lils12

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

WOW! i'm down 50lbs since my operation on sept 14. i'm pretty happy about that. im having a little trouble going to the gym like i don't go everyday like i should be but once i get there, i'm ready to work out! lol hopefully with this 50lbs down i'll be more motivated to start going to the gym more ..

ok. so it's been a really rough two weeks. BUT THANK GOD that i'm FINALLY starting to feel like myself again. The pain is going away more and more each day and i've already lost 25 lbs so now i just need to work on gettting to the gym and i'll be golden!

i don't know how else to express my feelings but right now i'm a week and a half post op, i can't eat anything and i'm soo hungry and on top of that, i'm feeling extremely alone. I live on campus and everyone is eating so much food around me like mcdonalds and such and yeah, i walk away, but it just gets me thinking, did i do the right thing? right now with the way im feeling i would totally turn to food, but since i can't, all i want to do is bust out and cry to the world. i'm having such a hard time being post op. i don't know what to do. i'm so miserable that i'm afraid that i will sabatoge myself. i'm not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me or pity me, i just have no where else to turn to but here because i feel like i can express myself easily to a bunch of internet bloggers than my own mom. lol but then i can just tell myself how i would feel but then i would look crazy. lol

hey guys. omg so i'm four days out and i fee like shit! i was really starting to regret this decision. i doon't want this to be a bad start to my weight loss by i had no idea of this unbearable pain i would be going through. i feel like someone is constantly stabbing me with a knife in my stomach. will this pain ever go away? will i ever feel like my normal self again? i'm starting to have that anxiety feeling of food separation. my family keeps stressing the fact that i can no longer eat the way i use to. i can't enjoy food anymore. like i basically have to eat like an ant. i mean i know i can't eat a lot of the things i use to but i'm really starting think that food was more than comfort to me. i actually LOVE food. does anyone understand what i'm saying? i've been on water, broth and jello for two days now. i've had it for breakfast, lunch and dinner and i'm already SICK of it!!! is that normal? but can u blame me, i wanted to kick the staff in their face every time they brought me the same thing! lol ok maybe i'm going to far but im really tired of these limitations. also, my doctor has yet to speak to me on the food topic. how long am i limited to clear liquids? and can anyone give me any ideas on what others clear liquids i can have besides broth and jello??? i know i'm only four days out but with this food limitations and the pain added together, i'm going CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!! 4 more days until my surgery!!! i'm soo excited because im ready to start losing weight! but at the same time i'm soo scared to have the surgery and possibility of any complications and what if i still eat bad things? do i need counseling? lol i'm crazy! but anyway, im just happy i'm finally going to change my life and finally have a chance of being under 200lbs.

just started the full optifast today! no food just liquids. guess what, im miserable and my stomach is crying HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!

last night i went for my test and i hated every bit of it. I felt like i was in prison and I couldn't get out. i wanted to cry.  The mask and the nasal compression were soooooooo uncomfortable i couldn't even believe it. I didn't sleep yesterday because all i kept thinking about was how much torture it was to be there and i wasn't sleeping the way i wanted to. I couldn't even move with that stupid stuff on my face. Even if they give me a machine I will never use it because I feel like i sleep fine and im sure once i begin to lose the weight i won't have a snoring/breathing problem anymore so i think it's a waste to have the machine. My technician was really friendly and we talked before i went to bed but it didn't help me feel better. lol i know i shouldn't complain but if that was torture for just that one night, imagine wearing that crap every night. HECK NO!!!!!! i was so excited when the technician came in and gave me a 6 am morning call! best moment ever! i was sooo happy to get the heck out of there! ugh. i hope i never have to go back.

i haven't even sent a letter to my insurance yet! im still waiting to get these tests done. im thinking i just wanna get this over with and i wish i had this done sooner because i'll be missing soon which im not looking forward to! i'm reading a lot of stories about people being in so much pain afterwards and im thinking to myself ahhhhhhhhhh i can't afford to be in pain, i have to go to school and i will be by myself becuase i have to go back dorming! it's not like my mom will be dorming with me for two whole weeks to help me reccover! idk. i'm going through so much in my head right now that i can't seem to think about anything but this surgery.

Ok, so now I'm beginning to have some anxiety about this surgery! My first thought is I really hope i can have this surgery. I know it will change my life and I will change! My second thought is how much risks will i have to endure for this process? will I die? or will i end up back in the hospital? i certaintly hope and pray that doesn't happen, I mean, I have so much faith in Jesus and I know that he will keep me safe but I'm nervous because I've never had surgery before, this will be my first time, nonetheless being admitted into a hospital! Also, it's not set in stone, but my surgery date is for September 14, 2009, and i will be missing school and i can't help but wonder for how long because I don't want to miss to much school. But at the same time, this is an opportunity of a life time and my only regret now is not doing this sooner! All of these thoughts are going on and on in my head and I can't stop thinking about what my life could be like after this surgery! I'm soo ready to lose this weight and finally start living my life. i'm young, Im only 22, but i want to find someone, fall in love and have a family. I can't do that being the way that i am. contrary to other fat people out there who has found love and gotten married, but we're all different, and i lack so much game in the "love" category. I just reallly want to have this surgery. I'm ready for a change and I'm ready for happiness!!!!

OMG! this may actually be happening for me! knowing that i may be having surgery to get is making me so happy and excited! i am soo ready to get this weight off. i have been battling with weight my entire life but i have never been this heavy!! i hope and pray that i can have this surgery because i know it will change my life. once i have this operation, i will finally be able to start living. and i mean that! I want to love myself, and my life.