Lakesidemom

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I almost teared up a bit when I read the OH note in my email today congratulating me on my 4 year anniversary. Wow. Four years ago today. It was life changing.  I'll never forget the long trip to get the surgery, the day of the surgery, the post op experience. It was a lot of work and all a labor of love. I don't feel like I've invested in myself that much in a long time. It was a wonderful thing to do. I've kept off 55 of the 65 pounds I lost, I feel great, I feel normal, I still can't eat a whole restaurant meal - and those are ridiculously too big. As I've said before I would do this again in a heart beat. I have a good friend now considering the procedure who would like me to mentor her if she does. I can't wait. Maybe I can get some discipline to follow the rules and lose that 10 pounds again. Thanks OH members for all of the inspiration and education you provided when I really needed it.

 I am here.... so far out from the surgery I have to pause to think how long it has been.  Dec. 11th I believe...must have been 2 years and 5 months!. It worked. I lost all the weight I should.   Now with a bit of time it turns out I can gain without really paying attention. Yep.  I have eaten just about whatever I wanted. Sure, many times I had to stop eating way sooner than I ever would have in the past. My smaller stomach definitely is still smaller. BUT, with that said, I can eat many high calorie foods. Too much of those; pizza and Kettle chips, toast and butter, eggs and hash browns, cake and frosting.   OK. I won't lose the ground "gained" through the gift of surgery.  So back to OH to pay attention.  I need to take off just ten meager pounds I had already lost  to feel right about this whole procedure and the value!!!.  AND, if I don't, it's back to putting on 50, 60 plus too many pounds.  I would feel so ....ungrateful....if I let that happen. I see weight loss surgery as a gift.  Maybe because I had to fight for it.  Maybe because I was just on the very edge of getting insurance approval.   I was certainly much closer to a BMI that wouldn't be approved than most.  So, with that said, I am back here  because OH people gave me the knowledge, the support, the insight and the power before. I have such a great respect for OH folks.  So many have fought so hard and won.  I need to  be here like I was almost every day for months and months before. Time to get back to keeping track of what I put in my mouth.    



May 16th, 2012

Doing great.   Over a year has passed and I feel "at one" with my sleeve.  My mindset was always that my stomach was too big for me anyway.  So, now I just think of it as the correct size enabling me to eat the smaller amounts I need not to be obese.  I would still be in the "overweight" category if I remember correctly from the last time I looked at a chart.  I am 5'2" and barely a bit more maintaining my weight now for many many months between 147-150.  I am thrilled with this.  I had gotten up to about 220.  I feel 10 years younger and my knees never hurt, etc.  I am enjoying life to the fullest.  I don't know if I'll ever work to get to the 135 or so that would be the "chart" normal.  I feel pretty great right here at a size 12.  I still use a protein powder almost every day for the breakfast portion of my day - mix it with milk, then coffee which I love.   I don't follow "all the rules" .  I could probably loose the last 15 pounds IF I went back to the strict program which is nice to know if I needed to.  I swear I will NEVER let myself get above the weight I am now though.  I feel that is my obligation for having had this surgery.  I would feel I had wasted the whole process, the money, time, team support, and not lived up to my potential.    Life is fantastic.

March 3rd, 2011

When my first child turned 1 year of age I couldn't leave her.  I was so attached I feared she would feel abandoned if I left for a week to go on a trip; so I canceled.  I was incredibly attached to that little person in 12 months.  We were entwined in a manner that would never be broken.    It is one year this weekend since my sleeve.    I wouldn't change a thing.  I love having the smaller stomach as I like to say.  My meals are smaller.  Yes, if I "snack" and "graze" I can keep eating more than I really should.  However, when I sit down to eat a meal I just can't eat they way I used to and that is FANTASTIC!!!  I look down, I see what is left and realize I would have eaten all of that in the past.  My sleeve is now 1 year old.   I am very attached.  I hope to love and cherish the change within me forever.  I hope to honor that change by continuing to do what is necessary to keep the weight I have lost off.  If I never lost another pound I would be happy and healthy.  I see though that with laziness I could gain weight back - it's so much about choices.  People who haven't had weight loss surgery don't know that you still have to work at this, especially after a year.  And I still work at parenting my first child - and now that she is 20 she is my best friend.  This sleeve is a friend and I vow to treat it right. 
It's really hard to believe I'm not the same on the inside as I was a year ago.
Anne

