LeeLeewaysin
Worlds Colliding
Dec 15, 2012
Well while waiting down town in court for hours on end this week, a friendly woman approached me and asked if I used to work for Bell Canada. I looked at her but couldn't quite recall her face or name. In due time and after some small chit chats I remembered who I was speaking to. How could I have forgotten her sense of humor? Although we didn't work together long for reasons unknown to me...either way, it didn't take long for us to connect on common ground....YUP, you guess it...WEIGHT! It's like going to a foreign country knowing no one and not speaking their language... but then you cross paths with a person who is also over weight (no disrespect my friend) and it's all of a sudden like running into someone who speaks your language and understands your journey no matter where they're from...One might even say, it’s like running into an old familiar friend…. So it wasn't long before we were comparing notes. I mentioned reluctantly that I was waiting for WLS....then she told me she already had it done. AS IF!!!!!! She lost a remarkable amount from having RNY WLS...but sadly she also told me that there’s a dark side to WLS out there… WEIGHT GAIN and Yup, she's gaining it back, in fact she has gained over 40 pounds back. WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? While I know some weight gain after you reach your goal is natural...I wasn't expecting to hear 40 lbs. and adding. She told me it’s definitely possible to regain the weight and for your body to accept the foods that once sent you straight into a dumping session. Now, don't get me wrong here....I was never told that it was going to be easy. I know firsthand that losing the weight is the easiest part of WLS or any new diet regime. The hardest part is always maintenance.
I have been so focused thinking about the 'high' I will be getting from just losing weight and how freeing it will feel. It seems like it's the only time in my life when I feel so good about everything. I'm not saying I'm a depressed person as I’m not, I have my ruts like everyone else but always manage to pull myself out. That said...I know the journey ahead of me is going to be hard but now suspect that I truly don't quite grasp just how hard it’s REALLY going to be. Its' so easy to think that you will automatically change who you are once the weight is off....how foolish we are, how foolish I am....like all of a sudden I’m going to just ‘think’ skinny. Remember that shame and embarrassment that comes from when you talk to everyone about your new diet and how well you were doing and feeling on it....and how the same pants you were wearing that day were too tight just a week ago....then months pass by ‘ok who am I kidding maybe a couple weeks’…and you're no longer wearing those pants because they cut into your stomach or better yet, cut off all circulation....and you just know everyone can tell that you're no longer on that great diet that was working so well, not to mention those jeans somehow disappeared out of your wardrobe LOL....WELL...I fear that that type of embarrassment and shame will be a MILLION TIMES WORSE if you go through WLS and gain back, like the world will be watching you....I mean already I'm thinking....what the hell is wrong with me that I could undergo a major surgery and all its associated risks to lose weight and then possibly gain it all back. If this is truly my last stitch of hope for life and happiness....what will I do if I fail....??? Especially when it seems like I only know how to fail when it comes with weight loss. I know the process works, I know I will lose and some days it may even feel effortless, other days it may feel like the end of the world, but mostly I know I can trust the process and will see dramatic results. I suppose my fears and concern are more associated to my ability to change long term….my way of thinking…my weaknesses, my instincts to turn to food for all life’s ups and downs.
