Jennifer Birch

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I got all the pre-op testing and instructions yesterday, and it lists my pre-op testing date as 10/30. That's a problem for me since one of my coworkers is on vacation that day and I'm the only one trained to cover her desk. The form says to schedule about 3-4 hours for testing and a class given by the nurse. I called back and left a message to reschedule for probably like 11/3 or something like that. I haven't received a call back yet.

But what upsets me about this is I feel like I'm just going through the motions haphazardly because I don't want to get too invested in this incase it doesn't happen because of the insurance. It's all that I think about, and I try with all my might not to get my hopes up but that's way too difficult.

I just can't really say "Omg yes, I'm so excited.. I'm excited to start a brand new life." yet because what if I'm not? What if I get denied and I don't have an option for a brand new life? Or what if they deny it and want 6 months supervised diet? I don't think I could handle that right now, I'm really at wits end. I'm so so uncomfortable. My legs swell up to about double their size every single day, and I work through it and sit at my desk as they get bigger and bigger but I can't keep doing this much longer. Water pills don't really help, and I don't take them all the time because when I do for some reason I get charlie horses in my bad leg.

I'm also having issues with finding a CPAP machine mask that doesn't hurt, the respitory therapist came last night to fit me with a new mask, this time it was the nasal pillows and I was able to keep it on for 5 hours last night until I woke up and felt like my nose was being ripped off. I don't understand why they're all so damn uncomfortable for me. It's not the pressure of the oxygen, it's not having something on my face that bothers me.. I just feel like either my nose is going to fall off, or my skin is being rubbed raw.

And to top it off I woke up with a cold this morning, but you know what? I'd rather have the cold now then get it before surgery and have to reschedule. That is, if I actually get approved for the surgery. Grr.

Nothing yet. I keep checking my health insurance website hourly because they have a section of where you can see claim letters online. This is driving me crazy, tomorrow will be a week since I got my surgery date. I feel like I can't really call it my date yet since I don't know if it's definite.

I just feel like I'm going to find out about the approval (or not) soon. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. I've heard that some people find out within a few days. I took my cell phone out and laid it right on my mouse pad. Do you think I can mentally will it to ring? Gah! This is so frustrating! I think it's going to drive me insane.

Yesterday the respitory therapist came and delivered the CPAP machine, we tried on a few different masks and settled on one with this gel cushion around the nose. Well.. it still hurt. I don't understand why it hurts so bad. When I was in the sleep center and they put the full mask on it didn't hurt at all. But it was in my eyes, so it was too big. Maybe that's why it didn't hurt. I understand that it has to be tight so that the air doesn't leak out but that was not fun! I kept it on for 7 hours last night, that's pretty much all that I slept. I feel a bit more energetic but not looking forward to another night with that machine. I would just go without it but I have to bring it back to the pulmonologist in two weeks so they can download the information and make sure it's working correctly. Plus every month I have to download the info onto a chip and.. it will say if I haven't been using it. Grr.

I need to make sure that I don't gain weight before surgery, but this weekend I had some of my favorite things that I pretty much know I might never be able to eat again. This weekend two friends are sleeping over as sort of a mini-birthday party and after my birthday on Monday I have to really start dieting. I wasn't told to lose any weight just to make sure that I didn't gain but since I don't have a scale and I'm not buying one until after surgery I'm going to have to diet until surgery. I have 6 weeks from today, it'll be 5 weeks after my birthday.

I WANT MY PHONE TO RING!

I've been worrying about what I was going to do about having to go a week without pay, or possibly have to return to work while still in pain and really was starting to get majorly stressed out about it but today I took out my employee handbook that I received when I started working there and found out that there's something called long term sick days. You acrue six of them per year, but they can only be used after you're out for 5 consecutive days. I figured out that I have exactly five days left, so if I'm able to use 5 of the long term sick days I won't have to worry about going without pay! This is such a relief. I have to ask my office manager about this when she has time to meet with me. Dr. Holover said that he'd give me a note if I needed it so if she approves the long term sick days I'll just call the office and get the note ahead of time.

Although I still have to worry about the insurance approval. My birthday is on the 13th so hopefully I can find out that I got approved this coming week as an early birthday present!

I had no idea how much I've paid in copays over the past two months since I haven't really kept track of it. I just added them all up, including the $100 report fee from the psychologist and the $150 for the nutritionist yesterday.. the grand total is approximately $590! And I'm not even done yet, I'm still going to have to pay my copays for pre-op testing and $250 when I get admitted in the hospital for the surgery.

My mom started crying a little bit this morning, it seems like everyone else is scared for me and I was fine until I realized how scared they are. I'm starting to get nervous over the surgery itself. But all I keep thinking about is how I can never be happy as I am now, I'm not living my life the way I want to and this is pretty much my last hope. There's a risk to everything, there's a risk that I can get into a car accident every time I get on the road but you can't let fear hold you back from living. I'm just concerned because even the one person who is normally pretty calm and supportive over everything seems a little bit scared for me too.

I feel very jittery, I'm still worried over whether or not it's going to get approved and now I'm nervous possible complications from the surgery, I'm worried about if I'm going to be able to get the time off, worried about paying off my credit card bill, and worried about all that people who are worried about me! Normally I'm an emotional eater but I'm so nervous I'm NOT eating which is strange for me. I guess it's good though because the surgeon told me not to gain any weight before surgery.

I DO want a cigarette though.. gah. I was told to stop smoking, and they test your blood during pre-op and if there's any indication that I've been smoking they'll cancel the surgery so as much as I'd like a few puffs right now, I'm not going to chance anything.