I am so rarely on this site anymore.  Isn't it strange how a great dependence eventually passes by.  I still feel the sleeve working and have allowed myself to plateau; well sort of plateau.  At my current pace I still lose but so gradually that a month might go by and I'm down another 1-3 pounds.   I wouldn't mind losing 10 more - and that might just happen at a super slow pace.  Even if I don't lose it though I am in a good place.  Oddly, after having lost the weight and had it off now for many weeks, more and more people just this last week made the comment "Anne, you look great".  It's like the weight change settles in and your appearance then gradually changes.
I wonder sometimes if my restriction will go away or decrease.  However, it is still good.  Just a few bites of pasta or chicken and wham I'm done - good 'ol sleeve.  I have an opportunity to help a friend through WLS.  She asked me to come to an informational meeting with her next month.  She thought she might not go if she was alone.  No one has to be alone.  Just ask.  There are so many of us who have made the journey who want to keep remembering it, honoring it, and ensuring we do right by ourselves and the process.  Never go back.
Thank you to all the people here who answered my questions, shared their blogs, and through the many forums provided much needed education and encouragement.

Anne
9/18/2010

I am just so happy.  Happy I can wear smaller clothes, cross my legs, eat to live not live to eat, not feel embarrassed, look in the mirror and feel normal.  I would have this surgery again in a heart beat.  I want to yell out to the mountain tops (well, the small mountain tops here in Minnesota) that there is still life after 50 and you can still lose weight!!!.  It's a miracle.  I live the miracle every day. I come here to remember.

7/224/2010
Anne

I am in Maine on vacation with family.  I was here last year.  A year ago when we all hiked up Bald Mountain I couldn't get to the top.  I was short of breath but mostly my knees were a problem.  I had a hard time lifting my body up the large boulders.  Today we hiked up Bald Mountain.  My knees felt great.  I could hoist my body up onto boulders with one leg at a time and not have to reach down and use my hands as well.  When I got to the top I felt no pain, my breathing was comfortable and after a brief rest I could have hiked on.  I was SO pleased I had WLS and now weigh over 60 pounds less.  At 5'2" that 60 pounds makes a huge difference in my ability to haul myself upward.  It's a peaceful feeling to have set a goal (feel better, look better, be able to move again) and have reached it.  I am SO glad I discovered this possibility, this reality through my sleeve.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.

7/10/2010
Anne

  Posted the following on the boards.  Got some very nice feedback which made me realize how fortunate I am.  Made me want to save to my blog.

June 15th, 2010.  29th Wedding Anniversary
Married this afternoon in Northfield Minnesota to my best friend David 29 years ago today!!.  Still married to the same boy.  It is delightful to be only 20 pounds heavier than I was then rather than the nearly 90 pounds heavier I was close to at the time I headed for WLS.  My marriage to the procedure (to use the analogy loosely) has been similar; there were second thoughts, lots of presurgical preparation, much ado about food, the "Honeymoon" period, and learning how to live with my sleeve.  Like with my real marriage though I made the best decision I could with all the information I had - and both have been successful in my book.  Perfect?  Never.  Who likes perfect?  It just makes everyone else around you irritated.

Thanks to my husband for supporting me in my decision to have WLS.  His first response was "why don't you just diet and exercise".  When I pointed out I had been doing that for 35 years he wisely stopped trying to dissuade me and was in my court the whole time.
Feeling very very good about both "marriages".
Anne
 

I can't believe it's been 6 months.   

Then again, I'm getting so used to my sleeve I almost don't remember what it was like before.  Having a stomach that is the right size is a wonderful thing.  I feel 10 years younger (or more) after having lost over 60 pounds.  I can move with so much more agility. 

