Calm After The Storm

Nov 23, 2011

So for the past two days I have been feeling terrified. I have this little countdown ticker on my Home Screen when I unlock my Android and everyday it ticks down to the proposed week of surgery. I don't know the date for sure yet but to think surgery could be as soon as 68 days away really scares me. I have waited almost 2 years for this and finally its becoming too real for me. I keep freaking out about going under and what if I wake up during surgery but I stay paralyzed? I am so frightened so I started praying because these bad thoughs came to my mind that maybe I would never be ready to do this surgery. So I started praying and went on YouTube cuz I was bored. I started searching Gastric Bypass Anesthesia and I ended up finding this random girl's YouTube channel and her WLS transformation. She was also afraid of the same things I am right now but it really gave me hope that she still went through with it and turned out more than fine! This girl looks so good now because of all the weight loss and reminded me a lot of myself. I really took finding her videos as a sign that this RNY is meant to be for me. I really teared up and started to have this sense of calm and carefree feelings over me. I really don't know why but now I feel much better about the whole anxiety I was feeling and just know that 2012 is my year, the year for my life to take a total turnaround in the best way. XOXO.

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