I went to see the nutritionist in the surgeon's office (Sharon George), which I had to pay for out of pocket but it was definitely worth it. I'm happy that I got nutrition instructions from them, Sharon was super super nice and makes herself available to you basically anytime by email, etc. But why I feel so much better right now is because I mentioned how terrified I was that the insurance wasn't going to cover it and on my way out she gave my file to one of the girls and asked them to check and see how good my chances were of being approved. Since I have United, she said I have nothing to worry about. I mentioned being afraid of a written exclusion and she said that I don't have one, they call and check after the first consultation.

So that's like a small weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm still scared but not as bad. I'll just be really relieved once I know that it's definite. I'm trying to work out what I'm going to do about the days I need off of work. For some reason I only planned to take like 6 work days off which would be going back to work 8 days after surgery. When I asked the surgeon yesterday how long I have to be off of work he said 2-3 weeks. There's no way I can take 3 weeks plus I think I'd go insane sitting at home but I am going to try to see if I can get 2 weeks. I have something like 6-7 paid days left at work. I'm going to ask what are the options with short term disability, etc. I'm not sure how this whole thing works. I know that it's going to be really difficult for me to go too long without pay because I just got a new car two months ago, and I kind of got myself into a small hole debt wise. I charged my entire trip to Ireland on my card, and the copays I've been having to pay. It'll only take me a few months to pay off, if I don't have to save up some money incase I'm out of work with a complication.

It'll work itself out!

It was really really frightening. I had a dream that I got the surgery done and as soon as I got home my mom wanted to go to KFC so we went and I tried eating chicken without the skin, and then I was drinking fruit punch and eating and eating and forgot that my stomach was smaller and ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I know that it's just a dream but It really did scare the crap out of me. I'm not really afraid that I can't stick to this enough to lose all the weight, the fear that I have is that a few years down the road that I'll start to fall off track and regain weight. I just can't imagine knowing what it feels like to be thin (I've never been skinny, ever) and then losing the feeling just because I wanted to eat the same things that got me to this point now.

Maybe the KFC thing came up because my uncle had gastric bypass shortly after the surgery became an option for the super obese and when my grandmother was dying (a few years after his surgery) we went and got KFC to feed the entire family that was over the house. He tried eating it, and shortly after ended up in the bathroom throwing it right back up.

I don't really know. The reality of all the restrictions and lifestyle changes has really hit me now. I'm not afraid of the surgery, I'm afraid of failing.

Novemeber 10th! I'm such a mix of emotions right now. I'm excited because I want this so bad, but now that I have a date it makes the thought of the insurance denying the claim even more frightening. They said I should know in a week or two whether or not the insurance is going to cover it. My birthday is 10/13 so here's hoping that the insurance company decides to give me an early birthday present.

I can't believe how slow the time has gone since my endoscopy. I have to wait one and a half more days until I get to go for my second appointment with the surgeon and I think because this surgery is pretty much all I can think about right now it's making every day feel like it's moving in slow motion.

Maybe it's also because I'm unhappy at my job right now. I took a slight promotion if that's what you want to call it, and I regret it now because now I'm being micro-managed by my manager who I pretty much can't stand right now. Before I moved to this team I wasn't the happiest camper but I did my work and was left alone and my manager pretty much left me alone. Now I'm in this team of four people and I seem to be the person she's chosen to dump on the crap on out of the four of us and I feel suffocated by her constantly checking up on what I'm doing. It feels like in her eyes I'm not working hard enough, and today she told me I was too picky because I was correcting someone elses work as I was keying it into the system which made me slower at what I was doing. Well, I'm SORRY.. I can't just knowingly input wrong information.

The only thing keeping me going right now when I want to rip her head off is I repeat to myself "I need the health insurance. I need the health insurance."

ARGH! This too shall pass. I can't wait until Wednesday.

I'm not afraid to have the surgery, maybe that's because I've had several surgeries already and have faith that everything will go fine. The fear that I have is that my insurance will not approve the surgery and I will have gone to all these appointments and spent on this money on copayments and report fees, or out of pocket expenses (like the nutritionist) and will be denied. I don't know how I will handle it. I feel like this is my very last hope, and I won't know how to move forward without this. I've tried so hard through this whole process not to get my hopes too high but it's difficult when you're going to all these doctors and getting the clearances that you need NOT to invest your feelings in it. I think it's kind of impossible.

I don't remember if in my first blogs if I mentioned that before I went for the initial consultation with the surgeon I called up my health insurance company and asked if bariatric surgery was covered. I was told that no medical weightloss programs were covered including surgery. I asked about what if it was medically necessary, and they said a predetermination would have to be filed.

After my consult with the surgeon I was told that they've dealt with my insurance company many times and haven't really had any problems. But then the other night I was browsing profiles on here and came across a woman who had my insurance and her hushand's employer had a written exclusion that bariatric surgery was not covered no matter what. So now I'm worrying that my employer has put in that exclusion and that's why I was told it wasn't covered. I'm not really sure.

And what if there isn't a written exclusion, but I don't have enough medical problems to warrant the surgery? I have sleep apnea, small restricted airways, joint pain, and really bad edema in my legs. But I don't have any heart problems, high blood pressure or diabetes which tends to be the reason why people are approved. The thing is that I'm still young right now, I'm trying to AVOID getting those in the future.

Gah.. I don't know. I'm just completely terrified right now. I haven't prayed in such a long time but I did the other night after I read that and I have been since.. I'm even going to start going to church again. I feel like I really need all the help that I can get.