I have developed eating patterns that help me to maintain a good intake of protein and not overdo the calories so I continue to slowly lose rather than gain weight.  I don't eat perfectly but I think I eat well 90-95% of the time.  I slip in some low fat ice cream on occasion and did share a blueberry scone with my daughter today while out touring the neighborhood garage sales. 
It is wonderful to be able to continue to lose weight despite not denying myself regular foods like pizza from time to time.   I just eat so much less of the foods that added to my ridiculous weight gain that I can have some during the week and not sabotage my efforts to lose weight.  I make a protein shake mixed with 8 oz of skim milk. whey protein powder (usually vanilla) and some coffee  every day for breakfast after drinking about 16 ounces of hydrating water with 4 ounces of grapefruit juice mixed in for flavor.  I find having a morning fluids, vitamin, protein shake routine very helpful in staying on track.  I usually bring a low cal frozen meal for lunch focusing on those that have dense protein content.  I have meat or fish for dinner (my favorite is steak) and add some nuts, mushrooms, beans, a few tablespoons of rice, etc. from time to time.  I like an egg over easy for a quick protein meal with mushrooms or black olives.  Going out to eat has become less expensive.  I rarely order a meal but share with whoever I go out with - thanks friends.   If I do order food I get a hamburger - have them hold the bun, hold the chips or fries.  It was funny when I did this last week.  I had a slice of Swiss cheese and some mushrooms with a hamburger.  I asked the waitress to leave the huge bun and all those thick potato chips off the plate.  She came to me before bringing out the plates and said "your plate looks so bare, can I put something on it, a piece of fruit or something?".  I laughed and said sure, or a pickle, or use a smaller plate. 

I take vitamins/supplements before bed as well and sometime in the middle of the night when I wake up I slip in my thyroid med since it isn't supposed to be taken with other things I'm having that lessen it's absorption.  I will go in for labs soon.  I have a feeling they will be normal but do want to see.  I'm going to ask my surgeon if he would like some constructive feedback.  He is new in the business (less than 2 years out of fellowship) and although an outstanding surgeon he is still at the point in his career where he tends to tell people what they should be doing better and forgets to commend them for the things they are doing right.

Oh, and the hair loss started at 3 months out, now has lessened to about a 3rd or less of what is was initially.  If it weren't for the Toppik product another OH member told me about I would be really bummed.  With this stuff though I am successfully able to camoflage my pink scalp very well  - I hold a mirror over my head (I'm only 5'2") and look to see what a huge difference there is before and after I apply it!  I figure just about everyone is looking down on me.

Gotta go, husband driving up with two muddy dogs just in from the woods.
Love my sleeve.  
Love this supportive, informative, always entertaining site.  Without this group I would have been lost.

Anne
6/06/2010

Post Date: 3/26/10 8:48 pm

I posted my frustration/sadness about an experience on the main forum wall as follows :
I was at an educational conference today.  I go every 1-3 months for 3 intense days of instruction.  A male physician came up to me and said he'd noticed I'd lost weight and he had struggles with that himself.  He wondered if I could tell him how I'd done it.  I said yes I could.  (I hesitated briefly running through my head what to say exactly, we were in a public space so I wasn't sure how much I wanted to share at that moment but knew I would want him to know about my WLS in case he ever wanted to go down that path).  So, against my first inclination to say something like I've been limiting myself to an average of 800 calories for 3 months, I've been writing down everything I eat every day, I've been putting a great deal of time and energy into this weight loss I said softly; "I had a VSG".  I've only shared that with people who know my journey.

His immediate response? 
"Oh, you cheated".

Over 440 people read my post (gulp, that is incredible) and many responded - more than I would have ever anticipated.
I was amazed at the relatively unanimous reaction (although not always a similar suggestion as how to react) and I found the responses helped me to reach some clarity on how I felt and what to do about it.
I wanted to post a follow up and did so the next day:

Over 25 people responded to my posting yesterday about being told that I had cheated because I had WLS.  I was overwhelmed and my spirits bolstered.  The next time I hear I cheated, I'll reach back for those words.  Today, I got up the courage to speak to the same physician.  I asked him how he thought it made me feel when he made that comment.  He became intense, a bit flustered and rapidly spewed out his story; he was unable to lose weight and his wife had problems with weight loss and regain repeatedly.  He hadn't recognized that his words hurt.  He does now.  I shared with him the work we do, the courage it takes, the dedication.  I wanted to prevent another person from getting hurt by those words. 

I liked all the advice I got yesterday.    (By the way, I let  him know that I had shared his remarks with my "support group" AND that some members of the group thought he was an ignorant jerk)

Well, I didn't need to insult him or be rude.  I just spoke from the heart. 

He thanked me later this morning.  He meant it.

I would feel alone without my support group.
Anne