MellyB

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I am almost 10 months out and life is moving along   As of today I am below my goal at 159.6, those last couple of lbs were kicking my butt.  I hover around 160ish going up or down a pound or two.  I am not a scale slave any more.  I weigh myself occasionally but not nearly as much as I was before.  My hair is starting to come back in and I can't see as much of my scalp as I could before, but my hair feels like straw.  I am only washing 2-3 times a week and starting using a leave in conditioner.  Cutting most of the fat from my diet has really dried out my hair and skin.  I am working on introducing healthy fats back into my diet but my new digestive system doesn't even like healthy fats

I still have not seen a counselor or therapist even though I still think I need to.  My home life is getting in to some kind of order  I am going on a much needed vacation in August so that is always good.  I still don't feel like myself.  I was such a happy fun person to be around (well at least I thought so :)  but now I don't even want to be around me.  Things are a little better but not much.  I am making an appointment with a counselor today.

Okay everyone says it but now I believe it.  I absolutely love my new boss.  He is so nice and considerate and well completely opposite from the last guy.  Hallelujah and amen . 

On a closer to home note my marriage of 5 years is ending and my father has become the biggest a$$ in Maryland.  My home life is falling apart and I don't know what to do.  If you don't know my husband and I both had the surgery.  I thought the experience would bring us closer together but it didn't.  My father had a VAD installed to keep his heart pumping and all he does is complain and yell.  Instead of trying to make the last years of his life pleasant and spent with the ones he loves he is pushing everyone away.  So much so that I can't stand being around him.  My mom watches my son during the day and he is so upset to be there with them plus all the changes with me and my husband.  My son's little  is broken and I can't seem to console him.

I wonder how common divorce is after this surgery?  Who knows.....the only thing I do know is I seriously need to see a therapist.  I feel like a robot - no emotions - no feeling - numb.  I suppose everything will work out in the end but right now I am going through the motions of life with no feeling.

Sorry to depress everyone I just needed to vent.....

My hair was always thin but my hair makes me really sad now.  It is falling out by the handfuls.  I am going to be bald soon I can't even hide it anymore :(  I posted some pics so everyone can see the baldness.  I know its from the Anesthesia, my nut told me, I read it everywhere on here but it doesn't make it any easier to look at in the mirror.  Hopefully it stops soon...very soon.

On a more positive note I am down to 167.4 as of last Monday.  I am going to see my surgeon on Monday the 21st, I know he will be happy with my loss he only wanted me to get to 175.  I don't think I am going to change my goal of 160.  If I loose any more then that I don't think I want to go below 150 my hip bones are sticking out already.  I am kinda glad the weight has slowed down but I do wish it slowed after I got to my goal lol   

I think that even if I didn't loose another pound I would be okay.  But my mother on the other hand thinks I need to loose another 20-30 lbs.  I thought I was doing good but thanks mom thanks a lot.  I don't think she was trying to be mean because she is not like that at all but she is absentminded and tends to say what she thinks.  I feel like doing the I'm not listening face 

Sorry for the depressing blog feeling kinda blah today :(  Everyone needs to here the good and the bad about the surgery.  I believe the emotional stuff we go through after surgery is far worse then the 6-8 weeks of physical healing.

It seems like just yesterday I was hugging a pillow getting out of bed lol.  I am doing really good.  I have been MIA for about a month my company moved to Rockville, my dad has been in the hospital but all in all nothing too bad has been going on.  I try to write at least once a month for the new people to see how others are doing.  I know I liked reading other peoples blogs before I had surgery

According to my Dr my diabetes is considered "in remission".  She doesn't like to tell people they are cured because she said once you had it, it can always come back but as of right now I am off of all of my medication (except the ones my surgeon has me on until 6 months...next month geesh).  I am so happy about being off my meds I wanted to hug my doctor.  The surgeon might get a hug when I see him next month (FYI I am a hugger)

I am also very happy to report that I am 170.6 as of Tuesday morning.  So close to the 160's I can taste it.  My surgeon will be happy that I have passed his goal of 175 and I don't see him until March 21st so I could be in the 160's by then woo hoo.  If some one had told me a year ago I would ever weigh 170lbs I would have laughed at them.  The scale is not running my life anymore.  I even forget my weekly weigh in's sometimes.  That right there is an accomplishment for me..instead of a NSV (non-scale victory) I have almost overcome my scale addiction.

