Manderley
Stressed
Jun 09, 2013
I haven't weighed myself on my own scale. At my Cardiologist's on Friday, I was up 7 lbs, but it was in the late afternoon and i was fully dressed, jeans, sneakers. (sigh). i'm glad it was only 7 after 2 days of pigging out. And one final sushi and Dairy Barn pig the night before starting Optifast again. (another sigh).
I feel good, look good, walking so much better. Hopefully one day i can walk without my cane. Far cry from being wheelchair bound.
But i'm stressing bad about my financial situation. I need to give my surgeon five hundred dollars on the 17th, and i just don't have it, and am out of ideas. Just going to have to be overdrawn. Thank God for the overdraft protection.
I really need to go back to work. I wonder how soon I can start to try. I wonder what kind of job i can get. With the carpal tunnel, i can't be on a computer all day. With my legs and back, i can't be on my feet all day. With an AS in Nursing instead of a BS, there's not much I can do...too bad I burned so many bridges down here. Never got fired in NY, and down here in Florida, it happens all the time. This "right to work" crap really sucks.
I think i'll try to go out today. No gas in the car, can i make it to the pool? should i try alone? what if i can't get out of the pool? scary thought.
If i had gas, i'd go down to the beach. It's always something.
I'm lonely. I really want to be back in a loving relationship. Too soon to go looking on Plenty of Fish. I'm still so much more than a BBW, but comparatively speaking, I look fabulous 
I'm getting nervous as the surgery date approaches.
I'm scared but i can't wait to get started on a whole new life. I should be able to take off another 100 lbs in six months. I'll look like i did in high school. That was a good look. But my goal is now even less than that. 200 is still fat. I'm going to shoot for 180. On my frame, that should be fine. I like a little meat, some curves.
Meat is for men, bones are for dogs.