggled to even maintain weight. In 2003 I got married for the first time and had a child with my husband. I was 255 when i got pregnant and had a very complicated pregnancy with severe gestational diabetes to the point where I was injecting insulin morning and night. (ouch, I hate needles) I ate the way they told me and very rarely cheated but yet still gained and gained and gained. I have tried many ways since the birth of the baby to get my weight down but can only seem to lose 10 -15 lbs at most then i get in a rut. Even before I got pregnant I was considering this surgery, I have researched the risks and benefits and believe its more beneficial than anything.

My goals are not so much a number on the scale but many other things I cannot do. I want to do housework without pain. I want to go to the amusement park and actually beable to go on every ride (ok not every ride but I at least want the choice) I want to play in the park with my kids or beable to pick up my baby without strain. I want to be more active and involved. Right now that is nto physically possible. I want to go to a store and buy something i like not just whatever fits me. Well you get the point.

The good news is I am on the path to doing this. Bad news is I may have to go it alone. My husband is in the National Guard and it looks as though right about the time i will get a date he will get deployed to Iraq. I would love to make friends in this area that understand. A support system is very important.

If you want to know more about me, please email me

Huggs,
Jennifer


1-July-2005
The clinic I am going to in Green Bay has several steps I have to go thru before Surgery. This week I completed my first meeting with the Nutritionist and Personal Trainer. I also had the Psych Exam and the way they do it the Psychiatrist gets to decide if i need therapy first, which he can reccomend up to 6 months of it. I find out next week.

Bad News!!! My husband getting deployed is a sure thing now, its just a matter of will it be late August or early September? I am starting to get cold feet about this surgery because after I will have no support whatsoever and not sure if I can get thru this all alone. My husband thinks im super woman or something and that I can keep a household running, raise kids and get major surgery and still hold together. I am glad for this website where I can journal my thoughts and have others to talk to about this. I would like to think that I am not the only military wife like this, maybe I am who knows. Just take it a step at a time and go from there I guess.

UPDATE 10-July-2005
We have an offical date now, its mixed good and bad news. My husband will be activated and report to duty one month from today on August 10. The good news is the first 3 months hes going for training in Southern MS at Camp Shelby so in that time I can visit him on weekends. He will also get block leave sometime in October and come home for about a week before heading over to Iraq..Which is the bad news. After block leave he heads straight over to Kuwait City to start the mission. Make no mistake though I am very proud of him, he is truly my HERO. I knew a day like this was possible the day I met him and agreed to it the day I married him. Now I have to remain focused and get thru this surgery so that he can come home to a better woman.

21-July-2005
Missed an appointment yesterday, they claimed they called to remind me they didnt. If I miss one more they wont let me come back for one year. I am getting the run-around on other issues with them, like how long they want me to do counseling, I have been waiting 3 weeks for an answer to that one. I am wondering if this is the right office for me. With talking to others online I am wondering if a Doctor in Milwaukee would be better for me to go to. I am contacting Wisconsin Bariatric Clinic and talking with them to see what they have to say.

I have not kept to the diet like they said, without support at home its very difficult to do, in fact sometimes i actually have anti-support like when family members buy chocolate cake just for me, ya that helps.

On a Good Note, I have been much more active, there have been 3 days now this summer where we have had to do walking all day and I have kept up. It is a huge accomplishment for me and I am proud of myself for keeping up and being more active. I have also with moving around more been able to do more housework around the house without as much pain as before. I am trying to push my limits so that I can keep improving my life and making it better.

20-September-2005
I will not be having the surgery as planned not now and not in the next 2 years. I went thru the 3 months of nutrition/weight trainer that the clinic required only to have the nurse inform me that with my husband in Iraq and no direct support person they will not schedule me for surgery, wont even consider it. I have no one other than my husband who could be there for me. I feel like a diet that failed me again or maybe I failed it. This is my second try. What I have not said in earlier journal is that this is the 2nd doctor I have seen here. The first was Dr. Kemmerling who after having me go thru a 2hr orientation informed me he will not accept Tricare Military Insurance, not that they wouldnt pay they would he just didnt like what rate they pay at.

What is the point anymore of even trying when I get shot down at every angle. I dont know what else to try other than maybe going on slimfast for life and nothing else. My husband gets to come home to a failure yet again which is just wonderful for my marriage and even better for my self-esteem.


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