This has been so crazy, I am learning how to make healthy choices and I can pretty much find something healthy any where I go.  I almost feel normal now...almost.  I do have occasional problems and days I just can't seem to eat the amount of food that I am supposed to.  The other day I had salad dressing that came on the salad already I didn't even think about it and the pouch spoke to me like it never had before.

I still am making excuses about the gym...insert eye roll.  But my new building has stairs and I have started walking up and down from the 6th floor.  I have been taking a lap around the office when I have to go to the bathroom.  Any extra bit helps.
 
I am a work in process and I will leave it at that

Good luck everyone!

      241                    237                  175                   160               170.6
Start Weight   Surgery Weight  Surgeons Goal   My Goal    Current Weight

I was so excited yesterday.  I got some money for Christmas so...in the snow lol...I went clothes shopping.  I have still been wearing my big clothes.  I kept saying I don't want to buy clothes until my old clothes were falling off but I realized  I was starting to resemble a bag lady.  I had all kinds of sizes from 18-22 just because my weight fluctuated so dramatically in the last couple of years I just held on to everything.  But even my 18's were way to big and kept falling down in the back.

I really think I have adult ADD....so back to yesterday I went to old navy and I wear a size 14...OMG OMG OMG.  Better yet I tried on a 12 and they almost fit just a little snug.  I haven't wore a 14 since middle school   I don't think I ever wore a 12.  In the fourth grade I was still in kids clothes then I blew up in fifth grade and I was wearing a women's 14. 

As of this morning I weighed in at 182.4 woot woot.  I am so excited I am officially overweight.  Not obese just overweight.  I have decided as of today I will only weigh on Monday's.  I had surgery on a Monday, so Monday is my weigh in day, the scale was taking over my life but not any more.  I was thinking I was going to start going by the Dr's scale only but then he told me not to come back for 3 months and I new that wasn't going to work for me..I have will power but not that much.

I have my three month follow up appointment today.  It's a little early but hopefully all goes well.  I went to see my PCP and she did all kinds of blood work and she said everything came back fine.  I will see what the surgeon says today.  I can't wait for the day my PCP says okay see you in six months instead of ok see you in a month uggghhh.  She said when I come back next month she wants to run my A1C again to see if it is low-normal, if so I am coming off my metformin.  I am really excited about that.  That will be the final medicine that I need to come off of.  My blood sugars have been really good compared to pre-op.  The surgery was so worth it if I can come off of all of these meds.  So wish me luck :)

Got on the scale Tuesday and it said 187 woo hoo.  I haven't been in the 180's since high school 10 years ago.  I can't even tell you when that scale said any where near the 170's so when I hit that I will probably faint or jump up and down 

Wow I can't believe it has already been 2 months.  I do not feel like I had surgery 2 months ago, for some reason I thought my body was not going to heal properly, but I feel wonderful.  I am more energetic and I can chase my baby around the house with no problem. Yesterday we were playing tag running around outside and I had on a pair of old sweat pants and they fell off while I was running.  My son thought that was the funniest thing he ever saw.  He laughed for a good 10 minutes.  Thank God my husband was at work he would have been rolling on the ground laughing.  I don't get winded walking up the stairs any more, I don't get exhausted when I am bowling (yes I bowl on a league I know I am dork :)  My life has changed so much in 2 months.  I am so happy I decided to have surgery. 

The scale is moving slowly but surely.  I hooked the WII back up (when we got our new TV I didn't hook it back up for some reason).  I am asking Santa for that new dance game everyone is talking about on here.  I really do need to get more exercise in. 

All in all things are going very well for me.  I hardly every throw up only maybe 3-4 times in 2 months and that was because I was not chewing enough.  I don't know why I feel the need to eat so fast but I pay for it every time.  I am not sure if I dump I have not tested the pouch very much (okay so I had one mozzarella stick). I don't like to throw up or feel sick so I am staying honest.  I am staying away from sugar my arch nemesis lol  Dumping doesn't sound like fun when I read posts about it on the message board I get scared.

Going to the see the Dr. today so hopefully my blood work came back good.

I feel like I am rambling so I am stopping now :)

Height: 5'7"
Current Weight 195.4 (so close to being "overweight" yay)

 

My attitude is improving thank god.  And the scale is moving again.  I know I need to get motivated to exercise but I have a irrational fear of the gym.  Not of exercising just of going to the gym.  I feel like people are staring at me thinking what is that fatty think she's doing here.  When I was heavier I would go to the gym with my husband and see all the skinny girls in their spandex and it was discouraging for me.  I know I need to exercise but I can't bring myself to go to the gym.  I want an elliptical machine but I have no space or money to get one.  Excuses excuses

But any who I am down to 198.4 this morning.  The weight is definitely coming off slower now but I only have 23lbs to go to meet my surgeons goal weight but to meet my goal I have 38lbs.  Eating has become a chore and I forget to eat sometimes.  I am doing better with my fluids.  I can drink water again with less of the brick feeling in my stomach.  I just keep drinking it hoping the feeling will eventually go away.  I need to work on my protein, I have ordered samples to try some different powders. I do like the chocolate from Unjury and I have a recipe that has instant coffee in it that is good but it gets old having the same thing all the time.  I am on a protein mission.

Two people finally noticed my weight loss.  One person I haven't seen in months and one of my coworkers. FYI I did not tell people at work about my surgery.  I don't know if it's because I am ashamed or just don't know what to say to people.  Probably a little bit of both.  But it did make me feel good that people notice now.  I need to go clothes shopping because most of my pants don't stay up and they are sagging terrible in the butt area, it's not pretty lol I did buy one new out fit this week and the pants were a size 14 woo hoo.  I haven't seen 14 since middle school. 

I told a few people in my family and I have had mixed reactions.  Some people think it's great that I did it others say I should have done it the "old fashioned way".  I waited until after surgery to tell people because I didn't want to get discouraged before surgery.  Ultimately I think that was the best choice for me.


I don't know why I care so much what people think.....I think it is just one of those things I need to accept about myself.

I have been in the most terrible mood these last couple of days.  I am getting irrated by everything.  I am not even PMS'ing,  I need to snap out of this.  I can feel that I am being mean for no reason. AGGGHHH  I wonder how long I am allowed to blame it on the hormones?


Thanks for listining.  I am done whining now.  Back to work..........

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to post that everything is going good.  So far I haven't had any dumping issues, I am pretty scared to try new foods.  I have been sticking to what I know works.  My pcp took me off my blood pressure, cholesterol, and lowered my diabetes medicine.  I am so excited, I will be more then happy when I am off all the meds.   

My weight lose has been pretty steady I am on some weird pattern, two days nothing third day 1-2lbs.  I guess my body has it's own system.  I am down to 205.4lbs as of this morning.  I have never lost weight this fast before.  I am doing good with the protein but I am having trouble getting my fluids in.  I have to remind my self to drink and eat, I have like 15 alarms on my phone telling me to stop drinking 30 Min's before I am supposed to eat, start eating and start drinking again 30 Min's after my meal.  My phone is constantly buzzing.  I am probably driving my coworkers crazy. 

I never believed people when they were saying they don't get hungry any more.  I haven't been hungry since I had surgery....craziness.  I had my follow up with the surgeon and he said I was doing great, just keep doing what I'm doing.  I have been getting really crazy about measuring my food, I won't eat anything unless it is premeasured.  I really hate to throw up so I am avoiding it as best as possible.  I had some problems with left overs...probably too dry.  But other then that everything is great.

I will post some pictures soon.

Melonie

Height: 5' 7"
Surgery Weight: approx. 237 (I forgot to weigh the day of surgery)
Starting Weight: 241
Current Weight: 205.4